


When Sammy Met Gabe

by flutterby_cupcake_26



Series: Coming Out [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Open Relationships, Sabriel and Destiel, Sam dates while waiting for Gabe, Travelling!Gabe, college!Sam, hints of threesome, possible dubcon, sam is bi, themes of grief, will add tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 98,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutterby_cupcake_26/pseuds/flutterby_cupcake_26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sabriel version of my story, Coming Out. It may help to read that beforehand, but hopefully it's not essential :) AU, following Sam from senior year to qualifying as a lawyer.</p><p>When Dean brings his "friend" Castiel home, Sam's life begins to change. Especially when Castiel brings his older brother Gabriel with him. Sam is fascinated by Gabriel, and the two share an instant connection. But Gabriel's need to travel the globe constantly means that Sam is constantly fighting to earn his attention, while Gabriel insists that Sam focuses on his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this is my first Sabriel. Please go easy on me!
> 
> I just wanted to make a note to say that, at some points in this - especially the beginning - both Sam and Gabriel will be with other people. I wouldn't have included it if it weren't relevant to what I'm trying to do, and I hope you'll be patient with me while Sam and Gabriel go through it all. It is supposed to be predominantly a Sabriel fic, so I promise it will be full of that!
> 
> I'm still in the process of writing it, but I'll try to update as often as possible. If there's anything you think I've missed within the ship, please let me know! I'm normally a Destiel writer, and I wrote a story for the Dean/Cas Big Bang this year - the inspiration behind this, really - and I was asked to give Sam and Gabe's side and well ... I got carried away with the idea. So I hope you like this, it's been fun to write so far :)
> 
> Also, big thanks as ever to Cliophilyra for being an awesome beta :)

“Look out, look out!”

 

“Where?”

 

“Ther-oh.”

 

There was an explosion on the screen, and one of the pixelated characters ‘died’ in the game. Sam threw his controller down in frustration as Jess carried on the game, using an automatic to spray the enemies with bullets, rolling over and hurling a grenade while pausing behind a wrecked car.

 

“Oh shit, one of them got through!” Sam pointed at the screen, and Jess changed her weapon to a smaller hand gun. She aimed for the man on the screen who got through, and a pounding on Sam’s bedroom door made her miss. The ‘game over’ music played, but was drowned out by the voice on the other side.

 

“Sammy, you know Mom’s rule! Dad’s at Uncle Bobby’s, bet he comes home with a new-old shotgun.”

 

Sam sighed, and clambered to his feet.

 

“Dean’s home,” Jess acknowledged, as Sam stepped over a pile of laundry and opened his door, sticking his head out. Sure enough, his older brother was home from college, some nerdy-looking guy beside him. Sam was surprised. Sure, Dean had told their parents that he was bringing someone home, but they had all assumed it was some girl he couldn’t easily shake. He only addressed Dean’s criticism. For now, anyway.

 

“We weren’t doing anything. It’s bull that I get all these rules just because you got caught sleeping your way through the cheerleading squad.”

 

Normally, Dean would gloat over the accusation, proud of his achievements. He would ask Sam how many chicks he’d scored with, whether he had sealed the deal with Jess yet. But this time? Dean cringed, and his dark-haired friend gave him a sideways glance. And then Dean confused Sam even more.

 

“Maybe, but they think Jess is a nice girl.”

 

Sam scowled as he realised that Dean was trying to be condescending, to show off to his new friend by humiliating Sam. But two could play at that game. He nodded at the other guy.

 

“Who’s that, your boyfriend?”

 

“Big comeback, short stack.” Dean breezed back, not offended at all. College was really starting to change his big brother. The friend sized Sam up, and looked at Dean again without saying a word. Sam focused on him.

 

“He say anything?”

 

Dean looked at his friend for an uncomfortably long time, before slowly turning back, looking slightly dazed, talking without his usual swagger.

 

“Bigfoot and Sasquatch are favourites. There’s some kid who calls him Moose too. But Giganotosaurus and Godzilla are acceptable.”

 

Typical Dean, Sam wanted to think. But there was still something off. It _was_ typical of Dean to give some choice insults for his friends to use on Sam, but he was lacking his usual delivery. His friends seemed to notice what Sam did.

 

“My name is Castiel.”

 

He seemed reasonable, Sam decided. Mature, far more than his brother was. But Sam still wanted to get back at Dean.

 

“So what are you, the guy he’s cribbing off this semester? Or his wingman?”

 

He leaned casually against his doorframe, while Dean walked into his own room. Sam could see Castiel was dying to follow Dean, but that he didn’t want to ignore Sam’s question. Instead, he stood up straight and answered formally.

 

“We met a week in to this semester, we haven’t really spent much time apart since.”

 

It was a reasonable response, but Sam wanted to bait him, to get a normal reaction from Dean.

 

“So you’re both.” He said bluntly as Dean came back out, taking Castiel by the arm and trying to pull him away from Sam. Sam addressed Dean once more. “Mom put the airbed in there for you. She said Castiel better be getting your bed, or so help her Dean Robert Winchester, you are a dead man.”

 

“Mom loves me,” Dean retorted breezily.

 

“Castiel? Ignore my brother. You’re having the bed.”

 

Dean merely rolled his eyes and tugged on Castiel’s arm, successfully making him move a few inches.

 

“Of course he’s sleeping in my bed. What do you take me for?” He gave another tug on his friend.

 

“Come on Cas, we’ll grab our laundry and leave it downstairs for Mom, then see if we can grab some cookie dough.”

 

Castiel looked to Sam as he began to disappear into Dean’s room.

 

“It was nice to meet you. Please excuse me.”

 

Sam leaned forward to call out.

 

“I like your boyfriend better than you!”

 

He expected the door to slam behind them, or for Dean to yell out about Sam’s own sexuality. But Dean surprised him again. He stuck his head out of his own bedroom door.

 

“Yep, I do too.”

 

The door closed softly, and Sam looked back into his own room, wanting to discuss Dean’s unusual behaviour. But Jess was absorbed in a new game, single-handedly taking on ‘the enemy’.

 

“I’ll be right back,” he muttered. Jess nodded, and Sam wondered if she’d even head him. He followed the smell of baking into the kitchen, where Mary was using an ice cream scoop to place cookie dough onto a baking tray.

 

“I just met Castiel,” he said conversationally.

 

“He’s a lovely young man,” Mary sounded like she was agreeing with him.

 

“Yeah, sure. Dean shut them both in his room.”

 

Mary scooped another couple of cookies before answering.

 

“I don’t think its like that, Sam. They’re friends. I did hope when Dean said he was bringing someone home …”

 

“Mom, Jess and me have to keep our door open to play video games. And Dean doesn’t have to bother with the rules? The ones he caused?”

 

Mary sighed.

 

“Fine. Go and tell Dean to open his door.”

 

Sam grinned, and ran up the stairs again, pounding on Dean’s closed door.

 

“Mom says you have to keep it open too! She said Castiel seemed too nice for you to mess up.”

 

He strode back into his room, and sat beside Jess as she achieved an objective. She held up a hand for a high five, and Sam slapped it gently, then sat back and watched Jess take on yet another wave of enemy soldiers.

 

They played for another hour, until Mary called up the stairs that dinner was ready. Jess closed the game down, mid-objective, and Sam groaned.

 

“Sam, your mom’s cooking beats any video game.”

 

“But we were winning.”

 

“I was winning,” she corrected, scooping her golden curls to one side and shooting him an innocent smile. She then held out a hand and Sam helped her up, following her down into the kitchen where John, Mary, Dean and Castiel were already sitting at the table, waiting for them. They slid into their seats, and Sam immediately started piling his plate with food.

 

“So, what were you doing up there so long?” Mary asked, smiling at Jess, who was sitting next to her.

 

“Playing Call of Duty.”

 

“You should see Jess with a bazooka,” Sam stuck in, before stabbing his fork into his dinner. “I wouldn’t mess with her.”

 

Sam stuffed a mouthful of string beans in his mouth, and caught the confused look on Dean’s friend’s face.

 

“She’s lethal,” he said around his mouthful, addressing Castiel’s expression. It didn’t clear, and Dean bent his head closer to Castiel’s.

 

“It’s a video game, a violent one. I’ll show you sometime.”

 

Castiel gave him a quick glance, and returned to his meal without any further acknowledgement. Sam didn’t understand Dean’s friendship with this guy at all. He must have gotten it correct earlier on, and Dean was using the guy to get better grades and pretending they were friends. Sam wouldn’t have put it past his elder brother, he had done it to Sam for a while when he was prepping for SATs. He tried to swap an exasperated look with Jess, some non-verbal communication about how Dean and Castiel were, but Jess was deep in conversation with his mother about flowers or something, and he concentrated instead on his food.

 

It was when Mary cleared away their dishes and brought over the pie that she had made for dessert - a favour to Dean, since he was obsessed with the stuff, though Sam wasn’t exactly sure why - that things took an interesting turn. Dean cleared his throat, and sat up a little straighter, careful to only make eye contact with Mary.

 

“So, I guess you’re wondering why I brought Castiel home.”

 

“No, it’s nice to see you make a friend,” Mary smiled back easily. Sam watched as his big brother took a deep breath in.

 

“Yeah. Um. That’s the thing,” he looked at Castiel, then back at his mother, oblivious to Sam watching him carefully. But Dean was acting strange, rubbing his neck, his face turning slightly red like he was embarrassed. Sam had never seen Dean acting like it before. He remembered what they had said upstairs in the hallway, when Sam had announced that he preferred Castiel, and Dean had agreed with a grin. But Sam hadn’t just said Castiel, he had referred to him as Dean’s boyfriend. And Dean hadn’t spluttered an insult back.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I mean, there’s friendship there too,” another quick look at Castiel, who looked back seriously, not giving anything away. “But um, well,” He took a deep breath in. “Castiel’s my boyfriend.”

 

Sam sniggered, but quickly sobered up when he realised that no one else was laughing. Jess was looking down at her slice of pie and poking it with a fork, Mary was looking at Dean, her gaze flickering over his face as though she wanted to be sure that he was sincere, and Castiel was giving him a small, warm smile, like he knew what it cost Dean to even say that. Sam didn’t have to turn his head, however, to know how John was reacting. There was a deadly silence, and a tension radiating from the seat separating Sam from Dean, and he knew that their father wasn’t going to accept Dean’s boyfriend easily.

 

“No.” John managed to make it sound like Dean had asked permission to go out with Castiel. Dean seemed to notice this too, and he turned to his father finally, sounding like a whining child.

 

“No? What, you suddenly control who I go out with?”

 

Sam wanted to snort with suppressed amusement again. Dean had always been allowed to do what he wanted, the privilege of being the elder brother, and it was strange yet satisfying to see an occasion where Dean was actually being told he wasn’t allowed something. But Sam remained quiet, not wanting their father to redirect his anger at him.

 

“It’s a phase.” John sounded like he wasn’t going to budge, no matter what kind of tantrum Dean threw.

 

“No it’s not. Dad, you don’t know anything.”

 

Sam knew, just as well as Dean did, that that was probably one of the worst things to say to John. He’d clearly already decided that neither of his sons would be anything other than straight and it wasn’t up to Dean to say any different. He waited for the blow out.

 

“You think I never experimented in my lifetime? It’s a phase. And fine, you go through a phase where you get a tattoo or wear black and listen to Marilyn Manson for weeks on end, you’re really only hurting yourself, but this gay thing hurts your mother, and that’s not okay with me.”

 

Sam thought his dad had actually played a smart hand there. It was well known how close Dean and Mary were; mentioning that she would get hurt was one of the best ways to hurt Dean. But something had obviously happened during Dean’s time at college, even in the last few months he had been there, because he didn’t push it any further. And Castiel left the table without excusing himself like Sam would have expected, with Dean following moments later, both of them heading out of the kitchen door into the backyard. There was a loaded silence, and Mary placed her fork gently on her plate.

 

“John-”

 

“You can’t be okay with this?”

 

“It must have taken a lot for Dean to decide to bring him home and tell us about their relationship. You could try to understand a little more.”

 

“Sammy? Could you take Jess somewhere else?” John growled. Sam knew it wasn’t even a request, but a command. Part of him wanted to stay and defend Mary. Not because he completely agreed with her, but because he too cared about his mother, and didn’t want her upset because of John’s temper. But Jess took the hesitation away from him.

 

“I should probably head home anyway, it’s getting late. Thank you for dinner, Mrs Winchester.”

 

“You’re welcome, Jess. We’ll see you soon?”

 

Jess nodded, and stood up, poking Sam so that he would stand up too.

 

“Sure. And happy Thanksgiving.”

 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” Mary smiled tightly. Sam followed Jess out into the hall, grabbing his jacket and holding it out for her to slip into. They walked outside together, where they could see Dean and Castiel in the distance of the junkyard, sitting on the cap of a Volkswagen Bug and kissing gently.

 

“It’s cute but weird, isn’t it?” Jess tilted her head and watched as Castiel drew away from Dean and spoke to him, too softly for their voices to carry over the distance. Sam turned around and wound an arm around Jess, leading her down the driveway.

 

“It’s weird, for sure.”

 

“Do you think your mom and dad are going to argue about this all night?”

 

“I hope not. It’s not going to make any difference anyway, Dean always gets what he wants.”

 

Jess pursed her lips, and slipped out from under Sam’s arm.

 

“What?” he complained.

 

“Just,” she pulled her hair over to one side, fussing with it as they carried on walking. “I don’t think its like Dean wanting an extra cookie, or the biggest piece of pie, or the latest video game. There’s something about his boyfriend that makes me think this is serious.”

 

“Dean doesn’t know how to be serious,” Sam smirked. Jess twirled a lock of hair around her finger.

 

“Maybe Castiel’s made him grow up. Look,” She turned around and put her hand on Sam’s chest, peering up at him with a calm expression on her face. “He’s there for Thanksgiving, and Dean’s going to want to spend all his time with him. Why don’t you make the effort and get to know Castiel? You might learn what Dean sees in him.”

 

She reached up on her tiptoes and pecked Sam’s cheek lightly, and then walked up to her house, waving at him as she disappeared inside. Sam watched her go, and instead of turning around for home, he carried on walking. His mind felt crowded with what had happened with Dean, with him bringing home his boyfriend and thinking it would all go normally. With how their parents were most likely going to argue all night, and Dean would remain in the scrapyard until he was dragged in. How there was going to be an atmosphere all Thanksgiving, and when Dean went back to college with his boyfriend there would be a bunch of new rules in the house that would dictate exactly what Sam could and couldn’t do.

 

He didn’t get it. He couldn’t understand how his parents could always punish him for Dean’s actions, and how he had to abide by so many rules that he wouldn’t have broken anyway. He was a good person and he worked hard at school. He had a nice girlfriend who wouldn’t do anything like the many, many girls of Dean’s past and had barely let Sam kiss her so far in the two years they had been together.

 

And Dean! Dean was always boasting about who he had banged and where he had done it and how many people he’d had at once. And now he was pretending to be all mature and trying to impress Castiel who, Sam had decided, wasn’t really much. Yes he was polite and total Mom Bait, but he was quiet and seemed the complete opposite to Dean. It must be a new way of acting out, Sam decided, or else it was a phase just like John said. A college experiment, like Sam had heard about at the college fair he had attended. It was the only real way to explain why Dean had suddenly gone from Kansas’ answer to Casanova to one of the Village People. He just felt sorry for Castiel, who clearly had no clue that he wasn’t going to last. In the mean time, Sam decided to make himself scarce for the rest of the evening and see if his friend Brady wanted to hang out.


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel had just settled for the evening in yet another hostel. His few possessions were stowed in a locker and he was having a drink in the community bar when his cell phone began to ring. Ordinarily, he would ignore his cell phone - most calls were from ex-lovers who wanted to hook up again, despite being thousands of miles away - but not this time. This time it was the only brother he was still in contact with. And Castiel rarely called to just talk. Gabriel took himself and his cocktail out onto the patio and picked up the call.

 

“Hey Cas.”

 

“Hello Gabriel. Are you well?”

 

Gabriel smiled fondly at the phone. There was something endearing about his little brother still using the formalities they had grown up with, even seven years after Gabriel rescued him from a life of militant religious fervour.

 

“I’m fine little bro, how’re you?”

 

“I’m well. Will I be seeing you this festive period?”

 

“Sure. Where do you wanna go?” Gabriel sucked on his straw, waiting for Castiel to decide. Their Christmas tended to be a little unconventional, since it was the two of them and Gabriel preferred travelling while Castiel had always saved for college, and was careful with his budget now that he was there. Nonetheless, they tended to rent a car and drive somewhere new for the holidays, just spending time together.

 

“That’s the reason that I’m calling. Will you meet me in New York? Not the city. Ithaca.”

 

Gabriel was used to the obscure with Castiel, but not with the decisiveness.

 

“Sure. Are you setting a book there?”

 

“No, I … I met someone. We’re detouring there on the way to his family home. We’ll be spending Christmas in Kansas, if that’s okay? Dean said it was fine with his parents if you came as well.”

 

Gabriel held back the urge to punch the air. He knew it! Castiel had always stared at Uriel in church, quietly intense as Uriel would sing approved hymns for the congregation. He had always suspected Castiel’s desire to leave home the way Gabriel had stemmed in part from his lack of desire in having a wife. That mixed with his desire to learn and grow meant that Castiel had accidentally rebelled against their father. Unlike Gabriel, who had always pushed the buttons.

 

He knew to tread lightly though, to not scare Castiel off. He knew that his younger brother would be apprehensive about admitting that he was gay, but Gabriel couldn’t care less. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dabbled. There was that one time in Peru-

 

“Gabriel? Is that okay? I figured flying back to New York would be easiest for you and then it wouldn’t detour too much out of our way to get to Ithaca,” he paused, and Gabriel heard someone call ‘DeanandCas!’ in the background. A moment later, Castiel was back, and Gabriel bit down another smile. So, Castiel wanted to detour to a state where gay marriage was legal and was about to introduce his only family member he cared about to Dean’s parents, and people conjoined their names? Gabriel could hear exactly what Castiel wasn’t confessing. This might be his first relationship, but it was extremely serious at the same time. Which was typical of Castiel, but now Gabriel was dying to meet this Dean guy.

 

“Yeah, that’s fine. So, who’s this Dean?”

 

“You’ve met him. When you forced me to go to that bar. He came and sat with me? And then came back to my room and you promised that you’d find a girl who would let you stay over?”

 

Gabriel vaguely remembered seeing a good-looking guy with his brother that night, but more clearly, he remembered the college girls who insisted on a near orgy that night.

 

“Right, right, yeah,” Gabriel bluffed. “So, not so much a one-night stand?”

 

There was a long silence, before Castiel said his name so softly that Gabriel could understand the truth without it being made explicit. Despite being in a committed relationship with the guy he had met in the bar, Castiel had still not had sex.

 

“Seriously, Cas, how long have you been with this guy now? Three months? And nothing?”

 

“Dean respects me. And can we please leave this subject behind now? You are coming still, aren’t you?”

 

“Of course. See you soon, little bro.”

 

“See you, Gabriel.”

 

They hung up, and Gabriel smiled down into his cocktail. He would bet - maybe not all his money, but a large chunk of it - that Castiel was about to get married to his Dean.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam was glad to be done for the holidays. His schoolwork had ramped up, as had all the social activities that seniors seemed to have to participate in. He was expecting to just be able to chill out over the Christmas period, and see Jess, catch up with Dean, learn how to change a spark plug with Bobby because the old coot next door insisted that Sam needed to learn ‘the basics’.

 

He was thrilled as well, when his parents said that they were meeting Dean in New York, in some obscure little town that Sam wasn’t even sure he had heard of, and that they would be gone for almost two days. John had threatened him not to throw a party, but Sam didn’t care about a party. He invited Jess over instead, and they settled on the couch, watching a movie on Lifetime that Jess seemed to want to watch. Sam went along with it, hoping it would earn him some good boyfriend points. They sat together, side by side, and Sam reached an arm along the back of the cushions, trying to bide his time. They had ages, after all.

 

“So, it’s good my parents went to get Dean, huh?”

 

“I guess. I didn’t think he was at school in New York.”

 

“He’s not. I don’t know why they’re going there. Maybe Baby’s had to go in for repair work and that’s the only place that Dean could find where someone even knew what to do with his car.”

 

“Maybe, although I thought your brother could build her up from the ground, he’s worked on that car with your dad and your neighbour so much.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam didn’t want to keep dwelling on why Dean had insisted on New York. He wanted to focus on being home alone with his girlfriend for almost two days. “Um, did you want some wine? I think Mom has some left from Thanksgiving.”

 

“No thank you, Sam.”

 

How did Dean even do it? How did he manage to get girls to drink and lose their inhibitions and sleep with him after knowing him a couple of hours when Sam couldn’t even get to second base with the girl he’d been seeing for years?

 

“We won’t get caught, it’ll be fine.”

 

Jess looked around at him for a moment, and then back to the television.

 

“Enjoy the movie. Come on, it’s near the end.”

 

Sam slumped on the couch, and removed his arm from the back rest, folding both his arms across his chest instead. The movie was stupid, even as Jess sat there crying over the predictable end. She cuddled into Sam’s side, and he held her gently, as some infomercial started up.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“It was so beautiful Sam. When the woman thought she wouldn’t live to see Christmas and then she did?”

 

Jess looked up at him with her big, clear blue eyes, and Sam couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and kissed her. At first, she kissed back, but then she pushed away, cringing as she did.

 

“Um, Sam, it’s getting late, I’d better go.”

 

“Why don’t you stay over?”

 

She sat up, and picked up her cell phone, sending a message before looking at Sam.

 

“My mom’s coming to get me. I’ll see you after Christmas, okay? I’ll call you.”

 

Sam didn’t bother to respond. Jess stood up, and ruffled his hair, before moving towards the front door. Sam remained sitting, even as a car pulled into the driveway and Jess let herself out. And then he pushed his hair back from his face, tugging hard on the ends. Was it so bad that he kissed his girlfriend? Why did she leave? Just because he asked her to stay over didn’t mean they had to go all the way, but something would have been nice. He made his way upstairs into Dean’s room, and rooted around until he found Dean’s secret stash of beer, taking a six pack without caring about the consequences of annoying his older brother, and going into his own room to drink them all.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam woke up late afternoon, without the spinning head that he was expecting. He checked his phone and saw a couple of texts from Jess, asking if he was okay and trying to make arrangements to see him again just after Christmas. He left the messages without a reply, not sure what he could say. Instead, he took a long shower, and made an egg-white omelet before sitting in front of the television and settling on National Geographic. He never got to watch documentaries normally, since his father liked sports and car shows, and his mother liked soaps. And Dean would watch it all and pretend he wasn’t interested in much of it. It was nice to at least have the television to himself before his family came home.

 

The house phone rang, and Sam picked up lazily.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hey Sam honey, are you okay?”

 

“Fine. Just watching TV.”

 

“Okay. Well, we won’t be much longer, okay? We’re just a few towns away now. Can you do me a big favour, and put the air bed up in your room? Dean and Castiel are coming, and Castiel’s brother is staying with us too.”

 

Sam was too surprised to respond straight away. Castiel was coming back? He wasn’t just a mistake of Deans? Or was this some protest about John’s reaction last time? Either way, Sam didn’t know what to make of it.

 

“Sure. Why’s his brother coming?”

 

“I’ll explain when I’m home, okay sweetie?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Thank you. See you soon honey.”

 

Sam hung up, and flopped back in front of the TV, watching to the end of the episode he had been watching before he dragged himself upstairs to wrestle the airbed out of the attic and into his room, then pump it up, throwing it in the space between his bed and his dresser, and slouching back down the stairs. It turned out, being home alone was boring, and lonely. Sam couldn’t wait until his parents got back, even if they were coming with Dean, Castiel and Castiel’s mysterious brother who probably had an equally weird name and would be oddly polite and quiet like Castiel was. Sam wasn’t looking forward to it.

 

Another show started up, one about waterfalls, and Sam stared at the screen, barely taking anything in as he whiled the time away.

 

And then the front door was opening, and Sam could hear his mother talking.

 

“… Around here somewhere, you’ll be in his room with him if that’s okay? Sammy?”

 

Sam looked around and saw his mother in the doorway.

 

“Dean, Castiel, and Gabriel are here. Can you show Gabriel to your room?”

 

Sam got up from the sofa and walked into the hall. He wasn’t greeted with someone who looked like Castiel, but a much shorter guy with honey-blonde hair and his mouth set in a permanent smirk. Sam swallowed his surprise, and jogged up the stairs silently; making his way back to his bedroom and assuming that Gabriel was following him. He slouched on his bed as Gabriel tossed his rucksack on the airbed and starfished on the mattress.

 

“Oh, that feels so much better than a plane seat,” he groaned.

 

“You don’t look like your brother,” Sam observed, toying with his comforter. Gabriel turned his head, peering at him from the crook of his elbow.

 

“Uh-huh. I guess I used up all the good genes. So, you’re Sam.”

 

“You’re Gabriel.”

 

“Please, call me Gabe.”

 

Sam raised his eyebrows, and heard Dean and Castiel heading into Dean’s room, talking quietly between themselves. He shook his head, and Gabriel sat up, obviously having caught Sam’s skepticism.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

“Doesn’t it weird you out? Dean and Castiel?”

 

Gabriel smirked, though Sam couldn’t see the funny side.

 

“You sound like your father.”

 

“I don’t mean that. I mean, Dean was a player, and now he’s seeing someone he’ll bring home twice? It’s weird.”

 

Gabriel sat up, looking at Sam seriously.

 

“So, you mean that first night, your brother was expecting a hook up?”

 

Sam had no idea what night Gabriel could be referring to, but it didn’t matter, because he sniggered.

 

“I told Cassie! The moment he said he was going home with Dean, I said they’d be hooking up, and Cassie gave me that look like he has no clue what I’m talking about.”

 

“But they’re not.”

 

“Nope, they’re long haul. Had to happen sometime, right?”

 

“I guess. But Dean, he’s not … he’s never …” Sam didn’t want to insult this guy straight away. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was blabbing all of this to Gabriel when they had just met, except that maybe Gabriel would understand since he was related to Dean’s boyfriend. Gabriel got up and closed the door, and then sat on the edge of Sam’s bed as well.

 

“Cas is his first guy, huh?” Gabriel said easily. Sam nodded, and Gabriel stretched, sliding up the bed to sit beside Sam, leaning against the wall. “Dean’s his first too. I mean, I think Cas has always known he was gay, even if he never had the word for it, but he’s never acted on it before.”

 

“How would he never have the word for it?”

 

Gabriel looked at him sharply, and then whistled.

 

“No one’s told you, huh? No wonder you’re moody. Okay, so,” he sat up, and Sam tried to object to Gabriel calling him moody, but Gabriel talked over him. “You’ve heard about those massive families raised in really religious circumstances, right? Like sects? Our family was one of those. We’ve been taking scripture since I can remember. I could recite the ten commandments in my sleep. I fucking hated it, the whole ‘be a good boy’ bullshit Father tried to bully into us. I was always in trouble for not going to choir practice and not doing my homework, which was all God based. I just didn’t think God wanted our lives to be studying all the time, you know? And then my brother Michael got matched to one of the other girls in the community, Hester. They had no chemistry whatsoever, but I still had to chaperone them. You ever been on someone else’s date when all they have to talk about is how they both aced their paper on David and Goliath?”

 

Sam felt overwhelmed by how fast Gabriel was talking. He was just about keeping up.

 

“Anyway, I ditched them to go hang out with some nearby Amish kids who had way more freedom than we did, and when Father found out he was pissed. He was going to lash me with a belt or something, but I’d already decided not to go back. Hitched a ride on an Amish cart to market and never went back. Meanwhile, Cas is there, seeing Michael get married off, and Raphael, and Anael, and all the others, and he’s doing well in his studies and knows the bible backwards. And he starts panicking because he’s smart enough to ace all his assignments, and he can’t stop staring at all the choir boys during service and he claimed even when we were kids that he was just moved by the power of their voices but I knew even then it was more than that.”

 

“So I’m spending all my time travelling and loving life, getting to know the world outside the commune, and one day I get handed a letter in the hostel I’m staying in. No idea how Castiel knew where to find me, even to this day, but his letter talked about how he’d graduated high school already and what he wanted more than anything was to continue his studies but he wasn’t allowed to, and he was scared that he would be rushed into marriage. He wanted advice on how I left, so I wrote back, told him to go to the Amish market. I think he told Dad he wanted to help the local community outside of the sect, spread the message or some bullshit. It worked, Dad let him out. Raphael and Michael were with him, but he excused himself for the bathroom, and then I grabbed him and we ran.”

 

Sam was stunned by Gabriel’s story.

 

“It doesn’t sound real.”

 

“Trust me, this long going from country to country? It doesn’t feel real. And then Cas opens his mouth and sounds like every other brother and sister we had and I remember.”

 

“Yeah, the few times I’ve heard him talk, he’s been very formal.”

 

Gabriel laughed.

 

“Few times you’ve heard him talk. You just haven’t cracked him yet. Cas can’t shut up once you’ve got him going.”

 

“And no one’s ever come looking for you?”

 

“Are you kidding? We left the sect, we’re in the hands of the devil now. Or something. If we lost our minds and tried to go back, we’d be shunned. And after everything I’ve done since, and after Cas met Dean? We’d be tortured when the shunning is over. They don’t want us back, we’ve sinned.”

 

Sam was quiet, trying to understand this man in front of him.

 

“You just don’t seem like you came from a cult. Aren’t you meant to be brainwashed?”

 

“I think Cas was, more than I was. Even though he’s with Dean, I think he still considers it a sin, which is probably why it wasn’t just a hook up. But I was a daydreamer as a kid. There were so many fields around the compound, most of them owned by the Amish, and I would sit there on the boundary for ages and just wonder what was beyond the fields. I remember sitting there with a few of our brothers and sisters and asking what they thought, and while most of them said something about the glory of God or the Devil’s Country, Cas was the one to look up from his bible and consider the question. He was only about five then, I was about thirteen. I remember him just looking me in the eye and saying, ‘possibilities’. I think he was dreaming up something that was in the book, maybe the march into Egypt or whatever, but that always stuck with me. More than any of the gibberish we were taught.”

 

Sam couldn’t even begin to picture it, the lifestyle that Gabriel was describing. What he did know was that he felt strangely comfortable with Castiel’s brother, in a way he wasn’t with Brady, or even Jess. It felt like there was nothing he couldn’t broach with Gabriel, even if he had worked out from Gabriel’s estimates that there was at least twelve years between them.

 

“Does Dean know all this?”

 

“I don’t think he knows about me. He’ll know Cas’ story.”

 

“But that makes even less sense. For Dean, I mean.” Sam sat up, looking at Gabriel earnestly. “Dean’s never settled down. Ever. He’s slept his way through most of our high school, and well into some of the others. It was like girls would throw themselves at him, hoping they would last longer than the one before. And now suddenly he’s with some repressed guy who wants to date him even though it’s some kind of sin?”

 

“Maybe that’s just it,” Gabriel shrugged easily. “Maybe he was going blindly through girls, not taking sex seriously because there was nothing but sex on the table. And then he met Cas, started talking to him - and your brother definitely approached mine, I was there - and he realised that there was more to it than just sleeping your way through whoever was willing.”

 

“I still don’t get it. I mean, being with a guy when all you’ve known are girls?”

 

“Maybe that’s it too. It’s new, and shiny, but there’s a new mystery every time they turn around.”

 

Sam raised his eyebrows, and Gabriel winked suggestively.

 

“Oh, come on, have you ever been with a guy?”

 

“Well, there was this time in Peru,” Gabriel began, and Sam hurried to cut him off.

 

“I don’t need details!”

 

“You asked.” Gabriel shrugged easily. Sam sighed, and scooted down until he was lying flat out on the bed.

 

“This is ridiculous!” He complained, more to himself than Gabriel. “Dean can sleep his way through town and then pick up some guy and moon over him like a loser and you’ve got all these stories about all the things you’ve done and meanwhile Jess won’t even kiss me properly.”

 

He ran his hands over his face, and then left them there. There was a strange vibe in the room, and Gabriel began speaking softly.

 

“Sam, don’t knock being normal. I would have loved to grow up in a place like this, go to a regular school, do things the right way. To not have worked seventy hour weeks to afford renting some dive and working up the money for a passport and airfare to do what I really want. To have a mom like yours who’s been real nice to me since I met her. You got it good.”

 

Sam looked up at Gabriel through a gap in his fingers.

 

“Whoever Jess is, isn’t she worth the wait?”

 

“I’ve been waiting for two years. How much longer do I have to wait?”

 

“Don’t think of it like that. You’ll rush it and you’ll end up regretting it.”

 

“Was that like your first time?”

 

Gabriel chuckled darkly.

 

“Nope. My first time was with an older woman who paid me for the pleasure. I mean, she didn’t know it was my first time - not until things started happening anyway - and it was a one time deal. The money was great too. Of course, that was in Thailand where I was a bit of a novelty.” Gabriel sank into thought. “So, this Jess, is she someone you’re chasing, or someone you’re dating?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“Well, yeah. If she’s your girlfriend, then you’re being an asshole. If she’s tail you’re chasing and she’s messing you around, then maybe you need to look elsewhere.”

 

Sam thought for a moment. Officially, he and Jess were boyfriend and girlfriend, but just because they called themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, it didn’t make it so, did it? They didn’t act like it, and Jess had basically run away when Sam had tried to kiss her. That wasn’t girlfriend behaviour.

 

“What if she was my girlfriend, but it didn’t feel like it any more?”

 

“Then wouldn’t it be kinder to break up with her?”

 

Sam nodded, but he wasn’t entirely sure he could. Jess had always been there when they were kids, it was almost expected that they would go out, go to the same college, settle down and get married, have kids of their own. Gabriel seemed to understand exactly what Sam was thinking.

 

“What do you want, Sam? Like, from life. If you could have anything?”

 

“I want to get into a good school, take the LSATs, take the bar.”

 

“That’s it, you want to be a lawyer?”

 

“Yeah. I’m smart. Want to do some good in the world, fight for justice, you know?”

 

“Huh. Okay. And when you see yourself leaving court after a long day fighting to get justice, do you see yourself going home to Jess?”

 

Sam slowly lowered his hands from his face, and Gabriel shrugged at him.

 

“You don’t have to settle down now, you know.”

 

“You sure haven’t.” Sam shot back. Gabriel grinned easily.

 

“Touché.”

 

“So what’s it like?” Sam could feel the heat rising to his face as he asked. Gabriel shrugged.

 

“Travelling? It’s okay. Some of the places you stay are awful but the people always make up for it. And the views.”

 

“No,” Sam was definitely blushing now. “Kissing another guy. I mean, you said you did in Peru, and I know Dean and Cas have. Don’t you get stubble rash?”

 

Gabriel smirked and ran a hand over Sam’s chin, sending a strange tingling deep into Sam’s stomach that he wasn’t expecting. Especially when Gabriel didn’t pull away, but left his fingertips there.

 

“When you start growing stubble, maybe. What do you do, moisturise on the hour, every hour?”

 

“No. I shave.”

 

Gabriel smirked, and made to move away, but Sam grabbed his hand, his heart racing in his chest. He couldn’t believe he was about to do it, but if anyone was going to be okay with it, it would be Gabriel. They guy had clearly lived since he’d left the compound his family had lived in. Sam reached up, sliding his hand around Gabriel’s neck, tugging him down gently. Gabriel hesitated for a moment, and then moved with the pressure, bending over Sam and kissing him.

 

Sam had closed his eyes, and was trying to work out how he felt about the kiss. It didn’t feel that different to kissing Jess, although Gabriel’s whiskers from his stubble tickled his cheeks and chin. But his mouth felt like it could be anyone’s, soft, with a pressure behind them, slightly moist but not hugely so. And then, Sam wasn’t sure how it had happened, they were kissing fiercely, their tongues dancing together, rolling around on Sam’s bed. Something animalistic took over, and Sam was trying to press his body flush against Gabriel’s, while Gabriel was busy trying to take Sam’s shirt off. He let it happen, let Gabriel slide his hands over his body, still kissing each other hungrily, their breath already shaking and ragged and heavy from exertion. Sam clumsily felt for Gabriel’s pants, and Gabriel pulled away, bracing himself above Sam, looking at his body with a pained expression on his face.

 

“Sam, are you sure? What about Jess?” He breathed. Sam made a split decision, entirely based on the last few moments with Gabriel.

 

“It’s over. And nothing like this.”

 

Gabriel looked into his eyes for a few moments, and then sat up, straddling Sam, and pulled his own shirt off. Sam sat up, stroking his hands along Gabriel’s sides, tugging him back down. As soon as their mouths made contact again, Sam was lost. All he could think of were the sensations he was experiencing and how Gabriel was making him feel and how hard he was. Whether that was because he was attracted to Gabriel or because he had been waiting so long for anything like this, he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. This was the furthest he’d ever been with anyone, and it was with Castiel’s brother. Even if it went horribly wrong, there was little chance they’d see each other ever again. And if it went right, they could always have something whenever Gabriel was in the country.

 

Gabriel was undoing his belt now, his fingers feeling like magic on Sam’s abdomen. He couldn’t help but groan, and Gabriel shushed him.

 

“Hey, keep it down,” he whispered, and opened Sam’s fly, tracing his fingers along his crotch.

 

“Please, please Gabe,” Sam found himself panting, falling back on the bed once more. He wasn’t sure what he was even begging for, but Gabriel seemed to understand. He pulled Sam’s pants down, and stroked his palm across Sam’s cock, which twitched from the contact, and Sam bit back another groan, then thrust up into Gabriel’s touch. Slowly, Gabriel traced his fingers up to the waistband of Sam’s boxers, and slipped inside, their mouths still fused together, their breath coming out through their noses in a broken, ragged pattern. Gabriel was clearly experienced with what he was doing, whether from pleasuring himself or from the story that Sam wouldn’t let him tell. It didn’t matter. Sam threw his head back as Gabriel grabbed him, stroking up and down slowly, teasing him.

 

“Gabe,” it came out in a whine, and Gabriel looked at him, their eyes locking together. It was scary, intimate, and yet Sam couldn’t look away, even as Gabriel never broke stride on his dick, merely speeding up the process. Sam fell into the rhythm, bucking up and down to Gabriel’s wrist movement until they were moving so fast that Sam imagined it as a blur. And then he came, closing his eyes as he let go, his breath still harsh, and Gabriel let go of him slowly, grabbing a box of Kleenex that Sam kept beside the bed and working on cleaning them both up. When he was done, he threw the tissues in the trash, and climbed into the airbed, rolling over and looking away from Sam.

 

Whereas Sam couldn’t take his eyes off of Gabriel. The man was infinitely interesting, as far as Sam could see. No wonder Dean had fallen for his brother. He climbed into his own bed, and reached up to turn off the lamp.

 

“Goodnight, Gabriel.”

 

“Night Sam. Sleep well.”

 

He was definitely going to do that.

 

“You too. Hey, um, did you need anything? Like, did you need me to-”

 

“I’m good. Watching you enjoy that was enough.”

 

“Okay. Well, night.”

 

Sam flipped the light switch off, and debated sliding into the airbed. Surely Gabriel wouldn’t object after the hand job? And yet, he was still too scared of the rejection to do what he wanted and crawl under the covers with Gabriel. He took a while to go to sleep, and he only managed it by thinking of honey-blond hair and golden eyes and a connection he never knew was possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Gabriel woke up with a sense of shame. He looked around at the unfamiliar room, and realised after a moment where he was, what he had been doing. He’d come to Castiel’s new husband’s family home, and messed about with Castiel’s new brother-in-law.

 

It hadn’t been intentional. He hadn’t come with the hope of hooking up with anyone. But he hadn’t expected someone like Sam to appear in his life. Truthfully, he hadn’t been sure what to expect from Dean’s family in the first place when he’d barely met Dean before, but their father had the same authoritarian vibe as Gabriel and Castiel’s, and their mother seemed nurturing. It was an unusual combination, Gabriel decided. But apparently it worked. And Mary had been nothing but accommodating, talking to Gabriel for most of their drive from New York to Kansas.

 

And then there was Sam. Sam who obviously didn’t want a stranger crashing in his room over Christmas, who had a lot of questions and a mind that clearly worked quickly. Sam who seemed sad, and complicated, until Gabriel had given into that endearing, puppy-dog expression and … it wasn’t meant to go that far. He had just been hoping for a roommate who didn’t despise him.

 

Gabriel turned his head and looked up at the bed next to his inflatable mattress. Sam was still asleep, not quite snoring, but snuffling quietly. Even that was endearing, and Gabriel felt his resolve weaken. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that he’d given Sam a hand job the night before. The guy was only after some experience after all, and with a coddling mother and demanding father, Gabriel supposed that Sam had ended up pretty sheltered. Especially after the way he was talking about his own brother.

 

Gabriel wasn’t too bothered about Dean. Castiel knew what he was doing, he always had. Even after Gabriel rescued him and offered to have him tag along, exploring the world, Castiel was adamant that he wanted to earn his way to college. He’d found a small room to rent, and studied hard, working in the evenings and weekends and hadn’t allowed his landlord to take advantage of him, despite his age. There was no way Dean was going to be anything other than genuine with Castiel, or there wouldn’t have been a marriage ceremony.

 

Sam blinked his eyes open slowly, his gaze unfocused, and Gabriel felt his heart melt. Just for a moment, he wished that Castiel hadn’t married Dean, that he had met Sam of his own volition and could just indulge. But he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. He resolved to acting impeccably for the rest of his stay, even if he was sleeping beside one of the sweetest guys he’d ever met.

 

“Morning,” Sam muttered. Gabriel sat up, kicking the covers off and heading over to his rucksack as he answered.

 

“Hey. Did you sleep okay?”

 

He sounded like a mom. It was how he had sent Sam to sleep, wishing him a good night.

 

“I did. Thanks. So, what did you want to do today?”

 

This was going to be an issue. Gabriel pulled some fresh clothes from his rucksack and looked around at Sam, who was still sprawled in his bed, looking frankly indecent. He supposed he was going to spend a lot of time with Sam, with their brothers all loved up, but he didn’t want to lead the guy on. Even if he did want to jump right into bed with him.

 

“What is there to do around here?”

 

“Fix cars? Dad and Bobby, our neighbour, they do it a lot.”

 

“What do you do?”

 

“Study. Hang out with my friends.”

 

Sam hadn’t even tried to get out of bed. He was so freaking tempting, but Gabriel was doing his best to actually behave.

 

“Okay. Um, I’m going to go get some breakfast, maybe catch up with Cas.”

 

Sam scrabbled to get out of bed, finally.

 

“Oh, right. I’ll show you where the kitchen is, then we’ll find them. When he was here for Thanksgiving, he and Dean spent nearly all their time out in the scrapyard talking.”

 

Sam was standing in front of him now, looking irresistible. Gabriel forced himself to remember that, despite their nocturnal activities, Sam actually still had a girlfriend.

 

“Okay. Let me just get ready.” Gabriel made himself go into the bathroom that separated Sam’s room from his parents room, and changed quickly, brushing his teeth too hard and reminding himself over and over, like a mantra, that Sam was off-limits and that he was there for Castiel. And he could do this, he could keep his hands to himself.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam was feeling confident, cocky even, as he led Gabriel through the house, pointing out the different rooms. John was in the living room, watching a football game and drinking beer already. Mary was out, and Sam was looking forward to the time with just Gabriel. Gabriel who wasn’t talking much, but had magic fingers. Sam wanted to ask him so many more questions. He hadn’t been this interested in anyone, not even Jess, but there was something fascinating about Gabriel that held Sam’s attention.

 

“So, what do you want for breakfast?” Sam asked, trying to sound casual, trying to hold back the burning need to ask Gabriel about his entire life. Breakfast was safe.

 

“I don’t know. Can I see Cas before we eat? Is that cool?”

 

Sam nodded, although he felt a burning shame in the pit of his stomach. Maybe Gabriel didn’t feel anything towards him, maybe he regretted the night before. He tried to cover his disappointment as best as he could.

 

“Come on, he’ll be with Dean on the old Bug.”

 

He led the way outside, and through the junkyard to where Castiel and Dean were indeed squashed onto the cap of the Bug, the ridge of the hood the only thing separating them. Sam had seen them together like that all through Thanksgiving, their heads bent together as they whispered endlessly. Sam didn’t get what they had to even talk about, but apparently they never got enough. He could see, as he approached with Gabriel walking behind him, that Dean and Castiel were holding hands. It was strange to see Dean like that, holding on to another person, like they were a lifeline for him. It was like looking at a stranger. Sam tried to refocus on Gabriel, who wasn’t quite as confusing. He couldn’t help but try to brag.

 

“Told you we’d find them out here. At Thanksgiving, they were glued to the Bug.” He swung himself up onto the empty flatbed of the truck that faced the car, and Gabriel perched beside him quietly, his feet barely touching the floor.

 

Dean didn’t allow Gabriel to respond, if he was even going to. He sounded like he was barely controlling his anger, even as he leaned into Castiel, their fingers tangled together tightly. He didn’t even look at Sam.

 

“Jess didn’t stick around, huh?”

 

Sam was a little taken aback.

 

“Jess?” He was trying to figure out when he was meant to have seen her last - as far as Dean knew anyway - and why it would piss Dean off. He didn’t have any friends in town, it’s not like Jess could have spread it around town already that Sam went too far when she was over. And it wasn’t like her to blab either. And why would Dean be pissed off? He’d always acted like Sam and Jess together were a mild irritant that was easy to overlook. But there was no denying it, Dean was _pissed_.

 

“Your girlfriend?” Dean managed to make him sound like a total moron. “Unless you were screwing someone else last night.”

 

Sam’s face froze. How did Dean know? They were trying to be so quiet. Did he hear? But Dean was just getting started, and Sam knew he would hear the gory details put in the bluntest way possible.

 

“You know, Dad was chewing us out for that? For whoever you were boning. And you,” Dean glared at Gabriel, and Sam tried to maintain some kind of poker face rather than look at Gabriel. How had John heard anything? Hand jobs weren’t that loud, were they? Sam definitely hadn’t shouted out as Gabriel made him come, they’d been so careful. “You were sharing a room with him. Why the hell did you let him do it?”

 

Castiel looked up as Dean finished snarling, his eyes darting between Sam and Gabriel, and Sam knew that he had gotten to the point already, even if Dean was still circling. Sam had no idea what was about to happen, he hadn’t spoken to Castiel enough to know if he would overreact as much as Dean was about to.

 

Especially because Gabriel finally opened his mouth and contributed to the already-awkward conversation.

 

“He started it.”

 

Dean gave Gabriel a look that said clearly that he didn’t find it funny. Or understand what Gabriel was getting at. Which only made Gabriel start talking as he had the night before with Sam, making it sound like some kind of amusing anecdote.

 

“See, Sammy was saying that he didn’t understand your one-eighty, how you could suddenly be all up in my brother, how you’ve stopped being all hump ‘em and dump ‘em just because of Cassie. And we got talking, trying to work it out, and then one thing led to another, and-”

 

Dean made to leap off of the Bug, fury flashing across his face, his focus entirely on Gabriel. Sam recognised it as ‘over-protective brother mode’ and felt a strange sense of relief. There was still a bit of the old Dean in there. Fortunately for Gabriel, Castiel seemed to anticipate what was coming, as though he had played it all out in his head when he realised what must have happened. He clasped Dean’s hand tightly, and Dean was yanked back like a dog on a lead before he could reach Gabriel. Sam shifted slightly closer to Gabriel. Just in case he needed to protect him.

 

“You did WHAT?!” Dean snarled, angry not only at the revelations, Sam guessed, but at Castiel keeping hold of him so tightly.

 

“Because it’s okay for you?” Sam couldn’t help himself. He was sick of Dean, sick of being told what he should or shouldn’t do, sick of every restriction placed on him because of Dean’s actions. “Because you can sleep with whoever you want, whenever you want? Because you can suddenly decide you like guys? But the moment I try and experiment, see what’s out there, it’s a no?”

 

If Sam was expecting Dean to reconsider his anger, to calm down and discuss it rationally, then he was sorely disappointed. There were some things that Dean couldn’t fake in front of his boyfriend.

 

“HE’S MY BROTHER-IN-LAW!” Dean’s face was bright red, his eyes wide open. He looked like he was about to burst a vein, and he started tugging violently on his arm, trying to free himself from Castiel. And Sam was annoyed. If Gabriel was Dean’s brother-in-law, that meant he married Castiel. When had that happened? Why hadn’t he invited anyone? And why was Sam the one in the wrong when Dean had done that? Dean wasn’t getting punished for having a secret wedding with his boyfriend of two minutes. “YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! I just covered for you with Mom and Dad, so you could cheat on Jess? Did you tell him about her? Huh?”

 

Sam watched as his brother completely lost it, almost choking on the words he was screaming out, and Castiel gripped on his arm with his free hand, sliding a little on the Bug. It was clear that Dean was beginning to overpower him with sheer rage, and there wasn’t much time to make him see reason before he laid into Gabriel.

 

“Dean, shut up, Bobby’s outside,” Sam tried to distract his older brother, to make him think rationally again. “If he hears you-”

 

“Good! Good if he hears me!”

 

“Dean, please calm down. I know you’re angry and upset, but this really won’t help anyone.” Castiel didn’t raise his voice at all. Sam realised he was doing it on purpose, it was nothing to do with the effort he was exerting to keep Dean and Gabriel apart. He was doing some kind of magic trick. He looked at his brother with the same calm, passive expression he’d had since Sam had led Gabriel outside, and continued talking in that measured tone. “Please, find somewhere else to be right now, Gabe. And Sam, I think it would help if you left too, but maybe not the same place as my brother?”

 

Dean whipped his head around to glare at Castiel, maybe spit out a few choice words, and Sam took the opportunity to leave. Despite Castiel’s advice, Gabriel followed him, and Sam knew it was because Gabriel didn’t exactly know where there was to go. Sam looked over his shoulder at the edge of the scrap yard, but Dean was still with Castiel, still clasping hands though Dean still stood in the space between the two cars and Castiel remained on the bug. Sam felt himself start to shake, and Gabriel leaned against an old lemon with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Gabriel asked, looking Sam up and down.

 

“Yeah. It wasn’t me Dean wanted to hurt. I’m sorry.”

 

Gabriel shrugged easily. Sam wondered if it was a family trait, to seem so calm and placid. Even though Gabriel had said they were so different to their siblings, there had to be some things neither brother could escape from. But when Gabriel opened his mouth, there was nothing serene in his words.

 

“Nah, he wouldn’t hurt me. Cas wouldn’t let him. But that was some shitty stuff he yelled. I mean, telling me about your girlfriend just to hurt you,” Gabriel shook his head. “Look, I get it if Dean’s scared you off spending time with me, but if he hasn’t, we could go out for breakfast somewhere? My treat. You drive.”

 

Sam nodded, looking back once again at their brothers just in time to see Castiel reach up and begin kissing Dean.

 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 

 

*

 

 

Sam drove to the nearby pancake house, a family run restaurant that he had been going to for years. They grabbed a booth and started poring over the menu.

 

“Is this place good?” Gabriel wanted to know.

 

“Yeah, it’s real good. The pancakes are pretty big too.”

 

Gabriel nodded, and tapped his menu. Sam placed his on the table, already knowing what he was going to order. He wondered if Gabriel would comment if he got a coffee, since his parents said no every time. Gabriel looked up after a few minutes, and gave Sam a smile.

 

“You’re ready?”

 

“Yep. I always have the same thing.”

 

Gabriel nodded easily, and Sam knew the coffee was a go. Gabriel just wouldn’t care, and Sam wouldn’t feel like a total child around him. Although, Sam felt very comfortable around Gabriel, like there wasn’t an age difference between them. Like they were equals.

 

The waitress came and took their orders, filling their cups with coffee and sashaying off. Gabriel watched her go, and Sam felt a wave of jealousy that he knew he shouldn’t have. He was the one with the girlfriend after all. Gabriel was allowed to look at whoever he wanted. But Sam couldn’t help wishing that Gabriel would choose to just look at him.

 

“So, did you know?” He blurted. Gabriel looked around slowly at him.

 

“That you were going to order fruit with your wholewheat pancake?” He shrugged. Sam realised he must be coming out of left field a little, but he had to clear something up. He liked Gabriel, really liked him. Liked what they had done the night before, liked spending time with him now. But there was a chance they could now, technically, be related.

 

“No, did you know about Dean and Castiel? Dean called you his brother-in-law. Which I guess makes us brothers-in-law,” Sam found himself over gesturing with his hands, as though they would help to fill in the gaps of his thinking. Gabriel shrugged.

 

“Yeah, I knew. Cassie was being weird on the phone when he invited me over, asked me to meet him in the weirdest place. At the town hall. He thought he was being so secretive as well.”

 

“Wait, you were there?” Sam blurted, feeling hurt. Why had Gabriel been invited, and Sam not?

 

“Yeah. They got married yesterday morning.” Gabriel shrugged again. “Like I said, it was in some town hall in upstate New York. Just them, me, and your folks. I think your pop wanted to stop it going ahead but your mom twisted his arm.”

 

“Why didn’t they bring me?” Sam couldn’t help himself. Gabriel reached across the table and squeezed Sam’s hand reassuringly.

 

“It’s not personal, Sam. They wanted it low key. I think it was parent-only. And since Cassie hasn’t spoken to Father since I helped him escape, I’m the next best thing he’s got.”

 

Their pancakes were delivered, and a caddy of syrups, and Gabriel began slathering his double chocolate chips with maple syrup.

 

“I was home alone for two days, they could have brought me.”

 

“It would have been nice to meet you before the long car ride with your folks,” Gabriel acknowledged, and began hacking into his breakfast. “But hey, two days to yourself! Did you throw a party? Trash the house?”

 

“I asked Jess to come over.”

 

Gabriel had stuffed some pancake into his mouth, and he chewed slowly, nodding as he did. Sam waited for him to finish his mouthful, wanting to know what Gabriel thought.

 

“And it didn’t go well and that’s why you were moping. Right?”

 

Sam shrugged, and speared a blueberry, eating it slowly. Gabriel leaned closer.

 

“Look, Sam,” he put his fork down on his plate. “I haven’t known you that long, but from what I can tell? You’re crazy smart. Like, not just book smart, you understand people’s emotions real well too. That’s a good thing. But you can’t always take things personally, it’s not always about you. Dean and Cassie weren’t thinking of leaving you out of their wedding, they were thinking that they wanted to get married. Jess wasn’t thinking that she wanted to hurt you, she’s just not ready. But hey, remember what I said last night? Think about what you really want. Don’t apologise for going out there and getting it. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared you’ll hurt other people. Stop letting them hurt you.”

 

Don’t apologise for going for what you want? Sam could get behind that. He wondered if Gabriel knew he was thinking of him.

 

Gabriel had turned back to his meal, eating more pancakes and closing his eyes with sheer bliss. Sam made himself eat his own pancake while it was still warm, before he brought anything else up.

 

“So, if we’re technically related, I mean, last night,” Sam raised a shoulder uncomfortably, nudging it against his chin. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

 

“Technically related?”

 

“Well, yeah, with Dean and Castiel being married and all.” It was still so weird to think about. Dean was married. Married to another guy. It was like the Dean Sam knew had fully ceased to exist.

 

“Right. So Cas is now your brother-in-law and Dean’s mine.”

 

“And what does that make us?” Sam pressed. Gabriel ran his fork through the syrup on his plate.

 

“Awesome?”

 

“Gabe,” Sam could hear the pleading in his voice. Gabriel looked up again.

 

“Sam, lets not question it. We’ve got until Cas and Dean go back to college, why not just enjoy it?”

 

“Enjoy it.” Sam said bluntly. Gabriel cracked a smile.

 

“Yeah, enjoy my amazing company. You got it for another ten days.”

 

“And can we, I mean,” Sam could feel the heat rising to his face. Surely Gabriel knew he wanted to fool around some more, wanted as much of Gabriel as he could possibly get.

 

“Maybe we should talk about that later, when we’re not in a diner?”

 

Gabriel was smiling, and Sam knew he wasn’t shutting him down. At least, not right then. He concentrated on the rest of his pancake, and Gabriel ate his lazily too.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam had stayed out all day with Gabriel. Partly because he didn’t want to go home and face an angry Dean, and partly because being with Gabriel was surprisingly easy. Sam hadn’t thought it was possible to grow so close to someone in less than twenty-four hours, but somehow he and Gabriel had clicked. They had gone to a nearby zoo and spent all day walking around, looking at the animals. Gabriel told stories about seeing zebras and elephants and lions in Africa, trying to help a local reserve out there for six months. How he was pretty sure he’d left the place with a giraffe for a best friend. And he asked Sam questions too, about his school work and how he’d ended up with Jess.

 

It felt like a date. He didn’t want to say anything in case Gabriel didn’t think so, but there was something undeniable between them. He kept waiting for Gabriel to take his hand, to kiss him when no one else was looking. But nothing happened. Sure, Gabriel bought him another coffee, and an ice cream, and lunch when it got late enough. It wasn’t the same thing as physical contact.

 

When they finally climbed into the car and started to drive back, Sam brought it up again.

 

“You said in the pancake house that we could talk later.”

 

“Yeah,” Gabriel said slowly, making it obvious that he wasn’t too sure what Sam was referring to.

 

“About what happened last night, and the next ten days?” Sam reminded him gently. “I mean, I know our brothers are married now - which is still super weird, by the way - and that I might not ever see you again, but I still … I want more, Gabe. You said I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what I want. I want you. Even if it’s just for the next ten days.”

 

Gabriel didn’t answer, and Sam was too scared to take his eyes off the road.

 

“Gabe?”

 

“Sam,” he said it as though Sam’s name was heavy, too much to hold. And then he sighed. “I don’t regret last night. I should, but I don’t. I had a good time, and you … you’re,” he paused for a moment. “We can’t. It’s not right. We’re not related, sure, but we’re as good as now. We shouldn’t have done anything.”

 

Sam pulled the car over, idling at the side of the road. He looked at Gabriel, a lump forming in his throat.

 

“That’s what you think?” he croaked out. Gabriel looked out of the windscreen.

 

“I haven’t seen Cas as happy as he is when he’s with your brother. He seems different too, you know. More confident, less uptight. You should have heard him exchanging his vows, it was like he just knew he was meant for Dean. I don’t want to do anything to ruin that for him. Even … even if it means not having you.”

 

“At least I’m not imagining this thing between us,” Sam muttered. Gabriel reached over and caressed a lock of hair back, away from Sam’s face.

 

“No, you’re not. But you’re still young, Sam. You got your whole life ahead of you, don’t throw it all away on a few days of me.”

 

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid, like everyone else does,” Sam bit back. “I know what’s best for me. And I thought you got that, no one else seems to. Please Gabe, we might never see each other again. You think I’m going to throw away this opportunity with you while it’s here?”

 

Gabriel finally looked at him, and there was a sadness in his expression that Sam hated. It was a sadness that meant they were ending before they’d even begun.

 

“If things could be different, Sam,” he sighed. “Can you drive us back, please?”

 

Sam wanted to say no, to protest until Gabriel caved, but he knew it would do no good, and it wouldn’t help his ‘I’m not a kid’ argument. He restarted the car and pulled out, driving the rest of the way home in silence.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel felt awful. He had shut it down with Sam and it was the right thing to do, but Sam would barely look at him, and he felt like a huge dick. He didn’t want to have Sam ignore him the whole time he was there, not when he’d been so warm and welcoming towards him. Not when it was so easy to be around him, when Gabriel found himself talking about his life and his thoughts that up until now, he’d never really shared with anyone.

 

They had shared an uncomfortable dinner with their families, even as Mary talked about their plans for Christmas. At least, it was uncomfortable for Gabriel; Sam and Dean answered their mother happily enough, and John had his input. Even Castiel got involved. But Gabriel was starting to feel already that he was very much not a part of this family. They were a family, these Winchesters - even Castiel now - and Gabriel could sense, very acutely, the gulf between them. Including Castiel, who couldn’t talk without looking to Dean, who kept a hand on his arm the whole time.

 

Gabriel took himself up to Sam’s room after dinner, wanting to be alone, to look through his photos and plan where he was heading after this break. Or maybe even in the next couple of days, cutting his stay here short. Yes, he wanted to spend time with his brother, but Castiel surely wouldn’t miss him when he was so wrapped up in Dean? He flicked Sam’s atlas on its axel, letting it spin, and closed his eyes, his finger hovering around the globe. Wherever it stopped, that’s where he was headed. Except the ocean, obviously.

 

“Oh. Hi.” Sam’s voice cut through his journey planning. “What are you doing?”

 

“Picking where I’m going.”

 

Gabriel opened his eyes as the globe slowed to a stop.

 

“That’s how you decide?”

 

Gabriel was staring at his finger, pointing towards Uluru in Australia. He hated the stilted conversation with Sam right now, the feigned politeness when they were sharing a room.

 

“Sometimes. Sometimes I just get on a train or in a car and see where I end up.” Gabriel cleared his throat, and pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking up flight times to Australia. He figured he could maybe hitch a ride over to Alaska, get a boat over to Russia, maybe get a train down as far south as possible and then hit Uluru that way if the flights cost too much. If not, he could fly to Canberra and travel the long way around the Australian coast.

 

“Are you going when Cas and Dean go back to college?”

 

“Maybe before.”

 

There was a loaded pause.

 

“Gabriel, my mom bought you a present. You have to stay for Christmas.”

 

Gabriel looked up at Sam, but Sam wasn’t looking at him, he was on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He looked so vulnerable, so young, and Gabriel felt even worse. How had they managed to make things so messy in such a short time? He left the globe alone and crossed the air bed, perching on the edge of Sam’s bed and looking down at him wistfully.

 

“I’m sorry Sam, that this is so messed up.”

 

“Doesn’t have to be,” Sam shrugged, and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, sending a message.

 

“And how exactly do we stop it being so messed up?” Gabriel asked. He was sure that Sam had been texting Jess, trying to get under his skin. And infuriatingly, Sam was succeeding. Why did he have to fall so quickly for Sam? Sam, who merely shrugged at his question, his aloof manner thrown off completely when he looked away from his phone to check that Gabriel was getting agitated.

 

Gabriel, however, didn’t break that easily. He quirked an eyebrow, and turned back to his own phone, and his travel plans. He could hear the bedsprings give slightly as Sam sat up, and tucked his chin onto Gabriel’s shoulder, looking down at his phone as well.

 

“Tomorrow? You can’t go tomorrow. What would Castiel say?”

 

“You’re not allowed to use Kryptonite to argue your case. Bad form.” Gabriel tried to turn to look at him, but Sam was too close. Their lips met as Gabriel finished talking, and that was it. He was a goner, lost in Sam’s energetic, enthusiastic kisses, in the awkward gentleness that came with Sam’s clumsy caresses. The taste of him alone ruined Gabriel’s resolve. “Okay, Sam. You win,” he mumbled, pushing Sam flat onto the bed, straddling him, kissing him senseless.

 

It was dangerous, being with Sam like this. He may have been young, but he was skilled, and enthusiastic. Gabriel didn’t make big pronunciations like it, but he was pretty sure Sam was the best kisser he’d ever met. Jess had no idea what she was missing out on, what she was letting Gabriel get to. He slipped a hand up underneath Sam’s t-shirt, feeling the taut muscles underneath, caressing his warm skin, feeling him shuddering under his touch. Sam was cupping his face with one hand, stroking his hair back with his other hand, adding a tender note to their heated kissing.

 

And then Sam sighed, a happy, contented noise, and Gabriel lost it. He couldn’t get close enough to Sam, couldn’t get his tongue into Sam’s mouth far enough, couldn’t bear not touching more of his skin, not losing himself in the moment. He pushed Sam’s shirt up further, and Sam pulled it off, his eyes glazed with lust as he placed his hands back on Gabriel’s face, but Gabriel caught his hands, kissing his fingertips.

 

“Wait,” he whispered, and Sam nodded, eyes glued to Gabriel as he bent down, and began placing kisses on Sam’s chest. Sam twitched underneath him as he worked his way up to Sam’s neck, inching along his collarbone.

 

“Please say this can happen while you’re here Gabe,” Sam panted. “It’s all I want.”

 

“I told you,” Gabriel said into his collarbone. “You won.”

 

Sam made a sound like when he was asleep, that soft, snuffling noise, and Gabriel carried on working his neck, licking at the spot just between Sam’s collarbone, biting it softly, sucking at the slightly salty skin, feeling Sam arch underneath him. This was a thousand times better than that time in Peru, or that lady in Thailand, or the orgy in Greece, and Gabriel wasn’t entirely sure why he felt like that. He started kissing down Sam’s chest again, his fingers skimming Sam’s sides, tugging down his jeans. Sam started lifting his hips, pushing his underwear down too, and then he was naked on the bed, with nothing between him and Gabriel’s roaming lips. Gabriel didn’t ask if he was sure, didn’t check it was okay, he knew it was. He carried on kissing lower and lower, until he heard Sam’s door open, and Sam stopped moving. Gabriel paused too, worried about what was about to happen. No one had technically said he couldn’t fool around with Sam, but he knew that was a weak argument. John was intimidating, Mary stifling, and Dean protective. He should not be hovering over a naked Sam, about to give him the best blow job of his sheltered life.

 

Nothing happened for the longest time, but Gabriel could see Sam’s face, frozen in fear and staring past him at the door.

 

“Are you satisfied?” John eventually ground out. Gabriel thought for a fleeting moment that he was asking Gabriel. And Gabriel had the perverse compulsion to tell him that no, he wasn’t satisfied, not yet. Give them another hour. But it was another voice that responded, and Gabriel realised that there was more than one person in the doorway.

 

“I don’t-” Dean spluttered.

 

“You know Sammy tries to be like you. Of course it was only a matter of time before he would try to be gay too. This is your fault. Sammy, put some clothes on.”

 

There was a pause, and then they heard the door close, the catch sliding into place gently, and Gabriel pulled himself up, taking one quick look at Sam, still sprawled naked onto the bed, before he grabbed Sam’s discarded clothes and passed them over. Sam sat up, pulling his shirt on without making eye contact, his face turning pink.

 

“Shit.”

 

“I’m sorry, Sam.” Gabriel felt like he’d made everything so much worse for him. He hadn’t been trying to do that, he’d been trying to give the poor guy a chance.

 

“No, no,” Sam leaned over and kissed him firmly on the mouth. “Gabe, please don’t say sorry. Please. I’m not trying to be like Dean, I’m not using you, and I know you’re not using me.” He pulled on his underwear, and pressed another kiss on Gabriel’s mouth.

 

“But I knew, I knew they treated you like you were made of glass, they’re not going to be okay with this.”

 

They heard John call out for them to get their butts in the kitchen yesterday, and Sam groaned. Gabriel took his wrists, trying to sound more confident than he felt himself.

 

“Sam, I promise, whatever happens? You’ll be okay. You’ll keep studying and go to college and be an awesome lawyer. They won’t kill you. And for what it’s worth? I think you’re amazing.”

 

It wasn’t everything Gabriel wanted to say, but he didn’t want to make promises that he couldn’t keep. Even something as simple as ‘we can finish this later’ wasn’t a guarantee. But Sam kissed him again, and pulled his jeans back on, standing up and heading to his bedroom door. Gabriel followed him, and they saw Castiel and Dean leaving their room, neither of them making eye contact. Gabriel wanted five minutes with Castiel, just to explain to his little brother what was going on, what he felt for Castiel’s brother-in-law, but he wasn’t going to get that luxury. Instead, he followed Sam down the stairs, giving him a small kiss between his shoulder blades before they walked into the kitchen, where Mary was sitting at the table, clearly about to take control of the situation.

 

“Okay,” Mary folded her hands in front of her on the table, her tone calm yet businesslike as she looked at John firmly. “We need to set some ground rules, before this all gets out of hand. I’m not going to act like nothing has happened, but we’re not going to overreact either.” She shot another warning look at John. “Gabriel, Castiel, you’re still welcome here until college starts back up. But what just happened is unacceptable, so you will be sharing Dean’s room. Dean, you’ll be in with Sam.”

 

Dean moved forward in his seat, and Mary levelled her stern look at him, warning him not to interrupt.

 

“The door rule stands. You can shut it when you’re changing, but otherwise, doors open. Anything you want to add, John?”

 

Gabriel held his breath. Mary was actually being reasonable, but Sam’s father wasn’t as kindly. At least Mary wasn’t keeping Sam away from him, she was just changing the sleeping arrangements. They could still spend time together.

 

“I catch any of you fooling around, you’re out on your ass. I don’t care who it is.” John spoke bluntly, and then left the room. Gabriel assumed that meant the discussion was over, especially when Sam slipped down in the seat beside him. He laughed in relief.

 

“Well, that could have gone worse,” he said, trying to boost Sam’s self-esteem. But apparently, it was the wrong thing to say. Mary was looking at him as though he had grown two heads, and Dean snarled at him.

 

“You dodged a huge bullet, don’t gloat,” he didn’t even look at Gabriel, but at his hands as he gripped on to Castiel. “It’s your fault, all of this.”

 

Dean let go of Castiel, and like his father, strode out of the room. Sam stood up, following his brother, and Gabriel knew that Sam was going to try and talk to Dean about all the things that clearly bugged him. And Gabriel found himself alone with his own brother and Sam’s mom, who was still looking at him with that concerned expression.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Gabriel found himself blurting out. “Everyone’s so hard on Sam. Making Cas and me share a room, at least it’s not too bad for him.”

 

Mary raised her eyebrows.

 

“We’re hard on Sam?”

 

It was worse than her yelling, this calm way of talking. Gabriel shrugged.

 

“Sam seems to think so.”

 

“And you know my son better than I do, after spending one day with him?”

 

“Gabriel?” Castiel interjected, before Gabriel had to think of a response to that one. He looked at his brother in relief. “I don’t know Sam well. And I know you’ve been with him almost non-stop since you got here. But please, please think more carefully before doing anything else. I don’t want to be out of line here, but it seems to me, and I mean no disrespect,” Castiel’s eyes flickered to Mary for a moment. “But Dean and Sam’s father is a lot like ours. Not completely, but enough that it would be foolish to anger him.”

 

“I’m not trying to make him angry, Cassie.”

 

“I know.” Castiel gave him a reassuring smile. “And I know it’s not all black and white. But please, Gabe, please just think first.”

 

Gabriel stood up.

 

“I’m going to go move my stuff.”

 

“Good idea.” Mary murmured. Gabriel left the room as Castiel began speaking to Mary.

 

“Gabe isn’t a bad person, he’s just impulsive.”

 

“I wish he wasn’t impulsive with my son. Sam’s got a good future ahead of him.”

 

Gabriel headed up the stairs before he could hear anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Mary and John’s punishment only extended so far. Sure, Sam had to get through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with his family breathing down his neck, and the normal festivities had a slightly dour tone. But in the week between Christmas and New Years, he and Gabriel went out every day. He could tell his mother wanted to say something, but she would stop herself, and leave the room. So Sam was free to go to the movies with Gabe, and bowling, and drive into the nearby farmland where he would park his car and indulge in Gabriel.

 

The first day that they had parked up, Gabriel had barely wanted to kiss, let alone go back to the way they were.

 

“Gabe, you were going to … you know,” Sam blushed, unable to say the words.

 

“Kiss you? Okay.” Gabriel shrugged, and reached across the car to peck Sam’s cheek.

 

“That’s not what I meant. In my room…”

 

“Book a ticket to Australia?”

 

“Gabe,” Sam whined. There was a thick tension in the car between them. “Don’t let them get to you. We have something good. And we don’t have it for long.”

 

Gabriel sighed, and leaned against his headrest. It was difficult, balancing Castiel’s advice with Sam’s parents’ expectations, Sam’s demands, and his own desires. It was hard trying to do the right thing. But then, it always had been hard.

 

“Sam,” he muttered.

 

“You said I’d won. You’d given up fighting it.”

 

“And then we got caught.”

 

“Who’s going to catch us out here? The corn?”

 

“You have a girlfriend. Unless you’re telling me you somehow broke up with Jess in the last couple of days?”

 

Sam gave him a filthy look.

 

“I thought you wanted this. Wanted me.”

 

Gabriel could only look back at him, at the guy he was falling hard for. It was the worst feeling, knowing you were inches from someone who made you happy, who felt like an extension of yourself, but that you couldn’t touch them. He did not have a right to Sam, no matter how they both felt. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about him, even at night on the airbed on Dean’s floor, in the shower when he picked up the shampoo that smelled of the eighteen-year-old man next to him. But when Sam reached across the car, he didn’t resist it, couldn’t fight it when it still made so much sense to him. He let Sam wrap his arms around his waist, let him press close for a kiss, let their mouths join, their tongues tangle together …

 

… And the next thing he knew, Sam was jolting underneath him, his pants around his ankles and Gabriel’s mouth working on his dick, their breath coming in erratic pants, Sam’s nails pressing into his skull as he gripped Gabriel’s hair tight, thrusting up into him. And then Sam was shouting, arching his back, and Gabriel could feel him pouring down his throat. He pulled off, kissing Sam everywhere he could reach, and though the rational part of his brain was telling him to end it now, he couldn’t.

 

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking,” Sam was still breathless as he spoke. “We do this every day until you leave. Find some place to park up and do whatever it is that we wanna do.”

 

“Sounds good to me,” Gabriel didn’t even try to argue.

 

“And then we swap numbers, and I can stay in touch with you, maybe hook up whenever you’re in America?”

 

Gabriel sighed.

 

“I don’t get great coverage. And I kind of only come to the states when Cas needs me, and at Christmas.”

 

“Maybe … maybe once I graduate, I could come with you too? Travel with you for a year, get some life experience. That’d look good for college.”

 

Gabriel didn’t have the heart to shut him down. They ended up talking about all the places they could go together, Gabriel’s favourite places and the parts of the world that interested Sam. It became their routine in that short week, driving into the middle of nowhere, exploring each others bodies, and then discussing where they would go exploring in a mythical time that Gabriel knew would never exist. It was a living fantasy, and still, Gabriel couldn’t help but indulge, pretend he ever had a shot at happiness with Sam.

 

 

*

 

 

On New Years Eve, Mary and John left the house, announcing that they were seeing the New Year in with Bobby. Although they invited Dean, Sam, Castiel and Gabriel, it was without any expectation that they would come along. Dean and Castiel packed the car with a picnic hamper, a bunch of blankets and some fireworks and drove off, leaving Sam and Gabriel home alone. Gabriel had wondered if Mary and John would have insisted Sam go with them if they had known, but it was clearly too late for that now. They looked at each other across the empty front room.

 

“So, how do you want to see the new year in?” Gabriel smiled. Sam shrugged as the doorbell rang, sounding too loud in the otherwise empty house. He wanted to ignore it, to let whoever it was think that they weren’t home, but Gabriel cocked an eyebrow and he knew he had to at least answer the door. He strode across and yanked it open, to find Jess and Brady on the porch.

 

“Winchester, you can’t party in that,” Brady smirked.

 

“Party?” Sam was nonplussed.

 

“Yeah, Gordon’s New Years party. Don’t say you forgot.” Brady rolled his eyes at Gabriel. “Typical Sam.”

 

Gabriel gave a soft half-chuckle, intending it to be sarcastic, and Sam folded his arms tightly across his chest.

 

“I’m not going. I think I’m coming down with something.”

 

“He should go, right?” Brady addressed Gabriel again. Jess blinked at him as though seeing him for the first time.

 

“Hey, who’s this?”

 

Sam looked over his shoulder at Gabriel for a few moments. He couldn’t tell the truth about who Gabriel was, of course. Not with Jess right there, oblivious to what had been happening the whole week.

 

“Gabriel Allen. Um, I’m a family friend.”

 

“Oh. Sam hasn’t mentioned you before,” Jess looked unsure, and she glanced at Sam for some kind of confirmation.

 

“It’s complicated. Gabe’s … Dean … Dean brought Gabriel back with him for the holidays.”

 

Brady and Jess no longer looked confused.

 

“Right. So are we going?” Brady pushed.

 

“Come on, Sam. You need to just relax. Gabriel will be fine without you, bet he’s just waiting for Dean to get back, right?” Jess held onto his arm, looking up at him with large, innocent eyes.

 

“Yeah, that’s it. Dean’s doing a beer run. Have fun, kiddo.”

 

Sam looked at Gabriel, but he’d turned and walked away. The ‘kiddo’ comment stung, and that was the distraction that Jess and Brady needed to coerce him out of the door, and into Brady’s convertible. They sped halfway across town, with Sam wishing he’d said something to Gabriel. He wanted to see the new year in with him, especially when their days together were numbered.

 

“Tonight’s going to be perfect,” Jess smiled as Brady stopped the car and they climbed out, heading up the walkway to Gordon’s place. “You, and me, a party, dancing, a kiss at midnight,” she clutched Sam’s arm and leaned into him again. And Sam closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Gabriel pressed against him as they talked about sleeping under the stars in the middle of a desert sometime.

 

“Jess, if you want the night to be perfect, maybe you should put out.” Brady sniggered. Jess shook her head, her curls knocking against Sam’s arm.

 

“If you ever need to wonder why you’re single, Brady,” she sighed, and smiled up at Sam. “Are you okay? You’ve barely texted me for the past week and you seem a little sad now.”

 

“Like I said, I think I’m coming down with something.”

 

“Oh, okay, well,” Jess gave his arm a squeeze. “We’ll find somewhere quiet to sit and relax, and just enjoy new years eve together.”

 

Sam nodded, knowing that he wasn’t going to win any arguments for going home, and soon found himself on a squashy chair in a conservatory, Jess curled up on his lap, playing with his hair aimlessly. He let her, and closed his eyes, holding her on his lap … and all he could see was Gabriel.

 

They passed hours sitting together, wrapped in each other, Sam’s mind back in his own house and thinking about the man he’d left alone there for new years. He wished Gabriel had given him his number so that he could at least text and apologise for leaving him alone. But maybe it was for the best, because he still had to find some way to break up with Jess, to tell her it was over.

 

“I think you were coming down with this at the start of vacation,” Jess spoke quietly. “You were acting so strangely. And now you’re a little quiet.”

 

Sam opened his eyes slowly, and looked at his girlfriend, who smiled sweetly and stroked his face.

 

“I’ll be okay, Jess,” it was hard to explain to her, how he felt like he had completely changed. Like his life was going to be separated into before Gabe and after Gabe.

 

“I mean, you’re a lot calmer now. You were getting so worked up last time I saw you. It scared me. It wasn’t like you at all.”

 

Sam knew the only thing he could do now was to change the subject. So he asked what Jess had gotten for Christmas and half-listened as she rattled off her gifts, including the ones that Sam had gotten for her. And then she talked about what she and her sisters had done, and Sam nodded along at the right points, although his mind was back in some make believe desert with Gabriel, under the stars.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam had gotten back late from the party. Jess had insisted they kiss at midnight, which they did in the still-quiet conservatory, a brief, chaste thing that Sam barely noticed. And then they had to wait around for another hour before Brady was ready to drive them home. He dropped Jess off first, and then spent another good half hour telling Sam about his wild night that Sam presumed had been grossly exaggerated. Sam had climbed up the stairs and crept into his room, where Dean was already curled up in his bed, clutching one of Castiel’s shirts as he drooled on it. Sam shucked off his jeans, and climbed in next to his brother, falling asleep almost immediately.

 

He woke again late in the morning, or early afternoon, sprawled out across the bed which Dean had obviously left. Sam pulled on some pyjama pants and walked stiffly down the stairs to where his mother was preparing dinner in the kitchen. He made for the coffee pot.

 

“Sammy, no coffee.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes at the pot, and opened the fridge, finding a carton of orange juice and drinking it straight from the box, waiting to be told off for that, too.

 

“So, what did you and Gabriel do last night?”

 

Sam took a breath from the orange juice, and looked over at his mom, who was watching him with a small smile on her face.

 

“Brady and Jess showed up, dragged me to a party at Gordon’s house.” He tipped the juice carton back up, gulping some more down. He didn’t want to talk about it with his mom, even if she seemed happy about the idea of him and Gabriel all of a sudden. Heck, that was the _reason_ he didn’t trust her.

 

“So Gabriel went with you?”

 

“No. He stayed here.”

 

Mary tilted her head, brushing a strand of hair back that had come loose from her ponytail.

 

“You didn’t want to leave him behind, did you?” She didn’t sound like she was asking a question, more like she was trying to understand how Sam felt. He wished she wouldn’t. “How was it with Jess?”

 

“Okay, I guess,” Sam shrugged, and put the orange juice back in the fridge, grabbing out the milk, and heading over to the cereal boxes to pour himself a bowl of muesli.

 

“Sammy? Is everything okay?”

 

“Fine. I just got up.” He shoveled a heaped spoonful into his mouth as Dean and Castiel walked into the room, their movements mirroring each other. It was still so weird. Castiel grabbed the coffee pot and filled two mugs as Dean started peeling carrots for their mother without being asked.

 

“Hey sleeping giant,” Dean greeted him. “Jess wear you out last night?”

 

Dean was smirking. Sam looked down at his breakfast, and said nothing.

 

“You knew he went out without Gabriel?”

 

“Yeah, we got back from our midnight picnic before you did, Gabe said.”

 

“Gabriel made him,” Castiel added. “My brother can be very persuasive when he wants to be.”

 

Sam could feel all three of them looking at him, judging him. They had no idea. He concentrated on his cereal.

 

“Did he get off okay?” Mary asked. This, finally, made Sam raise his head. His mom wasn’t looking at him, but at Castiel, who answered back straight away.

 

“Yes, thank you. He said he’s heading for Australia. I don’t think he’s been there yet.”

 

Australia. It rang a bell, but it took Sam a moment to realise why.

 

“Gabe’s gone already?”

 

“Yes. He found a good last minute deal on a flight. Saved him nearly two thousand dollars, but he had to get on the flight,” Castiel checked his watch. “An hour ago.”

 

Sam could feel the hurt stabbing him in his chest. Gabriel had gone without even saying goodbye. They were meant to have at least one more day together, maybe two. Instead he made Sam go to a party he didn’t want to be at and disappeared. What had he done wrong?

 

“Sammy? Sweetie, are you okay? You look a little green.”

 

Sam forced himself to concentrate on his muesli.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Sammy-”

 

“I said, I’m fine.” Sam bit out, and stuffed yet more muesli in his mouth, as though the bran flakes and dried fruit could take away the bitter taste of bile at the back of his throat. He had known he didn’t have long with Gabriel, but he thought he would at least get a goodbye. The conversation changed to Dean and Castiel’s plans to drive back to their college, and their courses, and Sam forced the rest of his breakfast down as quickly as possible, before heading up to his room. He flopped down on the bed, immersing himself in memories of the past week; of intimate touches, great conversation and even better kisses, of being surrounded by the open sky and the quiet whisper of the wind in the corn fields.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry, I meant to update this yesterday but then I had too much on and not enough spoons! Because I feel bad, I'll put two chapters up ;)

Dean and Castiel left only a couple of days after Gabriel did, and Sam was once again home alone with just his parents. He started spending more time shut away in his room, studying hard, churning through his homework, trying to remain focused on his goal of becoming a lawyer. And when all his homework was done and he couldn’t study any more, he took he spinning his globe, looking at all the places in the world that Gabriel could be right then, without him.

 

He barely spoke to his parents, unable to think of what to say. He didn’t want to admit that his heart was breaking without Castiel’s brother. That in the short time that they had known each other, Sam was head over heels, his life had completely changed when Gabriel walked in. He didn’t want his dad yelling about it, the way he sometimes did about Dean and his ‘reckless decision to marry Castiel’, he didn’t want to be the cause of his mom crying when she thought no one was listening.

 

Sometimes, when it got too much, he would go out, spend time with Jess or Brady, but even that wasn’t the same. Brady was talking about his plans for the summer vacation, the apprenticeship he was hoping to get before he went off to college, and Jess was more Jess than ever. And where that might have been a comfort before, it just highlighted to Sam just how much he’d enjoyed Gabriel’s company.

 

Jess had talked him into taking her out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, an attempt at showing how mature they and their relationship were. Sam had gone along with it for an easy life, and now they were in a candlelit restaurant, Sam in a suit and Jess in a pretty ruffled dress, sitting in the corner at an overdone table. Jess was trailing her finger around her menu, picking her meal, and Sam stared aimlessly out of the window.

 

“Do you think they’ll serve us some wine?” Jess whispered across the table. Sam looked back at her, not having heard her at all, and nodded.

 

“You look great tonight, Jess.”

 

“Thank you,” She smiled, and folded her hands across her menu. “Have you decided what you want?”

 

Sam looked down at his menu, the words not really filtering through. He felt like they were just going through the motions, playing grown ups. There was nothing he had in common with her anymore. But she had been talking for so long about this dinner, he knew he had to get through it. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter.

 

“I’ll just have a salad.”

 

She bit her lower lip as she blinked her big blue eyes at him.

 

“Are you okay, Sam?”

 

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Just, you know, stressing about college.”

 

It was his back up excuse for everything. And he could use it as long as he wanted, because once the acceptance and rejection letters were out, there was the accommodation and funding to organise, and actually packing up to go to their choices. It had kept his parents at bay so far.

 

“Oh, sure, me too,” her gaze flickered to the waiter who had appeared. “These finals will be the death of me. White zinfandel and two Caesar salads, dressing on the side please?”

 

The waiter didn’t respond, but wrote her requests down, took the menus, and moved away. Sam looked down at one of the forks by his plate.

 

“So, still set on Stanford?” Jess asked pleasantly. Everything about Jess was pleasant. And that was the problem; there was nothing intriguing about her. Sam had no idea if she would stand up for her principles, shout out for what was right the way Gabriel did. He was struggling to remember why they were together.

 

“Yep. Stanford. Are you still aiming for Brown?”

 

“I got accepted. Last week. I told you?”

 

Sam looked up as she frowned, like she couldn’t remember if she really had told Sam. He felt awful. As much as he was heartbroken over losing Gabriel, as much as he wasn’t in love with Jess any more, he didn’t want to hurt her. She was still his friend, if nothing else.

 

“You did, sorry.”

 

“You’ve been in your own head a long time, Sam. I’m worried about you. Things haven’t been the same since we went on winter break.” Jess paused as their waiter poured them a glass each of wine, leaving the bottle on the table, and then served their salads. When he had walked away again, she carried on. “Sam, if this is because I didn’t want to be physical with you, then that’s not fair. You’re better than that. It’s like … it’s like Dean.”

 

“It’s not that,” Sam assured her, and poked through the rocket on his plate. “It’s stuff about Dean, sure, but it’s not … and Christmas just makes college just seem so much closer, you know?”

 

“Stuff about Dean? Has he told you to play the field or something? Some more bad advice?”

 

Sam sighed, and speared a piece of chicken.

 

“No. Dean barely talked to me all vacation. He was busy with Cas.”

 

Jess nodded, though Sam knew it wasn’t really an answer for her. He didn’t feel like going into all the explanation that came with Dean having a new husband.

 

“I miss my brother,” Sam blurted. “And maybe it’s stupid, but Dean’s changed so much. How much are we going to change when we go to college?”

 

Jess took hold of her wine glass, and took a sip.

 

“Isn’t that the point of college?”

 

Sam slid the chicken off the fork with his teeth, chewing slowly, and Jess sat forward, stroking his wrist softly.

 

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

 

Sam looked her in the eye, unsure what to do. He didn’t want to do this over dinner, or on Valentine’s day, but he didn’t want to keep lying to her either.

 

“It’s okay, Sam. We’ve been growing apart for a while. I’ve kind of been expecting it. I’m just glad that it’s because of this, not because I wouldn’t fool around with you.” She stroked his wrist again. “We’re still friends, aren’t we? You can relax, Sam.”

 

He turned his hand over, and cupped hers gently, before reaching for his own wine.

 

“I thought breaking up with you was going to be awful.”

 

“It still is,” she said quietly. “But it has been for weeks now. I’m kind of relieved it’s over.”

 

“You are?”

 

“Yeah. You’ve been quiet and aloof and not like yourself. And I’ve felt like I haven’t been able to change that, to make you happier. And if I can’t make you happier, then what’s the point?”

 

“I’m sorry I had to do it now.”

 

Jess shrugged, and smiled.

 

“Still no one else I’d want to spend Valentine’s Day with,” she wrinkled her nose, and Sam forced a smile back. He couldn’t say the same, obviously, but without Gabriel there, Jess was a good second choice.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had finally made it to the point in Australia he’d picked out, hot and sweaty and sunburnt. He had no idea what day it was, or what else was going on in the world. His cell phone had died days ago, and he hadn’t had the chance to charge it for at least a week.

 

It was nice, not having to depend on it, to be completely by himself. But there were moments - when night fell, and he looked up at the Milky Way swirling above him on the huge, desolate plateaus - where he wished there was someone with him. He would set up his sleeping bag, crawl in and look up at the vast expanse of stars, and remember conversations he’d had about doing this with Sam. And then he would start to wonder if Sam was okay, if he still felt overwhelmed by everyone else’s expectations, if he was getting by.

 

It had never happened before. Gabriel had had more passing relationships than he cared to count, and even the ones that felt destined to last soon fizzled out after a couple of weeks. A month, tops. Gabriel couldn’t remember half of their names, even if he’d wanted to.

 

So why couldn’t he forget Sam? He tried to rationalise it as Sam being Cas’ brother-in-law, someone who he would see occasionally. And he would watch as Sam went through college, became the lawyer Gabriel knew he was going to turn out to be, and then got married, had kids. They were going to be part of each other’s lives for as long as Cas and Dean were married, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that their brothers were in it for life.

 

Still, in the barren desert that chilled quickly at night, lost amongst the few sparse trees, Gabriel would pleasure himself, looking up at the stars and thinking of Sam.

 

 

*

 

 

A few days after Valentine’s Day, Sam walked into the kitchen after school, to find his mother there, smiling and clutching a thick white envelope.

 

“Open it! Go on!” She offered it over. Sam took it slowly, sliding his finger under the fold and pulling out a sheaf of papers. He scanned the first page quickly. And then again more slowly. “Well?”

 

“I got in. To Stanford.”

 

Mary squealed, and then cupped her hands over her mouth as John came into the room.

 

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

 

“Sam got in! He’s going to Stanford! Oh, Sam, we should celebrate! Call Jess, she’ll want to be here!”

 

She took the letter herself, as though she too needed to read the words in order to believe that they existed. Sam didn’t want to call Jess, he wanted to call Gabriel. Gabriel would know exactly what it meant, to get into his chosen school. But Mary was running away with herself.

 

“Oh, John, two boys in college! We’re so lucky. Sam, I’m so proud of you! We’ll have to think of a present for you. A new laptop? A new car?”

 

Sam held the housing and financial aid forms tightly in his hands as he looked at her.

 

“Um, I don’t know.”

 

“Well, think about it. And call Jess!”

 

John took the forms out of Sam’s hands, looking through them silently, and Sam was left with no choice but to call his ex-girlfriend. They hadn’t been at each other’s throats since they broke up, they’d still been amicable, but they barely talked to each other now either. Jess was always with Brady and Gordon, and Sam was always by himself. But he still called her, willing the phone to switch to answerphone.

 

“Hello? Sam? Is everything okay?”

 

“Uh, yeah. I um, I just wanted to let you know that I got in. To Stanford.”

 

“Oh, wow, that’s great! So, I guess we won’t be seeing each other much after graduation, huh?”

 

“I guess not. Um, Mom said you should come celebrate with us.”

 

“Oh, I would, but Brady's here, we’re going out to dinner with my parents. That’s not a problem, is it?”

 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll tell her.”

 

“Thank you. Congratulations!”

 

Jess hung up the phone, and Sam avoided his mother’s eye contact.

 

“She’s got into Brown, her family are going out to eat.”

 

“Oh. Well, I’ll call her mom, maybe we could all go somewhere together?” Mary pushed. Sam felt something snap inside.

 

“Mom, stop it. We broke up, okay? Jess and I broke up on Valentine’s day.”

 

Mary’s face fell, and John looked up from the paperwork. Sam could feel his cheeks burning.

 

“It’s just, you know, I’ll be in California, she’ll be in Rhode Island. It won’t work out.”

 

“Sam,” Mary sounded concerned, and Sam had to work hard not to get her sympathy. He didn’t want it.

 

“I broke up with her, Mom.”

 

“Because of college.” John didn’t sound like he believed him.

 

“Yes.”

 

“No other reason.”

 

“Look, we’re both eighteen, if it’s meant to happen, it will. But for now, it would be stupid to pretend, okay?”

 

“Let’s not let it spoil tonight,” Mary decided. “John, call Bobby, maybe he’ll want to come over. Sam, what should we order in?”

 

Normally, Sam hated it when his mother went into denial mode, but for now he was grateful, because he could sense Gabriel’s name in the offing and there was nothing more embarrassing than having to discuss Gabriel with his father.

 

“Could we have Indian?”

 

“Sure. John? Call Bobby.”

 

John put the papers down on the table, and rolled his eyes, then walked out into the scrapyard. Mary smiled warmly at Sam.

 

“I’m so, so proud of you, baby.”

 

“I know, Mom. Thanks.”


	7. Chapter 7

Sam’s heart wasn’t exactly mending. He wasn’t exactly getting over it. But since his acceptance into Stanford had come through, life had been a little bit easier. Things with Jess were settling down, and they had gotten back into the easy friendship that they’d had through middle school, before dating had become a priority.

 

They would spend endless hours, at school and at Jess’ house, studying and talking about what their colleges would be like, and Sam found himself remembering all the great things about her, things that he’d lost sight of in the last few months. Not enough to start going out with her again, but enough that he was glad they could be civil with each other.

 

They walked into school together after spring break, and Sam could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He turned around, but the other students nearby were ignoring him. Almost pointedly so.

 

“What the hell is going on?” He muttered. Jess shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Did you flunk out on a test?”

 

At least it wasn’t Sam’s imagination that the other students were being off with him.

 

“Fag,” someone coughed. Sam and Jess turned together to glare at the person responsible, but it was a kid neither of them knew.

 

“Okay, that was weird,” Jess muttered, and looped her arm in Sam’s. “Ignore them, Sam. They’re being children. And there’s not much time until we go.”

 

“Nice beard, Sam,” A kid in Sam’s geometry class called. He could feel Jess looking at his chin, as his heart started to race. It had been months since Gabriel, and there hadn’t been anyone else, how could the kids at school possibly know? Did they know?

 

“Look, let’s just get to class, people won’t be able to bother you … there …” Jess trailed off as they got to Sam’s locker, and his heart sank.

 

Plastered across the locker bank, and concentrated heavily on his locker in particular, were a bunch of flyers, crudely put together. Someone had scrawled ‘fag’ in Sharpie, and Xeroxed a picture in black and white underneath. But Sam knew what the picture was of, could see that it was himself and Gabe, topless and making out in his car in the middle of nowhere. Who had seen them? How could they have taken a picture without Sam noticing?

 

“Isn’t that the guy Dean brought home at Christmas?” Jess asked quietly, and Sam closed his eyes, wishing that he could wake up.

 

“Sam? Did he come back during spring break?”

 

It was too surreal. It wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. Sam opened his eyes again, and all he could see was himself and Gabriel, over and over. Sam smiling into the kiss, Gabriel holding his head, and the word fag screaming at him from every direction. Jess slid her arm from his, and the vice principal strode over.

 

“Sam? What is all this?”

 

Just when Sam thought it couldn’t get any worse. The vice principal squinted at one of the flyers, then began shouting.

 

“Everybody, get to class. Now!” He tore a strip of them down, and turned to Sam. “My office. _Now_.”

 

Sam dragged his feet along to the office, seeing copies of the fliers everywhere he went. Why would someone do that? Why not just ask him about Gabriel? He slumped into the seat outside the office, and folded his arms across his chest.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had found a coping mechanism. It wasn’t a great solution, but it was one that worked for him. What worked best for him, he had found, was to sleep with the nearest willing person. Any time of day, any kind of person. It really didn’t matter to him, so long as he could clear his mind indulging in something so physical that he didn’t have the chance to think about Sam.

 

And when there wasn’t the opportunity for sex, Gabriel found other physically demanding things to do. Potholing, mountaineering, bungee jumping. It really didn’t matter. The scenery was still breathtaking, but it was the adrenaline rush that Gabriel was craving. He would climb out of the cave, reach the top of the mountain, slip out of the bungee cord and feel shaky yet energised. And then it was on to the next thing, the next big rush, something else to occupy him fully for a few hours. And then he would crumble into bed every night, exhausted and unable to remember any dreams he may have had.

 

He saw so many sights, Uluru, a local kangaroo farm, spiders the size of his head, snakes that could kill him easily. He made his way back along the coastline of Australia, through Darwin to the more popular areas. He walked the Sydney bridge, took pictures of the opera house, went surfing, scuba dived towards the nearby coral reefs. And then he got in a boat, heading out to New Zealand. Part of him had wanted to row a boat over there by himself, but that was perhaps a step too far. He narrowly avoided a misunderstanding about his visa, which he had taken out months before, and then he was off across the island, helping to raise sheep and taking in views he had seen in movies on planes. He settled on the top of one mountainside, a few sheep nearby for company, and looked out at the expanding ocean. It may not have been everyone’s ideal lifestyle, but right then, Gabriel was pretty content.

 

 

*

 

 

“Suspended?” John yelled the moment Sam was back in the house. “SUSPENDED?!”

 

“At least it doesn’t affect Stanford.” Mary tried to be optimistic.

 

“I’m not suspended. They just think it’s best if I stay home for the next couple of days,” Sam tried to defend himself.

 

“Because of this!” John had a flyer, which he thrust into Sam’s face. Mary slipped in front of Sam, trying to protect him from his father. “I thought I made my stand on that clear after he had you naked on your bed?”

 

“You said if you caught us. Did you catch us?”

 

“Don’t test me Sam. What’s gotten into you? Is this why you broke up with Jess? Is this why you chose a college in San Francisco?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, and John started towards him. Mary stood her ground.

 

“John, this isn’t helping at all! You both need to calm down. Sam, go to your room.”

 

Sam turned and ran up the stairs, as his parents began arguing.

 

“What are you trying to do to me, Mary?”

 

“I’m trying to understand what’s going on with our sons.”

 

“What’s to understand? Apparently they’re both queer.”

 

Sam stood just out of view of the staircase, and eavesdropped shamelessly, wishing Dean was there - the old Dean - to comfort him and make him see that this was John’s problem, not theirs.

 

“I blame you coddling them all the time.”

 

“You blame me? John, this isn’t them reacting to their childhood. You need to listen to them!”

 

“Over milk and cookies?” John sneered. A few moments later, the kitchen door slammed, and Sam could hear his father’s boots crunching on the gravel, heading over towards Bobby’s place. He hesitated, unsure whether to go to his room as he was asked, or if he should comfort his mother. But then he heard her sob, and knew what the right thing to do was. He crept downstairs slowly, and though Mary tried to wipe her eyes it was clearly too late. Sam walked over to her and hugged her tightly, wrapping himself around her and clutching her hard.

 

“Oh, Sammy.”

 

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry.”

 

She sniffed, and held him back just as firmly.

 

“You don’t need to apologise, Sam. I told him that he was going to push you away and he just kept pushing.”

 

“What happened with Gabriel, it wasn’t because of Dean. I mean, at first it was, but only because I was asking questions. It just made sense, him and me.”

 

“Is he the reason you really broke up with Jess?” She asked timidly. Sam couldn’t lie to his mom.

 

“Yeah. I felt horrible, lying to her, cheating on her. It wasn’t fair on her. I still care about her, but it wasn’t the same.”

 

Mary gave him a small squeeze.

 

“You know, you could have talked to me, at any time? It would have been fine, Sam. I would have listened, and tried to help.”

 

Sam squeezed her even harder.

 

“Well, now, you have a few days at home studying. Maybe you could talk to me, before you go away for months at a time?”

 

“Sounds good, Mom.”

 

She leaned back, and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before moving away, wiping her eyes. Sam watched her go, feeling completely helpless. He had made a giant mess, and he wasn’t sure how to go about clearing it up


	8. Chapter 8

When senior year was over, and graduation done and dusted, Sam was relieved. He had watched Jess and Brady start dating, and all their friends steered clear of him. He spent his spare time playing his globe game and downloading some resources to prep for college.

 

Dean arrived home a few days into Sam’s vacation with Castiel in tow. Sam heard them coming up the stairs, and for a stupid moment his heart leaped with the idea that Gabriel could be there too, ready to spend the whole summer with him. He slipped out of his bedroom, and tried to grab their attention.

 

“Hey Dean, hey Cas. Um, good to see you again.” He leaned against his doorway, trying to be casual.

 

“You too, Sam.” Castiel was the one to answer, as Dean crossed over to their parents’ bedroom, opening the door and making an annoyed noise. Sam took a chance while his brother was distracted.

 

“Is um, did Gabriel come as well?”

 

Castiel gave him a measured look, one that Sam couldn’t read well. He knew Dean would understand straight away, he seemed so connected to his husband. It made the ache in Sam’s chest worse, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. But Castiel at least answered him properly.

 

“No, he’s abroad right now. I probably won’t see him again until Christmas.”

 

“Oh,” Sam couldn’t hide how much that hurt, even though he knew it was a long shot. Gabriel had said he only returned to see his brother. He had just hoped that maybe he would matter as much. He cast a look at the cell phone in his hand, as though Gabriel’s number would magically appear. “Does he ever mention me?”

 

Castiel’s expression didn’t change, but he had no more time to respond, as Dean returned, grabbing Castiel’s elbow and pulling him towards the staircase.

 

“She must be in the back yard, come on.”

 

Castiel merely waved, and went willingly with Dean, obviously seeking Mary out somewhere in the house. Sam watched them go, and wondered if there was a chance, with Dean acting so differently, that he could talk to them both, sound out how Gabriel felt. Maybe even get a message to him. And see what they would advise doing about college.

 

 

*

 

 

It wasn’t until everyone was turning in for the night, when Dean was settling into Sam’s bed, that they finally got the opportunity to talk. Dean was on his back, one arm under his pillow. He watched as Sam grabbed a book and turned on the bedside lamp.

 

“So, Sammy. College soon.”

 

“Uh, yeah. Looking forward to it.”

 

“Best thing that happened to me,” Dean nodded, and took his hand out from under the pillow to twist his wedding band around his finger. Sam switched off the main light and climbed into his bed beside Dean.

 

“How did you know, Dean? About Cas?”

 

He knew it was risky, asking his brother about anything sentimental. It was when he was most likely to parrot their father and Sam had had enough of John since the Fag posters. Luckily, Dean seemed to be in a good mood.

 

“I don’t know. I didn’t even mean to propose. It just happened. But it felt like it was supposed to happen, you know?”

 

Sam was quiet, thinking. Dean sat up slightly.

 

“You okay, Sammy?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam sighed, placing the book on his side table. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“You sound it,” Dean snorted. “Is this you worrying about leaving Jess behind?”

 

“I broke up with Jess,” Sam said matter-of-factly.

 

“Oh. Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. It happened months ago.”

 

“Right,” Dean settled back on his pillow. “The Gabe stuff.”

 

Sam turned his head, looking at his older brother, wondering if it was okay to talk about Gabriel. After all, when Dean found out about it he had tried to hurt Gabriel. Dean was watching him right back.

 

“Cas said … Cas said I shouldn’t tell you what to do. That you were probably falling for each other as well and it wasn’t right to interfere.”

 

Sam felt a wave of affection for his brother-in-law.

 

“He’s not entirely wrong.”

 

Dean looked at him for another long moment, then faced the ceiling.

 

“It’s not fair,” Sam spoke up, before Dean could revert to type and insult him. “For you and Cas. I mean, you’re married and Dad’s still making you bunk with me? I’m sorry, Dean.”

 

“Dad was looking for an excuse. You gave him one.”

 

“You still miss Cas at night though, don’t you?”

 

“Can’t sleep without him,” Dean mumbled, and rolled over, his back now to Sam. “Night Sammy.”

 

Sam looked at the freckles on Dean’s back, which were visible around the neckline of his vest, and switched off the light, plunging them into darkness. He hadn’t expected Dean to admit anything like that, though he knew his brother loved his husband fiercely. He had to, to still be around nearly a year on. Maybe that was the thing about love that had taken Dean by surprise, it snuck up on you, dug its claws in and didn’t let go. But maybe letting it do that reaped its own rewards. If Sam could put up with missing Gabriel as much as he still did, maybe he would see him again, and then he would get to keep Gabe?

 

Dean waited for a few minutes, before he slipped out of bed. Sam watched as he eased the door open, and creeped out of the hallway, clearly returning to his own room where his husband slept. Sam knew he would keep his brother’s secret when the morning came.

 

 

*

 

When Sam woke up, Dean’s side of his bed was empty and cold. Sam wondered whether Dean had even bothered to return, or if he was still sleeping beside Castiel. He rubbed his head and couldn’t help indulging in a fantasy where he had someone who loved him like that, enough to ignore any stupid rules or limitations and just work their way to being with him. He supposed that if he voiced that opinion, someone would remind him that he would be going to college soon and there was every chance he could meet a person like that when he got there.

 

He made his way into the kitchen, where Mary was baking once again, staring at the pastry as she worked it with a rolling pin like they were sharing an intense conversation.

 

“Hey Mom.”

 

“Sammy,” she nodded, and checked the pastry. “Did you know Dean left your bed to go see Castiel?”

 

“No,” he lied smoothly. “Must have gone early this morning.”

 

Mary looked him in the eye for a moment, and made a ‘hmmm’ noise as though she didn’t believe him.

 

“Okay. Have you started packing for Stanford yet?”

 

“Not yet, I have the whole summer.”

 

“I want to do it soon, Sam. We’re going to have to see what else you need while you’re there.”

 

Sam shrugged, and grabbed some bread, shoving it in the toaster and leaning against the counter, waiting for his breakfast.

 

“Have you at least got any plans for this summer?”

 

“Yeah, I’m doing some prep stuff for my course. And I got two weeks helping in the law firm over on Chestnut.” Sam had a moment of remembering Brady boasting about his apprenticeship, but swallowed it back down. It wasn’t like he was trying to impress his mom; he was only trying to reassure her that he wasn’t going to be moping around the house.

 

“That’ll be good. Have you made any plans to see Gabriel?”

 

Sam watched the toaster as though it could answer for him. How was he meant to make plans with Gabriel when he had no way of really contacting the guy? He knew he could ask Castiel, but he had no idea if his brother-in-law would help, even if he did seem to understand there was something between Sam and Gabriel.

 

“Not really, no.”

 

“Maybe when you’re in California. Or maybe there’ll be someone else.”

 

“Maybe. But I want to focus on my schoolwork too.”

 

The toast popped up, and Sam set about coating it in butter, and grape jelly, and then ate it as he watched his mother scoop some freshly stewed cherries into the pie casing.

 

“I’ll miss you when you’re all the way over in California.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Mom.”

 

“You’ll be back for your vacation, won’t you? I know you’ll want to make contacts and get some experience, but you’ll be so far away for so long, and-”

 

Sam wrapped her in a hug, stopping her mid-flow. She turned and held him tightly, letting him fold himself over her.

 

“I’m not leaving you forever, Mom. And I bet there won’t be a cookie or a cupcake out there that compares to what you make. I’ll be coming home just for your cooking. Promise.”

 

Mary gave a small sob, and held him even tighter, as Sam had his first twinge of misgiving. He knew that his parents relationship was strained, he’d heard them arguing since Dean got married, and the incident at school had ramped that up. He didn’t want his mom to be alone when he went off for college, but what else was he supposed to do?

 

“Mom? When I’m at college too, you’re going to do something, right? Not just pine for me and Dean?”

 

“Don’t be silly, Sam. I have the house to keep looking nice and chores to do and besides, can you see your father letting me?”

 

Sam bit his lip rather than responding to that. Mary Winchester was an amazing woman and the best mother, and she deserved more than being a housewife to a man who couldn’t accept the choices his son made. It was glaringly obvious to Sam, he didn’t see why it wasn’t obvious to her as well.

 

“Oh, excuse me,” another voice came from just inside the door.

 

Mary stepped back, rubbing her cheeks under her eyes. “It’s fine, Castiel. I thought you would be with Dean?” She said, heading back to the pie, now working on forming the crust on top.

 

Sam slid onto a chair, eating his toast and watching Castiel. They hadn’t really had a conversation before, and Sam suddenly felt the urge to get to know his brother-in-law better.

 

“I was just looking for him.”

 

“I left him out on the porch. But stay, have some breakfast. Do you want me to bake some more cookies?”

 

Castiel hesitated, and took the seat beside Sam, reaching for some bran flakes. Sam mentally congratulated him for not picking the same fatty, sugary food as Dean would.

 

“That would be wonderful, Mary, but please don’t put yourself out for me.”

 

Mary carried on with the pie crust.

 

“You know it’s no bother. Sam, cookies?”

 

“Always.” Sam said around his mouthful. He swallowed, and looked at the dark-haired man beside him. “So, Castiel. Still putting up with Dean?”

 

Castiel looked at him with those piercing bright blue eyes, and Sam felt like Castiel knew everything about him in that one look. But Castiel was the epitome of politeness, as ever.

 

“By that I take it you mean are we still happily married? Yes, very much so. We’re moving into a house on campus with Dean’s roommate and a friend of mine after the summer break. Dean’s looking forward to it.”

 

“And you’re not?” Sam pushed. Castiel ran his spoon through his bran flakes.

 

“I am looking forward to some aspects. Dean and I have been sharing a single bed for a long time, it will be nice to share a double finally. And I like his roommate and Chuck. But it will be a challenge keeping Dean focused on his coursework.”

 

Mary put the pie in the oven.

 

“You’re doing so much better than I ever did, getting him to do his schoolwork.”

 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Castiel loaded up a spoonful, but didn’t eat it. “He loves you, he’d listen to you.”

 

It was weird, Sam thought as Castiel finally ate more of his cereal, to hear his brother being spoken about like this. Dean who used to swirly him when they were kids, Dean who claimed the Impala and left him with a 1980 Camaro that had a drag, no matter what John and Bobby did to it. Dean who could pin Sam until he was fifteen and able to finally overpower his older brother. They made Dean sound so complicated.

 

“Have you heard much from your brother?” Mary carried on the conversation as she started mixing ingredients for the cookies. She avoided meeting Sam’s eye, but he was grateful for the segue into discussing Gabriel.

 

“No, but I don’t often. We last spoke about three weeks ago, when he was leaving New Zealand for Tanzania.”

 

“I don’t know how he copes, travelling the world, not settling down, being out there on his own all the time.”

 

“I think he’s looking for something,” Castiel admitted, and he looked quickly at Sam before looking away. Sam picked up on the glance, over-analysing it as a message for him, while Castiel continued talking with his mother. “But he always was. He was never satisfied with the commune we grew up in, forever talking about what lay beyond the boundary. I don’t know if he’ll ever find it, or if he even knows what he’s looking for.”

 

He looked again at Sam, catching his eye this time. Sam wished he knew the guy well enough to understand what Castiel was trying to hint at. Was it too much to hope that Castiel knew how he felt?

 

“Still, it’s been several years now, surely he would have found it?” Mary seemed oblivious to Castiel’s silent communication.

 

“I honestly couldn’t answer that. He gets an itch, staying in the same place. He’s fine with working hard to earn his funds, but he dislikes being tied down.” Castiel looked back at Mary, and Sam retreated back into the fantasy he’d harbored since Gabriel’s visit. The one that they’d talked over endlessly, travelling together, seeing the world with each other. It was possibly too much to hope, but Sam couldn’t help it, he was sure that Castiel was saying that Gabriel still wanted that too. He just wished it were Gabriel saying it to him, rather than it being a hidden message through Castiel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.

Stanford exceeded Sam’s expectations. He wasn’t expecting it to be so green on campus, or to meet so many people with such interesting stories.

 

He had made the journey on his own, his Camaro stuffed with his possessions. He had figured it would be easier to say goodbye to his parents back in Kansas, and remove the opportunity for his father to be antagonistic over the two days it would take to get there. Mary had cried, and Sam had hugged her hard, torn between not wanting to let her go and wanting to leave straight away, to put as much distance between himself and John as possible.

 

He was assigned an on-campus house, sharing with five other students on various courses. He was grateful that he still had his own room, though he’d had to fight Dirk for the room they both wanted. It had been a tense few moments, and Sam was thankful while it was happening that Dean had wrestled with him endlessly when they were kids, that John had encouraged them both to learn how to fight. He quickly overpowered Dirk, pinning him to the floor, both of them breathing heavily from the exertion.

 

“Giving up, Dirk the Jerk?” Sam panted, his knee pressing into the middle of Dirk’s back. He supposed that Dirk hadn’t been expecting any resistance. It hadn’t been Sam’s plan to jump his new housemate, but he had been struggling with his duffel bag and a stack of books when Dirk had slipped by him, half-running towards the room Sam was clearly aiming for. Sam couldn’t help himself, defending his territory. It probably wasn’t the best start to a relationship, but he was hoping that Dirk would joke about, give him one of Dean’s old nicknames, and they would end up friends. And he would end up with the room.

 

“Fine, it’s yours, let me up!” Dirk sounded broken. Sam stood up and held out a hand for Dirk, who took it grudgingly. “And never call me that again.”

 

“Sorry man, it was just a joke.” Sam picked his belongings up again as Dirk stormed off into the only room left to claim, and slammed the door behind him. Sam could feel two of the girls, Madison and Donna, staring at him, and his face heated up. Maybe rough-housing his housemates before they even got to orientation wasn’t the best start to his college career.

 

“It was meant to be a joke. Breaking the ice, you know?” he explained. Madison and Donna swapped a look, and headed into Donna’s room, leaving Sam alone in the hallway. He dragged his possessions into his room and began unpacking, mentally planning what he was going to do afterwards.

 

“So, I was thinking, we should check out the local bars,” the other guy in their house, Andy, said as he strode into Sam’s room and bounced on his bed. “Nice mattress. Anyway, we’ve got total freedom, we should definitely see if we can fake ID our way to some alcohol. How ‘bout it?”

 

Sam looked around from his closet, which Andy was now trying to peer into from the bed.

 

“Wow, you like plaid.” He shook his head, and then began rambling once again. “Have you seen much of the campus yet? Super sweet place. Hey, what’re you studying? Law? Wow, you’re like, some kind of brainiac. Madison’s on that course too. Totally heavy. So, where’re you from?”

 

Sam had never met anyone like Andy. He was like a child in a grown man’s body, and he had the attention span of a goldfish. He didn’t seem the type for Stanford, but Sam guessed he must have been some kind of a genius. And he was likeable enough. Sam stopped putting his clothes into his closet and focused instead on having a good time with the people he was going to be living with.

 

“Kansas. What about you?”

 

“I’m an Oakie,” Andy smiled, and then stood up, heading out of the door. “Girls, we’re going to try our luck in the bars, are you coming with?”

 

Sam listened as Andy talked with Donna and Madison, planning where they could go, and carried on packing his things away. He heard them walk down the hallway, knocking on Dirk’s door and asking if he was coming along too. Moments later, Andy was back, leaning on the doorframe with his arms folded.

 

“Sam … it is Sam, right? We’re going in half hour. Get your drinking hat on!”

 

He trudged off and Sam took the time that the girls were obviously using to get ready to put some more of his things away, grabbing his wallet and locking his door at the last minute.

 

They walked along the sidewalk together, the girls talking non-stop with Andy as Sam trudged next to Dirk, bringing up the rear.

 

“Hey man, sorry about tackling you, pinning you down. My brother and me-”

 

“It’s fine. Whatever,” Dirk folded his arms and practically sulked. It was like dealing with his father all over again. Sam bit back an agitated noise.

 

“Well, anyway. Sorry.”

 

Dirk merely sped up, passing the rest of their housemates and practically running past the bar they had picked. Andy looked back at him and shrugged.

 

“Let him cool down,” Andy suggested. Sam nodded, and followed him into the bar. “Okay, ladies, what’ll it be?”

 

“Please,” Lily, their other housemate, scoffed. “Go grab a booth. Sam, come with me. I need you to carry everything.” She headed to the bar and Sam followed, watching as she peeled off her jacket and tried to catch the bartender’s eye. Sam stood beside her, trying to look twenty-one. He watched as Lily flirted with the bar guy, and got two beers and three cocktails. And his number. She gestured to Sam to carry the drinks, and took two herself, promising the barman that she would be back. As they walked to the table the others had grabbed, she leaned into his side. “Nicely done Sam, very cool. You earned your beer.”

 

“I didn’t do anything. You did all the flirting.”

 

“Ugh, yeah. Do me a favour, don’t tell my girlfriend when she comes to visit? She doesn’t like it when I do that.”

 

Sam tried not to act surprised, that Lily was so open about the fact that she had a girlfriend. He had assumed most people would be like his father, repressed and homophobic. Maybe Lily would understand about Gabriel, and the way Sam felt about him.

 

“I get you,” he tested the water. “My brother was a huge flirt, but then he married this guy he’d met at college and I don’t think his husband would like it if he did the same thing.”

 

“Huh. So I guess it’s a gay thing?” Lily deadpanned.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant … because Dean … never mind.”

 

“I take back the cool thing. You’re just an awkward nerd underneath, aren’t you, Sam?”

 

They got to the table, and Lily distributed the drinks, sliding into the booth next to Donna and chattering away. Sam perched on the other end of the booth and sipped his beer, wishing Lily had gotten a better brand. It tasted like dishwater, compared to the stuff Dean and John drank.

 

The evening wasn’t too bad, as it went. Madison began talking to him about their course and what she thought they would study first, and Sam found himself suckered into the conversation. The next thing he knew, Andy was patting his shoulder.

 

“Samuel, we’re going home. Are you two coming?”

 

“Uh, sure,” he slid out of the booth and held his hand out to Madison to help her out too. She took it, and peeled off the seat, and didn’t let go of his hand, even as they walked back the way they came, following Andy and Donna as they sang songs loudly and off-key, Lily just behind them shaking her head slowly. Sam watched Lily’s long blonde hair as it caught the glare off the street lamps, and considered Madison’s hand in his. It was small, and soft, and cool to the touch. But she held on tightly to him, her grip surprisingly firm.

 

Maybe, he thought, this was what he needed. A real distraction from Gabriel, someone new to learn about and spend time with. Then maybe he wouldn’t close his eyes and be in his Camaro, in the middle of a corn field, with brilliant golden eyes burning into him. He looked at Madison who smiled shyly at him. He made himself smile back, trying to root around for another topic. They had talked so easily in the bar, why was it so hard now? But then she leaned closer, wrapping her other hand around his arm, and he realised that she was just enjoying the walk home.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel was regretting his decision to fly halfway back around the world. He had decided to explore the Arctic, or at least part of it. But it was so damn cold, even with all the extra padding he had bought. He was huddled in his tiny tent out by a frozen lake in God-only-knows where, covered in blankets and shivering. It was rare that he had a moment of loathing for travelling, but he’d found it here in this sub-zero wasteland. His only coping mechanism was to think of a place that was warm, pretend that the sun was warming him enough to cope with the bitter bite of icy air that existed even in his tent. He tried to think of the desert in Sahara, or his recent trip to Australia, but instead he found himself dwelling on an old car, and a tall, friendly man-child who had more soulful eyes than a Labrador puppy. He sighed, and felt a chill run through him, and he shuddered, burrowing further under the blankets. At this rate, he was going to have to fly back to Kansas and demand to see Sam just once, just to take the edge off.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam woke up slowly, feeling a warm body in the bed beside him. He rubbed a hand over his forehead as he blinked his eyes open, looking around at his dorm room as the night before slowly came back to him. Drinking at the bar. Lily saying she had a girlfriend. The hours melting by as he talked to Madison. Coming back to their house and bringing her into the room.

 

“Good morning,” her voice was husky with sleep, but when Sam turned his head, she smiled bashfully at him.

 

“Hey. Did you sleep okay?”

 

She nodded, looking at him as though she was trying to communicate something very specific with just her eyes. Whereas Sam was becoming aware that he was naked. And Madison probably was too. He strained for the memories, which were hazy and brief, but they definitely fooled around while everyone else went to bed.

 

“Um, just so you know,” she shuffled closer, resting her chin on the inside dip of his shoulder. “I don’t normally do that. Sleep with people when I just met them, I mean. One night stands aren’t really my thing.”

 

“Me either,” Sam admitted.

 

“So … where do we go from here?”

 

Sam wasn’t sure what Madison was getting at. Or rather, he could sense what was in the offing and wasn’t sure that he wanted to go forward. He hadn’t come to college with the urge to have a relationship, and suddenly there was one threatening. But he liked Madison, they had a lot in common, and she had been fun the night before. She hadn’t quite erased the memory of Gabriel, but she had eased the sting.

 

“I guess breakfast, then orientation?”

 

She rolled her eyes, and Sam rolled closer, kissing her softly, clearly surprising her. But she kissed him back willingly, her fingers threading through his hair as he steadied himself above her, pressing into the mattress. When they paused for breath, Madison started to wriggle away from him.

 

“I’d better get to my room, get dressed before the others start making fun.” She pressed another kiss to his cheek, and slipped out of the bed, grabbing her clothes as Sam rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. “You need to get dressed too,” She poked his chest, and left the room. Sam crawled out of bed slowly, making his way to his bathroom and stepping into the shower.


	10. Chapter 10

The semester seemed to fly by for Sam. Once classes started they were intense, taking up most of his time either in his lectures or studying afterwards. And when his head wasn’t full of legal terms and case studies, things were moving fast with Madison. She had announced to the rest of their house that they were an item, and Sam had gone along with it, though he was still hesitant about being in a new relationship. He was trying not to second guess the situation too much. After all, Madison was sweet, and they had a lot in common.

 

It did mean that Madison was always there, either in Sam’s bed or dragging him into her room. In lectures, they sat side-by-side, and they studied together in the library after hours. It was intense in a strange way, always having Madison by his side. He began to treasure the few minutes respite he got in the bathroom, the only place he ever felt alone.

 

When he packed his car for the winter break, she was tearful, hugging him over and over, making him promise to call her. Telling him she was going to miss him. He said that he would miss her too, holding her close and kissing her forehead, before climbing into the driver’s seat. She was watching as he pulled away, he could see in the rearview mirror, and he heaved a sigh of relief as he turned a corner and could no longer see her.

 

Surely it wasn’t right to feel like that? To feel hampered by the person you were seeing, hoping to get some personal space? He had never had that with Jess, when things were good. He was always happy to see her, always wanted to make their time together last. And Madison was amazing, she was pretty and smart and sweet and caring. On paper, she was a brilliant girlfriend. And Sam didn’t dislike her, he just wanted some space every now and then.

 

He embraced the ride home, driving through the middle of nowhere to hit Kansas, stopping off in Wyoming and sleeping in his car overnight. It was nice to be alone for the two day drive, to be able to just think, before he got home and his mother chattered endlessly at him and John barked a few comments out, before Dean ignored him for his husband again.

 

He got back to a quiet house, the only clue that there was anyone home was the smell of baking coming from the kitchen.

 

“Hello?” He called through the house, walking into the kitchen where Mary was baking for an army, clearly looking forward to having her sons home. “Mom?”

 

“Oh, Sam! You’re home!” She dusted her hands off and walked around the counter, pulling him into a tight hug. Sam hadn’t realised how much he’d missed his mother until he was back in her arms, being held like this. “Now, honey, a couple of things.” Mary sniffed, and Sam looked carefully at her face. Her eyes were rimmed red, and her cheeks glistened with tears. Sam had a moment of apprehension, scared of what she was about to say. “Dean’s home tonight, and then tomorrow he’s going to pick Castiel and Gabriel from the airport. Castiel had something important to do in New York last minute, apparently. They’re both going to share with Dean in his room. You’ll be in yours with … with …”

 

She burst into tears again, and Sam pulled her close, not really needing further explanation. He knew his parents’ relationship had been rocky recently. He wondered exactly when it was that John had decided to sleep in his bed, and how he was going to cope with his father snoring right beside him, reeking of cheap booze. They heard the front door open and close, and Mary stepped away, facing the oven, and wiping the tears from her eyes. Sam left the room to go and do some damage control, if he possibly could. He saw Dean stretching, rubbing out the crick in his neck.

 

“Hey Sam.”

 

“Hey,” he closed the door softly behind himself, stepping closer and dropping his voice. “Don’t go in there. Mom’s … working on a surprise.”

 

“Oh. I promised Cas there would be cookies when he got here. I was going to ask-”

 

“Trust me, there’s going to be loads of cookies. I think we’re going to be eating cookies for Christmas dinner.”

 

Dean smirked, and grabbed up one of his bags.

 

“Sweet. I told Cas there would be a ton.”

 

Sam couldn’t think of how to tell Dean the truth that their mother was crying because her marriage was all but over. Dean was way too happy.

 

“You’re in your room, Mom said. With Cas and Gabe.”

 

“Cool. About time.”

 

Sam followed Dean upstairs, and into his room, watching as his brother started going through his bag.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You and Cas are always together, aren’t you?”

 

Dean peered over his shoulder for a moment, and then refocused on his belongings.

 

“Cas is in New York right now.”

 

“I mean, most of the time. You live together, you go to class together, spend all your spare time together. Right?”

 

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at Sam, studying him quietly.

 

“We’re in a couple of the same classes. Different majors. Sometimes Cas goes out with his asshole writer friends, sometimes Ash drags me to concerts. Cas spends a lot of time writing as well, and when that happens I might as well not be there because he’s in his head in a different world. We’re not always together. But when we are, and Cas hasn’t got his novel open? It’s pretty good. Like, real good. I know we haven’t talked a lot since he came along and I’m sorry if you feel like he’s pushing you out, but … yeah, I love spending time with him.”

 

“And you never just want five minutes to yourself?”

 

“Are you kidding? Waste five minutes of Cas time?”

 

Sam slumped down the wall. That wasn’t what he was hoping to hear.

 

“Sam, I’m not going to badmouth my husband.”

 

“That wasn’t what I was after. Never mind.”

 

Sam had clearly forgotten what Dean could be like. He wasn’t going to let it go now the conversation had started.

 

“No, what? You don’t like Cas and this is the first chance you’ve had to tell me how much he sucks?”

 

“I like Cas. Sure, I don’t know him well, but when I have talked to him he’s been okay. It’s nothing to do with you and Cas.”

 

“What’s it about then?”

 

Sam found himself confessing everything, about going to college and meeting Madison and falling into a relationship with her. How suffocating he found her sometimes, because he never got a break from her, how sometimes he couldn’t concentrate on his classes because she would shuffle closer and he would just constantly be aware of her. But how sweet she was, how much he did like her. Dean listened until he ran out of words.

 

“I thought you were dating Gabe? When he’s in the country, anyway.”

 

Sam groaned, and buried his head in his hands.

 

“Gabe doesn’t want me.”

 

“Really? Because the guy had his mouth wrapped around your-“

 

“He said we couldn’t anymore. Because of you and Cas.” Sam blushed, he could feel the heat in his cheeks. “He didn’t even say goodbye to me.”

 

Dean paused for a moment, before regrouping.

 

“So, what? You hit on a friend when you were drunk and you didn’t give it to her straight when you got sober and now you’re yanking her chain because you’re too scared to tell her the truth?”

 

Sam had also forgotten that Dean had a knack for phrasing things in the bluntest way possible.

 

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

 

“But you’re not into her.”

 

“Not really. Not enough.”

 

“Sammy? You’re hurting her anyway. And if you tell anyone I gave you dating advice I will hurt you but … the thing with Cas was, we could spend the whole day together and it wasn’t enough. We could just start talking and the whole day would pass us by. I can’t sleep without him there now. And I never had that with anyone before. If you’re not like that about Madison, if you’re making your showers longer so you can avoid her for a couple extra minutes? You gotta tell her the truth.”

 

“We live together, Dean.”

 

“So?”

 

“So, everyone will have to take sides, it’ll be awkward, it won’t be fair. She’ll be hurt.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay, fine. Gabriel’s coming tomorrow. And even if you’re not meant to be fooling around with him, are you seriously telling me right now that you won’t try to anyway, to hell with Mom and Dad’s rules and my marriage and your college girlfriend?”

 

Sam folded his arms tight across his chest, knowing Dean was accurate. Gabe in the abstract was tempting, but up close and in real life, he was irresistible.

 

“You’re not going to listen to me anyway, but I think you should break up with her. Before you cheat on her like you did with Jess.”

 

Dean shoved a bunch of clothes into his laundry hamper, and grabbed up the handles, taking it out of his room and downstairs, leaving Sam pressed against the wall, clutching his stomach. He felt sick, hearing Dean phrase it like that. He hadn’t meant to cheat on Jess after all, and it was still something he regretted. But he knew, as much as he hated Dean’s reality slap, that he had a point. Sam walked into his own room, closed the door, and pulled out his cell phone. He took a deep breath, and called Madison’s number.

 

“Sam? Did you just get home? I was worried about you, on the road for so long on your own.” Madison was already making him feel crowded. He counted to three in his head.

 

“Uh, yeah, I just got home. How was your flight?”

 

“Fine, you know. It was a plane ride, no big deal. I thought of you when we flew over Kansas.”

 

Sam closed his eyes, still trying to remain calm.

 

“My friends are here, I’m going to put you on speaker phone. Guys, it’s Sam, my boyfriend. Say hi.”

 

There was a chorus of hellos, and Sam wondered if she knew what was coming, if she was doing this on purpose.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Oh, he has such a cute accent!” One voice squealed. Sam wondered how they could even tell from one word.

 

“Madison? Uh, could you maybe take me off of loudspeaker? I just want to talk.”

 

“Really? Is this about my Christmas present? We’re going to swap them when we get back to school.” She was obviously informing her friends of the decision she’d made, and Sam wished she wouldn’t. “Anything you have to say, you can say in front of my friends. They’ll find out anyway.”

 

“I think you’re going to want me off loudspeaker.” Sam insisted. But clearly Madison wasn’t getting a sense of what was coming.

 

“If you’re going to be awkwardly romantic Sam, it’s fine.”

 

Sam wasn’t sure if he’d ever been awkwardly romantic. Unless bringing a spare pen for her to use every class counted.

 

“I’m not.”

 

There was some giggling, and then hushing noises, before Madison spoke again.

 

“Okay, I took it off loudspeaker. What did you want to say?”

 

Sam doubted whether she had, but he was quickly losing his resolve.

 

“Look, when we go back, after the winter break, can we just go back as friends, as housemates?”

 

There was a long pause. He knew she hadn’t been expecting that, but it felt like she was leaving the silence there for a reason and Sam soon found himself babbling.

 

“It’s just … I didn’t tell you before, but there’s someone here that I … it’s an on-off kind of a thing. You know, you and I rushed into everything and there wasn’t the chance to tell you that we were off. But I think we could be back on. It’s complicated. But I just, I … I’m not a cheater.”

 

The dial tone hit his ear, and he knew he’d been cut off. He hung up and flopped backwards on his bed, hoping that Dean’s advice was good. It would suck to have dumped Madison without even having a chance with Gabriel.

 

 

*

 

 

Flying with someone was a new experience for Gabriel. Even with Castiel, who had shown little interest in plane hopping before. Especially with his brother. But on the whole, Gabriel had enjoyed himself. It was heart-warming to see Castiel so flushed with happiness, talking about his new book deal and his course. And Dean, endlessly Dean. Gabriel felt like he knew his brother-in-law better than he knew most other people. Castiel asked politely about his travels, and Gabriel gave a brief rundown on places he’d been, and things he’d done. He was aware as he spoke that he was missing the same passion that Castiel had evoked when he spoke, like his heart hadn’t been in the places he had gone. Castiel, ever sharp, noticed.

 

“Gabriel, I know it’s not my place to say, and you’re probably going to make some joke about this, but do you ever consider meeting someone you would want to travel with?”

 

“Yeah, who’d put up with me for that long?”

 

Castiel just gave him a measured look, before appearing to change the subject. Gabriel knew his little brother better than that. He knew it was part of Castiel’s point.

 

“Over the summer, I returned with Dean to his parents’ house. Sam asked if you were going to be there. Their mother was asking after you.”

 

“Well, yeah. Because I’m your brother.”

 

“I think Sam has missed you.”

 

Gabriel fixed his face into a poker straight expression, unwilling to admit to anything.

 

“That’s Sam’s issue.”

 

“What are you really resisting, Gabriel? I know you two didn’t have the best start, but even Dean believes you’re still with Sam. I don’t even recall you mentioning making a friend. Everyone is fleeting. If its commitment to Sam that has you scared, it’s okay to admit it. Healthy, even.”

 

“Sam has a girlfriend.”

 

“It’s my understanding that he doesn’t.”

 

“Even if it’s not Jess, it’ll be some girl.” Gabriel turned and looked out of the window as they descended into Lawrence Municipal Airport, but Castiel wasn’t ready to let it lie.

 

“Exactly, Gabriel. He’s going to date some girl, or some guy, or even a string of them, while he waits for you to be ready for him. And the risk you run is that when you’re finally ready to make that commitment, he will have given up and settled for someone else. We’re all going to be together again soon and the chances are that you’ll be spending most of your time with him again. If you’re being honest with me about the fact that you’re not interested, you should let him down gently. But if, and I suspect this is more the case, if you’ve missed him as much as he’s missed you, you should consider letting him know how you really feel.”

 

Gabriel thought of those long days the year before, laying in Sam’s arms and talking about the stars above them. Sam knew, he just had to remember to know the truth.

 

They landed fairly smoothly, and waited patiently for Gabriel’s rucksack to come through baggage claim before they walked together towards the main doors.

 

“Dean said he would pick us up,” Castiel bent his head closer, trying to keep his voice down, as though people would overhear and know that he had a husband. Like it was a crime.

 

“Great, so we’re speeding back to his parents’ house with loud rock music.”

 

“We all have our vices, Gabriel. Apparently lately, yours has been thrill-seeking.”

 

Gabriel had noticed before that Castiel was becoming more and more outspoken. He supposed it was a consequence of being in love with Dean, but he wasn’t sure he liked it. And it didn’t matter, because Dean bustled over, a paper cup in his hand, saving Gabriel from having to give a rebuttal. Instead, he focused on his brother-in-law.

 

“Hey Deano. Is that for me?”

 

“No.” Dean didn’t look irritated, he was only paying attention to Castiel, putting the cup in his hand and taking his carry on backpack. It was strangely satisfying to see his brother being taken care of. “How was it?”

 

Gabriel might as well not have been there, the way Dean was fussing over Castiel. But his brother took it in stride, apparently used to Dean’s clucking.

 

“It was good,” he smiled, talking as though they were already halfway through a conversation. Which, Gabriel presumed, was a regular occurrence with them. “I took a picture of the cover, I said I wanted you to see it. They were fine with it. Thank you for the coffee.”

 

He took a sip, and they followed Dean out to the Impala. They had barely gotten halfway across the sidewalk when Sam leapt out of the passenger seat, bounding up to them, a smile plastered across his face. And Gabriel felt something hit him hard in his stomach. He had fantasised about Sam for a year, mixing memories with forbidden wishes, but somehow his mind hadn’t done justice to Sam. To the mix of rich browns that made up his floppy hair, the dimple in his left cheek, that cute mole by his nose and the almost hidden one on his chin. That wide smile, flashing flawless teeth. The way he seemed to go on forever, six-and-a-half-feet of pure energy.

 

All of this was slamming into Gabriel’s head, and Sam’s focus seemed to be entirely on him.

 

“Hi Gabe.” He said as Dean popped the trunk and put the bags inside. Sam’s voice was different to Gabriel’s memories too. Stronger, richer, almost like chocolate somehow. He made himself behave, and not step forward into Sam’s arms.

 

“Hey beanpole.”

 

He knew Sam wouldn’t like the nickname. But it was a test. Gabriel saw Castiel shake his head and climb into the passenger seat. Sam let it roll off him.

 

“So, you’re back for Christmas, huh?”

 

“Yeah. Time for family, right? And Cas is my family. I go where he is.”

 

He knew Sam knew that already. He didn’t know what possessed him to try and push Sam away, even after Castiel’s advice. Maybe it was like Castiel said, he was frightened of the commitment that would come if he let himself be with Sam. Dean shut the trunk and climbed into the driver’s seat, leaning over to see something on Castiel’s phone. Gabriel turned to climb into the car too, but Sam caught his arm, sending heat right through his body.

 

“Gabriel?”

 

It took all that Gabriel had left of his willpower not to turn back and kiss Sam. He waited instead.

 

“Um, how was Australia?”

 

“Good. Pretty. I’d show you some pictures but some asshole stole my camera in Tokyo. Ended up going to the arctic afterwards. Guess I needed to cool down.”

 

Sam chuckled, and Gabriel wanted to kick himself.

 

“We should get into the car. I don’t think Dean’s going to wait forever.”

 

“We’re only three miles out of town. It wouldn’t completely suck.”

 

Gabriel looked up into Sam’s earnest, open face and steeled himself.

 

“Sam, whether we’re in the car or not, we’re together. Right? But in the car with our brothers is probably the best idea.”

 

“Okay. Um, just a heads up?” Sam carried on pushing Gabriel’s resolve. “My dad’s been sleeping in my bed lately. So I’m probably in with him, you’re probably in with them.” He nodded his head towards the car.

 

“He’s been sleeping in your bed? Why?” Gabriel was concerned. He was surprised at how much had happened in just a year. But Sam merely shook his head, unwilling to talk about it, and Gabriel didn’t know what to say. Instead, he walked to one of the doors and pulled it open, and Sam fell into the seat beside him. He tapped on the upholstery behind Dean, though he knew Dean would hate it.

 

“Step on it. What kind of chauffeur are you?”

 

“We’ll talk later.” Castiel said, and sipped his coffee. Gabriel had no idea if his brother was aiming the comment at himself or Dean.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam was beside himself. Gabriel was actually there, right next to him, looking tanned and relaxed. The hue of his skin made the gold in his hair and his eyes pop even more. He was glad he had found the courage to break it off with Madison, because everything about Gabriel was a thousand times better than he remembered. He had spent the entire car ride just wanting to reach out and touch him, reassure himself that Gabriel was real, solid. There.

 

Dean and Castiel had decided to help Mary cook dinner, and Sam made himself resist Gabriel, walking to the edge of their property and sitting on a small pile of tyres. For all he wanted to spend time with Gabriel, he was trying to be smart. Gabe didn’t want him, and Sam didn’t want to irritate him the way Madison had gotten under Sam’s skin. Clinging to someone who didn’t want you back was degrading. But Gabriel soon materialised beside him, taking a seat on a stripped-down Mustang chassis. It was so old Sam couldn’t even tell which model it was, couldn’t believe it would take Gabriel’s weight.

 

“I forgot you were going to college. Law school, right?” Gabriel sounded breezy enough.

 

“Yeah. Stanford.”

 

Gabriel gave a low whistle.

 

“Knew you were meant for great things.”

 

Sam just looked at him. So, Gabriel knew he was meant for great things, and he knew he was meant for Gabriel. It made sense in his head.

 

“You meet anyone, out in Stanford?”

 

“I was seeing someone, but it didn’t work out.”

 

Gabriel didn’t react like Sam wanted, didn’t get angry or jealous. He merely nodded, and scratched at a panel of rust on the chassis.

 

“What about you?”

 

“Well, I fucked a few people.” He smirked.

 

Sam stood up, and kicked the tyre pile. He knew that it was hypocritical, when he had slept with Madison, but it wasn’t so much about the sex as it was Gabriel’s attitude. Like he didn’t care if it hurt Sam. He rounded on the man he hadn’t stopped thinking about, and Gabriel’s smirk fell.

 

“Look, Gabe, I still like you. I still want you. So can you just … can you not …” He wasn’t sure what he was even asking for at this point. Gabriel looked at his feet. “Can you just stop leading me on? If there’s really nothing here, if I’m reading this completely wrong and you’re not just saying the things you think other people want to hear? Because I am sick of wanting you and not being able to have you.”

 

“We’re practically related, Sam.” Gabriel pointed out.

 

“I don’t care. And they don’t care. The only person who seems to give a crap about that is you.”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“The truth, Gabe! I just want the truth!”

 

Gabriel looked up from his feet and clicked his tongue.

 

“The truth? Like how everything I’ve done in the last year I did with your voice in my head, talking in that way you do about whatever you’re passionate about? That I would lay in my sleeping bag and imagine you there? That I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you? Or the truth that you’re going to be a fantastic lawyer, and you need to study hard and you don’t need the distraction of a fuck up like me.”

 

“Stop making excuses.”

 

“Your education isn’t an excuse. Study, okay? I want you to study hard, and get all the internships you can, and graduate. Maybe once you have, when you’re qualified and working somewhere, we can revisit this.”

 

“So, what? We have two weeks together where nothing happens?” Sam crunched down on the chassis next to Gabriel, hearing it groan in complaint as it took his weight.

 

“I don’t see how it can happen.”

 

“We made it work last year,” Sam felt it was a good argument. He put his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders. “Just please, stop pretending you’re not into me. Or that you are, when you don’t really care.”

 

Gabriel looked up at him, and Sam couldn’t help himself, didn’t care if he was acting pushy like Madison. He bent closer and kissed the guy he’d been crazy about for the past year, almost crying with relief when Gabriel kissed him back, sliding his arms around Sam’s waist. It was like they hadn’t been separated, they fit together so well. The conversation Sam had had with Dean stuck in his head, about not getting enough of Cas, of everything that went into their relationship. He wanted to believe he had found that kind of relationship with Gabriel, even if he had to work hard for it. They broke apart slowly, unable to resist going back for one more kiss, just one more, and then they pressed their foreheads together. Sam kept his eyes firmly closed.

 

“Would you cope? If it was just two weeks then nothing again for a whole year?” Gabriel whispered.

 

“Would I have to work my ass off to convince you again next year?” Sam countered.

 

“No. But when we’re not together, you’re going to bust your ass to become a lawyer. Right?”

 

“Of course.” Sam rubbed the tips of their noses together, hoping that, now Gabriel’s defenses were down, he stood a chance of getting more from him. “Gabe?”

 

“Yeah shrimp?”

 

“Can I please have your number?”

 

“No.”

 

“Gabe,” Sam was building up for a stellar argument, one that proved he was worthy of being a lawyer.

 

“Sam, sometimes I don’t charge my phone for weeks. I don’t get the chance. Knowing you have my number means I’m checking that thing every five minutes and running down the battery and you’ll get put through to answerphone and think I’m not interested anymore.”

 

“There has to be some way of staying in touch.”

 

“What did I say about nothing until next year?”

 

Sam shrugged.

 

“I’m trying to be a lawyer?”

 

Gabriel laughed, throwing his head back, and Sam watched, feeling oddly happy that he made Gabriel laugh like that. He leaned closer and kissed Gabriel’s neck, listening as the laughter quickly sobered and Gabriel’s breathing began to stutter.

 

“Sam Winchester, I swear, you’re going to kill me one day.”

 

“I’ll represent myself,” he mumbled against Gabriel’s neck. “Be a cakewalk.”

 

“I’m pretty sure death by adorableness carries a life sentence.”

 

“Yep, life without Gabe. Worst sentence ever.”

 

“Shut up and keep doing that to my neck.”

 

Sam did shut up, not because Gabriel demanded it, but because he could hear Gabriel giving in to him. Because Gabriel was letting him in, and his skin tasted good, and they only had two weeks to cram in as many moments like this as possible.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam finally understood it, the connection that Dean had with Castiel. Not that he had any in-depth discussions with either of them, but his time with Gabriel was enough to convince him.

 

John was barely sleeping at home, even on Christmas Eve. At first, Sam had his bed to himself, and then slowly, Gabriel started moving his things into Sam’s room, eventually crawling into his bed at night and staying there. Mary didn’t say a thing about the fact that they were back to the set up from the last year, although Sam did see her watching them often. When she caught him, she would smile, and turn around, but he knew it wouldn’t last for very long before she was back to watching them.

 

He managed to keep his hands to himself in the day, when they would sit together and Gabriel would test him on his coursework so far - Gabriel really was insisting that he kept working towards becoming a lawyer - or when they would talk quietly with their heads bent together, Sam looking at the way his brown hair tangled into Gabriel’s golden tones. Gabriel would tell him about all the places he’d been, all the things he’d seen, and he’d probe Sam too, for friends and for memories. Like they were getting to know everything about each other. Sam would twine their fingers together, knock their knees together, and try to shrink down to Gabriel’s height.

 

And at night, when they were sure everyone else was asleep, they would crash together, make up for lost time, kissing and touching each other the way they had been wanting to for months.

 

This was what he had been missing with Jess and Madison. This connection that went deeper than even he was able to comprehend. This burning need to just be with someone, all the time, and not get annoyed at the lack of personal space.

 

Gabriel taught him things. So many things. Beyond the obvious, beyond what he had asked for the first day they met. He taught Sam what he liked, what he didn’t, what his limits were. And he seemed to want what Sam did, just as much as Sam did. They would lay together in the aftermath of whatever it was they had been doing, panting hard and holding each other close. Sam would pepper Gabriel’s face with slow, sloppy kisses, while Gabriel would lay there, looking at him like Sam was so precious, and rare, and beautiful.

 

But it had to end. Sam knew it did, he could feel it coming. The night before he had to leave, and go back to college, Gabriel’s mind seemed to be somewhere else, even as he gave Sam an earth-shattering blowjob. It was only as they laid together, slowly calming down, that Gabriel spoke, and Sam wished he never did.

 

“So, you’re back to school tomorrow.”

 

“I head back tomorrow. It takes me two days.”

 

“I’ll miss you.”

 

Sam swallowed hard. There wasn’t even a hint of doubt in Gabriel’s voice that they weren’t going to see each other. And he knew that Gabriel would continue to trawl the globe, he had never asked for Gabriel to stop, but he still wished that he was enough for Gabriel to change his mind without Sam having to plead.

 

“Where are you planning on going this time?” he whispered.

 

“I don’t know. There’s a flight going from New York to Paris tomorrow. Or for fifty dollars less, I could go to LAX and get a flight to India.”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“Nah, in a couple of days.”

 

“If you went to India,” Sam tried to sound casual as he wound a finger into Gabriel’s chest hair. “I could drive you there? LA isn’t so far away from me. And we’d get two more days together, in my car. Just you and me.”

 

“Or Dean could drive me to the airport and I could fly to New York.”

 

“I guess it depends if you want to go to India or Paris more.”

 

Sam was trying not to take it personally, but it was hard. Surely it should have been a no-brainer?

 

“I want to go to both.”

 

“Fifty bucks and me if you go to India. Could put the money towards another camera.”

 

“Yeah,” Gabriel said softly.

 

“What are you thinking?” Sam pushed, dropping a kiss onto the edge of Gabriel’s chest, feeling his heartbeat thudding softly through his lips as he did.

 

“That I was ready to say goodbye to you tomorrow and now you’re tempting me with another two days. And knowing you, there’ll be reasons to stop along the way. I’ll miss the flight. Then you’ll suggest I stay in your room a few days, until another deal comes along, and … Sam, I don’t want to keep pushing it back.”

 

“Even if I promise to just drive. One stop over on the way, just for the night. Straight to LA. I’m not going to stop you going, Gabe.”

 

Gabriel started stroking his shoulder softly, but didn’t say anything more. Sam decided not to push any further, and just hope that when it came to loading the car in the morning, Gabriel would be throwing his backpack in too. His eyelids started to close, and he cuddled into Gabriel’s chest.

 

“Sam? Can you promise me something?”

 

“Depends what it is.”

 

“When I go, when you’re back at college? You don’t pine for me. You date people if you want to, or not if you just want to concentrate on your studies. But you do it for you, not because of me. A year is a long time to wait.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And if someone hits on me when I’m out there, I don’t want to feel guilty, like I’m cheating on you.”

 

“How about we have a rule? If we see each other, we’re back on, if we don’t, we’re not.”

 

“Could you deal with that, Sam? You’re only nineteen.”

 

Sam gave his chest a small nip.

 

“No referring to my age, old man.”

 

“I mean it, Sam.”

 

“So long as I get this when I see you, it’ll be fine. I know what I signed up for with you.”

 

Gabriel was silent for a long time, once again. And though Sam’s eyes were closed, and he kept his head on Gabriel’s chest, he wasn’t able to go to sleep, too concerned with what the silence meant.

 

“Goodnight, Sam,” he whispered eventually. Sam stayed still, listening as Gabriel fell asleep. He didn’t think he would be able to, not if this was the last night they got to spend together until the next Christmas. He supposed everyone else thought the same as Gabriel, that he couldn’t handle the pitfalls of falling for him. He knew what his mothers glances meant, knew that she was thinking of his break up with Jess, and the way he withdrew at the end of senior year. She blamed Gabriel, however welcoming she was. Dean and Cas had watched them too, when they weren’t caught up in each other, or the book that Castiel was now getting published. Sam supposed they felt the same way as Mary, that Sam was running headfirst into heartache. And maybe he was, Sam acknowledged as sleep started to overcome him. But even if that was true, the good moments made the bad completely worthwhile.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel woke up in his favourite place on the planet. Sam’s arms. He was really going to miss them in the next year.

 

He was still torn, the way he had been the night before. Torn between the urge to go with Sam, to explore the adventure of dating a college kid with a permanent residence, or going away as soon as possible because he knew the goodbye was inevitable.

 

Sam had amazed him. Sam always amazed him, true, and throughout the break when he had tested Sam on his schoolwork he barely had a clue what they were even saying to each other. But it was the way Sam had handled the idea of Gabriel going away. He hadn’t tried to talk him out of it, hadn’t gone on and on about what America had to offer. He hadn’t talked about the things they could do if Gabriel stayed, or pushed for the idea of taking him to catch that flight in LA. And Gabriel knew he wanted those things, was dying for Gabriel to stay with him.

 

Gabriel was finding that he was dying to stay with Sam too. He wanted more time with him, to call himself Sam’s boyfriend, to actually go on a date. Maybe that had been Sam’s plan, some kind of reverse psychology that would mean Gabriel would demand he stay at Sam’s college, indulging in the tall, gangly man-child he was falling hard for. But it seemed too ruthless and manipulative for Sam.

 

He knew what his decision was. What his decision was going to be the moment he realised there was a plane ride that would give him time with Sam. But he was still scared to bring it up, to see that moment of unrepressed joy pass over Sam’s face only to crush it at the airport nearly two days later.

 

And then Sam stirred, and Gabriel did his best to put his game face on, to look like he too had just woken up. Sam gave him a sleepy kiss, on the side of his chest near his armpit, and Gabriel wanted to groan. In frustration, in a bout of passion, he wasn’t sure. Possibly both together. But Sam was already talking, his voice slow and sluggish from sleep.

 

“I’m going to miss waking up with you.”

 

“Me too, Sam.” Gabriel spoke quietly. And while Sam wasn’t looking at him, he dropped the bombshell. “But we can still do that tomorrow morning.”

 

Sam tensed on him, and relaxed almost immediately. Gabriel braced himself, trying not to picture that adorable face as he understood what Gabriel was saying.

 

“So, India?”

 

“Like you said, I can spend the fifty dollars on a new camera. Or a motel room for us tonight.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Your mom and dad are okay with this, aren’t they?” Gabriel checked. He realised too late that maybe he should have consulted them first. Even if Sam were in college, his mother was still clingy, his father … actually, Gabriel had barely seen John. Which he supposed was a blessing.

 

They climbed out of bed, pulling their clothes on, and headed down the stairs, where Mary was making waffles. Sam slid into a seat and pulled a small stack towards him, as Mary gestured to Gabriel that she wanted to talk to him in the other room. He followed her through to the laundry room, where she shut them in the tiny space. Gabriel hopped onto the dryer and waited for what she had to say. But she didn’t seem to have anything to say, she merely looked at him until he was too uncomfortable and had to break the silence.

 

“So, gonna miss Sam and Dean when they go back to college, huh?”

 

“Gabriel,” she dismissed his question. “You’re the only member of Castiel’s family he’s still in touch with. I can appreciate that, and I know you mean a lot to him. And knowing that you’ve helped to raise Castiel in the last few years means that I’m aware that you’re a good person. Sam certainly seems to think so.”

 

“Well, thanks.”

 

“But,” and that was the word Gabriel was waiting for. Mary didn’t break stride. “You didn’t see my son after you left last year. Didn’t see him withdraw, didn’t get any of the fuss he did over your relationship. I have spent months worrying about my Sam. If you hurt him, or lead him on, or … or”

 

She bit her lip, and Gabriel felt awful. Sam had mentioned nothing of struggling without him, not beyond merely missing him.

 

“Mrs Winchester. Mary,” Gabriel tried to pick his words carefully. “Sam is one of the smartest, kindest, most aware people I’ve ever met. And I don’t get why he likes me either, but he seems to. And I do like him back, of course I do. I don’t think I deserve him, and I know you’re going to agree with that. But I’ve told him, and I’m sure you’re going to agree, that he need to stay at college. Becoming a lawyer is important to him, I know that. I don’t want to be a distraction for him any more than you do. But when he’s graduated, I do want to be with him. If that’s okay with you.”

 

Mary looked at him with no real expression on her face. He waited for the fallout.

 

“I’m choosing to believe you mean that.”

 

“So, I can still date Sam?”

 

She continued looking at him, like she was appraising him.

 

“Would I really be able to stop either of you? Sam seemed determined to stay away from you this year and yet the moment he saw you … just look after my baby’s heart.”

 

Gabriel nodded, and Mary walked out of the room. He slumped across the dryer, arms folded. Mary might not shout and strop the way that her husband did, but she knew the way to cut deep, without even using many words.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam woke up, feeling disoriented. It took him a moment to remember that he was in a cheap motel room, naked and pressed up close to Gabriel, halfway between Kansas and San Francisco. It felt strange, like he wasn’t supposed to be there, even though his mother knew he was driving Gabriel, knew what there was between them. She knew what was going to happen and had let it happen.

 

He wanted some kind of proof, some evidence that Gabriel was real. A picture that wasn’t in black-and-white, grainy and under some kind of homophobic slur. Something to just get him through their time apart. He reached across to the dresser beside the bed where his phone was charging, and removed the lead in order to try and take a photo of Gabriel snuggled up close to him. He took a few shots, before he realised that Gabriel’s eyes were open. He carried on taking pictures, hoping that Gabriel would go back to sleep, looking at each picture as it was snapped. He saw Gabriel smile, his expression still clouded with sleep, and then Sam felt a gentle hand cupping his chin, felt himself being turned, and carried on hitting the shutter button as Gabriel kissed him, trying to get as many photos as possible before the inevitable. Gabriel pushed the phone away, sliding his hand up Sam’s arm until he could push the phone out of Sam’s grip, twining their fingers together and shifting his weight to pin Sam down.

 

 

*

 

 

The air in the car was loaded. It had been for the two days that Sam had been driving, both of them trying to anticipate the impending goodbye. Sam hadn’t asked for Gabriel’s number again, and instead had tried to pick neutral topics. Their brothers, what Gabriel was going to do in India, what Sam was going to be studying. But there were hours where it was silent between them, and Sam decided to pretend that Gabriel was asleep, forcing himself to concentrate on the road.

 

The airport signs began before Sam was ready, but he forced himself not to panic. He was playing the long game, the one where he didn’t chase Gabriel off with pressure so that he got to see him again. He pulled up at the drop-off point and looked across at the passenger seat. Gabriel was watching him intently, his expression giving nothing away.

 

“We’re here.” Sam said redundantly. Gabriel’s expression didn’t change. Sam cleared his throat. “What time is the flight?”

 

“A few hours. They’ll start putting me through soon.”

 

Sam nodded, and Gabriel leaned forward quickly, catching Sam’s chin in a gentle hold and kissing him softly. Sam’s mouth moved, following Gabriel’s lead, but Sam’s mind was on the fact that this was going to end soon, and he wasn’t going to be able to show just how much it was killing him to say goodbye again. He wanted to enjoy their kiss, knowing it was the last bit of contact they would have before he would have to wait another year for him, but he couldn’t do it. The impending farewell was weighing on his mind too much. And then Gabriel was pulling away, looking into his eyes, stroking his thumb against Sam’s chin.

 

“It’s been fun, these last two weeks with you.” Gabriel gave a ghost of his normal smirk.

 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, although he hated that Gabriel described it as ‘fun’. He was serious about Gabriel.

 

“It won’t be that long,” Gabriel carried on. Sam was the one to merely look at him this time, unsure what he could possibly say back. At least last time, he had been spared this agony. But then last time, had he felt this strongly? He forced himself to say something, to not be so completely useless.

 

“Look after yourself, okay?”

 

Gabriel smiled properly that time, and Sam pressed another kiss on him, determined to embrace this one properly. But it didn’t last long, and then Gabriel was climbing out of the car, reaching into the backseat for his rucksack, shouldering it and closing the door gently, before walking over to the airport entrance. Sam watched him go, watched him walk through the automatic doors without looking back, and he didn’t look away until Gabriel’s now-blurry figure blended into the shadows of the crowd. He pulled out his cellphone and scrolled through the recent pictures, the ones he had taken that morning, savouring them as much as possible before he closed his phone and restarted the engine, forcing himself to drive the rest of the way to college without looking back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very long chapter. And this may be big-headed of me, but it's kind of one of my favourites :) hope you guys enjoy it too x

Sam had worried that things would be awkward with Madison when he got back to college. He was anticipating it, imagining that the girls would gang up on him, and Andy would be polite but withdrawn and Dirk … would be Dirk. The guy hardly ever left his room.

 

And sure, it wasn’t great at first. Madison was the first person he came across once he walked in, and her face said it all. She folded her arms tightly across her chest, and leaned against the wall, looking at him with a wounded expression in her eyes.

 

“Hey, um, did you have a good Christmas?” Sam asked tentatively.

 

“Not really. I got dumped.”

 

Sam cringed, wishing he could just go into his bedroom and end this conversation already.

 

“Madison, I’m sorry. I should have let you know-”

 

“Is she prettier than me?” She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Sam hesitated, not knowing how exactly to explain it to her. But she took his hesitation the wrong way. “You can just admit it, you know Sam!”

 

She hurried into her room, and Sam followed, resolving himself to talk to Madison, to get her to understand. He reminded himself, despite what John had imparted, that there was nothing wrong with whatever he and Gabriel were. After all, Lily had her girlfriend come to stay every other weekend.

 

He sat next to her on her bed, and removed his phone from his pocket.

 

“Madison, it’s not like that,” he said quietly. “I can’t really compare you. Here,” he passed his cell phone, the images showing the pictures he had looked at in the drop-off zone at the airport. “It’s complicated.”

 

She flicked through the pictures slowly, quiet except for the occasional sniff as she fought off tears, but he could sense her calming down. He hoped that she would listen to his explanation.

 

“His name is Gabriel. He travels a lot, and honestly, I didn’t think I was ever going to see him again, but when I got home they said he would be there the next day and I … I just … I didn’t see this coming.”

 

“You look happy,” Madison noted.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“More than normal. You look even better when you smile.”

 

“Thanks,” they fell into silence and Madison passed his phone back to him. “I just didn’t want to cheat on you, Madison. You deserve better than that. You deserve a lot better than being second best. And I wish I didn’t make you second best, but then Gabe’s there and … he has this energy, you know? I can’t help myself around him.”

 

“I can tell, from the pictures.” Madison wiped her eye with a finger. “I wish you looked at me like that.”

 

Sam kept his mouth shut, rather than letting out a pathetic ‘sorry’. Instead, he took her hand and squeezed it gently, and after a moment, she squeezed back.

 

“Can we still be friends?” he checked. “Because, Gabe or not, I still want you in my life.”

 

“We still live together,” Madison pointed out, but then leaned her head against his arm. “But yes. Gabe or not, I still want you in my life too.”

 

They stayed like that until the rest of their housemates began showing up, and then Sam left to go into his own room, letting the girls talk together as Andy crashed in his room, talking about his time away without any preamble.

 

Sam was expecting the rest of the house to find out about Gabe, to make some comment about the fact he had left Madison for some guy he had barely spent any time with, but Madison kept it quiet for him. He was grateful, and surprised, but he also knew that there was a possibility that she was just trying to keep on top of her coursework. After all, he had the same workload, and they still spent a lot of time together studying after classes were over.

 

They had been back for a few weeks when Andy thrust a postcard under his nose at the breakfast table, so close to his face that Sam suspected he had a paper cut on his nostril. He reeled back, and took the postcard, noting the brightly coloured sari’s and ornate decorations that made up a picture of a busy marketplace. He turned it over, his college address scrawled on one side and a small message on the other. ‘Thinking about you. G.’

 

“So, who’s G?” Andy wanted to know. Sam was still looking at the postcard, trying to work out exactly how Gabriel got his address. He supposed that Gabriel had called Castiel, and gotten it from Dean that way. “Because she’s thinking about you, apparently.”

 

Sam looked up, and caught Madison’s eye quickly before turning back to Andy.

 

“It’s G.”

 

“Funny, Sam. I need details. You got a picture of her?”

 

“I have to go to class.”

 

“Sam,” Andy complained as Sam stood up. “You can’t keep it quiet!”

 

“Ready to go, Madison?” Sam continued ignoring him. She nodded, and walked with him, leaving the house and making their way to their first class.

 

“So, Gabriel wrote to you?” she asked once they were at least a block away. Sam looked at the postcard, still in his hand.

 

“Yeah, it looks like it. He was headed to India when I took him to the airport.”

 

He tucked the postcard into his textbook.

 

“You looked a little freaked out when you saw it.”

 

“I didn’t know he knew this place. I guess he knows how to get info if he wants it.”

 

“You miss him, don’t you?” She asked. Sam nodded.

 

“Like crazy. But hey, only about forty-five more weeks until I see him again.”

 

She shook her head and said nothing else. Sam didn’t have to ask to know she thought it was bad, that Sam was so willing to wait that long for one person.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam had been busting his ass over his coursework, the days blurring into one as he studied almost non-stop. He had forgotten what day it even was, when he walked into his house, and found most of his housemates missing. Only Andy was in the communal space, grinning up at him as he walked in late in the evening.

 

“Hey,” Sam dropped his books onto the table with a satisfying slap. “Where is everyone?”

 

“Lily’s gone to her girlfriend’s place for Valentine’s Day, Madison and Donna have decided to do some single-girls-only thing, Dirk’s in his room like normal, and I was going to ask if you’d come out with me tonight. Look for some single ladies who don’t want to be alone.”

 

Ugh, Valentine’s Day. Sam hadn’t realised.

 

“If it’s okay, Andy, I’d rather not. Kind of beat,” he nodded to the stack of books on the table. “But go out, have fun.”

 

“Yeah, I knew you weren’t coming. Probably going to spend all weekend in your room.”

 

“I’m not Dirk.” Sam pointed out. Andy raised an eyebrow.

 

“Still.”

 

He left the room, and Sam slunk up to his own room, hoping to just crash on the bed. He pushed open the door, and stopped.

 

Gabriel was there, sprawled on the bed, which was covered in rose petals. He had a rose in his mouth and raised his eyebrows suggestively. Sam didn’t move.

 

“Am I dreaming?” He asked slowly. Gabriel laughed, and took the rose out of his mouth.

 

“I fly all the way back here so we can spend Valentine’s Day together and you think I’m a dream?”

 

“You came back for me.”

 

Gabriel dropped the rose on the bed and stood up, walking over to Sam and tracing his hands along his chest, his biceps.

 

“What can I say, shorty? I missed you.”

 

Sam still wasn’t able to react, even as Gabriel’s hands kept wandering across his body. He wasn’t sure what to do first, ask Gabriel how long they had, pinch himself to be sure he wasn’t dreaming, or stoop down and try to kiss Gabriel’s face off.

 

“It’s okay to say you miss me too.” Gabriel teased, stepping closer, holding Sam gently around his waist.

 

“Thanks for the postcard. I didn’t know you knew where I lived.”

 

“I bribed your brother. What do I have to do to get a kiss around here? I flew back, hitchhiked to your dorm, bribed your housemate to let me in, made the room look romantic as hell, and you’re standing there with your mouth gaping open.”

 

“It’s just,” Sam shut his door hastily behind him, then pushed Gabriel’s hair back, off his face. “I wasn’t expecting this. Wasn’t expecting to see you.”

 

“Surprise,” Gabriel smirked. “You didn’t have any plans, did you?”

 

“None.” Sam finally dipped his head, catching Gabriel’s lips with his own, walking him backwards towards the bed. Gabriel lost no time, pressing his tongue into Sam’s mouth, scrabbling at Sam’s shirt, undoing the buttons and tugging it off hastily.

 

They collapsed on the bed, Gabriel’s hands rough on Sam’s chest, they were trailing heat as he caressed whatever part of Sam he could reach. Sam straddled him, pressing their groins together, his own fingertips toying with the hem of Gabriel’s shirt, his breath coming out in short, harsh pants as they began to rut together.

 

It was like they hadn’t been apart, the weeks alone fizzled into nothing and all there was for Sam, was Gabriel. They lost their pants quickly, and their underwear, and crawled under the covers, Gabriel taking charge like he normally did, rolling them over so that he was on top as he fingered around Sam's ass. Although they were already naked, already in bed, there was nothing about Gabriel’s movements that implied he wanted to rush this. Like he was taking his time, savouring being back together again. Sam laid back, his chest heaving, his heart thumping hard in his chest as Gabriel reached across to his bedside table and grabbed a condom and a small bottle of lube. He stroked the condom on his already hard penis, and looked at Sam.

 

“Sam?” he paused, and Sam looked down, at the way Gabriel held himself, poised above Sam, inches away from his own rigid dick. Gabriel’s legs slid under his own. “I know we haven’t tried yet, and you can say no if you want, that’s fine, but-”

 

“Yes,” Sam panted out, nodding quickly. He didn’t need the explanation for what Gabriel was asking for.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Call it my Valentines gift for you,” Sam shrugged, and reached for Gabriel again, who massaged a small amount of lube around Sam’s hole as he sank willingly into his kiss, then began to ease his way into Sam, holding onto Sam’s butt cheeks for leverage. His fingertips dug in, but it wasn’t painful. Sam was surprised to find how much he liked it, how much he could concentrate as Gabriel inched his way inside. He groaned loudly, enjoying the way it felt to have Gabriel inside him, his bones were like putty even as he raised his hips, trying to give Gabriel better access, to change the angle and get even more of that full feeling in his ass. This might have been their first time trying anal, but it definitely wasn’t going to be their last.

 

“Shhhh, your housemates are still here,” Gabriel reminded him. Sam couldn’t care less if Andy and Dirk heard anything, because Gabriel was really there, really with him, and he didn’t want to lose a moment of it the way he had when they were at the airport. He merely bucked his hips again, encouraging Gabriel to slip into him further. Sam grabbed onto his sheets with one hand, and slipped the other down to his own cock, stroking along it to match with Gabriel’s thrusts. Things began to speed up, Gabriel pummelling into him and he was gasping for breath, trying to keep up, feeling the hot friction of Gabriel inside him and his own hand burning against his dick. He could hear the bedsprings squealing in protest, and the heavy slap of the headboard against the wall that matched the rhythm Gabriel was pounding into him, and gave up trying to bite down on the sounds of pleasure that fought to escape. His housemates were going to know either way, they might as well know just how good Gabriel was.

 

And then he was coming, even as Gabriel continued thrusting, burning hot liquid spilling out over his hand and his stomach as his vision went white, his moans loud and insensible, Gabriel’s ragged panting harsh in his ears. He reached his hand up, and ran his come-soaked finger along Gabriel’s lips, feeling Gabriel’s tongue licking out, tasting him, before he too came, jolting in Sam’s ass and hitting a sweet spot, before he half-collapsed on top of Sam, gasping for breath, still lapping at Sam’s fingers. Sam laughed breathlessly, enjoying the moment.

 

And then Gabriel pulled out of him, removing the condom and throwing it in Sam’s bin before climbing back into the bed, snuggling up on Sam’s chest. He kissed his way along Sam’s jawline, his fingers tracing lazily over Sam’s skin again, and Sam tried to breath. His skin tingled where they made contact, so sensitive after their tryst.

 

“When are you off again?” Sam whispered.

 

“Happy Valentine’s, Gabe. Fuck me then fuck off?”

 

“I just want to know how long we have. How much more we can fit in.”

 

“I know, I was teasing you. I’m moving in.”

 

“Haha, funny Gabe.”

 

Gabriel smiled, and cuddled closer, resting his head in the crook of Sam’s neck.

 

“I don’t know, can’t you picture it? Me living here, pretending to be a college student, sleeping with you every night?”

 

“Don’t tempt me, I’ll tie you to the bed and make you stay.”

 

“Kinky. What if I have to pee?”

 

“I’ll work something out.”

 

“What if I get rope burn? Got to think of these things.”

 

“You don’t know where you’re going next, do you?”

 

“Sometimes I don’t. Stop pushing me out the door.”

 

Sam felt frustrated that Gabriel was twisting everything he was saying.

 

“You’re staying the entire weekend, at the very least. I’m not saying goodbye to you until Sunday night. You’re not sneaking out in the morning.” He squeezed Gabriel in his arms, letting him know he was serious.

 

“You got me all weekend. Promise.”

 

“I want a guarantee. Where’s your passport?”

 

Gabriel groaned, and Sam rolled out from underneath him, heading across his bedroom naked to reach Gabriel’s rucksack, poking through it until he found Gabriel’s passport. He looked over at Gabriel.

 

“Close your eyes.”

 

Gabriel obliged, and Sam prowled around his room, debating where to shove the passport. Eventually, he picked one of his textbooks, and slid it inside, poking around his room some more to try and cover his hiding place. Then he returned to the bed and got in, realising as he did that Gabriel had already fallen asleep.

 

*

 

Gabriel woke up slowly, feeling a warm body underneath his own. He felt a sense of guilt, before the memories of the night before caught up with him. And then he mentally scolded himself. He and Sam had a deal, they weren’t exclusive. Even if it wasn’t Sam he was waking up with, there was no reason to feel like he had cheated. And it was Sam. He needed to stamp that feeling down.

 

Especially as Sam was already awake, kissing his shoulder gently, his fingertips grazing Gabriel’s side, sending shivers of pleasure across his skin.

 

“You sure know how to wake a guy up,” Gabriel mumbled.

 

“If I was trying to wake you up, I’d try something else.” Sam countered, running his lips along Gabriel’s collarbone.

 

“Hmm? Like what? Give me a full description.”

 

He opened his eyes, and saw Sam smiling at him. That huge, toothy, innocent smile, the one Gabriel was sure not many people got to see. It lit Sam up, made Gabriel feel a pull in his chest. When Sam smiled, it made Gabriel want to burn his passport and find a place for them, one where they could have loud, wild sex with no one to overhear them or judge them. It made Gabriel smile back, that simple happiness catching.

 

“Do you want a description, or a demonstration?”

 

Gabriel winked, and Sam laughed, before leaning down and kissing his mouth gently, nibbling at his lips, his eyes closed in concentration. Gabriel closed his eyes too, hoping that this was only the beginning of what Sam was thinking and not the whole damn thing. Unless he was being cute and trying to distract Gabriel so that he didn’t have to confess to anything.

 

Their kisses were slow, languid. Not lacking in passion, but it was simmering underneath the surface, Gabriel could feel it pulsing out from his chest, stretching across his body, pooling into his groin.

 

“Sam, are you going to sleep all … oh,” a girl had come bursting into the room. Sam broke off their kiss, and looked up, smiling easily. Gabriel laid there, wondering what Sam’s housemates knew about him, about their relationship. The girl was staring at them, looking shellshocked, like she had no idea where to look. She finally settled on staring up at the ceiling. “Sorry, sorry. Andy and Madison were planning on going shopping for discount candy, and I’m on board, and we thought you’d want to come.”

 

She looked down quickly, then back up at the ceiling.

 

“Didn’t realise you had someone in here.”

 

“Uh, yeah. Donna, this is Gabriel. Gabe, this is Donna.”

 

Gabriel waved, and Donna nodded her head.

 

“I’ll leave you to it,” she whispered, and half-closed the door behind her, before opening it again. “Gabriel? Like, G? Like the postcard?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Oh. Okay. What do I tell Madison?”

 

“What do you tell Madison about what?” Another girl’s voice joined in, and Gabriel tugged at the blankets, making sure they were both covered. They were still naked, after all. The other girl stuck her head around the door, her eyes widening as she took the scene in, and Gabriel wished that Sam had a lock on his door. And if he did, that he had used it the night before.

 

“Oh, hi. Gabriel, right?” the new girl gave a strained smile. “We’ll leave you to it.”

 

She pulled the door closed, and Gabriel could hear them walking down the hall, discussing the fact they were in bed together and was Madison really okay with it?

 

“So. They’re more of your housemates?” Gabriel broke the silence.

 

“Yeah. Donna and Madison. There’s Lily and Dirk too, but Lily’s away all weekend and Dirk stays in his room like, all the time.”

 

“You’re close to Madison, aren’t you?” Gabriel observed. Sam leaned away from him slightly.

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“Andy greeted me yesterday with ‘who are you?’ and when I said, he grilled me about my postcard. Donna just did the same kind of thing. But Madison knew my name already. And Donna just asked if she was okay with us.”

 

Sam sighed, and tried to move away, but Gabriel held onto him, restraining his wrists.

 

“Sam. Is Madison your girlfriend?”

 

“No.”

 

“It’s okay if she is. I didn’t mean to step on her toes.”

 

“She’s not. I mean, we were seeing each other before winter break, and then I came home and Dean said you’d be there.”

 

“Sam,” Gabriel said his name tenderly, wishing that he had never gone to Christmas with their family. He was screwing Sam’s life up, no matter how well they connected.

 

“There’s no contest, Gabe. Five minutes with you against months of anyone else? I’d always pick you.”

 

Gabriel felt a lump in his throat as Sam began kissing his neck, slowly working his way along, licking and biting in a way that Gabriel knew he was going to have a love bite there. Sam continued working his way down, caressing Gabriel’s chest and stomach with his fingertips, kissing the spots he had just touched, and Gabriel felt overwhelmed. He really, really didn’t deserve Sam, shouldn’t be allowed this level of adoration from anyone but especially not from someone like Sam. And he was disgusted with himself, that he was allowing this to happen, that he sought it out. He should have stayed away, and left Sam with Madison. Even if Sam was now touching his dick, stroking it slowly while he mouthed at the skin just above it.

 

Gabriel’s body took over, his need to be pleasured driving out all his doubts about what he and Sam were even doing. Sam kissed down his shaft, taking his time, seemingly tasting every inch of skin before reaching the head. And then he was sliding down, taking Gabriel fully in his mouth, his tongue lashing around, tasting him even more. Gabriel buried his hands in Sam’s silky soft hair, gripping his head hard and guiding him along, trying to push further into Sam’s mouth.

 

It was unspoken between them, but Gabriel felt very aware of it, and more acutely now than most other times, but Sam was substantially bigger than him. So much bigger that Gabriel wondered whether he could really be enough, but Sam didn’t seem to care. Gabriel’s small stature wasn’t a deal-breaker. Still, Gabriel wished he could tickle Sam’s tonsils with the head of his cock the way Sam could do to him, with room to spare before he hit ball.

 

You wouldn’t be able to tell, the way Sam worked him, the way his tongue lapped against the hard, sensitive flesh, the way he bobbed his head, massaging Gabriel’s shaft with his mouth, the way it pulled slightly when Sam swallowed around him. Sam was gripping his ass too, in an echo of what Gabriel had done to him the night before. And then his hands moved, and Gabriel missed them, until Sam started massaging his balls, tugging at them and rubbing into him with those fingertips, and his other hand slid up, searching for Gabriel’s asshole, one long finger slipping in, coiling around, testing him.

 

“Shit,” Gabriel breathed, and forced Sam’s head further onto him, moving him roughly to ride up and down his dick. Sam added another finger, and another, practically fisting him, both his hands moving faster as his mouth sped up, trying to build Gabriel to a climax that was agonisingly close.

 

And then Gabriel blew, emptied out down Sam’s throat, closing his eyes in a pleasure that was almost painful as Sam swallowed it all down, easing his fingers out of Gabriel’s ass, pulling off of Gabriel’s cock with a smacking sound. Gabriel felt like he was in pieces, as Sam crawled back up the bed, nosing along his skin, planting lazy kisses as he went.

 

“That’s how I would wake you up,” he whispered hoarsely. Gabriel tried to work around the lump in his throat.

 

“I swear, there’s something magic about you,” he croaked out. Sam laughed, and nuzzled close.

 

“Maybe it’s just what you bring out in me.”

 

Gabriel closed his eyes. Sam was an adorable flirt, but he felt like he had gone too far. Not with what they had just done, a blow job was always welcome and Sam worked hard to pleasure him. He was more concerned with the fact that Sam had broken up with someone else just to have another shot with him. It didn’t seem right, selling Sam short like this, despite Sam’s assurances that he understood the kind of relationship he could have with him. Sam deserved better. It was, however, impossible to get Sam to understand that.


	13. Chapter 13

Unlike Andy’s assumption, Sam and Gabriel didn’t spend the entire weekend in bed. Sam was eager to show Gabriel around campus, and to introduce him to his housemates when they weren’t naked and under the covers. They spent most of their Saturday clutching each other’s hands, walking around, spending time with Andy, Madison and Donna.

 

Gabriel liked Sam’s housemates - the ones he had met, obviously - but he still felt out of place. He thought it had something to do with their age difference; all of Sam’s housemates were his age, they all had similar interests, they all talked in a similar way. And it being Stanford, they were all ridiculously smart and discussed topics that went completely over Gabriel’s head. He spent a lot of time smiling blandly, nodding his head and not saying much.

 

They all probably thought he was Sam’s neanderthal sugar daddy or something. Probably had no idea what they were even doing together. Probably wondered why Sam would grip onto his hand when Madison was right there, making witty jokes and discussing some legal thing from their class and looking so pretty.

 

Gabriel was talking himself into a bad mood. And Sam had noticed, because he was pulled to the side on the way back to Sam’s house, the rest of his friends leaving them to it.

 

“Gabe? Is everything okay?”

 

“I shouldn’t have come.”

 

Sam was looking at him with those big, expressive eyes, and he hated himself. He had been selfish, wanting to see Sam, wanting to take away the lonely ache that had followed him from Kansas. He hadn’t enjoyed India at all, too busy wanting to get back to his gangly, overgrown boyfriend. But now he was here, it was like every flaw in their relationship was highlighted, and he didn’t want that.

 

“What? Why?”

 

And Sam seemed to have no clue. Knowing Sam, he was just in a happy haze of ‘Gabriel came to see me’ and all other details were irrelevant.

 

“Because, this is your college world. I don’t fit in it.”

 

“You fit in with me.”

 

“Maybe. But I’m not smart like you, and I’m much older, and-”

 

“Shut up, Gabe.” Sam finally let go of his hand, tucking both of his into his jacket pockets. “You know what I like about you? I like that you’re funny, and that you have all this passion for seeing the world. I actually like that. And you’re a good story-teller, you don’t sit there boasting about your peasant friend you made in the Masai Mara hen you were on your gap year. You talk about the difference in sunsets from the Himalayas and the Spanish coast. Maybe you’re not crazy about books, but you’re crazy about details. That still makes you smart.”

 

“Sam-”

 

“I’m not done,” Sam’s eyes flashed. “You know what else I like? I like that, in a world where everyone would tell me what to do, how to do it, you were the first person to come along and say there were options. You were the one telling me to focus. And I am, okay? I’m focused. My head was pounding last night when I got in from a marathon study session and just seeing you was the best remedy for that. I know this is a weird situation, Gabe, but I don’t care. I thought I had two weeks of fooling around with you and then we weren’t going to see each other again. I thought I had to get over you. But it turns out I didn't, and I don’t want to.”

 

“But, I mean, you were seeing Madison and then you dumped her. For me.”

 

Sam pursed his lips together and shrugged.

 

“She just seems like a better fit for you.” Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck. This wasn’t going how he had anticipated.

 

“Does she?” Sam raised his eyebrows. “Because I don’t think she is. Not when you’re part of my life.”

 

“Sam-”

 

“She crowded me. Didn’t give me my own space. We live together, Gabe. We’re in all the same classes, we study together. Add in a relationship and it was just too much, especially when I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be in one in the first place. It just kind of happened. Dean told me to stop being such a dick, leading her on. But she’s still my friend, she’s still a good study partner. I still have to live with her. Yeah, I broke up with her when I knew I was seeing you again, Gabe, but I did it for me. So stop it.”

 

Sam folded his arms across his chest, and Gabriel felt awful. They barely saw each other, and yet, they were at each other’s throats. All because Gabriel was scared. His conversation with Castiel during their flight from New York played on his mind.

 

“I’m sorry. This wasn’t how I was planning on spending this weekend.” Gabriel admitted.

 

“You think I’m not insecure, Gabe? It kills me when you leave. When you leave after making me promise to be okay with it if you hook up with someone else. To pretend it’s just sex. To not have your number, and feel shitty for asking for it. I keep thinking that I’m more into this than you are, and that’s okay. But then you do stuff like ask our brothers for my address and send me stuff, surprise visit me. What if I was still hooking up with Madison, huh? What if we did have plans? You’re the one who keeps telling me to date while I wait, and then you’re the one making sure we can’t communicate so you can know if it’s okay to do this.”

 

Sam was breathing hard, and Gabriel felt every word like a slap in the face. And then a memory of Mary came to him, at the worst moment possible. Standing in the warm laundry room, begging him not to break Sam.

 

“Maybe you’re right, maybe you shouldn’t have come. Maybe we just need to stick to two weeks at Christmas with my folks.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Gabriel said weakly. For all that he had said, he still wanted Sam, wanted to be with him. And this felt like a break up.

 

“Why is it okay for you to say, and not for me?” Sam wasn’t backing down. It was interesting, in a perverse way, seeing him be as confrontational as John could be. Of course, Gabriel wasn’t stupid enough to tell Sam that.

 

“Because I’m not good enough for you.”

 

Sam merely stared at him.

 

“I mean,” Gabriel’s mouth was dry. “Sam, do you even know how incredible you are? I’ve been alone since I was fifteen. Even when I got Cas out, he didn’t want to come with me. We would check in with each other, but we were still on our own, apart from each other. And I love him like crazy, but I was fine with being alone, meeting people briefly and then passing them on. I’ve met a tonne of people who just all blur together. And then there was you.”

 

Sam leaned against a nearby tree, his hands still jammed in his pockets. But he was watching Gabriel, letting him hang himself out there.

 

“I thought spending Christmas at Cas’ new in-laws was going to be torture, especially after I met your dad. And then you started asking me a bunch of questions, wanting to understand absolutely everything, wanting to be someone who made a difference. You have so much passion Sam. For your studies, for your family, for everything you get involved in. I don’t see what I’ve done to earn any of that passion.”

 

Sam remained quiet, though his eyes were shining and his Adam’s apple was quivering, bobbing up and down. Gabriel waited for Sam to say he had lost it, that he didn’t have to worry any more because they were done.

 

“You mean that?” Sam asked eventually, his voice hushed. Gabriel didn’t trust himself to answer, so he nodded, and Sam raked a hand through his own hair. “Gabe, you’re a dumbass.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You really are. So, okay, I get passionate about the things I care about. So I feel that way about you. Why the hell do you insist on pushing me towards other people, making me date when you’re not in front of me? What’s the point of it?”

 

“I just don’t want you giving up on anything.”

 

“You told me not to be afraid to go for what I wanted. You think I don’t know there are consequences to that?”

 

“Sam-”

 

“Why did you come?”

 

Gabriel swallowed around a dry throat.

 

“Because, for everything you’re saying right now, for all the stuff you’ve done in the last couple of months? It feels like you feel the same way about me that I do about you. It feels like you want me to be your boyfriend. If that’s true, then it makes sense that you came. So quit angsting over it.”

 

Gabriel didn’t have any more words. Sam didn’t sound like he was breaking up with him anymore.

 

“Are you done being a shithead? Because I’m hungry. There’s a restaurant nearby I wanted to check out. A date with you sounds like a good excuse to go.”

 

Sam turned around and walked further down the path, towards his house. Gabriel followed, trying to understand exactly what had just happened. It didn’t sound like Sam was breaking up with him. He had just mentioned a date.

 

“Sam?” Gabriel checked as they got closer to the house. “Did we just break up?”

 

Sam snorted.

 

“Were you trying to break up with me?”

 

“Well, no. But-”

 

This time, Sam cut him off with a kiss.

 

“Like I said, quit being a shithead already. You’re going to leave me again soon and I really want to enjoy this restaurant.” He took Gabriel’s hand again, and pulled him back to the house. “We’re going to get dressed, we’re going to eat good food, we’re going to come back here and have some great sex. And in the morning, you can have your passport back.”

 

Until this conversation, Gabriel would have assumed he was the one in charge of their relationship. But it was becoming increasingly obvious that Sam was the one making the decisions.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam was shaking slightly as he put on a nice shirt and some slacks. He would never have guessed that Gabriel was so insecure about what they were doing, or that he would have to push his own agenda so much. And now, Gabriel seemed a little dazed as he rifled through his clothes for something that could pass in the restaurant. He almost felt bad, for yelling, for calling Gabe a shithead - even though he was totally being one - for challenging him on all his bullshit.

 

Almost, but not completely. Because while Gabriel clearly thought that they were breaking up, Sam heard something else in the subtext. And he was sure that Gabriel wasn’t aware of it. It was the reason why Sam was shaking.

 

“I don’t think I have anything,” Gabriel admitted.

 

“Could ask Andy if he has something you could use. You’re about the same size.”

 

Gabriel nodded, and Sam left the room, doing up the last couple of buttons with slightly fumbling fingers. He knocked on Andy’s door and strode in before Andy could reply, knowing that his friend was going to be online anyway. And he was, Skyping with his twin brother in the corner of the room.

 

“Hey, Andy. Got a dress shirt or something that Gabe could borrow? Taking him to Antonia’s.”

 

Andy waved at the closet.

 

“Go nuts. We’re having a staring contest. See who can make each other’s head set on fire first.”

 

If only that was the weirdest moment Sam had experienced from Andy’s Skyping. He rooted around for a shirt and pants, and grabbed some brogues at the last minute, taking them back to Gabriel and grabbing his cologne, spraying it on as Gabriel changed.

 

“Cologne, huh? You looking to get laid?” Gabriel made an attempt at his usual muster. And Sam wanted to tell him what he had worked out. But he couldn’t, he didn’t want to scare Gabriel off. Not when the restaurant was at stake.

 

“I am. I told you, you’re pencilled in for some great sex. We’ll keep trying until I think it’s good enough.” Sam joked.

 

“I’ll bring my A game,” Gabriel gave a half-smile, forcing his feet into the brogues. Sam watched him, waiting for him to be ready, before slipping his hand into Gabriel’s and taking him out of the house once again. They walked quietly down the sidewalk, Sam slightly in the lead as he knew where they were going. But every step he took, he could hear it rattling around in his head, the subtext of their conversation. _You love me, and I love you_ , like a rhythm he couldn’t escape. But he knew Gabriel, knew that nothing would make him run back to India faster than a big statement like that.

 

And it was crazy, how Sam had just wanted to know what had changed Dean’s mind, wanted to experiment just a little, and now he was in love with the guy he barely saw. And that guy, whether he wanted to admit it or not, was crazy about him too. As scary as it was, it made Sam feel confident, like he could do anything. Because there was Gabe.

 

They sat at the table the maitre d’ led them too, and Gabriel ordered them both a bourbon and coke as they took their menus. Sam waited until their server had gone to lean across the table.

 

“Condoning underage drinking?” He said in a low voice.

 

“Actively encouraging it,” Gabriel shot a half smile, and looked down at his menu. “Wow, Sam. You sure you wanna eat here?”

 

“Shhh. Valentine’s dinner.”

 

Gabriel looked at him, and he smiled confidently, hoping that he wasn’t going to blab.

 

“So, we’re still on?”

 

“Unless you don’t want to be with me, yes,” Sam pouted, and Gabriel gave him a small smile.

 

“Sam, I’d have to be crazy not to want you.”

 

“Or a shithead. Like earlier.”

 

It was like the knowledge they loved each other was making him drunk, even before the bourbon got there. Luckily, Gabriel laughed this time.

 

“Okay. I promise, I will not act like a shithead until I have to leave again. And I really want to drag it out, but I get the feeling come Monday, you’re going to be swamped.”

 

“You’d stay?” Sam felt surprised. Gabriel had never mentioned staying before.

 

“I’m finding there’s less reasons to travel,” Gabriel shrugged. Sam sat back in his seat, taking in the fact that Gabriel had again said something that, okay wasn’t the words ‘I love you’ but may as well have been. “Maybe I’m getting old.”

 

“Maybe,” Sam chuckled, and threw his drink back the moment it arrived at the table. Gabriel held up two fingers, and the server went to get more.

 

“Don’t get too drunk, Sam. I’m not boning you if you’re a hot mess.”

 

“You sound like my Dad.” Sam muttered. Gabriel quirked an eyebrow. “Not the boning part. The controlling my liquor part.”

 

“That’s a relief.”

 

“So, what’s putting you off of travelling?” Sam leaned forward again, eager to hear more from Gabriel about his feelings, even if he didn’t realise he was putting them on show for his on-off boyfriend.

 

“I guess because I’ve been to most places now. And even if I haven’t, everything kind of looks the same, one way or another. Water’s still blue, sky is still cloudy, sun still burns. Sand changes, I guess, and trees.”

 

“And you have a hot piece of ass waiting for you,” Sam looked smug. Gabriel’s face dropped.

 

“I didn’t know you knew about him.”

 

“Gabe,” Sam rolled his eyes. “Not funny.”

 

“Stop fishing,” Gabriel advised, as their second round of drinks arrived. They ordered their meals, and Gabriel started playing with his napkin. “I spoke to your mom, before we left. About you and me.”

 

“Yeah? Did she tell you no way in hell?”

 

“No. I told her I would let you get on with being a lawyer, and once you’ve graduated we would settle down. If you would still have me then.”

 

“You were being a shit earlier, and we’re at dinner now,” Sam pointed out. “Think that’s a sign I would.”

_Because I love you._

 

How was it not obvious to Gabriel?

 

“You’ve made your point. I’m cutting you off,” Gabriel gestured to the drinks.

 

“Fine. Dad.”

 

Gabriel sighed, and shook his head. But Sam wasn’t worried. Gabriel loved him too much to get mad.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam woke up before Gabriel again, peeking at him from across the pillow, his face half obscured by the cotton casing. Gabriel did cute things in his sleep, like breathing through his mouth, his thumb wandering dangerously close to his lips. Sam wondered when he stopped sucking his thumb.

 

He didn’t snore either, which Sam was glad about. But he did, occasionally, make little chewing motions. And spread across the bed, and across Sam, which was something that he didn’t think was possible from such a short guy.

 

Sam was cataloguing all these minor details, because he knew, whatever Gabriel had said in the restaurant the night before, that he was still going away later that day. And then it would be months away from each other again, and it was going to be tougher than ever now that Sam had worked out just how strongly they felt about each other. He almost didn’t want Gabriel to wake up, to stretch out their time together. But then Gabriel’s eyelids fluttered open, and he smiled sleepily.

 

“Some people would be freaked out, waking up to their hot piece of ass staring at them from five inches away.”

 

“At least you’re admitting that’s me now,” Sam smirked back easily, and then looked at his bookshelf. “You want your passport back?”

 

“Keep it.”

 

Sam looked back at him, surprised.

 

“Keep it?” He repeated, dumbfounded.

 

“Yeah. Won’t be needing it for the next few months, I want to check out the rest of the states. Maybe go see Cas and Dean. And it’s a reason to come back, right?”

 

“You need a reason?”

 

“No,” Gabriel sat up and stretched. “But you need to believe there’s one. Look after it.”

 

“Like it was you, still here.” Sam promised. Gabriel chuckled, and nudged his chin.

 

“You’re so ridiculous. I’m grabbing a shower.”

 

Sam watched him wriggle out of bed, and slip into his small en suite, completely naked, and then flopped back on his bed. His heart was hammering in his chest, he felt fit to burst. So they weren’t making huge declarations of emotion, Gabriel was giving him something so much better. He was giving him his trust, and Sam wasn’t going to let him down, for anything.

 

He heard the shower running, and crept out of bed, slipping his clothes on. And then he headed over to where Gabriel’s phone was charging on his desk and started up the camera function, taking a few cheesy selfies. Maybe Gabriel wasn’t going to let him have his number, and Sam wasn’t going to break that trust and go searching for it, sneaking it anyway. But he was damned if he wasn’t going to make sure Gabriel had something of him during their time apart. He put the phone back hastily as the water shut off, and Gabriel walked back in the room a moment later, wrapped in a towel.

 

“Trying to unlock my phone?”

 

“Nope. Leaving you a present.” Sam crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s soft skin. “Since you’re leaving me your passport.”

 

“And I was gonna raid your laundry for some used underpants.”

 

“You can still do that,” Sam said eagerly. Gabriel burst out laughing.

 

“I was kidding. But now I’m going to.”

 

He slipped out of Sam’s hold, and headed over to where Sam’s clothes were waiting to go to the laundry. Gabriel rooted around for a moment, and then pulled a pair of plaid boxers out triumphantly, before raising them to his nose and inhaling deeply. Sam was nervous, but also a little aroused by Gabriel’s actions. And then Gabriel tucked them into a side pocket of his rucksack, and went through the main pocket for his own clothes.

 

“Do I not get any of yours?” Sam pressed. Gabriel chuckled.

 

“Nope. I have like, four changes of clothes. If you hadn’t noticed. Not going to risk any of it, even if me going commando turns you on. But hey,” he pulled on his underwear, and his pants, and then grabbed Sam’s hand, taking him to the bed. They sat, and Gabriel undid a chain of beads that sat around his wrist. He laid Sam’s arm across his lap, and carefully wound the beads around his arm, tying them together so that Sam couldn’t slip it off.

 

“There you go,” Gabriel said matter-of-factly. “A part of me, wherever you go.”

 

Sam smiled faintly, happy that Gabriel had done something so touching but saddened by the fact that Gabriel was almost gone again.

 

“Thanks, Gabe.”

 

Gabriel pulled his t-shirt on, and pushed his hair behind his ear.

 

“Sammy? I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but,” he took Sam’s hand, stroking his thumb across Sam’s wrist, his nail grazing the edge of the beads. “Nothing’s changed, okay? It’s been amazing, spending Valentine’s weekend with you, and nothing would make me change it. And you’re still my hot piece of ass.”

 

Sam gave another weak smile, not liking where this was going.

 

“But same as before, right? We’re only on when we see each other. Some girl wants to go out with you, you wanna see what there is there? You go for it. I won’t take it as a rejection. Not unless you send out wedding invites.”

 

Sam had a few rebuttals, but none of them would have been delivered the right way, the jokey manner that Gabriel was relying on. He didn’t want to date around, and he definitely did not want to get married. Instead he looked at Gabriel’s thumb, rubbing against his wrist.

 

“Sam?” Gabriel said in a low voice.

 

“Yeah, well,” Sam forced himself to remain upbeat. “Once you go, I have a ton of studying to do. So, maybe hold off on the wedding invites. Unless you want to come to the nuptials of Sam and Job?”

 

“And to think, you’re just in the honeymoon stage,” Gabriel riffed easily.

 

“Oh yeah, Lawyering is going to own my ass.”

 

“You tell Lawyering to back off, I saw your ass first.”

 

Sam did smile this time, and they sank into a quiet seriousness.

 

“Going to miss you, titch,” Gabriel promised.

 

“Don’t get murdered by truckers, or go to Wyoming.” Sam shot back. Gabriel snorted.

 

“Truckers and Wyoming I can handle. It’s the compound I’m giving a wide berth.”

 

“Stay safe,” Sam insisted.

 

“Well, yeah. My passport would get lonely without me otherwise.”

 

Gabriel clearly wasn’t in the mood for a heartfelt goodbye. Sam tried to give back as good as he got.

 

“That’s right. Don’t stick me with the dead guy’s passport. They’ll think I killed you, and then Lawyering will have my ass in a totally different, more brutal way.”

 

“Don’t get killed and incriminate you, got it.” Gabriel nodded. Sam stooped, and nosed through Gabriel’s hair, whispering in his ear.

 

“I’m going to miss you so damn much.”

 

“Going to miss you too,” Gabriel whispered back.

 

“Love you.”

 

Gabriel didn’t move, except to keep rubbing circled on Sam’s wrist. The air felt suddenly heavy with tension.

 

“You don’t have to say it back,” Sam kept his voice low. “I didn’t say it expecting anything, Gabe. I just want you to … know …”

 

He felt like he had messed up in some way. Surely Gabriel knew? But Gabriel still didn’t move.

 

“I’m not taking it back.”

 

“I’m not asking you to.” Gabriel’s voice sounded shaky, and Sam could have kicked himself. He was supposed to be taking it slowly, supposed to be playing the long game so he didn’t scare Gabriel off, and he’d done the exact opposite now. Gabriel straightened up, and let go of his wrist. “So, um, I’ll write, let you know when I’m back this way, okay? Give you some advanced warning this time.”

 

Sam nodded, his mouth dry.

 

“And Sammy? Look after yourself too, okay?” he caught Sam’s eye, and forced a smile, before leaning in for a goodbye kiss. Again, Sam felt unprepared for it, like it was their final goodbye and he couldn’t focus on it properly, couldn’t savour the moment.

 

Gabriel didn’t linger, but unplugged his phone and stuffed it into his rucksack, slinging it over his shoulder and smiling sadly at Sammy.

 

“So long, kid.”

 

“Aren’t you even going to stay for breakfast? We could go to a diner, or,” Sam stopped begging. Gabriel wouldn’t stay if he didn’t want to.

 

“Nah, it’s fine. Got a long walk ahead of me, and you’ve got to study. I’ve hogged too much of your time as it is.”

 

Gabriel headed out of Sam’s room, down the stairs and out of the house, Sam following him until he was on the threshold, watching Gabriel go. He felt someone standing behind him, as Gabriel turned a corner and disappeared, but Sam didn’t want to be around anyone, to hear their false sympathy.

 

“Sam?”

 

He closed his eyes. It would have to be Madison, of all people. He turned around to look at her slowly, and she watched him with her big, wide eyes.

 

“Gabriel’s going again?”

 

“Yeah. Big world to explore, you know?”

 

She toyed with a lock of her hair.

 

“When you broke up with me, Sam, you told me that I didn’t deserve to be second best. Well, you don’t either. I don’t know much about you and Gabriel, but I know that you should come before his travelling. You deserve better than what he gives you.”

 

She walked away again, and Sam leaned against the doorframe, watching the spot where Gabriel had disappeared. He knew what Madison was trying to say, and he appreciated it, but he couldn’t help himself. Second best or not, Sam was Gabriel’s.


	15. Chapter 15

Gabriel hadn’t been entirely truthful with Sam. He wasn’t walking.

 

Instead, he’d picked up work with a hire car company, transporting their cars back and forth across the country to their registered cities, for those travellers who hired them for their cross country adventures.

 

It suited Gabriel, since he got to sight-see too. And he was allowed to detour to his brother if he was nearby, which he was taking full advantage of.

 

The pay was great too, something that Gabriel was pleased about. Sometimes, it completely sucked to spend the entire day helping to gather rice and only get a small handful of yen out of it. This was less physical work, for a decent whack. He could get some decent savings for not much work.

 

The car he was in was sweet too. Modern, yes, but the air con was welcome and the seat was comfortable. It was a smooth ride, and he couldn't help but hope all the cars he got to drive were as good, or better.

 

Gabriel’s first job was over in Boston, so he was on his way to Dean and Castiel’s place. He had been driving for days, since he had left Sam’s place behind, and he was looking forward to catching up with his brother.

 

Dean was home, when Gabriel pulled up, along with his housemate who looked vaguely familiar to him. They were introduced, and Dean’s housemate - Ash - pulled him over to the playstation, handing him a controller. Gabriel sank into the chair next to Ash’s, and played along, trying to talk to Dean as Mario Kart started up.

 

“Where’s Cas?”

 

“Creative Writing. He’ll be another hour at least, probably more. He likes to go out for coffee with his friends after,” Dean dropped down beside him, watching the progress on the screen.

 

“I don’t get it, Cas has twice the talent as the rest of them put together, and yet he goes along with all of Bart’s suck ups,” Ash commented as he snatched up a power up. Gabriel sat back, listening to them talk, working to try and keep up with Ash. Or just not be last.

 

“Yeah, well, they don’t know Cas is getting published. House secret.” Dean shrugged. “He doesn’t trust them, he’s just not going to be an asshole about it. Let them work it out.”

 

Gabriel had heard something of this from Castiel, in their brief catch ups. He knew that Castiel had decided to use a pseudonym to avoid alerting their father, and that there were people in his writing class he spent time with. He was only surprised that Dean wasn’t involved with them too, protecting Castiel from them. It seemed out of character.

 

“You’re not going to go up to them and kick their asses?”

 

Dean snorted.

 

“No, because then that would validate them.”

 

Gabriel stopped focusing on the video game, and looked at his brother-in-law. He knew those words would have come from Castiel, not Dean.

 

“He’s got you wrapped around his little finger, hasn’t he?”

 

“I wrapped myself there.” Dean sat up. “You wanna go to the coffee house and surprise him?”

 

“Sure,” Gabriel cast aside the control, and ignored Ash’s complaints to walk with Dean towards the coffee house. Dean talked easily with the barista, and placed their order while Gabriel took a seat.

 

Dean was soon over with their drinks, and Gabriel sucked on the froth of his latte happily.

 

“Were you flirting with the barista?”

 

“No. He wanted to know where Cas was. Or, ‘the other DeanandCas’.”

 

“He thinks you’re fooling around with me?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“I said you were Cas’ brother. Don’t make me regret coming out with you.”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Gabriel sighed, and sipped some more froth.

 

“So, you been back in the country for long?”

 

“About a week.”

 

“Seen Sam?”

 

Gabriel cleared his throat. He hadn’t expected Dean to bring it up; he’d been hoping to just discuss Sam with Castiel. Castiel who understood some of how Gabriel felt, who wouldn’t use it as a reason to kick his ass. He felt like talking to Dean would be like walking around a minefield.

 

“Uh, yeah. Last weekend.”

 

Dean grabbed a Sweet’n’low packet, shaking it before ripping it open and dumping it in his coffee.

 

“Huh. You do some cheesy Valentine’s Day thing?”

 

Gabriel snorted, hoping it would cover up the fact that he had.

 

“Do you really want details?”

 

Dean looked at him for a moment with an intense scrutiny that was almost a physical assault, before he grabbed a stirrer and continued with his coffee.

 

“I really, really hate the idea of you boning my little brother.”

 

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Dean. Or are you really trying to pretend that you’re not sleeping with Cas after-”

 

“Shut. Up.” Dean enunciated. Gabriel was surprised, because it seemed like Dean was trying to prevent him from saying that they were married. He dropped his voice and leaned closer to Gabriel. “And that’s different. Cas and I are solid. You seem to enjoy winding Sam up.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Right.”

 

Gabriel felt like crap. Were any of Sam’s family ever going to accept him?

 

“Dean, it’s not like that. Hasn’t Cas told you anything?”

 

“As much as he knows. He’s wondering why you’re not just sticking with Sam just as much as the rest of us. Why you don’t settle down with him. Why you won’t stop yanking his chain.”

 

“This is why I wanted to talk with Cas.”

 

“Yeah, well, you got me.”

 

Gabriel sat back in his chair, trying to avoid Dean’s intense glare. How could Castiel cope with that look? Gabriel could almost feel Dean wrenching his arm from the socket and beating him around the head with it, like he must have been imagining.

 

“Look, it’s not so simple, okay? Changing everything you’re used to-”

 

“It really is.” Dean didn’t hesitate to interrupt. “You think I was looking for monogamy? Or a boyfriend? Cas hates talking about it, but I was kind of a whore before he came along. And you know what? It was easy changing for him. I wanted to do it, he never asked me for it. And you’re making my brother beg you.”

 

“I’m not making him beg me,” Gabriel tried to assert himself. “Sam knows what the deal is.”

 

Dean glared at him, and Gabriel picked up his latte, concentrating on not shaking and spilling the contents everywhere.

 

“Don’t be a dick.”

 

“I’m not. I told Sam, when he’s graduated, if he still wants me, he’s got me.”

 

“Oh, he just has to wait for you.” Dean rolled his eyes and drank his own drink.

 

“Would you prefer it if I told him to come away with me and screw being a lawyer?” Gabriel changed his tone, making it saccharine. “Because you and I both know if I clicked my fingers, he would leave it all behind. And I don’t want that, I want him to have the career he’s busted his ass for. If Cas wanted something badly enough, wouldn’t you do the same thing?”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes, and put his coffee cup down. Gabriel wondered if Dean was thinking about the book deal.

 

“You think this is the same thing? That you’re making Sam happy this way?”

 

“I’m thinking long-term, Dean. And besides, I’m working over here right now, and I’m saving up. So when Sam graduates, we can buy a place wherever he gets a job. Sam’s got my passport, he knows I’ll be back.”

 

“Well, that’s okay then.” Dean’s sarcasm was biting, but then his whole demeanour changed. He smiled, and gave a brief wave. Gabriel turned, and saw Castiel in a small group of people. Their eyes met, and Castiel smiled, talking briefly to the group and heading over to their table. Dean stood up, dragging another chair over to their table and making Castiel take his seat, signalling over to the barista. “I already ordered your drink,” he greeted his husband. “I figured, even if I didn’t see you, you’d pick it up on your way through.”

 

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel smiled warmly, and unwound the scarf from his neck, placing it on his lap and accepting the cup the barista had brought over.

 

“How was class?” Dean was entirely focused on Castiel, and Gabriel wondered if he'd been forgotten about.

 

“Interesting,” Castiel nodded. “I enjoyed it. Have you been here for long?” He was looking at Gabriel. At least his little brother hadn't forgotten him.

 

“About an hour.”

 

Castiel nodded, unsurprised by Gabriel’s lack of announcement. He supposed fourteen years of travelling non-stop had desensitised his little brother to his sudden appearances.

 

“Well, you’re welcome to stay with us, but we don’t have a spare bed. Just the couch.”

 

“It’s better than the floor,” Gabriel shrugged.

 

“We could get you a dog house?” Dean smirked. Castiel looked between them for a moment, and settled on Gabriel.

 

“What’s happened with Sam now?”

 

“See?” Dean gestured. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

 

“We spent Valentines Day together. I gave him my passport. I’m working, he’s studying. No biggie.”

 

Dean made a snarky noise, but Castiel remained focused.

 

“So, you’re not leaving the states for a while?”

 

“Nope. But I’m driving hire cars around, so I’m still not stuck anywhere.”

 

Castiel nodded, and settled back in his seat, looking at Dean and dragging him into a conversation that Gabriel couldn’t quite follow. So instead he drank his coffee and watched his brother.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had barely slept on the couch. It wasn’t because the couch was particularly uncomfortable - in fact, it was really nice - but he had laid awake most of the night, thinking. And part of the night he had laid there, listening to the noises coming from the room above him, which had to be Dean and Cas’ room. Dean was a filthy hypocrite, Gabriel decided, because there was no way that kind of thumping came from abstinence. So much for ‘I don’t like you banging my little brother’.

 

The rest of the night was consumed with thoughts about Sam. He’d even gotten Sam’s underwear out of his rucksack, holding them in his hand like a security blanket. And yes, occasionally sniffing them, surrounding himself with the smell of the man he missed the way he missed nothing else. It was hard to sleep, when Gabriel wanted to just up and go across to California again.

 

In the early morning, Castiel shuffled in, stepping cautiously to avoid disturbing him.

 

“I’m awake,” he whispered. Castiel crept to the edge of the sofa, and Gabriel made room for him, hiding Sam’s underwear. That was a conversation with Dean that he really didn’t want to have. “Couldn’t sleep?”

 

“I could, but I had this idea and I wanted to write it down while it was still fresh,” Castiel had a notepad and pen in his hand, and he began scribbling. Gabriel remained quiet, waiting for his brother to be ready to talk. He was more than used to Castiel scribbling endless ideas down, and it bought him time to hide Sam’s underwear better. He looked up innocently as his brother put the notepad on the nearby coffee table.

 

“I presumed you would want to talk away from Dean?” Castiel broached. Gabriel nodded.

 

“Yeah. He’s as over-protective of Sam as his parents are.”

 

“I’d guess he was more protective of Sam. He’s been protecting his brother from their father for a long time.”

 

Gabriel nodded. He couldn’t imagine Dean and Sam having that kind of relationship, but he knew enough about John to know it was probably accurate.

 

“Guess that’s why he’s being such a hard ass with me.”

 

Castiel nodded.

 

“Dean can be vehement when he cares.”

 

Gabriel stretched his legs out, resting them on Castiel’s lap. Castiel didn’t seem to mind, he merely pulled the blanket further along, covering Gabriel’s feet completely.

 

“What’s it like? Being that close to another person?” Gabriel’s voice was barely audible. It wasn’t the kind of topic they normally covered, but if Gabriel could talk to anyone, it was Castiel. His little brother considered the question in his normal, serious manner.

 

“Gabriel, what are you really asking?”

 

That was the only unfortunate thing about having a brother as perceptive as Castiel. He could see through everything, interpret all your words correctly. Even the ones you didn’t say.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Castiel looked at him with the measured expression that Gabriel knew meant he was completely transparent and his brother was trying not to reveal all he knew.

 

“This is about Sam.”

 

“Isn’t everything?” Gabriel joked. Castiel’s expression didn’t change, and Gabriel knew he had to be serious. As much as it pained him. “He told me he loved me.”

 

“Ah. And this is a problem.”

 

Gabriel didn’t respond, and Castiel patted his feet.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Gabriel. You’re allowed to love him back. Or not love him back, if that’s how you feel. You’re allowed not to know, too. And if Sam meant the words, he’ll wait for you to figure it out.”

 

“He said he wasn’t expecting an answer.”

 

“That’s actually a good sign. His feelings aren’t dependent on yours.”

 

“I still felt like crap, Cas. I’m not good enough for him.”

 

Castiel smiled at this, though there was a sad tinge to his smile, and he leaned closer, though they were both already whispering.

 

“Don’t let Father control you. That kind of thinking is how he controlled Michael, and Raphael, and Jonah, and Luke, and all the others. And Sam isn’t thinking about whether you’re good enough for each other, is he? He’s only thinking that he misses you when you’re gone and he’s happy when you’re back. That’s how I’ve felt whenever I go without Dean.”

 

“And you’ve honestly never thought you weren’t good enough?” Gabriel felt skeptical.

 

“No. Sometimes I feel like I’m not experienced enough, not compared to him, but Dean’s a great teacher.”

 

“Overshare, Cas. I could hear you last night.”

 

“I’m not sorry,” Castiel smiled smugly. “It’s a healthy thing to do with your husband.”

 

Gabriel shook his head, knowing that he was smiling as widely as his brother. It was infectious.

 

“So, stop overthinking Sam?”

 

“Stop thinking you aren’t good enough for him.” Castiel corrected. “But I would think about him, if I were you. About maybe putting him first and settling down with him?”

 

Gabriel heard the hint. But if anyone understood the way he felt, it would be Castiel.

 

“I don’t want to rush him, Cas. He might think he wants me, but he’s nineteen. He could change his mind at any time. And he’s wanted to be a lawyer for so long, I don’t want to wreck his studies.”

 

“From what I know of Sam,” Castiel said slowly. “He’s not the impulsive type. Dean said that he had been with Jess for years before he met you. He understands commitment. And I don’t see why you have to be separate to his studies. Dean actually does better in class since we got married. He said I’m a great study partner.”

 

Castiel was beaming, talking about his husband, and Gabriel felt frustrated.

 

“Gabriel? Did you consider that maybe, when you talk of trying to find yourself; when you spend all your time, money and energy scouring the globe, maybe you’ve already found what you’re looking for? I don’t think you’ll find anything better than Sam, not based on what I’ve seen of you both. Stop stalling through fear. It’s clear to those of us who’ve seen you together that you love him too.”

 

Gabriel wanted to argue back, to point out how wrong his brother was and that he was fine, but they were interrupted by Castiel’s housemate, Chuck, and all Gabriel could do was dwell on what Castiel had said to him.


	16. Chapter 16

Sam had thrown himself into his classes, churning through assignments and reading up on extra material wherever possible to try and stay on top. It was easier to absorb himself in his studies than to sit and fret over why Gabriel had reacted so badly at the end of their time together, just because of three small words. He knew there must have been a good reason for it, he just had to be patient, and let Gabriel explain it in his own way.

 

And he really did have to concentrate, half of the terms he had to use were in latin, it was like learning a whole new language that was only slightly familiar, and then applying it to the theory. There was so much to read, so many in-depth papers. Sam wondered if Dean’s college experience was anywhere near as full on as his own.

 

He was in the library, looking for a book on terminology for a paper, when he noticed someone looking at him through the stacks, her eyes just showing above the tops of the books. He looked away, at the spine of the books in front of him, trying to find what he needed. It wasn’t there, even though he knew it was still in the library. He’d checked the listings before he’d started.

 

He headed back towards the desk where he’d left Madison and his study materials, and found the end of the aisle blocked by a petite girl with big, curly hair and a sarcastic twist to her smile as she held the book Sam had been searching for casually.

 

“A law student, huh? That’s intimidating.”

 

“If you’re not studying law,” Sam kept his voice low, trying to obey the rules of the library. “Then what are you doing with a book on legal terms?”

 

“Trying to reel in a big fish.” The girl batted her long eyelashes.

 

“I’m not interested.” Sam dismissed her, and made a grab for the book. She hid it behind her back, so that Sam would have to invade her personal space in order to get to it.

 

“I could make it worth your while,” Her smile widened, and there was something vulture-like about it. “I’m much more interesting than your blah girlfriend over there.”

 

She nodded over to where Madison was hunched over a desk of her own, working through the assignment. Sam shook his head.

 

“Madison’s not my girlfriend, and I’m still not interested. Can I have that book?”

 

“For a date.” This girl, unlike Sam, hadn’t bothered to keep her voice down. Someone on a nearby table shushed them, and several others gave them dirty looks. Sam leaned closer, dropping his voice down further.

 

“She’s not my girlfriend, but it doesn’t make me available. I need that book to stay in college.” He held a hand out for it. She wielded a pen in her other hand, and scribbled on his outstretched one instead.

 

“If you ever change your mind and want a wild night,” she muttered, and signed off with a flourish, before passing him the book. She held tight to it as he went to take it, ensuring that she could finish talking. “Call me.”

 

She walked away, waving her hips seductively, and Sam looked down at his hand, the one with her little message. It included her number, and her name. Ruby. Sam stared at his hand as he walked back to his things, and Madison, and somehow managed to take his seat without looking.

 

“Everything okay?” Madison whispered, still scribbling away.

 

“Oh, yeah. This girl had the book, she was just putting it back,” Sam bluffed. He didn’t really want to discuss his encounter with Ruby, not with Madison. Since Gabriel had left, she had mentioned a couple of times that Sam could do better, that it was stupid to miss him when Sam should be enjoying college. Part of him wondered if it was an angle to get back together, but there was also the possibility that she was just looking out for him. In which case, she would encourage him to go out with Ruby, and throw Gabriel’s words at him, saying that his own boyfriend would okay the hook up.

 

It was times like this that Sam wanted Gabriel’s number the most, to talk to him and complain about how overly complicated this all was. To assure him that Ruby didn’t stand a chance. Instead, he looked at his hand again, and wondered why it was so easy for the likes of Ruby to give him her number when Gabriel still avoided the subject. Then he mentally shook himself, cracked open the book, and returned to his assignment.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel was in the last place he’d imagined ever going to, in the whole world.

 

The compound.

 

Well, not quite. He was about a mile away, on a ridge that overlooked the compound, sitting on a grass verge and trying to see if there was any activity, any sign of his family. He wasn’t even sure why, except that his latest car drop took him out this way and abject curiosity had gotten the better of him. That and, he supposed, his conversation with Castiel had gotten him thinking.

 

He had always presumed that their father didn’t have as strong a hold on him as it did on Castiel. After all, he talked like every other guy you might meet on the street. But maybe his brother had been onto something, with his usual, laser-like perceptiveness. Maybe Gabriel was still held back by the way their father would make him question his confidence, by his vitriol and his fanatical sense of right and wrong.

 

Maybe that was why it was hard to commit to Sam fully. Sam was absolutely everything that Gabriel could want in a partner. But maybe, in amongst all the rhetoric, Gabriel was afraid of letting in another guy. Or maybe his self-esteem had taken such an incredible hit throughout his adolescence that he really wasn’t going to think he was good enough for anyone. Maybe that’s how Michael broke and just accepted Hester.

 

“Hello. You’re not Amish.”

 

Gabriel jumped, almost fell off the ridge. He hadn’t been expecting anyone to come up this way. He had always been banned from leaving the compound. He looked around at the kid who had spoken, the kid who reminded him somehow of Castiel. He was scrawny, and short, and had a bad hair cut but seemed meek and quiet like Gabriel’s favourite brother.

 

“No, I’m not. I’m just taking a rest from driving.”

 

The boy looked at the car Gabriel was driving - a BMW, of all things - and his eyes widened.

 

“Where do the horses attach?”

 

“Are you serious, kid?”

 

“The Amish kids have wagons, but nothing like this,” he peered at the car, but kept a distance all the same. Like he was afraid of it. Had he and Castiel looked like that once? Or had their father become stricter, more authoritarian since they left? It hardly seemed possible. But then, this kid - he had to be from the compound - didn’t seem to know what a car was.

 

“Are you from that place?” Gabriel pointed to his childhood home, and the kid nodded, and then ducked down, sitting close beside him.

 

“I’m not supposed to be out here. I was on the way to meeting some of my friends from the Amish community. Please don’t tell my father.”

 

“Secret’s safe with me, kid.”

 

The boy next to him seemed to relax, and Gabriel rifled through his rucksack, bringing out a couple of candy bars and passing one to the kid. He looked like he needed one. And their father, if he was the man Gabriel remembered, wouldn’t have taught stranger danger. There was no need.

 

“I’m Samandriel,” the kid introduced himself, taking the candy bar and following Gabriel’s movements, opening the wrapper and taking a huge bite. Gabriel almost choked on his mouthful, watching Samandriel’s face as the sugar rush hit.

 

He didn’t really remember Samandriel. He was young when Gabriel left, maybe three months old. Or … no, that was another kid. Gadreel? And Samandriel couldn’t have been older than thirteen, Gabriel had been gone for much longer. It was strange, to sit beside his brother and share a couple of candy bars and know that this kid knew nothing about him. He tested the water, just a little.

 

“I’m Gabriel.”

 

There was no flash of recognition. Samandriel thought he was just a stranger.

 

“We’re all named after angels too,” Samandriel chattered away happily enough. “Angels and prominent biblical characters. No Gabriel though,” he took a huge bite of his chocolate bar, and Gabriel felt a weird pang in his chest, though he wasn’t sure why. He had wanted to leave this place behind.

 

“You’re missing out then. Gabriel’s are awesome.”

 

Samandriel gave a chocolate-y smile.

 

“Hey, Gabriel, you wanna know a secret?” He leaned closer, and Gabriel did the same. “One day, I want to leave this place, and go and make more friends that just the Amish kids. I’m not supposed to know about it, or remember it, but one of my brothers ran away once. We’re meant to pretend he never existed, but he did. I’m going to find him one day.”

 

Gabriel felt dazed, hearing Samandriel talk about this. He had been dreaming about running away since he could remember, and he knew Castiel had found so much of their childhood difficult too. He didn’t realise any of their other siblings felt the same way, that they wanted out too. Could he take Samandriel with him? Smuggle him away before anyone noticed he was gone? Get him into a regular middle school … but where? It was too much to throw at Sam, and too much to assume Castiel and Dean would be okay with it. He didn’t know how Samandriel would take his brother’s being gay either, not after the way they were raised.

 

“He was called Castiel. He was the kindest brother ever.”

 

Gabriel didn’t hesitate to think it through.

 

“I know. I just saw him.”

 

“You did?” Samandriel’s eyes were wide, bugging out even more from the sugar rush.

 

“Yeah. He’s in college right now. I bet he’d want to hear from you. You got a cell phone?”

 

“A what?”

 

Gabriel sighed. Right. The kid didn’t even recognise a car, a cell phone was going to be outside of his knowledge range too. At least Gabriel knew he could write, they used to churn out long essays on scriptures when they were small. He doubted his father had changed that much.

 

“I have his address, if you need it?”

 

“I better not,” Samandriel bit his lip. “Father might find it. Or Michael.”

 

Gabriel felt useless. He wanted to do something for his young brother, some way of helping.

 

“Tell me about Castiel, about what he’s like now,” Samandriel decided, cutting through the heavy tension that had descended between them. “And how you know him, tell me that too.”

 

Gabriel grabbed some chips out of his rucksack, opening them and placing them between himself and Samandriel. He talked between chips, telling Samandriel some things - leaving out Dean, and the book deal - and avoiding the topic of how they knew each other. Samandriel dipped into the chips as well, and he seemed to enjoy them even more than he had the candy. Gabriel left them to his young brother, still talking about Castiel, Samandriel’s eyes glued to him as he talked.

 

And when he ran out of things to say, they sat quietly together, Samandriel crunching on the last few dregs of the chips and sucking the artificial cheese flavoring off his fingers.

 

“How do you know Castiel so well?” Samandriel pushed. Gabriel sighed, and thought, to hell with it. Michael couldn’t beat Samandriel into forgetting.

 

“He’s my brother too. He’s eight years younger than me. When he ran away, I helped. I don’t think you were even born when I left.”

 

Samandriel grinned at him, a big, trusting smile that made Gabriel’s chest ache more.

 

“So we did have a … uh-oh.”

 

Samandriel dashed away, and Gabriel didn’t see where he went. He could hear shouting coming from below, and knew it was time to go himself. There was nothing he wanted less than to encounter his father. He grabbed the wrappers, shoved them in his bag and jumped back into the car, hoping that Samandriel wouldn’t be caught, or punished. He drove away, and looked in the rearview mirror just as an Amish boy huddled Samandriel into their house. Gabriel promised himself that he would return, to save the kid properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying this so far. There's a reason why I included Samandriel, he's in Coming Out so I couldn't leave him out of this one :) I'm going to keep trying to update every few days because this has been fairly easy to write so far, but if I slow down to one update a week, I'm sorry. Think you're starting to catch up to where I am!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling poorly atm (and not my usual chronic ill, but a bug my son just had to share) so I'm more posting this to distract myself from that yucky feeling.

“So, this is where you hide at the weekends?”

 

Sam looked up from his notes, and saw Ruby standing over him, that sarcastic hint playing about her mouth again. He hadn’t exactly been avoiding her since they met, but he had spent more time studying at home after class, borrowing books from the public library and downloading the rarer books onto his e-reader. He was cursing himself now, for wanting to study outside, leaning against a tree and enjoying the warm sunshine while he revised.

 

“I’m not hiding.” He looked back at the notes, trying to get back into it. Ruby dropped down in front of him, her hair tracing across the page as she leaned over.

 

“Maybe not, but you’re playing hard to get. I had sleepless nights waiting for you to call me.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t.” Sam bit out.

 

“Of course I did. So, what’s it going to take for you to go out with me?”

 

Sam sighed, and closed his notebook, shoving it into his bag. Clearly, he wasn’t about to get any more studying done with Ruby nearby.

 

“Ruby, I have a boyfriend.”

 

She looked around for a moment, then turned back to him and winked.

 

“Nice to meet you,” she said loudly to the spot next to him. Sam shook his head.

 

“First, he’s real. Second, he’s not here.”

 

“So, it’s not like he’s going to know. And come on, who stays with their high school boyfriend?” She moved closer, straddling his lap. “Not that I don’t think it’s crazy hot that you’ve made out with a guy.”

 

Sam really wanted to push her off, but he was afraid of hurting her. Whether she was annoying or overly forward or not.

 

“You don’t know a thing about me. You don’t even know my name.”

 

She leaned closer, he could feel her chest pressed against his own, and she placed her head beside his, ready to whisper in his ear. Her cheek grazed his, soft and smelling like vanilla, and Sam felt his body reacting, even if he didn’t want to.

 

“Your name is Sam Winchester, you’re studying to be a lawyer. You live with boring Madison, and you’re pining for your boyfriend. But you’re also very, very interested in me.”

 

She pulled back slightly, trying to look into his eyes. So he closed them, pursing his lips, willing his erection to go away.

 

“Sammy, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be attracted to me.” She stroked along his face, cupping his cheek, and he forced himself to stand, knocking her over. He felt bad, sure, but she was pushing him too far. He grabbed his bag and ran off before she could pick herself up. He didn’t hear her calling after him, but he didn’t look back either. He didn’t stop running until he got to his house, into his room, and crashed on the bed.

 

His heart was banging in his chest, and his dick felt sore from running in jeans with an erection. But mainly his head hurt, and his chest felt tight, and all he could think was that he wished Gabriel was there with him, fighting off Ruby and making Sam feel wanted the only way Gabriel knew how to do.

 

Maybe Madison was right. Maybe Sam shouldn’t settle for being second best when it came to Gabriel, maybe he should put his foot down for what he wanted more and made Gabriel decide if it was better to keep him happy or walk away entirely. Because he wasn’t sure what to do in moments like this, when other people hit on him, when he missed Gabriel so much. All he wanted was a reassuring word, those familiar arms around him, that crooked smile and those golden probing eyes.

 

It was easier to lose himself in his studies than to figure any of this out.

 

He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, and though his overriding instinct was to ignore it, he knew there was a chance that they would keep calling. His mother was flashing up on caller ID.

 

“Hey Mom.”

 

“Hi Sammy! I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

 

Sam felt even more miserable. His mom would have been great to have there too. She gave the best hugs, she loved Sam more than almost everything. Except maybe Dean.

 

“No. I was studying, but I took a break.” He was trying to sound upbeat for her. She’d been through so much in the last couple of years, after all.

 

“Oh, that’s good. I just wanted to check what your plans were for the summer. I know it’s a few months away, but I want to make sure I have enough groceries and there’s no point in me buying anything green if you’re going away with friends instead.”

 

Sam could hear her misery too, though she was trying to hide it as much as he was.

 

“I’ll be there. All summer. I mean, I need a break some time, right? And I hardly ever see you.”

 

“Oh, that’s good news Sammy! Because Dean won’t be back all summer. Castiel has a book tour and he’s going too. We’ll spend some quality time together.”

 

“Sounds great Mom, can’t wait.”

 

“Is Gabriel coming as well? It would be nice to spend the time getting to know him, I know he’s important to you.”

 

Sam swallowed back the lump in his throat.

 

“I don’t know what Gabe’s plans are Mom. Make it just you and me.”

 

“Okay. I’ll get a couple of extra things, just in case he decides to come.”

 

“Thanks Mom. I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too, honey. But it won’t be long until you’re back. I’ll let you get back to studying.”

 

She hung up, and Sam let the phone flop onto the bed next to him. And then, for the first time in … maybe ever, Sam just laid there, and did nothing. He barely even thought, instead he concentrated on the ache in his chest and how intensely he could feel it.

 

 

*

 

 

Sam did nothing for the rest of the day. His concentration was shot, his body almost in shock mode. He had changed into sweats, and burrowed down in his bed, putting some trash TV on and staring at it aimlessly. He could just about appreciate, through his haze of self-pity, exactly why he was feeling so awful after his encounter with Ruby.

 

He could admit she was attractive, and he was drawn to her, to the undercurrent of excitement he could feel when she was close by. The way she came across, it wasn’t so far from how Gabriel was, and the key difference was that she was open about how much she wanted to be with him. It was a strange feeling, realising that he was attracted to more people than just Gabriel. But he still wasn’t going to pursue anything, not while there was still a chance he could have the man he really wanted.

 

He fell asleep with cartoons playing, and woke up when he felt someone pulling a blanket over him. The room was dark and he couldn’t make out what was going on through the blurriness of his half-opened eyes.

 

“Whuh?”

 

“Shhh, go back to sleep.”

 

He was too clogged with sleep to work out who had spoken, but he obeyed them anyway, noting just before he drifted off that the television was now off, the cartoons silenced.

 

When he woke the next morning, he could feel a body beside him, someone sleeping in his bed next to him. He was frozen, worried that Ruby had come over and he’d done something stupid. But he had been sober, and he didn’t remember letting anyone in. So who the hell was beside him in his bed?

 

He couldn’t make himself look, too worried about how awkward it would be, hoping it was just Andy being weird, or Lily needing someone who wouldn’t tell of her vulnerability in the morning. It wouldn’t be the first time Lily had come in to see Sam after a fight with her girlfriend and acted like nothing had happened in the morning, that she had been fine all along.

 

But the other person was clearly waking up, stretching and tugging the covers with their movements as they turned to look at him. Definitely not Lily, she would be walking out already. This person reached over and brushed Sam’s hair back, away from his face, and traced a finger along his jawline. Sam held still, waiting for what was going to happen next. They shifted closer, still touching him with a careful caress.

 

“Hey.”

 

Sam closed his eyes in relief. It was Gabriel. But the relief was short-lived, and the heartache of the day before reared up again, feeling that much more intense with Gabriel beside him. How long was he hanging around this time before he ran away again? How much longer was Sam going to have to pretend that he was okay with the way things were, that he didn’t want more than these brief flashes of happiness?

 

“Sam? Are you okay?”

 

“You said you wouldn’t surprise me this time.”

 

Gabriel’s finger stopped moving, and Sam opened his eyes. Gabriel was leaning over him, looking at him with those depthless golden eyes.

 

“I did write. I guess I must have just beaten the mail.”

 

Sam didn’t respond, didn’t say the kind of thing he would love to say to Gabriel. Like how, if Gabe had just given him his cell number, he could have called, could have texted. Sam could have been more confident when Ruby pounced.

 

“Do you want me here, Sam?”

 

Sam still didn’t respond. What was he meant to say to that? Gabriel knew Sam wanted him there all the time. He had to know that. It was Sam that had said he loved Gabriel after all, Sam who had to be okay with not hearing anything back, and feeling like expressing his emotions had been a bad idea. And Gabriel just seemed to be able to breeze in and out of his life with no worries.

 

“I can leave if you want me to,” Gabriel said quietly. “I just thought you might want to spend the weekend together. I have a few days off, and I was down this way, and there was nowhere else I wanted to be.”

 

And then he went and said something like that.

 

“A few days off?” Sam tried to focus on something other than that ache in his chest, or Gabriel’s pretty words that promised more than he ever delivered.

 

“Uh, yeah. I work sometimes, you know.” Gabriel smirked, but the smile soon faded. “Sam, what’s wrong? Normally you’re this cute puppy over me, and right now you’re barely talking. Did I do something?”

 

“How did you get in, anyway?”

 

Gabriel studied him for a moment.

 

“I was waiting on the porch, preparing to sleep out there, but one of your housemates came out. Think he said his name was Dirk? He was going to the seven-eleven to pick up some stuff, he let me in. I didn’t think you’d be pissed about it. I thought you wanted to see me more often.”

 

“I guess I just got a bit freaked out when I went to sleep alone, and woke up next to you.”

 

“You woke up when I got in. I don’t know how with it you were, you told me to avoid the green cat.”

 

“I don’t remember that.”

 

Gabriel smiled sadly.

 

“It shows. I’ll try and give you more warning next time.”

 

He shifted closer, tucking his hair behind his ears only to have it fall forward again, and curled his arms around Sam’s torso. Sam pushed his golden-brown locks back, cupping his face gently.

 

“I wish there wasn’t a next time,” he told Gabriel. He gave a wan smile back.

 

“I know.”

 

“Gabe, I slept with someone else,” Sam blurted. It wasn’t true, but for the way Ruby had made him feel, he may as well have done. Gabriel paused, and his gaze swept over Sam like an X-ray.

 

“Okay.”

 

“What?”

 

“Sam, I keep telling you it’s okay. If that’s what you want, its fine. I’m not going to hold you back.”

 

That wasn’t what Gabriel was supposed to say. And Sam didn’t agree, Gabriel held him back, he stopped him from saying exactly what was on his mind all the time. Especially in their long periods away from each other.

 

“Unless you’re telling me you’re moving on? Because I’ll go, I’ll stop bothering you.”

 

“No.” Sam shook his head, pulling Gabriel closer, hugging him tightly. “No, that’s the last thing I want.”

 

They laid there together for countless minutes, holding each other tightly, Sam playing with Gabriel’s hair and embracing the extra weight on him.

 

“Is this all we’re going to do all day?” Gabriel laughed into his ear.

 

“There are worse things,” Sam murmured, kissing him through his hair. “Gabe? I didn’t sleep with her, she keeps coming on to me.”

 

“You thinking about doing it?”

 

Sam stayed quiet. He hadn’t given it much thought, his mind was normally stuck on Gabriel, on missing him and wondering what he was doing. Or all the legal terms he’d had to memorise.

 

“Of course you are, you’re talking like you’ve actually gone through with it.” Gabriel shifted, leaving Sam’s chest cold as he propped himself up again. “Sam, I don’t want you feeling like this, you know that right? That’s why I’ve always been okay with it. You don’t have to tie yourself to me.”

 

“I don’t think I have a choice when it comes to you,” Sam looked down, away from Gabriel’s intense gaze. “But she’s pretty full on.”

 

“Is it Madison? Because-”

 

“No. Not Madison.”

 

“Sam, I just want you happy.”

 

Sam snorted.

 

“Sure. Right. You here all the time, that would make me happy.”

 

“I’m working on it, Sam.”

 

It wasn’t exactly what Sam wanted to hear, but it gave him hope. Stupid, stupid hope. And Gabriel was coming to him more often, like he’d pointed out. No, it wasn’t every day, but it was progress. He was in America again for Sam, not Castiel. Maybe it really was just as Gabriel had said, maybe he was just working and that was why he wasn’t there so much. Sam wanted to ask what it was he was doing, whether he was using up his vacation allowance on Sam, but he knew Gabriel would just joke instead of answering. And this was a lot of serious conversation, a lot of information on Gabriel’s part. It could have been worse.

 

“Do whatever it is you need to do, okay Sam?” Gabriel kissed his forehead. “Won’t change how I feel about you. I’ll still hope that one day, when you’re this amazing lawyer, you’ll want to live with me the way we used to talk about.”

 

“I’m not breaking up with you,” Sam said vehemently. “I just miss you Gabe. Way too much. Even if something happened with her, I’d be saying your name.”

 

“Bet my rack is better.”

 

Sam looked up in time to see Gabriel wink. Sam placed a hand on his naked chest, and flexed his fingers.

 

“It’s firmer too. Did you get implants?”

 

Gabriel smiled again, and Sam felt more human. Sure, he missed Gabriel like crazy and wanted to chew him out every time he left, but he needed to get his head together and embrace the time he had with Gabriel while he had him. He pulled his boyfriend back onto him, kissing him with a ferocity that even took him by surprise.

 

He tasted even better than Sam remembered, a sweetness to his lips and his tongue that Sam couldn’t get enough of. He rolled over, pinning Gabriel in place, squeezing his pectoral again, grinding his dick into Gabriel’s hip, his mouth stuck firmly over Gabriel’s. He gave back to Sam as good as he got, his tongue flicking around almost wildly, moaning accidentally and making Sam’s entire being vibrate, his hands working their way into Sam’s sweat pants, fingernails digging into the taut flesh of Sam’s ass.

 

Sam was hard, harder than he had been when Ruby accosted him. A mix of morning glory and Gabriel’s proximity made it almost painful. He kept shifting, moving closer to Gabriel, whimpering as he rut against Gabe’s stiff cock. He pushed his sweats down, kicking them off, and grabbed at both of them, trying to handle both their dicks at once, trying to pleasure the man he spent weeks waiting for, while easing his own tension.

 

They were still kissing, lips locked together, tongues tangled in each other. Hell, even their hair was probably knotted together. Gabriel’s fingers bit into his ass even more, in a way that was painful but still left Sam wanting more. He was practically bouncing as he worked their dicks together, using the pre-come he could feel oozing out of both of them to help his cock glide against Gabriel’s. And Sam exploded before anything more could happen, so pent up and wound up from a lack of the man underneath him. He collapsed against Gabriel, panting heavily, knotting his come-covered fingers into Gabriel’s hair, gripping onto him tightly. Gabriel rolled him over, moving one hand down his ass, probing into his ass, and Sam flopped completely onto the bed, letting Gabriel do whatever it was he wanted. He gasped as Gabriel slid more fingers into his hole, moving them around, leaving Sam almost insensible. He wanted to be turned on by this, his stomach was heating up, but he was spent too. He watched through slitted eyes as Gabriel manoeuvred around, removing his fingers and guiding his dick slowly into Sam. They both gave a shaky moan, and Sam laughed tiredly as Gabriel started bucking into him.

 

Sam’s breath caught again. He forgot how good it felt to be with Gabriel, how much his body not only responded to him, but yearned for him. And how long Gabriel could last out. Sam’s flesh felt like it was burning, his vision was going white, and all he wanted was more, was Gabriel, for more moments like this. Gabriel was worth the wait.

 

And then Sam could feel the change, felt Gabriel’s body go rigid as he came inside him moments before he collapsed onto Sam, still inside him. Sam held him close once again, knowing he was smearing his own come all over him and not caring. He had a shower, they could wash themselves down later.

 

“I wish we could just do this all the time,” Gabriel whispered, nuzzling along Sam’s collarbone.

 

“Me too.”

 

“One day, baby. We’ll have our own place, we’ll win the lottery or something so we don’t have to work. And then we’ll only ever have to think about each other.”

 

Sam kissed the top of his head, over and over. He wished Gabriel wouldn’t do pillow talk, in a way, because he wanted it as a reality. And it was unlikely to be anything other than a fantasy when Gabriel hadn’t had a place to call home since he was fifteen.

 

“You feel so good inside me, Gabe,” he whispered instead. Gabriel slowly pulled out of him, kissing his chest again, and Sam felt almost bottomless without him there.

 

“You feel amazing around me. I’m going to grab a shower, okay? And then we can do something.”

 

“More of this?”

 

Gabriel laughed, and nodded over to the tiny en suite in Sam’s room.

 

“Wanna wash each other?”

 

The shower cubicle was barely big enough for Sam, let alone Sam and another person. But the prospect of being pressed against Gabriel under the flow of running water was too tempting for that kind of logistics. He grinned, and rolled Gabriel over, climbing out of bed and striding over to the en suite, crooking a finger at the man still in his bed. He started the water flowing, and Gabriel snaked around him, jumping into the cubicle first. Sam stepped in after him, closing the door behind him and feeling Gabriel’s chest pressed into the top of his stomach, enjoying the warmth of the water that cascaded down his muscles. Gabriel managed to reach around him and grab his shampoo, squeezing a good handful out for each of them and massaging it in. Sam laughed, stooping down as best as he could and folding Gabriel into another kiss.

 

So they still had issues. So Sam still ached for him a crazy amount. So they still spent far too much time apart. At least when they were together, Gabriel gave him the best moments of his life.


	18. Chapter 18

Gabriel had convinced Sam to do one thing he hadn’t done since arriving in San Francisco. They were together at the beach, sitting in the sand and watching the locals and tourists playing in the surf. They had their shoes off, pants rolled up to the knees, and Sam had his shirt off, while Gabriel was in one of his vests. They were propped on their elbows, curling their toes in the powdery white sand, and Sam could pretend that this was a thing they did, not just a one off.

 

“You know, it should be criminal, you having that body out on display,” Gabriel spoke softly.

 

“I forgot my fat suit, sorry.”

 

“Oh, don’t be sorry. Just be aware that I’m not the only one with a boner.”

 

Sam looked across at Gabriel, eyeing his crotch for a moment and shrugging.

 

“Yours is the only boner I’m interested in.”

 

He put on his sunglasses and bent his head to the sun. It was kind of nice, to just sunbathe and be there with Gabriel.

 

“So, there was a thing I wanted to tell you,” Gabriel began. Sam tried to keep his poker face on, to not get excited. It wasn’t entirely like Gabriel to just volunteer information. “I went to the compound the other day.”

 

It took a moment for Sam to make the connection, to understand what Gabriel meant by 'the compound'.

 

“Did you see any of your family?”

 

“Yeah, one of my brothers. We hadn’t actually met before, he’s only twelve. I left two years before he was born. Samandriel. He was the angel of imagination. Anyway, it was weird, being back there, talking to someone I was supposed to matter to.”

 

“Did you tell him? That you were his brother?”

 

“Yeah, after he talked up Cas and said he wanted to leave.”

 

Sam left the subject for a moment. If he knew Gabriel the way he thought he did, Gabe wasn’t going to let a brother exist in that world if they didn’t want to.

 

“Where is he?”

 

“Still there. Hanging out with the local Amish kids and biding his time.”

 

Gabriel sounded bitter, and Sam understood why without having to have it explained. He wondered, briefly, if Gabriel would ever show gratitude to the local Amish community that seemed to help his siblings when they most needed it. Who helped him when he had no brother to help him out too.

 

“You should have taken him, Gabe.”

 

“Right. And hide him where? I wasn’t thinking when I grabbed Cas, it didn’t matter so much with me. But Samandriel is twelve, and I don’t have a place to bring him up. I can’t just drop him on Cas and Dean, not when Cas is prepping for his book tour. I can’t complicate your life anymore. I can’t drag him around with me.” Gabriel collapsed onto the sand, looking utterly defeated. Sam didn’t think he’d seen Gabriel as anything less than utterly confident.

 

“Gabe, if you want to go back there and get him, he’s welcome here. My housing forms have to be renewed in a few days, I could try and move into an apartment. He could have the bedroom, I’d live on the sofa, you could have a key and come whenever. It’s possible.”

 

“It’s not fair on you.”

 

“Gabe, you know that place better than I do. Is it really a good idea to leave him there?” Sam leaned towards him. “If it’s something you’re serious about, we’ll make it work.”

 

Gabriel moved his head, and Sam knew that he was staring at him through his own sunglasses.

 

“I’ll keep visiting him, when work lets me go that way. I’ll get a feel for it. Don’t mess up your housing for me right now, Sam.”

 

“So, no chance of us having an apartment together?”

 

“Not just yet. You deserve better than some pokey apartment.”

 

“San Francisco isn’t cheap. A one-bed apartment or a studio or something, that’s really living it up.”

 

Gabriel didn’t answer, but started chewing on his thumbnail. Sam took the hint, to quit while he was ahead. He sat up and began winding his fingers through the sand, letting the grains slip through and cover the ground again.

 

“Well, if you do ever rescue him, I will help however I can.”

 

“Thanks, Sam.”

 

Sam nodded, and knew that Gabriel was still in his own head. He closed his eyes and embraced the heat of the sun on his shoulders, and the feelings he had for the man laying in the sand beside him.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel stayed true to his word, and stayed for a few more days than usual. He refused to let Sam slack, insisting he attended all his lectures and seminars, and helped in the evenings when Sam was studying, the way they had over the Christmas break. Sam left him with his house key, so he could come and go as he pleased during the few days they had together, but he always returned to Gabriel lounging on his bed, the television on and Gabriel flipping through one of the many course books Sam had to make his way through.

 

Sam knew that Gabriel was avoiding his housemates as much as possible, when he was there and when he was in class. He knew that it was nothing personal, that Gabriel was just uncomfortable around the people that he believed were smarter than him, but it did make Sam a little sad to think that they couldn’t get on. It was in the back of his mind that Gabriel might be jealous of Madison, of the brief relationship Sam had had with her and that might have influenced his feelings towards the others, but Gabriel remained the jokey, friendly guy he was in Sam’s presence, and if he didn’t know him as well as he did he wouldn’t have believed there was any issue there whatsoever.

 

Over their few days, and the nights where they would explore each others bodies with a hunger that never seemed to be sated, Sam slowly told Gabriel the few things he knew about Ruby. He was positive that nothing was going to come of it, he insisted on that fact with Gabriel, but Gabriel would smile sadly and nod, like he knew better but he didn’t have the heart to disillusion his boyfriend over the inevitable. Sam was trying to explain why it felt that, in their very brief conversations, it felt as though she was under his skin, hitting his nerves, but Gabriel never gave any advice about what to do, merely stating that it was Sam’s choice and he was okay with whatever decision Sam made.

 

It was a strange position to be in, Sam felt. To be so crazy about a person and know that they cared about you as much, but that they were willing to let you be with someone else. He almost felt like Gabriel was pushing him in that direction.

 

They talked about the summer as well, Sam telling of Mary’s offer to have Gabriel over. Again, Gabriel didn’t seem eager, but eventually he agreed to make his way down to Kansas for a couple of days when his schedule allowed. It seemed more important to him that Sam spend time with his mother, since Dean and Castiel weren’t going to be there.

 

But when the time came for Gabriel to leave, it felt harder than before. Gabriel held him tightly, burrowed in his chest, and Sam clung to him, curling over him like he could envelop himself around Gabriel. They didn’t speak, or kiss. It somehow didn’t feel like enough. It was Sam who pulled away first, though he really didn’t want to. Gabriel sketched a wave, gave an echo of his normal smirk and climbed into a car Sam hadn’t seen before. One of the hire cars. He wondered how much trouble Gabriel would be in for returning it so late, as he watched him drive off into the gathering dusk, but he knew Gabriel, knew he could charm the pants off anyone and avoid punishment.

 

It somehow validated their relationship for Sam. Knowing that Gabriel might have gotten into trouble to see him, just to spend a little time with him. It made it easier to believe Gabriel’s words, to know that he was looking to be with Sam long term, just like they had discussed.

 

And this time, when Gabriel left, it didn’t hurt the way it had before. Sam played with the beads he had been given as he headed back into the house, and back to his books. He had a part of Gabriel with him, still had his passport. He had to believe in the long game, that maybe his boyfriend was just planning something big, some surprise that would knock Sam off his feet. He grabbed a glass of water in the kitchen, and went straight to his room, opening up a textbook and forcing himself to focus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you're still reading this (and not waiting for it to be completely finished lol) - first of all, thank you, and I hope you're enjoying it!
> 
> Just a note to say that I probably won't update again for about a week, I have a bunch of projects on right now - including this one - and I wanted to take some time to catch up with them all. I hope this chapter is enough to last out that week x


	19. Chapter 19

Sam didn’t see Gabriel all summer. He knew it depended on Gabriel getting time off, and being near Kansas with one of the cars he was supposed to be driving back and forth, and he supposed that they were just unlucky.

 

But he didn’t mind. It was nice to spend the summer with his mother, helping her out around the house, going on days out with her. They’d spent one afternoon playing crazy golf, and another day at the local aquarium. They didn’t talk about John’s absence while they spent most of their days together. Mary was cautious not to speak about him, managing to fill the air with questions about Stanford, and Sam’s course, his housemates and Gabriel. They talked about Dean and Castiel not being there, and how exciting the book tour must be. Dean occasionally sent a postcard talking about their trip, but there wasn’t much to gleam from the cards.

 

There was the rare day where John would join them, and their usually warm, flowing conversation stuttered. He was there when they caught a baseball game, and when there was a car rally in town. Sam could feel the tension between his parents, their lack of ability to talk civilly with one another. They didn’t make him a go-between, but it was close.

 

John didn’t acknowledge Gabriel, or the possibility that Sam had seen him again while he was at college. He merely grunted a few questions about the car, and Sam’s house in Stanford, and Sam did his best to answer without an attitude. John didn’t point it out, which made the atmosphere slightly more bearable.

 

Sam was pretending as well, that he didn’t go to bed every night and listen to them screaming at each other before his mother walked up the stairs alone, shutting her door softly and crying. That he never heard his father go to bed, and would come down in the morning to find John sprawled in his Lay-Z-boy, or just not there at all. He suspected on those occasions that John was at Bobby’s, sleeping off the bender of the night before. The only sign Mary gave that something was wrong was the copious amount of baking she did in between activities. Sam took to going jogging in the early morning just to work off all the brownies.

 

He was relieved when, at the end of the holiday, a week before he was due to leave, Dean and Castiel showed up. The front of the Impala was crowded with bobbleheads and tiny soft toys, but Sam’s brother looked the same as ever, wearing an old music shirt and jeans with sunglasses, while Castiel was in his usual sweater, shirt and slacks combination. It was a relief to see something normal for the first time all vacation. He followed them up to Dean’s room, standing in the doorway as Dean flopped back onto the mattress and Castiel started to put their clothes away. Sam noted that Castiel only separated their clothes into underwear, socks, shirts and pants, they jumbled their clothes up together. It was somehow sweet, that they shared clothes, the way they shared everything else. At least they could, Sam noted. They were a similar height, and though Dean was stockier there wasn’t that much difference between them. If Gabriel ever wore Sam’s clothes, he would look like a kid playing dress up. If Sam tried his pants on, they’d show at least a foot of leg.

 

Sam didn’t say any of this, however. He didn’t think they would admit to anything, and Dean would probably try to get a rise out of him. He wasn’t in the mood.

 

“Thank God you two are here,” he said instead. And he meant it, he liked seeing Dean again, he liked to think he got on well with Castiel. There were two more buffers.

 

“I know, its real easy to miss us,” Dean grinned from the bed, tucking his hands behind his head and watching Castiel moving around the room. Sam barely even noticed his brother’s bravado. He was so desperate to talk about the past few weeks, about the way their parents were.

 

“This summer has sucked. Dad’s been gone most of the time, sleeping at Uncle Bobby’s, and Mom’s been really down. She said she doesn’t blame you guys, you know, being away all the time, but I think she’s been real lonely.”

 

Dean sat up, leaning against his bed as Castiel turned to look at Sam, zipping up their empty case. Mentioning Mary was always going to make Dean serious. And although Sam had enjoyed his time with their mother, he had noticed her distance, her need to talk about anything and everything but her own problems. And he knew that when they were away, at opposite ends of the country, things were a lot bleaker for Mary.

 

“Has Dad been back at all?”

 

Sam didn’t see the point of talking about the car show or the baseball game. It wasn’t like he tried with Mary then. He shrugged.

 

“A couple times. He was drunk, and they yelled at each other, then Mom ran up to their room to cry. I think they’re going to get a divorce. They haven’t said anything, but I just get the feeling. And I think it’s been going on a while, since I left for college, maybe.”

 

If Sam was hoping that his older brother would reassure him that he was wrong, that he was reading too much into it, then he was sadly mistaken. Dean seemed to take it as a personal insult.

 

“What do they even have to argue about?”

 

Castiel stood in between them, looking from side to side as though expecting blows to fly. But Sam wasn’t angry, and he could tell Dean wasn’t riled up enough to throw a punch. Yet.

 

“Honestly? I think it’s us. Like, Dad can barely deal with you being married to Cas, but then throw in me and Gabriel,” he looked over his shoulder, as though John was suddenly in the house, listening to them talk. He was trying to avoid Dean seeing him blush too. They didn’t exactly discuss Gabriel. He breathed out, and turned back around, trying to keep focused. “I think Mom’s trying to stand up for us, but Dad’s stuck in the past.”

 

Dean looked to Castiel, who was now studying the floor, his shoulders hitched up. Sam realised that he didn’t like the way the conversation was panning out, but was letting them talk it through. Dean looked back at him, and took a leaf out of Mary’s book. He tried for optimism, which just let Sam know how desperate he was for it not to be true.

 

“Maybe it’s just a blip, or Mom’s got empty nest syndrome since you went to college all the way over in California?”

 

Sam ignored the dig. After all, Dean went to college all the way over in Boston. He didn’t stay close to their parents, as tight as he was with Mary. He had been so wrapped up in his husband that it was possible he’d missed all the things that Sam had seen so clearly.

 

“I wish you were right. I can’t not go to college, not if I want to be a lawyer. And you guys can’t give up if you’re in your last year. I think Bobby’s trying to help, he’s been talking to Dad when he can. But you know what he can be like.”

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t be getting involved,” Castiel finally spoke up. He seemed a little more relaxed than before, or at least, Sam couldn’t remember Castiel using a contraction in conversation. He was still looking at the floor. “As much as I hate the idea that they’re going through this, I’m just worried our interfering will make it worse. I don’t want to come between your parents.”

 

“I think it’s a little bit too late for that.” Sam said quietly. He could understand their hesitancy. Dean didn’t want to imagine their mother hurting, and Castiel wanted to believe that his new family was better than his old one. But it made Sam ache for Gabriel more than normal. Gabe had always seen the situation for what it was, knew that John was a distant alcoholic and Mary was fragile, hiding behind a smile. He had the ability to make Sam feel like it would be okay, that maybe it was crap but it wasn’t Sam’s fault, it was just a curse of getting old. He watched as they looked at each other, doe-eyed and lingering, and had to leave the room. He walked outside, drifting away from Bobby’s house to sit by himself.

 

He would have liked to talk to Bobby. Their old neighbour had practically helped to raise them, had attended soccer games and helped with homework, and tried to teach the boys about cars. But Sam hadn’t been over there for years. He was too worried about walking in on John and Bobby drinking, on having John yell at him and insult him and accidentally put Bobby in the middle of it all.

 

He had been looking out at the tree line in front of the house for a few minutes before he was joined by his mother.

 

“Is everything okay, Sam?”

 

“Yeah. Just, you know, thinking.”

 

She leaned her head against his arm, and he pulled her into a hug.

 

“I’m going to miss you when I go back,” Sam admitted.

 

“I’ll miss you too baby.”

 

“You could come with me? When I go back. Look around campus, meet my housemates. Take a break from this.” Sam gestured back towards the house, but they both knew he meant John. “Just for a couple of days. You could bring cookies and win over the rest of the house.”

 

She laughed. Quietly and briefly, but it was still good to hear Mary laugh.

 

“You don’t want me cramping your style, getting in the way. Especially not when Gabriel is there.”

 

“You wouldn’t cramp my style. You’re my mom and I love you.”

 

She reached up and gave his cheek a small kiss.

 

“How did I get so lucky, having two wonderful sons?”

 

“You started with being a great mom.”

 

She bit her lip, and patted his arm.

 

“I’m going to go make some dinner. Maybe afterwards we could all do something together?”

 

Sam knew she was only thinking of the two of them, Dean and Castiel. But he nodded anyway.

 

“You need some help?”

 

She smiled, standing up and holding a hand out to him.

 

“Three years ago, you and Dean were allergic to helping. Now it’s all you want to do.”

 

“What can I say? A year at college made me realise how much you do for me. How much you do for both of us.”

 

“I’m your mom, Sam. It’s my job.”

 

Sam stopped arguing with her. It was clear to him that she couldn’t see just how wonderful a person she was. But that was okay. Sam could see it, and so could his brother. So could everyone who got to spend time with Mary.

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had been all over the country, working and sightseeing and occasionally browsing for places to buy in San Francisco. Sam hadn’t been lying, it was an expensive place to live, and Sam probably wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for the student housing. But he was saving hard, trying to make it possible to have a nice place, one he’d be happy to give to Sam, and he was starting to think it could happen within a year if he was careful.

 

He missed Sam with a vehemence he hadn’t been expecting. True, he had been missing Sam ever since they met, and each time they saw each other was like a balm for that. But their last parting had been intense, and Gabriel hadn’t known what to say to Sam. He wasn’t ready to say the words he knew Sam was dying to hear. Or rather, he knew he felt that way, but he couldn’t make himself say it, couldn’t watch the emotions cross Sam’s face as he went through from elation to devastation when he realised Gabriel was still leaving. And with the way that Sam had been talking about Ruby, Gabriel didn’t want it to come across the wrong way, like it was a desperate attempt to cling to the man he loved.

 

It sucked, spending countless hours on the road with intermittent radio coverage and thoughts stuck on Sam and Ruby. It sucked to be jealous. Sam was attractive, and had a great body, and a crazy-smart brain; it was obvious to Gabriel how eligible he was. Of course there were going to be other people flinging themselves at him. And Gabriel trusted Sam, knew that he meant every word when he promised he just wanted to be faithful, but Ruby was an unknown entity.

 

He was musing about the entire situation, and whether it had been smart to be so understanding about Sam’s confusion, while sitting on the hillside, looking down at the compound. He worked on a sucker as he watched Michael lead a little girl through the vegetables they grew themselves. He had a niece, a niece he would never meet. One who didn’t know about Uncle Gabriel. The idea made him sad, made him wish for Sam to be there, talking him out of his frustration with that cool logic only Sam could apply.

 

He had been hoping to see Samandriel again, but he didn’t even get a glimpse of his younger brother. Just Michael and his niece and thoughts of Sam with some girl called Ruby, leaving him behind. It was definitely a low point.


	20. Chapter 20

“You did what?”

 

Gabriel took his cell phone away from his ear for a moment, to stare at the handset. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Castiel sound less formal. He put it back to his ear again and repeated himself.

 

“I went back to the compound.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know,” Gabriel confessed. “Because the first time I went I talked to Samandriel?”

 

Castiel was quiet for a few moments, and Gabriel anticipated the worst.

 

“Gabriel, there’s nothing to gain by going back there. Even if you get a few moments talking to one of our brothers. What if it was Raphael? What if Michael saw? They would call Father, and then what?”

 

“Okay, okay.”

 

“Has this got something to do with Sam?”

 

“Why would Sam have anything to do with that place?” Gabriel deflected. Castiel was quiet for a moment, and Gabriel waited for his brother to explain that train of thought.

 

“What’s going on with you two now, anyway? Sam was talking as though you were a couple when I saw him. I know you have some reservations-”

 

“We’re together. I mean, it’s long distance and everything for now. I’ve managed to save some cash, not enough for a deposit yet, but I’m getting there.”

 

“You want me to lend you some money? I got my advance. Dean and I were going to use it for our own place, but I can lend you some until we’re ready to use it.”

 

“You don’t have to do that. And I’m not going to jerk Sam about. I just made him go back to his house share. By the time his contract’s up again, I’ll have enough.”

 

“So, you’re moving in with him next summer?”

 

“Yeah,” Gabriel hadn’t exactly asked Sam, but surely it was going to be a no-brainer?

 

“Okay. So why do you keep going back to the compound? If you’re in a good relationship with him, and you’re about to settle down? It’s not cold feet, is it?”

 

“No. I guess I was just curious, about whether they missed us.”

 

“If they did, I’m sure they wouldn’t admit to it. Why would you miss the devil’s children?”

 

Castiel sounded unusually bitter. Gabriel couldn’t really blame him, all the rhetoric that had been pumped into them from birth had left them both a little fragile. But Castiel had persevered, had let Dean in despite all those negative thoughts, and managed to find happiness.

 

“Well, Samandriel said he missed you. He didn’t even know who I was, but he remembered you.”

 

“You want to save him from that life, don’t you?”

 

“Of course,” Gabriel didn’t know why that was surprising news to Castiel. After all, he hadn’t second guessed it the first time around. “But I want to have a place first.”

 

“That might help. Let him come to you though, Gabe. Things may have changed since we left home. They might actually care about looking for him.”

 

Gabriel nodded at the phone, forgetting that his brother was a thousand miles away.

 

“You’re right. Of course.”

 

“Forget about it for now. Focus on Sam.”

 

“Sure.” Gabriel leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “So, how’s the book coming on?”

 

 

*

 

 

Sam was standing in the corner of the crowded room, nursing a lukewarm beer in the obligatory red solo cup. He was surrounded by other students, all dancing or talking loudly, playing beer pong or making out with each other.

 

Andy had dragged him along, telling him that this year he was going to socialise. Which seemed a little strange, when Andy could be plenty socially awkward himself. But Lily had agreed that it was a good idea and made the entire house go to the party.

 

Sam had lost track of all his friends the moment they entered the house. The girls - Lily, Madison, Donna, and Sarah, the girl who had taken Dirk’s room when he didn’t return from summer vacation - had all disappeared somewhere together. Andy had stuck around long enough to get a beer before he too vanished into the seething mass of bodies. Sam had decided that he stuck out a little less when he pressed himself against the wall.

 

“Well, hello stranger.” Someone purred in his ear in the brief lull between two songs. He turned and saw Ruby, biting her lip as she smiled. Sam supposed she was trying for innocent, but there was really nothing innocent about her. The dress she was wearing barely reached her thighs and showed off her cleavage. Sam forced himself not to stare at her chest, even as she thrust it closer to him, starting to wind her hips as she moved towards him. He threw back the rest of his beer as she turned around, grinding up against him, pinning him to the wall.

 

He wasn’t drunk, not really. Not on the weak, warm beer that whoever was throwing this party had provided. Not enough to push this too far, but he still found himself letting it happen, letting her work her body against his, even if he didn’t join in her style of dancing. She took his hands, and moved them down her body, and he let her do it, left his hands on her hips when she took her hands away.

 

He almost felt like he was outside of his own body, watching this happen. Watching as Ruby tried to seduce him, and he just stood there, not pushing her off, but not actively encouraging her either. He was torn, unsure whether he really should be allowing it, or if he should be reminding her that it was an impossibility, that he was with Gabriel and that’s how he wanted it.

 

But then she was taking his hand again, walking him through the party and outside to where a group of third years were smoking and talking quietly together. The music that was blaring inside the house was muted out here, and despite the smell of tobacco and weed, Sam was grateful for the otherwise fresh air. Ruby said nothing as she continued to lead him away from the party, and it was only after they had walked a block that Sam thought to question it.

 

“Ruby? Where are we going?”

 

She turned to him and flashed a seductive smile.

 

“I thought that we could have a party all by ourselves.”

 

They didn’t stop walking, and Sam started to have some serious misgivings. Gabriel might have said he was okay with this happening, and Ruby might have been bloody-minded in her pursuit of Sam, but did he really want to go down this road? He had never intentionally cheated on anyone, not with this level of pre-planning. Gabriel had just happened, and he still regretted hurting Jessica the way he did.

 

Ruby let him into an apartment block, and up to the second floor, only stopping to unlock the doors on the way in. Once inside, she shoved him down onto the couch and straddled him, her skirt riding up around her hips. She gave another sultry smirk before she dived down, kissing him urgently, moaning and writhing against him. Sam couldn’t engage his brain, to push her away or join in. Eventually, she bit down on his lower lip, tugging on it, and then nudged against his head.

 

“Hello, Sam? Is this happening or what?”

 

He swallowed around a huge lump in his throat, and she sat back, pouting.

 

“Sam?” She stroked his chest gently. “Are you with me? Or are you just pretending I’m him?”

 

“There’s no way I’d get you confused with him,” Sam muttered. He cleared his throat, and tried to get his head together. But it was difficult when he was so confused. Yes, he was aroused by Ruby, he wouldn’t have let her drag him away if he weren’t. And he wanted to stay faithful to Gabriel but he hadn’t even seen him since before his finals, hadn’t heard anything about him from Castiel the entire summer either. Gabriel hadn’t even tried to see him. And at least Ruby wanted him, made it obvious that she was interested. “Look, if this happens, its just sex. Okay? Nothing else.”

 

She laughed, and came closer once again.

 

“I don’t care.”

 

This time, when she pressed her mouth against his, licked into his mouth, he joined in, his hands sliding around her thighs to cup her ass as she pushed up against him again. He closed his eyes, and tried to get back to that feeling of being outside his body. Trying to keep it purely physical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope you're enjoying this and don't hate me too much for the direction this is taking (my Beta is currently trying her hardest to get me to rewrite everything ... um ...)
> 
> I feel I should mention right here that it's going to get a little hazy for the next couple of chapters in terms of consent. I haven't written anything explicit in the chapters so it's more hinted at than anything, but I wanted to warn anyone who is reading this that it's coming. I won't be offended if you stop reading. It's meant to be a case of crossed wires but I don't know if I'm a good enough writer to convey that.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning with this chapter, as I said at the end of the last one: though I've left it a little ambiguous, there is a possibility that this could be considered dub con. Also, sorry for the spoiler alert, but it's basically the set up for a threesome. So if that triggers you, or you don't like the idea of a Sam-Gabriel-Ruby love triangle, I won't be upset if you stop reading. If you can work past that ... I hope that in future chapters I can make it up to you x
> 
> Any feedback you want to give would be really appreciated, especially as I'm kind of just borrowing this ship for this story x

It was an accident. Sam wasn’t meant to fall for Ruby, in any way.

 

And although he didn’t think about her and smile, or wish she was with him all the time the way that he did with Gabriel, he did find himself returning to her over and over.

 

It wasn’t like with Gabriel at all. It was a quick hit, something to keep him going while Gabriel couldn’t be there with him. An ego boost, one that made Sam feel like he was worthy. Ruby wasn’t the same as Gabriel, she wasn’t tender, she didn’t have the same hypnotic golden eyes that told more stories than her mouth ever could. She didn’t give him affectionate nicknames that messed about with their height difference. And she didn’t satisfy him the way Gabriel did. Probably because Sam never bothered to tell her that Gabriel usually topped, and he preferred the feeling of someone inside him.

 

He barely spoke to her when they hooked up. He accepted the shots she offered him, not bothering to find out what they were. He let her strip him off, let her shove him on the bed and climb on top of him. He even let her tie him up, let her use toys on him, let her do what she wanted. He wasn’t there to have a relationship, he was there to get laid. Maybe a part of him was trying to get revenge on Gabriel, for not committing to him, to not letting himself settle down and love Sam back. Maybe he was hoping Gabriel would show up one day, forcing his way into Ruby’s apartment and sweeping Sam off his feet, proclaiming his undying love and promising never to go away again.

 

Maybe that was why he couldn’t stop himself from showing up at her place unannounced, normally after a particularly tough day, or on a Saturday when it was clear that Gabriel wasn’t showing up that weekend. Or maybe some part of him just craved Ruby, the way she was desperate for him, the way she was overly enthusiastic about the sex, as if Sam gave her multiple orgasms when he clearly wasn’t even all there.

 

He couldn’t explain why he started sleeping at her place, once they were done. At first, he had pulled out of her and immediately stepped back into his clothes, leaving her still naked and sprawled on the bed as he headed back across to his own house, where he would shower and scrub himself hard, trying to remove the memory of her. But then something changed - Sam wasn’t sure what - and he couldn’t make himself do that anymore. Somehow, his room seemed miles away, when Ruby’s covers were right there, warm and enticing. He still woke in the morning before she did, and left then with regret burning deep in his gut, which wouldn’t thaw no matter how hot he ran the water in the shower.

 

But this time, it was different. Ruby had approached him as he left the library, arms full of books and a sore head full of case studies. He was desperate for some sleep, but allowed her to loop her arm through his, leaning against his body as they walked.

 

“Hey hot stuff. Big problem, we can’t go to my place tonight,” she pouted, and Sam wondered if he had become predictable. They hadn’t scheduled a hook up. “Some problem with the water or heating or- I don’t know. Can we go to your house?”

 

It was just easier to go along with Ruby than to beg off because he was tired. And he did enjoy screwing her. So he led her to the house, let her in and dumped his books on the kitchen table. The others were out already, enjoying their Saturday night, so he didn’t worry about any of them walking in, questioning what he was doing with Ruby when he was supposedly crazy about Gabriel. He pulled a bottle of bourbon from the cupboard and split it between two coffee mugs, passing one to Ruby and tipping the other back, embracing the burn of the liquid and pouring another drink quickly.

 

“Hey, Sam, slow down. It’s not as much fun when you’re unconscious.”

 

She took the cup out of his hand, and pulled him into a kiss, forcing his hands around her waist. He complied, trying to get into it enough to get hard, not enough to regret effectively cheating on Gabriel; and kissed his way over to her ear to bite it the way she liked.

 

“Sam? Can we do this in your bedroom? Not the kitchen? I mean, I don’t mind the idea of sex on a table, but I do mind that Andy guy coming in and watching us.”

 

Sam’s response was to catch at her mouth again, letting her force her tongue between his lips, as he tried to lead the way into his bedroom. They missed a few times, which just made Ruby giggle into his mouth. He finally got the right door, and led her in, still kissing her.

 

*

 

Gabriel had been lounging on Sam’s bed, waiting for him to come home. Donna had let him in, saying that she wasn’t sure where Sam was, but that was common these days. It concerned Gabriel, that Sam’s housemates didn’t know where he was. Sure, they weren’t his keepers, but they were friendly. He had thought they shared things like that.

 

To keep his mind off of wondering where Sam suddenly kept going, and when he would be back, Gabriel pulled a random book from Sam’s shelf, and started flicking through it as he settled into what he considered to be his side of Sam’s bed. He didn’t know when Sam found time to read this stuff, on top of all the law stuff he had to go through and spending time with his friends. And the book was kind of boring, with long sections of detailed prose that couldn’t hold Gabriel’s concentration. Sam was so ridiculously smart, just for being able to care about that style of writing.

 

He heard a few bumps along the passageway, and muted laughter, but didn’t pay much attention, passing it off as typical student behaviour until Sam’s door sprang open and he stepped through backwards … kissing a cascading pile of chocolate-brown curls. Gabriel felt his stomach drop, unable to look away from the scene in front of him. Whoever this girl was - Gabriel assumed it was a girl and not just a mass of hair with legs attached - she was making Sam laugh. Gabriel could barely remember the last time Sam laughed with him. Why was that?

 

She spotted Gabriel first, her eyes widening as she pulled away from Sam and got his attention, letting him know that Gabriel was there. And he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Did he kick her out? Did he try and win Sam back over? Or was he meant to just fold, and walk away, and not mind that Sam had moved on. For the first time, he wished he had given Sam his number, so he knew it was over and didn’t have to sit through this painful moment.

 

Sam had frozen, staring at him with a pinched expression on his face, and Gabriel knew he was bursting Sam’s bubble. He missed the way Sam had reacted to him on Valentine’s Day, that happy disbelief, the obvious questions that came as Sam tried to process that he was really there. He wanted the excited surprise that would permeate the room moments before Sam fell upon him, kissing his face over and over. He didn’t want to look at a Sam who seemed almost winded, stepping back slowly from the girl like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

 

And Gabriel couldn’t complain, could he? He was the one to encourage Sam seeing other people. Sam had even tried to ask about this eventuality, about what would happen if Gabriel came by unannounced when he was seeing someone else. He tried to buy some time, slowly getting off the bed to slot the book back in its place. And then what? He still wasn’t sure how Sam would want to handle this. And how he handled it felt like a big defining moment in their relationship. If he picked this girl now, it was over. If he picked Gabriel, it was going to be damn hard work. And if Sam wasn’t sure? Gabriel didn’t know what he could do.

 

But this girl had made Sam laugh, had made him happy. And as hard as it was to realise that Gabriel wasn’t the one to do that for him, it was all he really wanted. To know Sam was happy. Whatever he was going to do, it was going to make sure it was what would make Sam happy. The girl broke the silence.

 

“Uh, you have a roommate, Sam?”

 

Gabriel looked at her. Which was easier than watching Sam turn pale and slightly green, and slightly more sociable than staring at the bookshelf. He catalogued everything about this usurper, her tiny stature, her skinny frame that made her hair seem much bigger. She was pretty, Gabriel could see that, with big dark eyes and a full mouth. But apart from being short, there wasn’t anything to compare her to Gabriel. So who exactly was Sam attracted to? Sam finally found his voice.

 

“No. Um, Gabe, this is Ruby. Ruby, it’s Gabe.”

 

This was Ruby? The girl Sam had been angsting over? He felt like the decision was out of his hands. Sam wasn’t his any more. It was clear in Sam’s body language, and in the way they got introduced. Gabriel like he was greeting his successor, Ruby like ‘it’s that guy I told you about’. Ouch. Had Sam broken up with Jess like this? Gabriel tried to keep himself together, to ride it out until he could get his passport back and leave, hopefully. He fell back to his usual setting, the one that protected himself the most, and went for slightly sarcastic humour.

 

“I assumed,” He tried to smirk. “I’ll just grab a blanket, go sleep on the couch.”

 

“Wait, are you the boyfriend?”

 

That made Gabriel pause. Maybe Sam wasn’t completely lost, because Gabriel knew every detail of Ruby chasing Sam, but Ruby didn’t even know Gabriel’s name? And she said the boyfriend, so surely that meant Sam still referred to him that way? He glanced briefly at Sam, who was watching his laundry on the floor rather than meet his eye, still looking nauseated. He smirked again at Ruby.

 

“I like that I get the definite article there. The boyfriend. The only one. Whereas you are … my fill in, I guess?”

 

He was trying to match her at her own game, be as dismissive about her as she was about him. She put a hand on one hip.

 

“What can I say, I keep Sam satisfied.”

 

Gabriel saw Sam look up out of the corner of his eye, and turned to look at him, quirking his eyebrow. He liked to think that he knew Sam well enough to know he wanted to object to what Ruby was saying. Not Gabriel, Ruby. So Gabriel had to figure out what was going on here. Was he witnessing their first hook up? Or was it something else, some kind of punishment for Gabriel? Did Sam bring her back here every night, hoping that Gabriel could see that he could be replaced? Whichever it was, Gabriel was fighting for his man.

 

“Sounds like a challenge to me.”

 

Sam still didn’t react, didn’t tell Gabriel that there was no need for a challenge because of course they were together. He continued to stare at the mess on the floor, like he could barely hear either of them. Gabriel was dying to find out what Sam was thinking, but he couldn’t make him open up without sending Ruby away, and he wasn’t sure if Sam even wanted him to do that. All he had to go on was that one gesture of Sam’s, to raise his head for a moment. And Ruby didn’t seem like she was backing down any time soon.

 

“There’s no challenge,” Ruby preened. “You leave him … unfulfilled.”

 

“Trust me, sweetheart, when I’m here, there’s no one else.”

 

“Then why haven’t I been kicked out yet?” Ruby cocked her head, brushing her dark curls to one side. “Why were you going to take the couch when I showed up with your man?”

 

She had Gabriel there and she knew it as well as he did. He tried Sam one last time, trying to appeal to the man that had his heart, even as he started toting up all the things he should have done. He should have given up travelling sooner. He should have given Sam his number. He should have been honest the moment Sam said he loved him and said it back instead of freezing up like a little bitch. He should have listened to Castiel.

 

“Sam? You wanna carry on fooling around with this one, or you wanna go to bed with me?”

 

“Oh, nice, you think I’m some flash in the pan?” Ruby snorted. “We hook up all the time.”

 

That was the last thing Gabriel wanted to hear. He could have fooled himself that it was one time, maybe, if Sam had kicked her out. But hearing that was too raw on top of everything else. Because it meant Sam was outgrowing him, and that idea was killing him. He waited for Sam to actually respond, but there was still nothing. It was getting frustrating, and Gabriel knew there was only one way to try and resolve this. Since Ruby was so confident about this whole debacle, he would talk to her alone.

 

“Can I talk to you? Outside?” Gabriel asked her. She nodded, and walked straight back out of the door. Sam’s shoulder’s sagged in relief as they left the room, but Gabriel didn’t stop to reassure him. He needed to get things clear with Ruby, so she would back the hell off his man. And then Gabriel was going to make damn sure that no one else got to Sam. He was a little scared by how protective he felt of him, now that he was faced with losing Sam. He closed the door softly, and Ruby folded her bony little arms, tapping her foot impatiently.

 

“Yeah, you have to go,” Gabriel shrugged in a poor attempt at disappointment.

 

“Please. Sam wanted me here. And unless he says otherwise, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“He’s my boyfriend.”

 

“Uh-huh. And you left him here. That’s your damage. You don’t fool me,” she swept her hair to the side again with a flick of her head. “If you and Sam were so into each other, he wouldn’t have slept with me. Must be missing something with you if he keeps coming to me.”

 

“Sure.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Look, I’ve had a long day, I’ve missed my boyfriend, I don’t want to have to deal with this,” he gestured at her. “When we need a big, dramatic reunion.”

 

Ruby snorted.

 

“Uh-huh. You think that maybe Sam’s not gay? So no matter how much you suck his dick, he’s never going to want you, not really.”

 

“Sam’s bi,” Gabriel shrugged, taking a chance on the fact. It wasn’t like they’d ever talked about it, but it made sense. “And honey, if you’ve ever satisfied him the way I do when I’m balls deep in his ass, then maybe I could pretend to believe your horseshit for about a second.”

 

She smirked, her eyes sweeping down for a moment to check out Gabriel’s package, before she looked back up.

 

“Put your money where your mouth is,” she challenged.

 

“What?”

 

“We go back in there. We both put the moves on him. See what he decides.”

 

“A threesome?” Gabriel felt like he had to clarify what she was saying. “You want a threesome, with him and me?”

 

“Not really. If I had my way you wouldn’t be part of the equation, but since you’re insisting on hanging around, I say we see what happens. But don’t touch me.”

 

“As if I’d want to.” Gabriel scoffed. “Sam wouldn’t want it.”

 

“Says who? Sam loves experimenting. Which I guess explains what he’s doing with you.”

 

Ruby watched him, like she was daring him to give in. Like Gabriel needed to justify his relationship with Sam to this girl. Like if she implied it enough with her facial expressions, Gabriel would know that he was a coward. He just had to hope that Sam would put his foot down, and make the right decision, because there was no way Ruby was going to listen to him. “Fine. I’ll take front row for you getting shut down.”

 

*

 

Sam was staring at the floor, his stomach rolling. It didn’t feel real. How could the one time he brought Ruby to his place be the time that Gabriel finally showed up? And yet they were both out there, talking about God only knew what. Sam mostly hoped that Gabriel was telling Ruby to leave, like they always agreed. But there was a little stab of vindictive pleasure in there too, some hope that Ruby stood her ground and let Gabriel know that he couldn’t just take him for granted.

 

When the door opened, Sam watched them both walk in, their feet crossing into his field of vision. He couldn’t look up, couldn’t see them both. That wasn’t expected, and Sam had a really bad feeling about what was going to happen next.

 

“Hey fun-size,” Gabriel nudged his chin with a knuckle, sounding as blasé as he normally did. Did he not care that Sam had been sleeping with Ruby? It felt so off. “So, I want to do our usual. Ruby thinks she’s going to get laid by you. It’s up to you, Sam. Me or her?”

 

Sam blinked. Was that even an option? Sure, he’d been sleeping with Ruby, she was good at it. She made him feel wanted, for even a few minutes. But this was Gabriel, and Sam was pretty fucking hopeless when it came to him. Why was he even asking like there was a contest? He looked up, finally catching Gabriel’s eye. He was suddenly so serious, yet Sam didn’t know what to think. Did Gabriel believe there was a chance he would ever pick anyone else?

 

“Both is an option,” Ruby had dropped her voice to that sultry growl she did when she thought Sam was a little too drunk, her way of trying to get him in the mood. And just to drive her point home, she sat beside him on the bed, scooting too close, placing her hand possessively on his knee. He carried on watching Gabriel, for any sign of a reaction. To see Gabriel get upset on his behalf, and remind her that actually, no that wasn’t an option. But Gabriel’s expression didn’t change. Sam wished they were like their brothers, able to have intense conversations with just their eyes. Instead, he felt lost trying to read his boyfriend. They were a foot from each other, but Gabriel had never felt so distant.

 

“If you really wanted both of us, then just for tonight,” Gabriel smiled softly. “Just for tonight, you get us both.”

 

Sam wanted to vomit. That’s what he wanted. But Ruby was rubbing his thigh now, her hand gliding higher and higher and he just couldn’t think, and he stared desperately at Gabriel like he was able to read anything there but that wasn’t working, all Gabriel did was step forward and place a hand around the back of his neck. It was as if Ruby wasn’t there any more, not to Gabriel, even though Sam was all too aware of her pressed against him. Gabriel pulled closer and kissed him softly on the mouth, and he responded, hoping that his kiss would do all the communicating when he didn’t have the words.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again: although I haven't written anything specific, there's hints of dub con/threesomes mentioned in this chapter. So if you trigger, I'm really sorry and you may want to skip. If you don't, I hope I've done the situation justice x

Sam woke up with a sore head, and an aching body. As he came to, he slowly started to remember the night before. Bringing Ruby to his home for the first time ever. Gabriel being there. The suggestion of a threesome. Going through with it.

 

He knew it was something a lot of people talked about doing. A fantasy that a lot of people had that they never acted on. And Sam could see why. He regretted it, every moment of it. He should have told Ruby that she was welcome to stay but had to sleep on the sofa. He should have just enjoyed Gabriel being back.

 

He could feel one of them next to him in the bed, but he didn’t want to look and find Ruby. He never stayed around when he visited her, but he had no idea if she would do the same. What he most wanted to do was to crawl into the shower and stay there for a couple of years until he could wash all the memories away.

 

Ruby and Gabriel weren’t supposed to meet. Ruby was the temporary stand-in while Gabriel wasn’t there, they had a deal that it was just sex. She wasn’t supposed to be involved at all in their intimacy. And Gabriel wasn’t meant to invite her into their bubble, especially when they had been point scoring over each other the way they had.

 

Sam nosed further into his pillow, as the person next to him rolled closer and started rubbing his back gently. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about the night before. He wanted to shut it all out, pretend it had never happened. He wasn’t going to do it again, wasn’t even going to see Ruby again if he could help it.

 

The person started caressing the hair at the back of his neck, rubbing the skin there with a thumb, and kissing between his shoulder blades. The scratch of stubble told him that it was Gabriel, but he didn’t feel the relief he should have. Surely Gabriel should have put his foot down, and fought for Sam? Surely their deal meant that it didn’t matter if Ruby was in his bedroom. They were back together from the moment they were near each other, and Gabriel didn’t seem bothered about keeping to their deal, or standing up for their relationship.

 

Sam felt hollow as he realised that. Surely, after two years and a lot of promises, Gabriel should be more willing to fight for them? For Sam? Wasn’t it supposed to be that, if he really didn’t think he was good enough for Sam, he would do everything in his power to make himself worth it? But then, it wasn’t the first promise that Gabriel had broken.

 

It was as if, in the cold light of day, Sam was finally waking up. Not just from the stupor he’d intentionally placed himself in with Ruby, but to the truth of his situation with Gabriel. He might want to believe that they meant it when they referred to each other as boyfriends, but in the entire two years since they had met, this was their fifth encounter. And like every other time, Gabriel came in, unannounced, and they spent a few days together in a haze of sex, before Gabriel left again. He realised that maybe the real reason Gabriel pushed him towards other relationships had nothing to do with the excuses he always trotted out, but instead were because he wanted Sam to let him go, be a free agent. They had never really had a relationship, and Sam was an idiot to think otherwise. Gabriel was just using him, stringing him along.

 

He shifted away from Gabriel, trying to avoid his touch, but it didn’t work. There was a small pause, before Gabriel began tracing along his lower back. Like he owned Sam. And God, maybe he had, maybe Sam had placed himself there willingly, as Gabriel’s pet.

 

He didn’t know what to do now. Gabriel would know he was awake, and he’d either want to talk, or he’d want to have sex again and all Sam wanted right then was to be alone. But Gabriel’s fingers were still caressing his lower back, massaging his hips, trying to communicate something to Sam that he wasn’t prepared to deal with.

 

“Hey, are you awake?” Gabriel whispered. Sam held still, even as Gabriel bent down again and kissed between his shoulder blades. “Or do I need to give you a special wake up call?”

 

Sam remembered the blow job he’d given Gabriel the morning after Valentine’s Day. He wasn’t interested at that moment in Gabriel returning the favour.

 

“I’m awake.”

 

“Want a special wake up call anyway?”

 

Sam could hear the smirk on Gabriel’s face, and he felt nauseated. It was all just about sex for Gabriel, and Sam couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted what Dean and Cas had, wanted to be that close to someone, able to share clothes and finish sentences and anticipate each other’s needs. And as much as he had tried to convince himself that he could have that with Gabriel, it just wasn’t true. Because if Gabriel was able to anticipate what Sam really needed, he wouldn’t be offering a quick dick suck, he’d be talking about going for job interviews nearby.

 

“No.”

 

“What’s up? You’re normally a morning person.”

 

“It’s Sunday,” Sam shrugged, and burrowed further into his pillow. “Sunday’s break the rules.”

 

Gabriel was quiet for a moment, before he slid an arm around Sam’s torso and cuddled up against his back. It wasn’t comforting, Sam instead had a flashback to the night before, to not being able to see Gabriel at all. Instead he was treated to Ruby making a big show of how she was having a better time than anyone else, thrusting her boobs in his face. He removed Gabriel’s arm, and slipped out of bed, heading into the bathroom and locking the door behind him, stepping straight into the shower and turning the water on.

 

He stood, letting the water trickle down his skin for countless minutes, wishing that he could wash away this negativity that was clinging to him. But he couldn’t, it was as though, now he’d realised he had nothing with Gabriel, there was no heading back to that happy naivety. Eventually he grabbed his shampoo, scrubbing it into his hair, and then working his body wash into his skin as well. And when he couldn’t prolong it anymore, he shut the water off, and stepped into a towel, then headed back into his room, ignoring Gabriel who lingered in his bed as he grabbed some clothes out of his closet.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Gabriel asked quietly. Sam shook his head quickly. “Well, something’s up with you. Or were you expecting to see Ruby this morning too?”

 

“Not going to see Ruby again.” Sam said firmly, and pulled a shirt on.

 

“Yeah? After you passed out she said she’d leave us alone for a while, but I think she’s planning on pouncing again when I go.”

 

Sam didn’t respond as he did up the buttons on the shirt. He heard it, Gabriel saying when, and not if. Because it was guaranteed that Gabriel was leaving him again. What was the point of him coming in the first place?

 

“Okay, so we’re not talking Ruby.” Gabriel said slowly, as Sam crossed the room and pulled some underpants out of his dresser. “Did you not enjoy it last night?”

 

Sam remained tight-lipped as he put his underwear on, and grabbed up his jeans. He forced them on too, and Gabriel crawled across the bed, still naked. Sam didn’t look at him, focusing on putting on his socks instead.

 

“Sam, talk to me. I don’t like this side of you.”

 

Sam stopped moving, and tried to control his breathing, to stop himself getting angry. There was no point in yelling at Gabriel, it wouldn’t change a damn thing. It would just sound petty to say anything he wanted to, like Gabriel was meant to like all his sides. Gabriel moved off the bed, and pulled on his own pants before stooping in front of Sam, trying to catch his eye.

 

“You didn’t say no last night. You didn't say anything. If you had, it wouldn’t have happened. Sam, I asked you if you wanted it, and you kissed me.”

 

Sam carried on focusing on his own breathing, on remaining steady as Gabriel settled in front of him.

 

“Ruby didn’t touch me. I didn’t touch her. We were both trying to be there for you, you know? If I’d known you were going to react this badly I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

 

They sat quietly for a long while, Gabriel playing with the chains of beads still around his wrist. Sam looked at the one he had been given back in February, and wished it meant what he had taken it to mean at the time. He knew he would have to explain himself to Gabriel, explain that he’d worked out the truth about their set up and that it just didn’t sit right with him anymore. He didn’t want to live a lie. Eventually he stood up, heading to his bookcase and pulling Gabriel’s passport from where he had been keeping it. He turned around and headed back to him, holding it out. Gabriel eyed it suspiciously.

 

“I’m not travelling anymore.”

 

“It’s your passport. You might need it as ID.”

 

Gabriel left it alone, still eyeing it suspiciously, even as Sam thrust it further away from himself.

 

“I wanted you to look after it.”

 

“And I have.”

 

“Keep it.”

 

“No.”

 

“Seriously, Sam, what’s up?” Gabriel batted the passport away, and they both watched it fly through the air, landing under Sam’s desk. Sam finally broke.

 

“What’s up is that we’ve known each other for two years now, and I still don’t think I really know you. Not really, not where it counts. What’s up is that we call each other boyfriend but you still won’t let me have your number. And before I was okay with that because you were travelling and worried about battery life or whatever, but you’re not now. You can have your phone on charge in those cars all damn day and I’m still not allowed to call you, or text you, or get to know when you’re coming. You just show up whenever it suits you, use me, and then leave. I’m not doing it anymore. I told you I love you, Gabe, and you made me feel like shit for it.”

 

“Sam-”

 

“And last night, yeah I showed up with Ruby, but you didn’t fight for me, Gabe. You didn’t remind her that I’m yours or tell her she should leave. You didn’t stand up for us, just used it as an excuse to do something kinky. I just don’t feel like you care about me. And maybe I’m being self-centred right now but I don’t care. I would’ve done it for you.”

 

“Sam, you’ve been sleeping with her-”

 

“You told me to!” Sam could feel tears prickling his eyes, and he felt even more frustrated. “I told you about her and you told me to sleep with her. You didn’t decide to stay around, you didn’t make any effort Gabe. And I haven’t seen you for six months after I told you about all that. You’ve been pushing me away for months. You should have just been honest with me.”

 

He turned away, not wanting to let Gabriel see him cry.

 

“I was just trying to give you everything, Sam,” Gabriel said quietly. “I knew she was hitting on you, yes, but I thought you wouldn’t mention it unless you wanted my permission. What was I supposed to do?”

 

Sam didn’t answer. He felt like there was nothing more to say, because Gabriel was going to sit there and justify everything and make him feel like an irrational moron.

 

“You didn’t tell Ruby to go either, Sam. You barely talked to either of us. If you didn’t want it, you could have said something too. This isn’t all on me.”

 

“This isn’t all about last night,” Sam retorted. “Whatever we were, Gabe, we’re not anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t keep loving someone who won’t love me back.”

 

It hurt to even say those words. But he knew that the only way to break the cycle and stop feeling so used was to end this with Gabriel, however much he was going to miss him. He waited for the sound of his door closing, of Gabriel leaving him for the final time, but it didn’t come. He turned around and saw Gabriel watching him shrewdly.

 

“Before you decide to break up with me completely,” Gabriel hunched his shoulders, jamming his hands into his pants pockets. “Would you spend one more day with me?”

 

“What’s the point?”

 

“I just … can I give you one thing before you let me go? One thing we used to talk about? And then, if you’re serious, I’ll respect your choice.”

 

“What one thing?” Sam demanded. Gabriel looked uncomfortable.

 

“I was thinking a road trip. Just a small one. But we talked about going travelling together and this is the next best thing I can think of. We’ll be back before you have class tomorrow.”

 

Sam was torn between wanting to go along and see what Gabriel could have in mind, and wanting to just end this now, before he got hurt any more. But Gabriel looked kind of pathetic, and Sam couldn’t help himself.

 

“Fine. One last day.”

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel insisted on going in the rental car he’d been driving. Sam seemed to agree to it, but with the new apathetic air that Gabriel really didn’t like. It was puzzling, Sam’s new attitude, but in hindsight, Gabriel had sensed it from the moment Sam had stumbled into his own room. His body language had been all wrong, and Gabriel hadn’t been able to gauge it at all. And now it felt like Sam had intentionally tested him, put Ruby in front of him to see what he would do, and he’d failed miserably.

 

Sam slouched in his seat, arms folded as he glared at the passing scenery. Gabriel tried not to let it bother him, driving with his shades on and the window down, the breeze more refreshing than the air conditioning. Sam stayed in the car when Gabriel pulled up to a supermarket and went in to grab some supplies, and he remained silent until Gabriel finally pulled to a stop in the middle of the desert, at least twenty miles from the nearest bit of civilization.

 

“Are you planning on burying me out here?” Sam deadpanned.

 

“No. I thought we could sleep out here, look at the stars. Like we said we were going to do.”

 

“Coyotes.”

 

Gabriel had no idea if Sam’s concern was genuine, or if he was just trying to poke holes in his idea.

 

“Besides Gabriel, it’s still morning. No stars for hours.”

 

“Okay. So maybe in the meantime we talk?”

 

Sam continued staring out of the window. Gabriel reached over to pick up Sam’s phone. He unlocked it easily and added his name to Sam’s contacts. Sam turned and watched him but said nothing. Gabriel was sure he was wondering why he would bother when they were clearly on their last legs but he desperately wanted to hope that Sam would change his mind, that he wasn’t too late.

 

“We’re not talking through our phones.” Sam informed him. Gabriel handed his phone back, and tried to smile despite Sam’s cold demeanor.

 

“Nope, I thought we’d try the old-fashioned way. And I thought, maybe I should tell you what I’ve been doing. You might hate me a bit less.”

 

Sam still didn’t respond. Gabriel took a deep breath, forcing himself to remember that something had triggered this attitude in Sam. He was not going to overreact in retaliation.

 

“Sam, we’ve talked for ages about living together, right? And I keep telling people we’ll move in together when you graduate, but I think I might have enough money in a few months. For a decent place I mean, not a studio or a room in a house share. A house, with rooms for our brothers and your parents to stay in when they visit, and I was thinking, now I’ve got a decent amount, about looking for work that was a little closer to you. Because I miss you too, you know. As soon as I get the time, I’m here. And, you know, when we saw each other at Christmas I asked if you’d be okay to wait the whole year for me and you said yes.”

 

“You changed the rules."

 

“I know,” Gabriel looked out of his own window. “Sam, I haven’t committed to anything in my life. This is hard for me, okay? I know I’m messing up, and there’s so many things I could have done, but I’m trying.”

 

He glanced over in time to see Sam set his jaw, and he wished Castiel was there. His brother had a gentle way of getting everyone to meet in the middle. Castiel could save this relationship, could make Sam happy and stand up for Gabriel too.

 

“All I know, Sam, is that I would give up everything for you. I have given up everything for you. Because nothing beats those first few moments when I see you after a few weeks away. You’re my happy place.” He squirmed in his seat. It was cheesy, but he had to say it. “Sam, you’re my home. And it sucked yesterday, seeing you come in with her. I wanted our normal routine, a big reunion moment, I wasn’t looking for a threesome. That was on her.”

 

Sam finally looked at him, his expression still guarded. He clearly wasn’t willing to let Gabriel in completely, not yet, but if he was finally looking at him, then surely that was progress?

 

“If you don’t dump my sorry ass, I swear Sam, I’ll hand in my resignation tomorrow. I’ll have to do a few more weeks driving, but then I’m yours. I’ll work at the college if that’s what it takes. I need you to believe me, okay? That I would do anything for you. You’re worth it. You’re worth everything.”

 

“You’ll give up your job?” Sam seemed to focus only on that part. Gabriel felt frustrated. How could Sam not understand just how important he was?

 

“It’s just a job.”

 

“And we’re exclusive? Like, we’re still together even if we’re not in the same room?”

 

“Sam, I haven’t been with anyone since before you started college. I tried, but no one compares to you.”

 

“But I had to try?”

 

“I guess I mistakenly thought that you weren’t that serious about us. Or that you weren’t as aware of what you really wanted as you actually are. Maybe I thought it was the kind of thing I wanted to hear. I don’t know Sam. Cas told me you understood commitment, and that’s great, but I don’t. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

 

“You weren’t.”

 

“I got that.”

 

“Really? Because I told you so many times. And I was telling you about Ruby for a reason, Gabe. Not because I wanted a hook up. I resisted her for so long and when I gave in it was because she was there – she wanted me and you didn’t. She made it so obvious she wanted me, she never played games the way you do. But you know, I never slept with her sober.”

 

“But you slept with her.” Gabriel said quietly. “More than just last night.”

 

“Does that bother you?” Sam scoffed. “Are you kidding me right now Gabe? You pushed me towards her but you still don’t like the idea that I did exactly as you asked?”

 

“I’m not trying to be fickle,” Gabriel shifted in his seat. “I have no idea what I’m doing, okay? And I thought I would be okay with it, I honestly did. I thought that it would suck for you being at college, tied down to someone who was never there when all your friends were out having fun.”

 

“I told you what I wanted. I’ve said it over and over Gabe. And you knew before I ever said a word.”

 

“I know. And if it makes you feel any better, it felt like my heart got ripped out when I saw her with you. I didn't want a threesome either, but I was trying not to be a jealous asshole last night. I just kept thinking that you were mine, and I was losing you, and I don’t want that. I was doing what I could to keep you.”

 

They fell quiet, but Gabriel didn’t feel as bad as before. It felt as though Sam was thawing, he could sense it in the air. He knew he still had to tread carefully, because he wasn’t out of the woods yet.

 

“I’m sorry, Sam.” Gabriel spoke quietly. “The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like this. I just didn’t want to let you down, or make you feel like you weren’t allowed to breathe just because you were in this thing with me. Especially after what you said about Madison, the last thing I wanted to do was crowd you. But this thing between us, it is mutual. I love you too Sam.”

 

He looked at the steering wheel rather than deal with Sam taking the news scornfully, but instead, something magical happened. Sam reached over and took his hand. He glanced at their fingers overlapping each other, and felt himself relax. He hadn’t wanted to say it when they were shouting at each other, scoring points off each other. At least it seemed like the right thing to say, and the right time. They stayed like that for countless minutes, looking away from each other, just holding hands. Gabriel didn’t want to make a mistake and push Sam too far. He let Sam start the next conversation.

 

“So, you’re going to stay this time.”

 

“I should work my notice. It’s another twelve hundred towards a place.”

 

“Okay. So you’ll work your notice, come home with me for Christmas, then after that, you’re in San Francisco all the time?”

 

“If you still want me.”

 

“So how would it work?”

 

“Well, I’ll find a bed somewhere, as cheap as I can, find a place to work, and we’ll see each other every weekend. And during the week we can text and phone. When you’re not concentrating on your work, if I’m not stuck in meetings or something gross like that.”

 

“What if you moved in to our house? I know it’s a little zero to sixty but then you don’t have to waste cash on an overpriced room. And then, even if we don’t see each other all day, we’ll be there all night.”

 

“Is that what you want?” Gabriel chanced a glance, just as Sam turned to look at him. He gave a shy smile, and Gabriel felt his heart melt.

 

“Yeah.” He said softly.

 

“And I won’t cramp your style?”

 

“I want you there.”

 

“Then I’m there.”

 

Sam smiled, and looked out of the front window, at the endless stretch of sand, and the bright blue sky above them.

 

“Do you still hate me?”

 

“No.”

 

“I’m still sorry, Sam. I should have paid more attention. I guess I get why you were worried about Ruby, when we were outside talking she-”

 

“I don’t want to talk about her anymore.”

 

Though Sam’s tone was firm, he still held onto Gabriel’s hand. He hadn’t completely ruined it.

 

“Are we still burning last night’s sheets?”

 

Sam smiled at that.

 

“Surprised you didn’t bring them with you to leave out here.”

 

“Nah, thought you would worry I was trying to put the moves on you. But I was thinking we maybe try to not have sex tonight.”

 

“That would be good, all things considered.”

 

Gabriel nodded.

 

“Hey, maybe we could watch the sunrise tomorrow morning?”

 

“Gabe? We can watch the sun set tonight.”

 

“Pfft, anyone can see a sunset, most people are awake for that. But a sunrise, that’s a rare thing to watch. I always wanted you there when I saw it rise in New Zealand.”

 

“Okay. Sunset, stars, and sunrise. And maybe some sleep in there somewhere.”

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

“Are we going to get out the car?”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“Maybe, while the sun’s still up and the coyotes aren’t around. We can sit on the hood and drink whatever you bought in the supermarket.”

 

“Root beer it is,” Gabriel smiled. They both got out, and Gabriel reached into the back to grab the soda while Sam eased his way onto the front of the car. He passed Sam a bottle, and climbed up as well, trying not to get excited when Sam slid closer, their legs touching, his long arm wrapping around Gabriel.

 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly how close he had come to losing Sam. He was going to work his ass off to make sure that never happened again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, I'm updating now because I have a bunch of shifts coming up, and after that I'll be going to Asylum (which I can't believe has come around already!) so I may not update again for a while. I'm hopeful that I'll get a chapter up next week before I go, but I can't guarantee it. Sorry!


	23. Chapter 23

The car was surprisingly comfortable to sleep in. They had climbed back in as the sun began to lower in the sky, trying to avoid the coyotes that Sam was sure prowled the desert. They watched the sunset from the front seats, before Gabriel started the car and turned it around, ready for the morning, and then reclined their seats to look up through the sunroof at the stars.

 

Gabriel knew many of the constellations, pointing them all out in a quiet voice, and Sam stayed in his seat, watching silently as Gabriel gestured.

 

They weren’t back to normal. Sam still felt hurt, still didn’t entirely believe the words that Gabriel said. It was just another visit, and it would be months before they saw each other again. He knew that Gabriel probably believed what he was saying, that he fully intended to follow through, but Sam couldn’t let himself believe it yet. If he did, and it didn’t happen, he’d be totally destroyed. But at the same time, Gabriel had said he loved him and Sam could tell he meant it. Perhaps the only reason they were still together was that Gabriel had said that, had been serious for five minutes.

 

Gabriel had at least stuck to one promise, one that was immediate. He didn’t try to initiate sex, content to sit back in the driver’s seat and hold hands. Eventually he stopped pointing out the stars, and they sank into silence. Sam turned his head, and found Gabriel staring at him. They looked at each other for a long time, not saying anything. Sam wondered briefly if this was what it was like when their brothers did something similar. Dean and Castiel seemed to be able to communicate without words, and Sam hoped that they were doing the same thing. He watched Gabriel, his golden eyes grey in the starlight. He wondered what he was thinking, whether he was regretting the promises he’d made this time? Whether he could feel Sam’s fingers twined with his own and if it felt right to him as well?

 

He felt his eyelids getting heavy, starting to close, and he finally broke the spell between them to whisper into the dark.

 

“Wake me up for the sunrise.”

 

“You got it,” Gabriel made yet another promise, although this time he grabbed his phone and set an alarm. Sam fully closed his eyes as Gabriel moved around on his seat, putting his phone back, his hand never slipping out of Sam’s. “Hey, you need a blanket?”

 

“Do you have one?”

 

“Uh-huh. Just a sec,” Gabriel reached through the space between their seats and rummaged around, before draping a warm, knitted number over Sam, letting it fall somewhere near his knees and tucking it around his shoulders. He took a few more moments of rustling around, and Sam knew he was grabbing a blanket for himself.

 

“Night, Sammy.”

 

“Night Gabe.”

 

He felt Gabriel press a kiss onto his forehead, and finally caved in to sleep.

 

 

*

 

 

The alarm in the morning was jarring, and Sam was stiff from sleeping in a car seat. The world was still dark, and silent, and Sam was surprised that he didn’t feel disoriented waking up in a borrowed car in the middle of nowhere. Beside him, Gabriel groaned pathetically, then squeezed his fingers.

 

“Ten more minutes.”

 

“You tell that to the sun.”

 

Gabriel cracked an eye open, not looking happy about Sam’s peppy attitude. And after everything else that weekend, Sam felt the perverse need to increase it.

 

“I thought the entire reason we’re in this car was to see a sunrise, hmmm, Gabriel? Or are you telling me that was bullshit?”

 

“I need coffee.” Gabriel muttered.

 

“You need to get me home in time to change and go to class. And then you need to quit your job, remember?” Sam was relentless.

 

“I remember,” Gabriel said sleepily. Sam finally let go of his hand to poke him. “Ugh, fine, quit it!” He rubbed his eyes and sat up. “I wasn’t going to miss it.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

Sam knew he was probably being too obnoxious. He knew Gabriel wasn’t as good at waking up as he was, but he felt a vindictive thrill at trying to rile Gabriel up. As though by doing so, Gabriel could even start to understand how he felt, how hurt he still was. How much he needed Gabriel to keep at least this one promise. To Sam, they were still so shaky.

 

The sky started to get lighter, and Gabriel took his hand again as they watched the sun creep up the sky. Sam could already feel the heat of it, even in the early morning. He grabbed his sunglasses and threw them back on, as Gabriel rested his head on his shoulder.

 

“It’s going to be a good day today,” Gabriel said matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. You can just tell, just by that,” Gabriel gestured at the rising sun, the pink-tinged sky behind it. Sam rested his head on top of Gabriel’s, wishing he could just believe those words.

 

“I wish this weekend never happened,” Sam said quietly. Gabriel squeezed his fingers.

 

“I wish I hadn’t made you hurt like this. But Sam? Something good’s going to come from it.”

 

“What, the sun?”

 

“No.” Gabriel kissed his arm, the closest part of Sam to him. “Us.”

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel dropped Sam off as promised. They had kissed goodbye just before Sam jumped out of the car, and Sam wondered briefly if Gabriel would even show up to his parent’s house for Christmas. He didn’t voice his doubt, didn’t let that potential hurt in. It was too much on top of everything else. Whatever was going on with them, it had to take a backseat to his schoolwork. He watched Gabriel as he drove away, before he went back into the house, rushing to his room to grab a shower and haul on a new outfit before his first class.

 

For the rest of the day he focused on the latest cases, and applying what they had learned so far on fictional constructs, trying to win their arguments. It was a taxing day, although Sam loved the way his brain prickled when he had to consider a situation from all angles. It was a challenge to make a murderer appear justified, because the chances were, they weren’t always going to get the innocent parties to represent. But Sam could always spot a loophole, could argue anything, and he thrived on it.

 

Madison persuaded him to grab a slice of pizza after the last class of the day, and he agreed, needing a junk food fix. Not that San Francisco junk food was quite like other junk food. He and Madison had a mutual love of broccoli, kale and asparagus pizza, splitting the pizza with her now felt like a salve over his sore heart. They talked between mouthfuls, about the day’s classes and seminars, and who in their class was likely to go into property law, or family court, who would end up trying to defend homicidal maniacs.

 

It was cathartic, and just what Sam needed after the fraught weekend. They ambled back to their house slowly, discussing a documentary series on Netflix that had piqued Madison’s interest. She held on to the crook of his arm as they walked inside, and were almost immediately accosted by Andy, who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, looking ecstatic about something. Sam and Madison exchanged a quick glance, each of them silently daring the other to ask Andy why he was so upbeat, but he beat them to the punch.

 

“Sam, you’ve got a visitor. In your room.”

 

Madison gave his arm another squeeze and let go, and Sam walked up the stairs, wondering who could be visiting him in the middle of the week. Part of him was hoping it was his mother, but then he also dreaded that, because it meant the worst about his father and their relationship.

 

He pushed open the door, but couldn’t see anyone. Wondering if it was a joke of Andy’s, he placed his books on his desk and turned to an assignment, just as the flusher went in the en suite. He turned as the bathroom door opened, and Gabriel stepped out. They stared at each other, the way they had in the dark of the night before, and Sam tried to understand what he was seeing.

 

“So, I quit, like we talked about. And they said I could have the rest of my time as vacation. So, I’m pretty much done there. Oh, and I got a bonus, that was nice.”

 

Sam felt confused, like Gabriel’s words didn’t make sense. They were too good to be true. He ran a hand over his face, and tried to piece it together. Like a case study.

 

“So you resigned.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“And you have no more scheduled shifts.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“So you’ll be here all the time?”

 

“Until we get our own place.”

 

“You mean it this time?”

 

Gabriel gave a weak smile.

 

“You’re my Sam, of course I mean it.”

 

Sam stood slowly from his desk, making his way back over to Gabriel. He stopped a short distance away from him, watching him carefully.

 

“Sammy?” Gabriel sounded hesitant, and Sam couldn’t help himself. He launched himself at Gabriel, covering him in sloppy kisses, knocking him backwards onto the bed, holding him tightly as he murmured nonsensical words over and over, just happy that he finally, finally had Gabriel to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope you're all still enjoying this! I'm off to Asylum tomorrow, so it might be a while before I update again (I fully anticipate con flu, there's like 20 guests!). Also, if you've read Coming Out you'll know what might be coming up soon, if not well ... I promise it's the last thing I make them suffer for a while!


	24. Chapter 24

The next few weeks settled into a strange routine. Gabriel would sleep through Sam’s early morning alarm, and Sam didn’t try to rouse him as he got ready for school. He would work through his classes, and come straight home, to where Gabriel was inevitably cooking, often in Sam’s clothes. He was swamped by Sam’s shirts, but fitted okay in his shorts. He would claim to be making a meal for the two of them, but ‘accidentally’ made enough for the rest of the house.

 

They would still eat their dinner separately, Sam knew that Gabriel still felt out of his depth with the others. It was during this period that Sam realised that Gabriel could really cook. Not just heating up a burger. He understood flavours and techniques and he could make a huge range of food. Sam didn’t think they’d had the same meal twice, but each one was delicious. It almost felt like Gabriel was taking him around the world with each dish, showing him all the things he had picked up in the last few years.

 

After they were done, Sam would take to studying, while Gabriel hung back and washed up, before coming into Sam’s room and putting something on the TV. Normally crime shows, or tacky reality shows that Sam would try and ignore while he did his work. Occasionally he got into one of the crime shows, working out who the murderer was before Gabriel. He didn’t point out that often, the perpetrator was mentioned in the first five minutes and it was just a process of elimination, he wanted to see when Gabriel would work it out.

 

And once Sam was done with studying, he would join Gabriel on the bed, watching TV with him, or more often, kissing his neck, pushing him to lay down on the bed, trying to enjoy the few hours they had together every day. Their abstinence hadn’t lasted long, although Gabriel stayed away from ass play for a while. Sam figured he was trying to avoid reminders of the threesome, and while he appreciated it, he missed Gabriel being inside him. He made do with blow jobs and Gabriel touching him, until one day after about a week, when he pinned Gabriel to the bed and eased himself onto him, no prep work whatsoever. He didn’t need it.

 

It was like they were back in a bubble, a world that only they inhabited. And though Sam felt guilty that he wasn’t spending much time with his housemates, he knew that they wouldn’t be mad. They knew how he felt about Gabriel, they knew how much he had missed them. He knew they were probably curious about why Gabriel was suddenly spending all his time there, but they didn’t question anything out loud so long as Gabriel continued cooking for them.

 

The only thing Sam was really worried about was when their bubble was going to burst. When he was going to come home and find Gabriel gone, no note or goodbye. Even as he drove them back to Kansas, he expected Gabriel to disappear. It made him feel on edge, like he couldn’t enjoy their time together because it was going to be over with soon. It was a horrible feeling, not being able to enjoy having everything you wanted.

 

Dean and Castiel were on the front porch of their parents’ house as Sam pulled into the driveway, curled up into each other like always. Gabriel climbed out of the car and immediately went over to them. Sam stayed in the car, watching as Gabriel hugged Castiel, and Dean spoke to him. It just looked so easy for all of them, to be together, to trust that they would all see each other again. Sam felt strangely jealous, that he was the only one who seemed to be struggling.

 

They all turned to look at him together, his brother waving and Gabriel quirking his mouth, his eyes probing even over the distance. He could see Dean say something, and Gabriel answer, though he kept his gaze on Sam. He could feel that aching feeling in his chest again, the one that wouldn’t be quiet without Gabriel close by. The one that was sure he was going to lose him again, for real this time. Dean came over to the car, opening his door and leaning on the frame.

 

“Everything okay, Sammy?”

 

“Yeah. Tired.”

 

Dean pursed his lips, like he didn’t believe his younger brother for a second.

 

“Gabe said you were busting your ass at college,” he said eventually. “Maybe let him drive you home? After New Year’s.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Dean pushed. But Sam didn’t want to talk about it, not with Dean. Not when Dean had the brother who stuck around. Not when Dean got the committed relationship, the understanding partner. Sam sighed, and leaned against the headrest.

 

“I just drove two days clear across the country. I’m exhausted, Dean. I just needed a couple of minutes to get out the car.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and pushed Dean aside to get out. Dean stood back, but didn’t get out of Sam’s personal space. Sam popped the trunk and pulled his bags out, slinging them over his shoulder and ignoring his older brother. He stalked past Castiel and Gabriel too, dragging the bags upstairs and slumping on his bed, stretching out and noticing that the covers smelt clean and fresh. His mother was amazing.

 

He was left alone for a long while, until someone crept softly into the room, closing the door behind them. Sam didn’t look up, he guessed it was Gabriel.

 

“Hey,” he said softly.

 

“Hello. Is it okay if I talk with you?”

 

Sam looked over his shoulder, at Castiel standing by the foot of his bed, looking relaxed and comfortable in Dean’s old AC/DC shirt. He looked away and tried not to sound sulky. He liked Castiel, after all.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

He moved across the bed, giving Castiel the chance to sit down. His brother-in-law took the hint, folding his legs underneath him on the mattress.

 

“Maybe it’s an unfair assumption to make, but I have the notion anyway that you’re not entirely happy with Gabriel. And that speaking with Dean would only complicate matters,” Castiel sounded cautious, like he was worried Sam would react the way Dean would, with anger and frustration. Instead, he stared up at his ceiling. “I can be neutral ground, you know. If you want to keep it private, I’ll respect that.”

 

Sam cast his gaze back down to his brother-in-law. He knew that, if anyone could understand exactly what was going on, it was the man curled up beside him on his bed, but putting the words together in a way that didn’t sound self-pitying or demanding was a challenge.

 

“Or if you want to sit in silence, that’s also fine. But, you’re my little brother too now. Well, maybe not so little,” Castiel smiled, but Sam couldn’t. Gabriel still peppered his talk with words like Hobbit and Munchkin, like Sam was the short one in their relationship. “I just want to help, Sam.”

 

“I know,” Sam’s voice was still soft. “I appreciate it.”

 

They were quiet for a few moments, but Sam knew he had to make an effort.

 

“When you left home, Gabe didn’t stop travelling, did he?”

 

“No. He had a few connections that he used to get me a place to live, and a couple of job interviews, but he didn’t stick around much. That wasn’t the point.”

 

“Did he ever promise he would?”

 

Castiel’s expression didn’t change, but he looked at the pillow in front of him rather than at Sam.

 

“Not really. At first he offered. I think he felt a little guilty for helping me even after I asked for it. But despite everything, we weren’t close, back then. I didn’t want to hold him back, because I didn’t want him to use that against me when I went to college. But we always stayed in touch, we grew closer that way I suppose. I liked seeing him every few months and hearing about his exotic adventures. He always seemed interested in my achievements.”

 

“That sounds sad.”

 

Castiel gave a small smile.

 

“Only because of the way I’m telling it. We both wanted freedom, but the freedoms we wanted were different. What would have been the point of leaving that kind of regime, only to hold each other back?”

 

Sam sighed, and rubbed his forehead, but Castiel continued.

 

“It’s not your situation, Sam. Don’t take that as advice.”

 

“Don’t take what as advice?”

 

“I was assuming by bringing up the topic, this has something to do with Gabriel’s frequent visits to other countries for long periods of time. Although I know he’s been in the country since February. I don’t think he’s been stateside this long since he escaped the compound.”

 

They fell silent again, Sam dwelling on this nugget of information. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that, but to hear someone else say it was different, somehow.

 

“Why do you think that is?” Sam broke the silence again. “Why do you think he’s suddenly decided to spend nearly a year back here?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Castiel gave another wan smile. “So what’s going on to make you feel so melancholy? You drove him here, didn’t you?”

 

“It’s just … you promise not to repeat this to Dean?” Sam double-checked, and Castiel nodded. Sam told him everything, the way Gabriel kept telling him to go out and see other people when he wasn’t there, the way he kept coming along unannounced. Everything about Ruby, and the threesome, and how it had led to this tentative equilibrium. Castiel was a good listener, and thankfully remained impartial about the revelation that his brother and brother-in-law had slept with another person together. Sam was grateful that he stayed on topic.

 

“Sam, I know it’s a difficult scenario, but from Gabriel’s point of view? He’s giving up everything for you. Not because he wants you to feel indebted to him, but because he loves you enough to put what you want first. He was itching to travel since we were kids, and now he’s finally found a reason to put down roots. He wasn’t lying to you, he’s trying his best. I told you that you were the reason he’s stuck around all year, he’s told you that. Gabe keeps his promises.”

 

“So, you think I’m being a total dick?”

 

“No. I think that it’s a tough situation to deal with and you’ve got every right to feel hurt by his absences. He’s shown me a few houses he’s looked at online you know. Not because he wants those places exactly, but he’s got his eye on what everything costs, what it’s going to take to give you the thing he thinks you deserve.”

 

“I just can’t help thinking he’s going to go again. Even knowing all that.”

 

“Trust me,” Castiel leaned closer as the door opened, and Dean slipped inside. “He wouldn’t say what he doesn’t mean. Not to you.”

 

“Do I need to kick Gabe’s ass?” Dean interrupted their conversation, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s shoulder.

 

“No.” Castiel tapped his nose.

 

“Because it would validate him?”

 

“Because I don’t think Sam would appreciate it. And because he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

 

Dean looked at Sam, silently checking if he should kick Gabriel’s ass without Castiel’s permission, and Sam felt himself smiling for the first time in days.

 

“Like he wouldn’t know.” Sam muttered.

 

“Is Dean trying to arrange it with you behind my back?” Castiel asked innocently, winking at Sam.

 

“That or he’s having some kind of seizure. Sucks I don’t know first aid.”

 

“I wish you did, if he dies I end up with all his student loan debts.”

 

“Not funny.” Dean wrestled Castiel into a hug, and Gabriel came into the room.

 

“So, this is where you all are, huh?”

 

“Yep, busy talking about you, Gabe. Not to you,” Castiel laughed, as Dean began tickling him. Gabriel stepped around them, and scooted over to Sam, shaking his head.

 

“They’re so repressed. Hi.” He kissed Sam gently on the mouth, and Sam happily accepted it, running his fingers through Gabriel’s hair. “You’ve cheered up.” Gabriel noted.

 

“Yeah. I just needed a few minutes. And to talk with Cas,” Sam kept his voice down, trying not to be heard by Dean and Castiel, who were now using pillows in their play fight which was, as Gabriel had noted, full of sexual tension.

 

“Everything okay?” Gabriel dropped his voice. Sam nodded, feeling for the first time that it really was. And then the door creaked open once more, and they looked over to see John standing there, glaring at all of them.

 

“Door rule? Fooling around rule? Just because you’re all older, doesn’t mean that changes.” He stormed off, muttering about how their mother was too soft on them, and Sam felt that tenuous happiness begin to collapse again.

 

“I almost forgot that Christmas was the time of year we get treated like kids,” Dean sighed, and rumpled Castiel’s hair.

 

“Kind of makes you appreciate when he gets drunk at Bobby’s, huh?”

 

Gabriel pressed another kiss to his mouth as soon as Sam finished speaking.

 

“Hey,” Dean clicked his fingers at them. “We talked about you violating my brother.”

 

“Something something, Sam, blahblahblah … I remember.” Gabriel shrugged, and pinned Sam to the bed. Sam started laughing as Dean huffed loudly. “You said do it, right?”

 

“I did,” Sam grinned.

 

“Don’t you dare.” Dean’s tone was a warning.

 

“If you don’t want to see it, get out of my room.” Sam smirked, as Gabriel flopped down on top of him, the strain between them almost completely gone.

 

“But if I stay here, you’re not actually going to do anything.”

 

“Well, we haven’t tried it with an audience yet,” Gabriel mused. “But hey, if you want to learn some moves, we’re fine with that.”

 

“I mean it, Gabe. Get off him.”

 

Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel, pulling him closer, looking over his shoulder at his brother.

 

“Please Dean, can I keep him? I want this one. I promise I’ll take care of him.”

 

Gabriel snorted in his ear, as Castiel shook his head, lacing his fingers through Dean’s.

 

“And you wanted to kick his ass.”

 

“That sentiment doesn’t need to be in past tense, you know.” Dean pointed out. John stuck his head through the door again, saying nothing but glowering at them all. Dean and Castiel took the hint first, leaving the room still holding hands, but Sam tried to hold out. It had been so long since he just felt happy around Gabriel, and he didn’t want it to end because of his father’s outdated rules. But Gabriel soon pulled away, sitting up and giving him a sad little smile before leaving the room. John barely gave him the space to leave, and then shot a filthy look at Sam.

 

“Just because you’re at college,” John started to grind out, but Sam didn’t want to hear it. Not after two years of watching his mother become John’s emotional punch bag.

 

“What? Just because I’m at college I can’t have a boyfriend? I can’t be happy when he’s here? We’ve been together almost as long as Cas and Dean have, if you haven’t noticed.”

 

“Don’t talk back to me, Sam. You know the rules.”

 

Sam didn’t say anything further, but left his room as well. John followed him.

 

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten what it was like when he was first here either. I don’t like this spell he has you under.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, but didn’t cave in to John’s needling. It was too close to the way he’d felt after Ruby.

 

“Your mom might let him get away with more because of their sob story, but it doesn’t mean he can do what he likes and ignore my rules.”

 

“What if I asked for it, huh?” Sam finally snapped, turning around and glaring at his father, who was far too close for his liking. “What if this whole thing is because of me, not him? And what if you’re too blind to see it because it doesn’t live at the bottom of a bottle of liquor?” He knew he was near the mark, but luckily his father was too absorbed in the discussion at hand to bother about any intended slight.

 

“Is this because Dean’s decided to be gay?”

 

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s exactly it. I decided I don’t like girls anymore because Dean fell in love. You don’t know anything!” Sam stormed outside, knowing his father was possibly chasing him. It was so hard to grit his teeth and not scream in John’s face about all the things he liked doing with Gabriel, all that they’d been through in their strange little relationship. But, he figured, Gabriel probably wouldn’t appreciate him telling his parents about their sex life. And he didn’t know how his mother would cope with hearing about any of it.

 

He stumbled over to the rusted chassis where he and Gabriel had sat and talked only a year before and sat down hard. It creaked under his weight, dropping down a few inches, but there were no further comments from John. He looked around, and realised he was alone. He let out a deep breath. It was better when John was passed out at Bobby’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! You've almost caught up with me now :D
> 
> Asylum 16 was so good! RSJ embarrassed me horribly at the Friday night meet'n'greet (long story, but at A13 he'd asked what we were all looking forward to and I said everything and he said that wasn't a real answer, so I said Matt and he promptly turned around and sold me out to Matt. Who then hugged me, but that doesn't forgive Rich lol. And this time my friends brought it up when he asked that again and he was shouting across the room stuff like 'chisled abs MATT? great ass MATT? I did you a solid!' and I died in a fit of embarrassed giggles and Tahmoh got a little worried about me when he came over and I was still dying of embarrassment because Rich's leaving shot was 'but be careful with him, he's a married man' ... thanks. Matt was in the room as well!) but everything else was awesome. Had a coffee lounge with Jared and about a billion photos lol. And I'm now so exhausted from the entire weekend but it was so worth it. Even with Rich ... so yeah, I do not capture him very well at all, loveable asshole that he is. Sorry about that. Also, sorry for the con rant! Jared is lovely btw, I get him this kids book series every year and this year he told me how much Tom and Shep love them and it was the best thing ever :)


	25. Chapter 25

Things calmed down after a few days, and for the first time in a long time, Sam actually enjoyed himself at his parents house. Gabriel kept helping Mary in the kitchen, learning her cookie recipes and teaching her some of his favourites too, and Sam took to propping himself at the counter with a book, listening to them exclaim over vanilla and the pros and cons of cocoa powder while he did some cramming. It was nice to hear them bonding, to know that his mother was still making the effort and that Gabriel felt that he could involve himself.

 

Sometimes Dean and Castiel would sit with them too, Castiel happily decorating a batch of cupcakes while Dean ate all the decorations, and Sam would listen to them all talking and laughing together, chiding Dean for eating all the frosting and comparing Mary and Gabriel’s efforts. The only person conspicuously absent was John, but no one wanted to bring up the topic, as though they could all sense how fragile this easy happiness was and how thoughts of their father’s attitude would destroy it all.

 

“So, when do you get published, Castiel?” Mary asked as she rolled out some pastry for Dean’s apple pie.

 

“It was a couple of months ago, to coincide with the tour. I have a copy for you. Dean, could you go get it?”

 

“Why me?” Dean asked around a mouthful of marshmallow.

 

“Because, I need something to top these cupcakes with.”

 

Dean moved off, grumbling, and Sam shut his book, watching as everyone else moved around the kitchen, still baking.

 

“Nicely done, Castiel.”

 

“Thank you. Although, he’s been talking non-stop about your pies for about two weeks, he might be a little mad at me.” Castiel pursed his lips for a moment, but then continued decorating his cupcake, as though Dean’s anger was irrelevant. It probably was, Sam considered, to Castiel anyway. A little mad probably meant that Dean’s irritation would last the length of time it took to retrieve his book. “I hope you like the book anyway.”

 

“Is it a torrid love affair between two guys?” Gabriel joked, sneaking a mouthful of cookie dough while Mary’s back was turned. Sam watched as he closed his eyes in a moment of bliss before swallowing, and found himself smiling.

 

“Of course. I think homoerotic porn is the perfect gift for my mother-in-law,” Castiel shook his head in exasperation. “Ask Dean what it’s about.”

 

“Ask me what what’s about?” Dean asked as he walked back into the room, placing Castiel’s book gently on the counter, away from the flour spills. Sam craned his neck and looked at the front.

 

“That’s Cas’ book?”

 

“It’s a pen name,” Castiel said absent-mindedly, concentrating on his current cupcake. “And please, don’t let on to your friends that it’s not real. I’m trying to get used to being called Jimmy.”

 

“Jimmy Novak can’t remember his own name,” Dean quipped.

 

“Jimmy Novak ate all the frosting.” Castiel shot back. Sam looked up at Gabriel and his mother again, and they both shrugged back at him. Clearly, Dean and Castiel were speaking their own language. Again. “Your mom wanted to know what it was about.”

 

Dean frowned, and reached for the book. Sam swiped it before he could get it, knowing his brother was planning on trotting out the blurb.

 

“Okay, um, Russian revolution in … it’s not a real time? Something about … I don’t know Cas, I barely followed any of your conversations about this.”

 

Castiel smiled at his cupcake.

 

“Don’t eat all the frosting.”

 

Sam smirked at Gabriel, who raised his eyebrows back. Castiel and Dean had seemed so perfectly united for so long, it was strange to hear them snarking at each other like this, however good-natured they were being about their miniature argument. It was still reassuring for Sam, when he and Gabriel were still so tenuous. He looked down at the book in his hands and started to read the blurb, pleasantly surprised by what he read. He hadn’t expected that Castiel would write a political thriller, and he wanted to read it himself. He cracked it open as they all began talking about pie fillings, and was soon submerged in the story.

 

Castiel could write. Sam didn’t feel like he was sitting in a warm kitchen in the middle of Kansas while his odd little family prepared for their festivities. He felt like he was freezing in a small town near Moscow and viewing all the desolation that led to the crux of Castiel’s novel. He’d managed to plough through two chapters before he came back to the real world.

 

“Have you looked for a place yet?” Mary was asking. Sam looked over the top of the book, as his mother turned to Gabriel, sliding the pies into the oven and pulling out another batch of cookies.

 

“Not yet. Sam said he’s happy for a studio apartment, but I want something a bit bigger.” Gabriel was scooping cookies off of the baking tray, onto Mary’s cooling rack.

 

“Not quite what I was saying,” Sam said absent-mindedly.

 

“So, giant sprawling mansion is okay?” Gabriel teased.

 

“Sure. I’m sure you’ll find something totally affordable in the Bay area.”

 

“How about we compromise on a three bed?”

 

Sam shook his head, and Castiel interrupted.

 

“Gabriel, it’s not a compromise when that’s what you were after in the first place.”

 

“We’re going for some viewings. In the new year,” Gabriel announced. “When Sam gets five minutes break from studying.”

 

“Are we?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“When did we decide that?”

 

“In this conversation. Right now. We just had to clear up the bedsit versus mansion issue.”

 

“To get the three bed walk up you’ve been wanting all along,” Sam deadpanned. “Please can we tell Andy that it’s the bedsit? Otherwise he’s going to move in too.”

 

“So now I have to decide between you and Andy?”

 

Sam shot Gabriel a dirty look.

 

“Andy’s mine.”

 

“I am so not following you two at all,” Dean interrupted. Gabriel grinned at him.

 

“If it makes you feel better, Dean, this is exactly what it’s like being in the same room as you and Cas. All the frigging time.” He raised a shoulder at Sam. “Okay, can we please go looking at places in the new year? It’s going to take ages to find a place we both like and do all the paperwork stuff, especially with you lawyering all over it.”

 

“I don’t ‘lawyer’ over anything,” Sam retorted.

 

“Well, if you want mould, leave it to me.”

 

Sam sighed, and put the book back onto the counter, looking at Gabriel seriously, aware that their brothers and his mother were watching them, waiting for an all out argument. But Sam was done with arguing, he didn’t want that for their relationship. More than anything, he wanted Gabriel to just discuss these ideas with him, rather than announcing them in situations where Sam couldn’t contradict him without receiving those looks.

 

“Fine, I’ll go over the paperwork.”

 

“Why are you agreeing so easily?” Gabriel gave him a side-eye.

 

“Because then I get final say.” Sam snatched up Castiel’s book, and walked out the kitchen. He heard Gabriel’s “dammit” as he headed into the front room, sinking down onto the couch and getting back to the world that Castiel had created.

 

 

*

 

 

In bed that night, Gabriel rolled over onto Sam’s stomach just as he was trying to sleep.

 

“Are you mad at me? Again, I mean.”

 

“No.”

 

“Felt like it a little. I’m not going to lie to your mom about us moving in together. She’s going to know one way or another.”

 

“Gabe, you blindsided me. We’ve talked about moving in together, but nothing else. And now we’re getting the house you want, in the area you probably want and I just … we should be talking about this kind of thing before you announce it to everyone.”

 

“Well, okay, what do you want?”

 

“I don’t know, I want to shop around. Find somewhere that feels like us. Somewhere we can afford. I already feel bad that you’re the one paying out here.”

 

Gabriel started caressing his chest, and Sam watched his face. It was pensive for once, and he was staring at the mole on Sam’s chin, not quite meeting his eye.

 

“I’m not thinking of it like that, Sam. When you’re in a firm or a partner or whatever they call it, I’d expect that you’d want to pay towards our rent-”

 

“Mortgage.”

 

“Fine. But for now, just focus on college, okay? And I guess I want to prove I can take care of you. None of your family think I can, you know that right?”

 

“I know.” Sam said softly.

 

“Although I think I now have your mom convinced that I can feed you, at least.”

 

“I wasn’t mad at you,” Sam repeated. “Just a little uncomfortable.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

They were silent for a few moments, listening to the distant creak of someone else turning in their sleep.

 

“Can we try a new thing?” Sam suggested eventually. “Where you don’t have to apologise all the time suddenly?”

 

“Stop fucking up, got it.”

 

“I mean it, Gabe. If you stop having to apologise, you’re not going to get judged by them all constantly. Stop trying to make everything so extreme. Can we not just go along and work it out as we go, just a little? Can you stop making plans without me and surprising me with them? I know you’re trying to spoil me, but it’s frustrating.”

 

“Okay,” Gabriel said quietly. “I’ll find other ways to spoil you.”

 

“Christmas presents are acceptable.”

 

“Better get you one.”

 

“I know you already got me something.”

 

“Maybe. What do you really want?”

 

“A diploma?”

 

“So, the butt plug wasn’t a good idea?”

 

There was a tense pause for a moment, and Gabriel lifted his head.

 

“Please say there’s not a butt plug under my parent’s tree. I don’t think I can handle Dad having a heart attack. I don’t know how I’d explain it to my mom-”

 

“Sam, I was kidding.” He squeezed Sam’s side gently.

 

“It’s not off the cards,” Sam whispered back. “Just not in front of my parents.”

 

“Yeah? So, as long as it’s just the two of us, we can still play?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Gabriel went quiet, but Sam knew he was awake and thinking from the way he was still positioned above him, from the slight sheen of his eyes that reflected the weak light from the streetlights outside.

 

“I’m going to wreck you, next Valentine’s Day,” he promised eventually. “You’re not going to be able to sit in lectures for like, three days.”

 

“Then I want it to be February already.” Sam pulled him closer, snuggling down. “I also think we should get a pet when we move into our place.”

 

“Hmmm, like a cat.”

 

“Yeah. Like a dog.”

 

Gabriel laughed, and kissed his chest.

 

“Shut up and go to sleep. I need to go and remove a butt plug from under the tree.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've already read Coming Out, this chapter involves the flashbacks from Chapter 16. If you haven't read that before and are just here for Sabriel goodness, I'm sorry, this chapter contains character deaths (not Sam/Gabe/Cas/Dean). I know that's a trigger for some people, even if it matches up to canon, so I thought I'd give you due warning. Also, I promise that this is the last crappy thing I do for a while. I promise to start fluffing it up soon x

Sam slowly got back into a routine with Gabriel, and the cloud of doubt around him began to evaporate. Yes, he still attended all his classes, and did all his homework, although more and more he was finding that the best place to study was when his head was in Gabriel’s lap. They would sit in the tiny back yard of Sam’s college house with a couple of drinks, And Gabriel would lean against a tree as Sam laid against him. Gabriel had taken to running his fingers through Sam’s hair as he read, just watching him go through his textbooks and notes, occasionally bending down to kiss Sam’s forehead or pausing to take a sip of his drink.

 

They were talking more, which Sam was grateful for. Gabriel had explained why he wanted a bigger house than was strictly necessary for two people in a relationship, and Sam had agreed to it willingly, pointing out that if Gabriel had just said in the first place that he wanted a haven for any more of his brothers and sisters then it would have been okay straight away. But he was also learning slowly that Gabriel had been telling him his plans all along, in dribs and drabs when Sam thought they were just goofing. When he realised this, he made it his mission to make sure Gabriel understood that they would not be getting a cat. Ever. With his new found power over Gabriel in the form of finally having his number, he had taken to sending anti-cat memes at every change of class, and sometimes when Gabriel was in the bathroom. There were also some pro-dog memes mixed in, just so Gabriel got the message. Gabriel’s only response was to send back dog shaming memes, but Sam was confident he was going to break him.

 

Gabriel had gotten a job easily, which didn’t surprise Sam. The guy had endless amounts of charisma; it was one of the first things Sam had noticed after all. It was an impressive job as well, a role in sales for a growing media company. Sam had no doubt Gabriel was good at schmoozing potential clients, and eating all the free food put on by the company as he did. The hours fit in to his school hours, and left them both free at the weekends, where they were slowly trying to find a place to live. Sam had managed to argue that there was no point rushing it if they were going to live there for a while, and that they had to balance it with other things, like actual dates. He knew Gabriel was desperate to just get the place and have the time to themselves away from Sam’s housemates, but deep down he knew he was trying not to rush it. After all, they had almost broken up.

 

They still didn’t talk about Ruby. Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to even remember it, he didn’t want to connect Gabriel to anything that happened with her, although he slowly found himself bringing things into their bedroom that he had only discovered with her. On top of the butt plug that Gabriel had gotten him for Christmas - and given over privately at a time when Sam wouldn’t be completely humiliated in front of his parents - they now had a vibrator and a silk sleep mask as well as copious amounts of lube. Gabriel had at first been concerned that Sam wanted toys, but he had soon got into it, finding it hilarious to use the vibrator, working it into Sam’s ass and then putting it on the strongest setting as he worked it in and out. Sam would yelp, and then buck, every single time, and Gabriel would leer over him, watching as Sam completely lost it in the throes of passion.

 

The days seemed to fly by, and suddenly Sam was staring down the wrong side of his finals. He knew that he knew the material already; he was so diligent about memorising everything, making it all ingrained rather than repetition by rote. But it didn’t ease the pressure he felt, and he started cramming every hour he could grab, until Gabriel finally lost it one day, and dragged him out of the house.

 

“In my experience,” Gabriel said almost loftily. “The best way to do well is to plan in days where you don’t do anything so you can give your brain a rest.”

 

“Gabe, I have so much to do,” Sam whined. “And I won’t enjoy whatever the hell it is that you’ve got planned. I have-”

 

“I know, I know, a shit tonne of studying. But you have nothing on at school today - I checked with Madison, she sold you out - and you’ve been bailing out on this long enough. We meet the realtor in fifteen minutes.”

 

“I really wish you’d gone to Dean and Cas’ graduation,” Sam muttered darkly.

 

“It’s a different realtor,” Gabriel said breezily. “This one won’t stand in front of you and talk incessantly and stop you seeing the awesome places I pick out. And Cas didn’t want me at his graduation, I’m not his parent. Besides, I promised you I wasn’t leaving.”

 

Sam didn’t bother to argue. He merely followed Gabriel onto a tram and held onto the bar as they made their way into town.

 

“Besides,” Gabriel carried on, oblivious to the cluster of elderly women near them. “You said we’d be moving in as soon as is possible once this semester’s over. You’re about to do your finals. Suck it up Sammy, we need to do this, or we won’t have a place to live at all come September.”

 

“So I have to read through the legal pack during my finals? Great timing, Gabe.”

 

“You dragged your feet. I’d have a place already if I was in charge.”

 

Sam huffed a sigh, but stayed quiet, getting off the tram when Gabriel signalled that it was their turn to get off. He let Gabriel do all the talking in the realtor’s office, and tried to adjust his attitude as the realtor took them to the houses she had picked out. The first one looked like it had been newly built, just finished. It had an industrial-looking front, and Sam tried his best not to sneer at it. The inside was no better, and Sam could tell that the realtor wasn’t into the place especially, trying to use the place to make them appreciate the other properties on her books most likely. His phone rang as he was feigning interest in the master bedroom, while Gabriel poked around in the double closet. He checked the caller ID before he picked up, wondering why Dean would be calling him today of all days.

 

“Hey, Dean. Isn’t it your graduation? Why are you calling?” Sam didn’t want to sound moody, but the house was a little depressing.

 

“Who is it?” Gabriel called from the closet.

 

“It’s Dean,” Sam tucked the phone slightly under his chin.

 

“Who’s that?” Dean practically barked down the phone. Sam assumed that Castiel was nowhere nearby, if Dean was reverting to type. But it still made him fumble.

 

“It’s uh, it’s Gabriel. We um, we’re house hunting out here. Gabe wants to settle down, and he likes California, and I’m out here studying, so …” Sam wasn’t sure why Dean gave him verbal diarrhoea, or why he was telling him everything that Dean already knew from Christmas. Maybe he just wanted to let Dean know that he was busy and didn’t have time for his big brother acting like an asshole.

 

“So you’re not with Mom and Dad?”

 

“No, they’re at your graduation.” Sam felt like he was speaking to a first grader. How exactly were his parents going to be in California when they were meant to be in Boston? You couldn’t go West to go East.

 

“No, they’re not. Cas and me looked, they’re nowhere, and they’re not picking up their phones.”

 

Clearly, it was important that Dean get ahold of their parents. Probably because they’d agreed to a tense meal punctuated by John’s snide remarks. Sam sighed heavily. He’d take the depressing modern house over Dean’s temper tantrum any day.

 

“I’ll call them, and Bobby, see if I can find them, okay?”

 

“Thanks Sammy.” Dean’s relief was palpable, and Sam hung up the phone as Gabriel came striding back to him.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Dean can’t spot Mom and Dad in the masses of parents there for graduation. He’s panicking. It’ll be fine. Can we look at the next place already?”

 

“Sure. The bathroom’s all industrial steel by the way. Cold metal in the morning, scalding hot in the middle of the day? Yeah, no thanks.”

 

“It’s going to make us really appreciate the next place though, huh?” Sam smirked. They walked down the stairs together, Gabriel shaking his head at the realtor, who wasted no time in gesturing for them to get back in her car. Sam waited until they pulled out again to call Bobby.

 

“Sam Winchester, I was starting to think you’d spend the rest of my life avoiding me.” Bobby greeted him.

 

“Why would I avoid you, Bobby?”

 

“You and that man under the word ‘fag’ maybe?”

 

“More like Dad.” Sam admitted, aware his cheeks were flaming after Bobby described the fliers that had haunted his senior year. Bobby grunted. “Bobby, Dean just called, he said he can’t find Mom and Dad, they’re not picking up calls. They definitely left right? For Boston?”

 

“Sure did. Yesterday. I’ll look up any traffic jams on the interstates, let you know what’s going on.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Sure kid. Don’t be a stranger no more.”

 

Sam nodded, and hung up the phone before he could remember that Bobby wouldn’t see. Gabriel reached across the car and took his hand, squeezing it gently, not needing to say anything. They turned into a nice street on an incline, stopping outside a powder yellow house that, although an older model, had clearly been well taken care of. Gabriel leaned across the car to look as the realtor climbed out of the car.

 

“That’s more like it,” Gabriel muttered softly. Sam nodded.

 

“So long as the inside is nice too.”

 

They climbed out of the car, and followed the realtor into the house, walking through the empty hallway into the stark rooms slowly. There was a small fireplace in the front room, the kitchen was modern and had a huge extractor fan over the touch-sensitive stove. There were three floors, and the giant master bedroom came with an en suite with a double sink and a jacuzzi bath. Sam’s eyes grew wide as they looked around and Gabriel smirked when he caught Sam’s expression.

 

“Can we really afford this?”

 

“The owners are looking to settle as soon as possible. They’re leaving to go travelling, hoping to settle in Australia.” The realtor interrupted the conversation, obviously smelling a sale.

 

“So what, we can offer two hundred and they’ll take it?” Gabriel laughed.

 

“We can see!” She pulled out her cellphone, and started calling the ex-owners. Gabriel looked out of the window in the kitchen and whistled.

 

“Sammy, look at the view!”

 

Sam ducked down and looked as well. In the distance they could see the sea glistening, and row upon row of houses leading down towards the beach.

 

“It’s not far from college,” Sam mused.

 

“Not far from work either. Would you freak out about losing the Camaro? We could both use the tram. We could fly to your parents house when we go see them.”

 

It still made Sam’s heart flutter, to hear Gabriel say ‘we’.

 

“Gabe, after all the sacrifices you’ve made, losing the Camaro would be fine. The thing eats gas like you eat my mom’s baking. We might actually save money.”

 

“We might actually make some, that thing must cost a bomb. You know, if we whored it out to the vintage crowd.”

 

“It’s on,” Sam smiled, as the realtor came back towards them.

 

“Two hundred will be fine. Lets go back to the office and start working through the paperwork.”

 

They began to follow her out of the door, but before they could get to the car, Gabriel’s cell rang. He picked up, stopping in his tracks.

 

“Hey Cassie, is Dean still on his period ove-”

 

Gabe stopped talking, as Castiel’s voice cut him off, low and quick, and too difficult for Sam to make out. Gabriel had frozen, listening hard. His eyes flickered up to Sam’s face, and he swallowed. Sam didn’t need to ask to know it was bad news. He snatched the phone, pressing it to his own ear.

 

“-And we’ll stay in a motel nearby. Dean’s not doing good, it’s all over the news.”

 

“Cas?”

 

“Sam?”

 

“Yeah, what’s going on?”

 

Castiel sucked in a deep breath.

 

“My friend Chuck found your parents, in a fashion. There’s been an accident, Sam. We’re on our way there now. Stay there, okay? Finish your schoolwork and we’ll see you soon.” Castiel carried on talking, more meaningless platitudes, but Sam couldn’t hear it. He stopped truly listening after ‘accident’.

 

“How bad is it?” He interrupted Castiel, forcing himself to concentrate on Castiel’s next words. They were going to be very important.

 

“We discovered it on a news site. It’s an aerial photograph of a mangled car that looks like your father’s mustang. At least, they’re describing it as a car. It doesn’t look good.”

 

“I’m … I’m going to give you back to Gabriel now.” Sam could hear the detachment in his voice. Gabriel took the phone gently as the realtor ducked her head out of the car, trying to see what was going on. Sam was aware that Gabriel was still talking, but he couldn’t take anything in. If they couldn’t even be sure it was a car … was it a car? Was it their car? Were they …

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had made Sam go through with signing the documents for the house, locking it in as theirs. He made him go home, force-fed him dinner, and kept an eye on both their cellphones. Eventually, it was his own one that lit up, when Sam had grudgingly gone to the bathroom. Gabriel snatched it up straight away.

 

“Well?”

 

“It was them.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“Quite. Where’s Sam?”

 

Bathroom. He’s in shock, I think.”

 

“Dean also. We had to identify the bodies. Dean was shaking the whole time. Could barely talk when it was Mary. She used to be so beautiful.”

 

Gabriel sat on the bed, hard.

 

“Where’s he now?”

 

“In bed, shivering. He has about four blankets on, but he still feels cold. He won’t talk. I’m worried, Gabe. Is this what happens when you lose your parents?”

 

“Like I would know. Want me to get Sam?”

 

“Gabriel,” Castiel sounded strained. “Could you tell him, please? I’ve already left Dean alone long enough. And over the phone is not the way to find out.”

 

“Is there any way to find out?”

 

“Promise me one thing, Gabe. You stay serious when you tell Sam. Now is not the time for your sense of humour. There’s every chance Sam is going to take this as badly as Dean is, and you’re the closest thing he’s got to family out there.”

 

“Okay. But keep us updated.”

 

“I will. See you soon.”

 

Gabriel hung up, and realised that the light from the bathroom was shining into the room. He looked across and saw Sam leaning against the doorframe, toothbrush motionless in his mouth.

 

“Um. Hi.”

 

Sam was just staring. Gabriel held his phone up on an open-palmed hand.

 

“That was Castiel.”

 

Sam didn’t look at the phone. He was staring at Gabriel’s face.

 

“How long have you been stood there?”

 

“Since ‘shit.’”

 

“I would’ve given you the phone, but Cas …” Gabriel shrugged, and tried to regroup. But damn, it was hard. How did you tell your boyfriend that his parents were dead? “Do you wanna finish up in the bathroom first?”

 

“You’re stalling,” Sam said eventually, his voice partially muffled by toothpaste, and partially scratchy from lack of use. “How bad is it?”

 

“Bad.” Gabriel admitted. “Sam, I’m sorry.”

 

“How bad?” Sam repeated. Like he wasn’t going to believe Gabriel until he said the actual words, but they wouldn’t come. Instead, he stood up, and approached Sam, wrapping his arms around his gangly boyfriend and pulling him close. Sam didn’t bend. “Gabe?”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“Just say it, Gabe.”

 

“It was your father’s car. Dean and Castiel have been in the morgue.” Gabriel closed his eyes, pressed against Sam’s chest, and made himself say the words, as hard as they were. And they were a hell of a lot harder than saying _I love you_. “Sam, they didn’t make it.”

 

Sam pulled away, heading back into the bathroom. He spat the toothpaste out, tossed his brush into the holder, and walked back to the bed, grabbing up Gabriel’s wrist and pulling him along. He crashed down onto the bed, Gabriel just managing to brace himself as he was pulled along, and then Sam was curling up around him, pulling him close. Gabriel could barely breathe with the way Sam was clinging to him, and when he looked, Sam’s face was contorted in pain. It felt like an age before he started sobbing, burying his face in Gabriel’s hair.

 

Gabriel rode it out, just trying to be there for Sam through his grief. It was the first time Gabriel really thought about how far away they were. He knew it would probably make Sam’s reaction worse, make him feel helpless and distant and unable to fix it. But there was no way of fixing it. All there was to do was to hold Sam, do what he wanted, bear it when Sam tangled his fingers through Gabriel’s hair and tugged hard on it, cope with Sam sniffling and howling into his ear, embrace the wetness on his face from Sam’s tears and wipe away the ones he could spot. He felt useless as he stroked Sam’s face, and his arms, rubbed circles on his back, and tried to reassure him that no matter what, there was still him. Eventually Sam grew quieter, crying himself into exhaustion. The last thing Gabriel heard before Sam fell asleep was a whisper, one he wasn’t sure he was meant to catch, even if Sam’s mouth was close to his ear.

 

“I want my mom.”

 

Gabriel clutched him tightly, holding him as he slept, trying to stay awake in case Sam needed him through the night.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I haven't posted this in a while! My awesome beta went to JIB (so jealous) and then stayed in Rome for a couple of weeks so I wanted to give her some time to read. And also give myself a little bit of time to write. I hope everyone who has been reading so far will forgive the delay x

Gabriel barely slept, he was too worried about Sam. No, he had no clue what it was like to lose a parent you cared about, he had never had that and he had chosen to walk out on his family. But from the few times he had spent with Mary and John, he could understand something of Sam’s devastation. Not completely, because they had never truly welcomed him into the family, but Mary had made the effort to at least try. It had been fun over Christmas, baking with her, like they were talking a language they both understood.

 

Sam slept uneasily the whole night, but he did sleep. He didn’t loosen his grip on Gabriel, even in the deepest parts of his sleep, and he moaned an awful lot, like the pain of losing both his parents was still there, even as he slept.

 

Gabriel couldn’t take his eyes off Sam’s face, of how young and innocent he seemed in his sleep, and how troubled he still seemed, his brow furrowed and his mouth slightly puckered. All he could think of was the amount that Sam had already had to put up with - that he’d made Sam put up with - and yet the hits just kept on coming. It wasn’t fair that Sam had to lose two people who mattered at the same time. Especially not when he was halfway across the country and unable to be there.

 

He was glad, if you could be glad in this kind of situation, that at least they had gotten themselves sorted before it happened. Gabriel felt sick just imagining what it would have been like if Sam had taken the call from Castiel and found out about his parents when he was stuck somewhere in Idaho. If Sam had been alone, left to deal with it without anyone to give him comfort.

 

Eventually, Sam’s eyes flickered open and he looked at the ceiling for a few moments, blinking. Gabriel continued watching him intently. At first, Sam seemed a little dazed and confused, but then Gabriel saw the twist of comprehension, the next stab of pain, and already he was stroking Sam’s hair back and trying to soothe him.

 

“Is it real?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Sam.”

 

“I can’t believe it. I mean, Dad was a good driver. Mom didn’t drive. Why did they crash? How could it even happen?”

 

“Maybe they had to swerve to avoid a deer or something. Maybe there was a huge pothole and it messed with the steering.”

 

Sam nodded, and gave a heavy sigh. Gabriel scooted closer, still caressing his hair.

 

“I don’t know what I’m meant to do now. What’s going to happen. I mean, my tuition, Dean, the house. I don’t … was it like this when you were on your own?”

 

“No,” Gabriel said softly. “Because it was my choice. And whatever was going to happen, it was never going to be as awful as the compound. But it’s going to be okay, I promise you, Sam. Look, here’s what we’ll do. We’ll get you an appointment with the dean, you can explain what’s happened and then we can go back to Kansas. You can sort everything out with Dean, and decide if you still want to move into our house, or if you want to stay in Kansas. It’s all up to you, okay?”

 

“I know it’s selfish Gabe, but I want to stay here. I mean, I want to do the funeral and all, but I want to finish what I started. I want to be a lawyer. I just don’t know how that’s going to happen now, Mom and Dad were paying for my tuition.”

 

“We’ll work it out,” Gabriel promised him. “I’m not going to leave you to deal with it alone, okay? And I’m sure your parents set something up for you. They wouldn’t ditch you in it, Sam.”

 

Sam nodded, and rubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

 

“I guess I should go to class.”

 

“Go and see the dean,” Gabriel urged. “I’ll come too.”

 

Sam shook his head.

 

“I should do it alone.”

 

“Okay. Want me to call Cas and get us set up for going back there?”

 

Sam nodded, and slid out of the bed.

 

“Thanks, Gabe.”

 

 

*

 

 

Gabriel had insisted on driving the Camaro back to Kansas, once all Sam’s college work had been sorted out. His tutors had agreed to let him off his finals, and said they would grade him according to the assignments that year, leaving him available to go to the funeral. There wasn’t enough time to sort out plane tickets, and Sam was grateful for the time in the car. It gave him the chance to calm himself down, prepare himself for what was to come. He was grateful to Gabriel too, who seemed to just know when Sam wanted to stay quiet, and when he appreciated conversation; when it was acceptable to discuss his parents and when to fill the void with mindless chatter.

 

He was still nervous, still unsure what was going to happen without his parents. Mainly, what was going to happen without his mother. He didn’t think that Dean would want to watch out for him, wasn’t sure there was any money to keep him in college. He didn’t want to be too reliant on Gabriel either, didn’t want to become a burden when they were meant to be equals. Gabriel had tried to reassure him, promising that they would make sacrifices to make Sam’s future happen, promising to do whatever he could for Sam. And though Sam was grateful, he couldn’t quite see how it was all going to turn out okay. Privately, he was already planning on doing up the Camaro, selling it to the vintage crowd like he and Gabriel had discussed, then deferring for a year or two while he found a job to bust his ass at, trying to raise tuition funds. He was sure he could do it.

 

Castiel was waiting on the porch for them as they pulled in front of Mary and John’s house. He watched as they climbed out of the car, not moving forward until Gabriel caught him up in a hug. There was no sign of Dean.

 

“Hey, Sam. How are you?” Castiel sounded cautious, as though he was afraid of upsetting him. Sam shrugged, trying to peer into the house.

 

“Where’s Dean?”

 

Castiel pursed his lips, and gestured for them both to go into the house, leading them into the kitchen. It already seemed empty, and lonely, and it was strange to be in there without the smell of vanilla and cinnamon. When they were all seated, Castiel began talking, telling Sam about how Dean had taken to his bed and although he had agreed to get ready, he had still crawled back under the covers as soon as he could. Sam felt his heart sink. Yes, Dean had been closer to both their parents, had been favourited like most first-borns, but he was supposed to step up and face this, not dissolve when Sam needed him the most. He wasn’t sure he could cope, at twenty years old, with having to arrange a double funeral and support his brother emotionally, as well as all that was going on in his own life. Castiel seemed to understand how overwhelmed he was beginning to feel, and started talking about all he had been trying to do since they had identified Mary and John in the morgue. Most of the plans for the funeral were done, although Castiel said Sam could change anything he wanted.

 

And Sam felt even worse. Castiel had been arranging everything all on his own, without Dean’s input or Sam’s. He wished that he had flown over straight away, saving Castiel some of the strain, but instead of voicing this he concentrated on the arrangements that were already made, knowing that the only adjustments he would make would be notifying more people about the funeral, and the wake. His brother-in-law wasn’t one to overstep the mark, or do something that would upset other people.

 

It still felt strange, to sit in his parents house with the rest of his family and discuss funeral preparations. He did his best to concentrate on what Castiel was saying, on what was still needed and what was sorted out. Sam noticed that Castiel didn’t even mention the cost, and he wondered if the money was coming from his novel. He was starting to get a stomach ache from stressing over the details, when Dean finally emerged in a crumpled outfit. It was then, seeing the expression on his older brother’s face, that he realised that Castiel had been downplaying just how much it had gotten to Dean. It was like his brother had aged twenty years in the last week. His face was gray-tinged and almost drooping, like he suddenly had too much skin for his bones. Suddenly, Sam understood just how Dean had been so terse on their phone calls. He looked completely destroyed. He walked over to Castiel and sagged in his arms, and Sam made himself concentrate that much more on the task at hand. If being a lawyer had to take a backseat for now, he could do it. He looked at Gabriel, hoping he could communicate that effectively without having to speak about it in front of their brothers. Gabriel raised his eyebrows back, clearly fighting his natural smirk. He seemed to be telling Sam not to be an idiot, at least, that’s how Sam was reading his expression. He wasn’t planning on being an idiot, just making some smart choices. Even if he didn’t get what he wanted for a while, at least it meant helping his brother.


	28. Chapter 28

"It's not getting any better," Sam spoke quietly, as he and Gabriel walked around the supermarket. It wasn't exactly what Sam wanted to be doing right then, picking up groceries and wheeling a shopping cart around aisles full of slow-moving geriatrics, but Gabriel had insisted that they actually get some food in the house. They were standing by a row of herb pots, Gabriel poking about for just the right things for the meals he was obviously planning already.

"Grieving them? Give it time, Sam." Gabriel thumbed over the sign for some chives.

"No. Dean."

Gabriel sighed, and tossed the chives into the cart, along with some fresh basil. And then he leaned against the side of the cart, looking up at Sam.

"You know he blames himself, right? His graduation, stuff with Cas. It's probably not going to ease up until he forgives himself."

"Forgive himself. Right. You don't know Dean." Sam sighed, and tossed a couple of bell peppers into the cart.

"That's my point," Gabriel pointed out. "At least you know you're okay. That's got to be a load off your mind. I mean," he backtracked, seeing Sam's expression. "Not that you're over it, just that you're not going to be left high and dry."

It had been an awkward talk, just after the wake. Castiel had managed to coax Dean into saying where the Will was, and they had managed to work out, from what was written in the documents and from what Dean and Sam both needed, what there was to play with. It was obvious that Dean didn't want to leave the house, so Sam ended up with more money. Enough to finish college and start on grad school. It was Castiel who seemed to have the rawest deal, stuck in the family home with a grieving husband and a career based twelve hundred miles from where they were settling.

"Yeah, well. I'll still get a job on the side. I can't rely on everyone forever."

"Sam? You'll always be able to rely on me."

They looked at each other over the shopping cart, and Sam felt a fresh stab of lust in his chest. This new Gabriel was everything he'd wanted. Sam hated that he had to lose his parents to know this version of Gabe, but at least he was here now. They walked to the next aisle, where Gabriel started scanning through all the different kinds of pasta.

"I still think I should contribute something," Sam pushed, as Gabriel started burrowing into the shelving units, reaching for something at the very back.

"Put out. That'll help." Gabriel sounded muffled. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Thanks. I needed to feel cheap too."

"Sam," Gabriel stuck his head back out from amongst the pasta packets. "Do you know how much studying you actually do? When are you going to fit in any kind of a job? Something would have to give and it's sure as hell not going to be me, or being a lawyer. So shush. I can shop on a budget." He dug back down into the pasta, and Sam leaned against the cart.

"When are we going back to California?" Sam tried to change the subject, as Gabriel finally located what he was looking for and grabbed the cart, wheeling it along to the next aisle.

"I don't know. Whenever you want. When do you have to move out of the house?"

"End of the month. I kind of want to go back now, get the new place sorted out, get all that out of the way, sell the car. But I don't want to ditch them."

Gabriel nodded, not needing to know who 'them' were.

"But we're not. We bought a place out there, Sam. That's where your college is, that's where my job is. It's not ditching them. And besides," he grabbed a couple of other ingredients from the shelf. "When was the last time Dean felt bad about ditching you? Not being a dick, but he's got Cas, and Cas knows what's up. And we can come back whenever to see them. You're not losing your family, okay?"

Sam nodded, and followed him as Gabriel moved the cart again, swiping more items into the cart.

"I still feel guilty."

"Of course you do, you're a Winchester," Gabriel muttered under his breath. Sam pretended he couldn't hear, because he absolutely could not face a fight with Gabriel right then. Louder, Gabriel carried on, "I'm pretty sure guilt is one of the stages of grief."

"I've never really believed in that sort of structure," Sam said back, loading a crate of beer into the cart, forgetting he was still underage. "You know, stages of grief or whatever. Like, you can only be guilty for that definable amount of time and then if you get angry, you can no longer be guilty? And you can't be angry before you begin to accept what's happened? Surely those emotions all come from accepting something's happened in the first place and then they all come at different times, in different combinations?"

Gabriel sighed.

"You're a therapist's nightmare."

"I'm just saying, it's not so easily compartmentalised. Maybe I want to throw things because I have survivors guilt, maybe I want to cry while calling Dean a selfish dick."

"Dean is being a selfish dick. If that helps."

"Not really."

"It's a shitty situation. But Dean doesn't get to dominate this, okay? You need to vent, that's what I'm here for."

"Even though I'm a therapist's nightmare?"

"I'm not a therapist," Gabriel gave him a small smile. "Just your boyfriend."

A few nearby shoppers turned their heads at Gabriel's words, and Sam was baffled by how much they could ignore the rest of the conversation but want to be nosy about the fact there were 'two gays' in their midsts.

"So … can we go home tomorrow?"

Gabriel nodded, and shoved a couple of bags of potato chips into the cart too.

"Sure. Home tomorrow."

* 

They didn't have a tearful goodbye, though Sam had expected it with the atmosphere that had hung around the house over the funeral preparation. Instead, Dean seemed to stare through them, still in his pyjamas, while Castiel promised Sam they would stay in touch, reassuring him that he would be okay and any time he wanted to talk it was welcome. Sam clung to his brother-in-law longer and tighter than was normally necessary, but Castiel didn't seem to mind. Instead, when they finally separated, he reminded Gabriel to look after Sam and stay in touch.

Sam watched them disappear in the side mirrors as Gabriel started the long drive back, and felt a stab of guilt. It was like they'd left Castiel to suck it up, to deal with the weight of Dean's grief alone, and it was in a place where they didn't have many people. He just had to hope that Bobby might feel benevolent and remove some of the loneliness, though it didn't ease that burning in Sam's stomach. It almost felt like he and Gabriel were trying to move on with their own lives, leaving Dean and Castiel to suffer with the reality of losing Mary and John.

It wasn't as though they'd left their brothers with nothing. Gabriel had spent nearly all his time after the grocery store cooking, creating meals he could put in the freezer until Castiel could defrost and cook them. They'd left more than enough for a month of meals. And Sam had spent a long time trying to talk with Dean, who was practically catatonic with grief and completely unresponsive. He was worried about his big brother, and how much it was going to put a strain on Castiel also. The only positive he could possibly draw from the situation was that Castiel's chosen vocation meant that he could stay home as long as Dean needed and write.

They played the radio in the car, rather than talk in stilted conversations. The past few weeks of losing Sam's parents had taken their toll and Sam was almost bored of reciting the same conversations about his parents, or feigning interest in other topics that had lost their appeal in the wake of losing Mary and John. The radio was a safe area, familiar and comforting, but it couldn't completely stay Sam's thoughts.

Mostly, he stared out of the window and remembered the funeral, which was fairly small. Besides Dean, Castiel and Gabriel, there had been Bobby and some guy called Rufus who had been an old army buddy of John's and gone slightly senile from intense PTSD. There were a few of Sam's old friend's families, including the Moores. Sam's heart had sunk as he saw Jess, sitting in her chair and crying for his parents, and the ensuing conversation had been tense. Gabriel had stayed away, though Jess had recognised him and asked Sam if it was 'the guy from the fag pictures', and it had gone downhill from there. He had been relieved, actually relieved, when her parents interrupted to talk to him about how wonderful his parents were and how sorry they were for his loss.

Finally, the sun began to set and Gabriel rolled to a stop in the next town, booking a double room and ordering room service for them both. They ate in silence, but when Gabriel had stuck their empty plates out in the hallway for collection, Sam had grabbed his hand, and led him back to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, tugging Gabriel up close to him, winding his arms around Gabriel's waist.

"Are you okay, Sam?" Gabriel asked softly. Sam didn't want to admit to reliving the moment with Jess, sure that even mentioning her would kill this. And what he needed most of all was something physical, with someone he trusted. He needed sex with Gabriel. He began undoing Gabriel's belt.

"I'm fine."

"Sam," Gabriel sounded like he wasn't on board, which was very much not part of Sam's plan. "Come on, of course you're not fine."

"Let me take your clothes off and I'll be fantastic."

Gabriel groaned, and Sam pulled the belt all the way through the loops on Gabriel's pants, before he proceeded to undo the fly.

"Sex isn't the answer," Gabriel persisted.

"What was the question?"

"Sam."

"Gabe." He pushed his hands in, trying to shuck down Gabriel's pants. Gabriel grabbed the waistband and the last moment, keeping them up. "Look, right now, I need this, okay?"

Gabriel groaned again, and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Sam's.

"You're irresistible at the best of times, you know that, runt? And right now-"

"Go with it," Sam whispered, trying to sound flirty. "We're in a motel room, our brothers can't hear us, no one else will care. Make me scream, Gabe."

Gabriel hesitated, and Sam grabbed hold of the opportunity, throwing his pants down and tugging him closer, mouthing at Gabriel's underwear. He heard another groan of frustration, which quickly morphed into a lustful moan, and Sam knew he was winning the argument.

"Shit. Okay … okay wow … thought I was meant to be making you scream?"

Sam smirked to himself, and pulled down Gabriel's underwear as well, then he threw his shirt off hastily. Sam barely took the time to appreciate how easy it had been to sway Gabriel, his mouth immediately sank back on to Gabriel's dick, kissing it sloppily, licking every inch of skin he could reach, his hands coming up to massage Gabriel's balls and thumb at his asshole. It was like he was on overdrive, determined to be as close to his boyfriend as he could, as quickly as was possible. Gabriel's hands slapped onto his shoulders, squeezing hard as he worked his way down the shaft towards the thicket of Gabriel's pubes, nosing through the hairs and breathing that sharp, salty smell deeply, before slowly edging his way back to the head. He could hear Gabriel's breath catching, his muted cusses, and felt self-satisfied as he fell apart in Sam's hands.

He slowly bobbed his head down onto Gabriel, sucking hard every time he moved his head up, one hand still working his balls and the other hand slowly crawling along the length of Gabriel's ass. Gabriel was almost insensible already, leaning heavily against him as he worked, hands curled up in Sam's hair so tightly that it was slightly painful every time Sam slid back down. But the pain was good, it gave him something to focus on, kept him in the moment and away from dwelling on anything too upsetting.

He could feel Gabriel beginning to shake, and then there was a slap on his shoulderblade.

"Not yet Sam, don't make me cum yet," Gabriel's voice was hoarse, and it sounded like the words were being wrenched from him. "I want to be in you first."

Sam slowly dragged himself back off of Gabriel's dick, still sucking hard until it fell out of his mouth. And then he let Gabriel pull his clothes off, lay him down on the bed, complied as Gabriel raised his legs up, draping them around his own shoulders. They looked at each other for a moment, and Sam could feel the ache for Gabriel already burning in his ass.

"What are you waiting for?" He whispered.

"To be able to sink into you without making a mess the second we have contact," Gabriel admitted. "You are way too good at sucking dick."

"And I thought you were just enjoying the view."

"Hmmm, that too." Gabriel stroked a hand almost lazily down Sam's own dick, gently making his way to Sam's ass and probing a finger in. Sam closed his eyes, feeling himself smiling. It was a relief to feel this good with Gabriel, especially after the ups and downs of their last year. He felt more fingers in his ass, another hand gliding up and down his cock, and his bones melted as he flopped onto the bed. Gabriel's talented fingers were everywhere, all at once, and Sam clung on to the sensation of his fingertips gliding over sensitive skin. Eventually, Gabriel slid into him, bracing above him as he took his time finding his rhythm. Sam reached up and hooked a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down for sloppy, broken kisses as they began to move together. Gabriel was breathing the word 'fuck' into his mouth as Sam started snapping his hips up, crossing his feet at the ankles to try and get the best angle possible. Sam was yelling every time Gabriel hit that sweet spot, which was with every thrust. It was like he had a radar for it, and Sam didn't want it to end. It felt good, so good, to be with Gabriel like this.

But it did end, with a large groan and a shudder from Gabriel, and Sam began pawing at him, trying to pull him closer, trying to get more Gabriel, if it were even possible. He felt Gabriel pull out, and slide down his body, and he protested a 'no' in a big sigh. Gabriel chuckled hoarsely.

"Got to get you off too, baby."

And then Gabriel was lapping at him, kissing along his dick, working his way over and along and … and … Sam was completely lost in the feel of his lips and his tongue and the heat of his mouth and the way his body jumped to every single touch. He loved Gabriel, loved him so damn much, couldn't stop himself from working his hands into Gabriel's hair this time, forcing him further onto his body, trembling just from his touch.

And then it was over, and Gabriel was scrambling back along the bed, laying on top of him and whispering reassurances over and over. Sam realised he was crying, but it wasn't from his recent loss. He pulled Gabriel tight against his chest, holding him so close that he got confused about whose heartbeat he could feel, whether it was both of them, fused together somehow.

"I love you, Gabe," he interrupted.

"Love you too, Sammy." Gabriel sounded surprised, even though they'd said it before. Not often, but enough that it shouldn't be shocking for Sam to say it.

"I needed that. Needed you."

Gabriel kissed his chest, and his neck, and his chin, finally finding his mouth. He kissed back happily, rolling over on the bed to pin Gabriel down, and eventually pulling away from Gabriel's intoxicating lips to curl up against him, ready for sleep. Gabriel tugged the covers over them both, and kissed his forehead.

"Night, Sammy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I've been uploading to another site and I've only just gotten to the point where they've caught up. I've also been writing this in the mean time and it's all drafted now so from here on out, it should get updated fairly quickly :) hope people are still reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favourite chapters to write :)
> 
> Apologies for any typos/editorial problems. My beta (who is wonderful) has been having a block lately so I've been left to my own devices with this chapter x

Gabriel was still watching Sam carefully. He had been since they’d received the news from Castiel about Sam’s parents, but he had been more vigilant since they had come back to San Francisco after the wake. Especially after seeing how much it had destroyed Dean to lose them. Gabriel was waiting for the moment when Sam imploded.

But it seemed as though Sam was working through his grief. Slowly, yes, and with a few hiccups where Gabriel would hold him as he cried, normally after stupid little things like the time Gabriel baked cookies for Sam’s housemates who they were leaving behind. The smell had been enough of a reminder for Mary. But even those moments were fleeting, and the next morning Sam would be fine, packing his possessions and discussing the move like there was no other issue in their lives than moving in together. Like Ruby, Sam’s parents seemed to be relegated to topics of conversation that Sam was not prepared to entertain.

In some ways, the move seemed good for Sam. Like he was starting a new chapter in his life and leaving all the crap behind. He had been active since they’d gotten back, making sure everything was packed, working on the Camaro with the knowledge gleamed from John and Bobby over the years, prepping the new house for their move, finding new furniture for their front room. And at night, every night that he wasn’t upset over his parents, there was some incredible, earth-shattering sex. Gabriel could barely keep up, if he was honest. Sam was suddenly insatiable.

Gabriel recognised Sam’s method of coping, from when he was trying to distract himself from the beanpole in the early days of their relationship. At first he was wondering how he could possibly calm Sam down, or distract him, and then he debated increasing the things Sam was doing, trying to wear him out before it could get to over-enthusiastic sex marathons, and then he decided that, because he had gotten bored of constantly looking for a new thrill, it was only a matter of time before Sam would calm down and be over it.

Sam had taken to going jogging in the early morning, often waking Gabriel up in his post-run shower. And then he would go running in the evening again, as Gabriel cooked. He was just relieved that Sam would come home just as the food finished cooking, washed up quickly, and would sit and talk. Maybe it was about what colours to paint their front room, or something he had seen on his run, or the latest phone call from Castiel; whatever the topic, Gabriel was just glad that Sam was still engaged, and not vacant like his brother had been.

Their moving day came and went, with surprisingly little issues. The house seemed too big for them, even after they had unpacked, but Sam had seemed undeterred as he laced up his tennis shoes.

“Gabe, we’re going to be here until we’re old, we’ve got plenty of time to fill it with memories.” He swapped feet, and laced up the other one, then stretched. “You were living out of a rucksack until a couple of months ago, why are you the one freaking out?”

“The house just feels too big, I guess.” He shrugged. “I’m not used to spreading out like this.”

“You’re the one that wanted three bedrooms.” Sam gave one more stretch, and stooped down to kiss him gently on the mouth. “I’m going to do a few miles around the neighbourhood, check it out. If you don’t want to come with me, maybe you could hang our clothes up or something?”

Gabriel nodded, and watched as Sam jogged out of the front door, heading up the hill to start his route. He waited until Sam was out of sight before he closed the door, and pulled out a box of knick knacks that Sam had taken from his parents house. He started putting them on the empty built-in shelves around their fireplace, dwelling on Sam. Maybe he was overthinking what he should expect, maybe he just had to go with Sam’s process and try and fit around it as much as he could. And in the mean time, ask for Sam to maybe only have sex once a night because he really wasn’t going to be able to keep up much longer.

He went into their near-empty kitchen once the shelves were filled, and poked around for what they had. It wasn’t much. He pulled out his phone and looked up the nearest take out joint, calling and ordering for himself and Sam, knowing that his willowy boyfriend would eat most things so long as there was something green involved.

Sam barely beat the take out home, panting heavily as he leaned against the wall in the hallway. Gabriel watched as he got his breath back.

“Good run?”

Sam nodded, clutching his side, and Gabriel skirted around him as the take out guy appeared, paying for their meals and closing the door behind him.

“I ordered some Thai food, hope that’s okay?”

Sam nodded, and pointed upstairs.

“Going to … grab a shower,” he gasped. Gabriel tapped the tubs of food.

“It won’t last long.”

Sam gave him a smile, and a breathy kiss, before making his way up to their bedroom anyway.

 

*

 

A few days later, Gabriel found himself with a day off, and Sam was still on vacation from college. Sam had just finished his shower after his morning run, and was helping himself to a cup of coffee when Gabriel grabbed his wrist.

“I’m surprising you, today.” He announced. Sam’s eyes slid to the side, and he realised that it was risky, surprising Sam. After all, Sam had made it clear that he did not like surprises, but this one was so perfect. He knew that, though it wasn’t a magic solution to Sam’s problems, it was something he would appreciate.

“What are we doing?” Sam asked. Gabriel had anticipated this. Hell, he’d anticipated thumb screws and waterboarding to get the information out of him. But he absolutely was not going to break.

“An adventure.”

“What kind of adventure?”

“One where you profess your undying love for me.”

Sam’s mouth quirked to the side, just for a moment, and then Gabriel heard the words out of his mouth. He tried to rephrase himself.

“I mean, I know you’re already crazy about me, but this is guaranteed, you’re never going to want to leave.”

“We live together now, Gabe. Kind of invested.”

“Trust me, this is like, being married.”

There was a strange tension as soon as he said the word married. Sam’s brow had knitted together, and Gabriel realised that actually, Sam had no real desire to get married. It was an awkward, sticky moment, until Sam cleared his throat.

“Gabe, it’s taken us nearly three years to get a house together. Can we just enjoy that before we talk about marriage and stuff?”

“Sure. I’m not taking you ring shopping or anything. But I guess this is kind of a commitment.”

Sam frowned again, and Gabriel threw his hands up.

“Trust me Sam, you’re going to love this!”

Sam sipped his coffee, and ate some cereal, giving Gabriel the stink eye the entire time. But Gabriel refused to be distracted, or guilted out of doing this. He knew Sam too well to bend on this one. Instead, he grabbed Sam’s wrist again, and tugged him out of the door as soon as his spoon was down in his bowl. They walked along the street together, and along a couple of blocks, before Gabriel reached up and covered Sam’s eyes.

“Is this really necessary?” Sam complained.

“It’s a surprise.” Gabriel said as though that was an explanation for his behaviour. He led Sam into the building he’d visited the day before, knowing that Sam would hear where they were before he saw it.

“Is that a dog barking?” Sam asked, just before they crossed the threshold. Gabriel dropped his hands as soon as they were in the reception, watching Sam’s face as he took in his surroundings. The receptionist smiled at Gabriel. He’d blabbed his idea to surprise to this very receptionist, she was all part of it.

“Are you looking to sponsor or adopt today?” She asked, as she reached for the form that Gabriel knew would get them a dog. Sam turned to him, his eyes large and round.

“Gabe?”

“It’s up to you. I was going to surprise you with adoption, but if you just want to sponsor one-”

“We’re getting a _dog_?!”

“Wanna pick one out?”

Sam mouthed wordlessly at him, before turning to the receptionist.

“He’s the best boyfriend. Ever.”

She looked at Gabriel with a smile.

“I don’t think you really captured how excited he was going to be about this.”

“Gabe!”

Gabriel didn’t know if Sam was complaining, or excited, or just plain overwhelmed. He turned back to the receptionist and leaned closer.

“Can we look at them?”

She let them through to the kennels, and the dogs that were inside. The air smelled like damp fur and kibble, but Sam didn’t seem to care, he was looking into each section, his eyes still huge as he took in all the breeds before them.

“I want the Red Setter … no, the Dalmatian … Gabe, there’s a Husky! How many dogs are we getting?”

“Can we just start with the one for now?” Gabriel asked weakly. Part of him wanted to capture Sam’s enthusiasm by letting him have the entire pound if that’s what it took, but he had no clue about dogs, and Sam would be working hard once classes started up again.

“Sure. You know it’s going to take me all day to pick one?”

The kennel employee was smiling hard, Sam’s enthusiasm rubbing off on her. Adopting a dog was the best idea. Sam continued along the line, exclaiming over every single dog, and Gabriel followed him, until he stooped down in front of one dog who was lying listlessly on the floor beside his kennel.

“That one’s a mongrel,” the staff member explained. “We think he might be a little deaf, even though he’s only two.”

Sam didn’t seem to hear her, instead he reached a hand out for the dog to sniff. It raised its head and licked his fingers, and he laughed openly. The dog slowly stood up, approaching Sam, and let him pet his head. Gabriel was never going to pretend he knew much about dogs, but he could see why this one had grabbed Sam’s attention in particular. It carried an air around it that was similar to Sam’s in the worst moments of his grief, but at this moment, it had seemed to ease. Because of Sam.

It was, Gabriel supposed, a cute dog. As dogs go. It wasn’t too big, or too small, with curly grey fur that hung in shaggy clumps down its back. Its eyes were huge and brown, and seemed to take everything about Sam in. Like it could tell straight away how amazing the man in front of him was.

“This one?” Gabriel asked him quietly.

“Shhhh, I’m falling in love here,” Sam whispered back, scratching the dog behind the ears. Gabriel reached out and stroked the fur on its head as well, surprised by how soft it was.

“He’s a little scruffy, isn’t he?” Gabriel noted.

“Uh-huh. All the things I love best are.”

He flashed a grin at Gabriel, who kissed his cheek in return, before standing up and looking at the kennel receptionist.

“I don’t think they’re going to be parted,” he smirked. “I’ll come do the paperwork.”

She led the way back to the reception, both of them leaving Sam with the dog. Gabriel looked back at him just before stepping back through the door.

“I’ll be back for you and the scruff in a few minutes, okay?”

Sam didn’t seem to hear him. He’d found a toy and was now playing with the mongrel. Gabriel sat in the reception, filling in the form, as the employee talked to him.

“It’s nice to see him going to a new home. We honestly thought Montgomery was going to be a lifer.”

“Montgomery?” Gabriel bit back a laugh.

“Yeah. I know, such a mouthful. But your boyfriend can give him a new name, I’m sure Montgomery would love it. If he can hear it, anyway.”

“Sam probably will.”

He finished the forms quickly, and accepted the list of accessories needed for the dog. If he had set it up properly, most of the items would be delivered later that day. Like a dog bed, a new lead, kibble, food bowls, and a huge supply of baggies for cleaning up after it. Sam was going to _love_ him.

When they returned, Sam had let the dog out of the kennel, and was holding him like a baby, stroking his fur and letting the dog lick his face over and over. He was laughing, embracing it, and Gabriel knew it was the best idea he had had maybe ever. Sam caught his eye and grinned.

“Scruff’s ours now, right?”

“You’re calling him Scruff?” Gabriel checked. Sam shrugged, and Gabriel let it go. “Beats Montgomery.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Wanna walk Scruff home?”


	30. Chapter 30

Scruff was the new love of Sam's life. And it seemed as though the feeling was mutual. The dog seemed almost scared of leaving his side, something that Sam wasn't unhappy with in the slightest. He'd always wanted a pet dog, and now that he had one it was everything he had expected. He was so grateful to Gabriel for caving, for looking into getting a new dog. The fact that Scruff was a rescue dog as well just made Sam's heart melt.

That was the beautiful thing about Gabriel. That he would recognise when someone needed help and do it without complaint. Sam was determined to thank him properly for Scruff. He waited until the dog had settled into their home for a few days before jumping on Gabriel, on their sagging old sofa, straddling his lap and pinning him against the back cushions. Gabriel smiled up at him tiredly.

"Don't say you're bored of Scruff already."

Scruff jumped up onto the sofa as well, licking Gabriel's face as though he understood that right at that moment they were supposed to be pouring adoration out onto him. Gabriel laughed, and rubbed his ears, and Sam felt his heart melt again. For all Gabriel's resistance, he really seemed to love the dog too. Even if it wasn't a cat.

"Of course I'm not. Scruff's one of us," Sam said proudly, and then rubbed his palms along Gabriel's stomach, lifting his shirt up, and sliding along the smooth skin underneath to rest on his hipbones. "But I never thanked you properly."

Sam smiled in what he hoped was his most endearing way, and Gabriel looked away, stroking Scruff's fur to cover the fact he was avoiding Sam's attentions. Even as his rapidly stiffening dick stuck into Sam's leg.

"Actually, you kind of have."

"Not with what I have in mind," Sam couldn't keep up the innocent tone. Gabriel made an irritated noise. "What?"

"Well … I mean, Scruff's in the room. We can't have sex with the dog in the room."

"Bet we could," Sam squeezed his hands gently around Gabriel's hips.

"Bet he'd confuse your cock for a sausage and try to bite it off."

Sam looked at Scruff, who was still gazing at Gabriel, panting as he did, clearly enjoying Gabriel's attentions. They had already experimented and worked out that Scruff could hear, but you had to be close for him to understand, and then he only really knew the basic words. Like 'walk' and 'dinner'. It seemed he hadn't understood the word 'sausage'.

"Well … okay," Sam said slowly. "We'll go up to the bedroom."

"Sam?" Gabriel leaned back against the edge of the sofa. "Maybe we should talk about this."

"About what?" Sam pushed.

"About the way you want to constantly have sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it. I do. Nothing feels as good as you around me. But I can't keep up."

"You're not that old, Gabe," Sam laughed, leaning closer, pressing their chests together. "I could top if that makes it easier?"

Gabriel jolted, and Sam could feel his satisfaction spread across his face in a smile. He knew he could get to Gabriel.

"Sam, I know what you're doing," Gabriel's voice was low, and unintentionally sexy. Sam started rolling his hips. Making it undoubtedly clear what he was doing. "Not tonight."

"Bet I could persuade you," Sam whispered, and reached over to bite on Gabriel's earlobe.

"Sam, I'm serious. Not tonight."

Sam lowered his hands, working at the waistband of Gabriel's pants.

"And especially not in front of Scruff. Hasn't he been through enough, ending up in the pound, half-deaf and waiting for us? Don't make him watch that."

Sam sat back, and climbed off Gabriel, stroking his hand along until he found Gabriel's and wound their fingers together. He pulled him off the sofa, despite Gabriel's resistance, and turned to Scruff, who was watching their progress.

"Scruff, basket. Now."

The dog headed over to the cushioned basket beside the fireplace and sat up expectantly, clearly wondering what game Sam was playing.

"Stay." Sam commanded, and pulled Gabriel through the door, closing it firmly behind them and tugging Gabriel up the stairs, almost falling into their room, and their unmade bed. Gabriel managed to grab his hands, restraining him on the mattress, and Sam felt a wave of heat across his stomach. Gabriel taking control was  _hot_.

"Okay, Winchester," Gabriel was on all fours, leering down at him. Sam waited patiently, hoping he wasn't smirking too much. "I am giving your ass a rest."

"What are we going to do, then?" Sam wriggled on the mattress, trying to get closer to him. Gabriel gave him an innocent smile.

"We're going to strip off, get under the covers. Get nice and comfortable, and then," he leaned down, and whispered in Sam's ear. "We're going to sleep."

"What are we really doing?"

Gabriel lifted his head back up, and looked into Sam's eyes, the golden sheen of his irises seemingly aged.

"Sam, you need to find other ways to deal with it."

Sam frowned, not understanding Gabriel's words at all.

"So, do it myself? Deal with my boner that way?"

"Sam." Gabriel shook his head. "You know what I mean."

"I really don't."

"Your Mom and Dad. I get it, you know."

Sam hated the way the atmosphere between them suddenly seemed heavy. What was Gabriel even playing at? Gabe was king of messing around and not taking things seriously and all of a sudden he wanted to give Sam pseudo therapy when Sam just wanted a good time?

"So, we're not having sex tonight."

Gabriel flopped onto the bed next to him, burrowing his head into a pillow.

"No. I already told you that a bunch of times."

"So … Scruff can come into the bedroom then?" Sam tried to sound innocent. He knew Gabriel had turned his head in order to give him the stink eye, but he concentrated on the ceiling. Gabriel had set some ground rules upon bringing Scruff home, like they were to keep a schedule of when they'd fed him so they didn't get played by those giant chocolate brown eyes. And that their bedroom was absolutely, unequivocally, off-limits to their pet.

"I'm not changing my mind. And you're not changing the subject."

Sam pushed his hair back, hating the way Gabriel was insisting on being so sensible.

"Okay. Fine." He folded his arms across his chest, still staring at the ceiling. "I'm not over it. Of course I'm not. But I'm okay. Like, yeah it sucks when I realise they're not going to be there ever again, especially if Dean and Cas still haven't sold the house next time we're meant to see them. But I'm not alone either. I've got you, right? And there's still our brothers. And now Scruff and … I guess I'm counting my blessings, you know?"

"Yeah. I'm just worried. Cas said that Dean still isn't doing great."

"I know. But I'm not going to break down, I promise. And you seemed confident that I was okay back in Kansas, I don't get why you're freaking out now?"

"You also said you weren't interested in venting through sex and look at how it's been the last few weeks?"

"That wasn't … it's not …" Sam searched for the words in the gloom of their room. "When I go back to school, I'll be working my ass off again, and you'll be at work again, and then there's Scruff, and making this place home and … I don't know. I want to enjoy you while I still can."

"You make it sound like I'm going away." Gabriel said thoughtfully, and started stroking his cheek. "I told you Sammy, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. But I didn't think my parents were going anywhere and they died, so I just want to keep you close while I can, okay?"

"Okay," Gabriel shifted closer. "But seriously, no sex tonight."

"No. This is okay though. Laying here, talking."

Gabriel laughed quietly.

"Yeah, when was the last time we did that?"

Sam wracked his brains for an answer, as Gabriel bestowed a soft kiss onto his shoulder.

"Maybe a week before the accident?" Sam guessed. He curled an arm up, and caressed the back of Gabriel's hair.

"That long, huh?" Gabriel shifted closer, and Sam chuckled to himself.

"Should we maybe actually get ready for bed? I still want to feel your skin against mine."

Gabriel laughed again, and Sam could see his silhouette in the dark as he sat up and pulled his shirt off, throwing it in the direction of their joint laundry pile. There was more movement, and a couple of creaks from their mattress, and then Gabriel was shuffling under the covers. Sam hurried to strip off and join him, embracing the way their skin slid together as they cuddled up close.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Since we're both being so weirdly sensible right now," Gabriel's voice was barely a murmur. "Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure," Sam wanted to laugh at the formality, but he bit his tongue.

"It's just, when we went to get Scruff, and I mentioned getting married, you seemed to freak out. Do you not want to get married?"

Sam mulled an answer in the dark, as Gabriel carried on talking, caressing his back with the tip of a finger. It sent shivers down his spine.

"I mean, I'm still not proposing, but you know, we live together. It's kind of a commitment. And then you freaked out about the commitment of marriage and I guess I just want to know whether there's any point in saving up for a ring?"

"Can we get married?" Sam broke his silence.

"Well, maybe not in the state of California. Or Kansas. But Dean and Cas managed it, right? We'll just travel to somewhere gay friendly."

"I meant because of Dean and Cas. Can you marry your brother-in-law's brother?"

"I think so. We can look into it. Or you can, lawyer boy."

"I'm doing criminal law, not family law." Sam yawned. "I decided end of last semester, before … you know. Besides, why's it always me?"

"Because I cook for you and do your laundry? How did you live at college before I came along?"

"I pined for you. That's how. Cried to myself in the laundrette while my whites were in spin cycle." Sam started to close his eyes.

"You used the laundrette? Damn, you have expensive taste."

Sam smiled sleepily, feeling like he and Gabriel were back on the same page.

"Seriously, Sam. If it's legal?"

"Not now." Sam shifted his position, turning to face Gabriel even though he couldn't really see in the dark. "I know living together is a big commitment, and everything that's just happened is kind of pushing us together more. But I'm still at college, Gabe. I'm still twenty. I wouldn't be able to drink at our wedding for another couple of months. I'm not ready for a wedding."

"Okay."

"I'm not saying never. If I was marrying anyone, it would be you. But can I finish my studies first?"

"Sure. Although, you know, Dean was twenty when he married Cas. Cas was twenty-one. And I'm thirty-one, Sammy. I'm getting on."

"After my studies." Sam closed his eyes, and felt sleep start to pull him under. "And if you want kids too, you're staying home with them."

"I hadn't thought about kids," Gabriel sounded thoughtful. "We're adopting, right?"

"If we have kids. I don't have child-bearing hips." Sam could hear his tiredness in his voice. Gabriel curled up closer to him.

"You also don't have a uterus."

"Always a catch. We'll use yours."

Gabriel kissed him softly on the forehead and stroked down his nose, sending him off to sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

Time seemed to slip away from them. They fell into an easy routine, Sam going for his morning and afternoon jogs with Scruff, Gabriel cooking meals, and Sam cramming as much information as possible for school while Gabriel worked his ass off, quickly earning promotions with the company and saving as much money as he could to keep Sam going through school. Their routine was punctuated with the occasional visit to Kansas, or the arrival of Castiel. But mostly, they stuck to themselves, to their little unit.

Sam had passed his LSATs with flying colours, and graduated from pre-law to go straight into law school, which was even more involved than the previous few years of study. Gabriel had even started learning some of the terminologies. It was completely accidental, he could hear Sam muttering under his breath as he studied and they got stuck in his brain. But when Sam realised, he used it as another study guide.

All in all, over the next few years, their lives were pretty good together. The only real problems seemed to come from their brothers, from the way that Dean didn't seem able to move on from losing their parents and Castiel's sudden success with his books. Sam kept waiting for the moment that Castiel would show up at their door with his holdall and announce he was leaving Dean, that he couldn't cope any more, but it never came. Instead, he would sit in Sam's study and try to voice his concerns while Gabriel cooked dinner, trying to use what Sam knew about his big brother to unlock the secret to getting Dean to move on and be happy again. Castiel seemed almost bloody-minded about getting Dean happy, to an almost unhealthy degree. But Sam didn't have any answers, all Dean's vices slipped by the wayside when Castiel had come along. He had offered the opinion that maybe it was just purely Castiel who could access that part of Dean again. Castiel, and maybe some time.

One day, about three years after they had moved in together, on a day when Sam had buried himself in about five different reference books in his study, Castiel appeared again. Every time they saw him, he seemed different somehow. More polished, more confident, and less patient. As though his success in the literary world and the frustration at Dean's grief were mixing together inside him and making him less kind than before. Sam hated it. But this time, his demeanour had changed again. He seemed almost nervous, clinging to Gabriel's sleeve as he brought him into the study to include him in the conversation.

"I need your help," Castiel stated, pushing Gabriel into a spare seat.

"With Dean?" Gabriel took the push with good nature, but was ready to pass off Castiel's latest drama. "I think you should move out. I mean, Dean won't even let you change the decor, or get rid of all the rusty old cars in the yard. It's like some twisted shrine to Mary and John."

"This isn't about Dean. For once."

"Is it a crazy stalker? Because I don't think you've really made it until you've had a crazy stalker."

Castiel made no attempt to hide his eye roll.

"I had a crazy stalker once," Gabriel carried on, baiting his brother. "Ended up buying a house for the guy. Got him a dog. Might have done the 'stalkee' bit wrong."

"I'll stalk you any day," Sam winked. Castiel made an exasperated noise, and thrust a piece of paper into Gabriel's hand.

"Could you read this please? And grow up for five minutes."

Sam sat back in his seat, his books forgotten for the moment as Gabriel scanned the letter.

"Is he serious?"

"Yes. You've done it before, you did it with me. What do we do?"

Gabriel looked thoughtful, as Sam tried to inject himself back into the conversation.

"What's going on?"

"Samandriel wants out."

Sam raised his eyebrows, surprised by the news. He vaguely remembered Gabriel talking about Samandriel before, enough to know he was one of their much younger brothers. He was sure Samandriel had wanted to leave last time he was mentioned as well.

"He's sixteen. If he left home now, they couldn't force him back."

"We were both a little younger. I don't see why not. Might be harder this time around."

Sam let them carry on talking out how they would possibly rescue their little brother, unsure what he could contribute to the conversation. Instead, he went back to studying, until his own name got dragged up.

"We could go next weekend, couldn't we Sam?"

Sam looked back around at them both, and brushed his hair out of his face.

"I do have a little bit of time off coming up."

"Great. We'll make Dean drive."

Castiel looked as though he wanted to yell back at Gabriel, but his older brother steam-rollered him, talking through his basic plan for what they could all do. Sam listened carefully, wondering exactly how legal it all was. And how much saving one sixteen-year-old boy was going to damage his career prospects if it wasn't strictly legal.

* 

Sam was almost entirely convinced that what they were doing was illegal. They were essentially kidnapping Samandriel. And yet he was sitting in the front of a rental car beside a very quiet Dean, waiting for Castiel and Gabriel. He didn't even try to engage Dean in conversation, he wasn't sure quite what they would talk about. Not when they were stealing a person from their home. They sat for ages in silence with the car idling, Sam feeling anxious, before the back doors opened and there was a flurry of activity in the backseat.

"Dean, go!" Gabriel hissed, before he even slammed the door shut. Dean put the car in drive and took off, as the activity in the back continued. Sam chanced a look around, and saw Castiel wriggling into the trunk after a pair of sneakered feet. He could also see headlights behind them.

"Are we being chased?" He panicked.

"Be cool," Gabriel muttered. "Dean, don't speed up. You'll look guilty."

Dean nodded, and kept his focus on the road, as Gabriel muttered in Sam's ear.

"It's probably nothing, it's probably another person entirely. Last I saw they didn't have any cars, okay? This is just a precaution. The more chilled we are, the less they'll open the trunk if we do get stopped."

It was a tense drive through the night, across three different states. Eventually, about five o'clock in the morning after an uneventful night, Dean pulled up in front of their parents old home. Sam had fallen asleep, but stirred as they stopped, and for a brief moment, he expected to see Mary coming down the porch steps. He rubbed his face, as Gabriel patted Dean's shoulder.

"Thanks, we owe you."

"It's fine," Dean sounded exhausted. He climbed out of the car and headed into the house, leaving Sam and Gabriel to get Castiel and Samandriel out of the back. Gabriel did, and Sam slid across to the driver's seat, driving off again as everyone else went into the house. It was Sam's job to give the car back, which they'd hired out under a dud name in the first place, trying to try to give Samandriel a chance outside of the compound.

When he got back to the house, it was to find Castiel, Gabriel and Samandriel in the kitchen, eating breakfast and talking quietly between themselves.

"Hey, where's Dean?" he greeted them.

"Sleeping. He needed it," Castiel was firm, as though Sam might try to argue with him. But Sam merely slid into the seat beside Gabriel, and looked at Samandriel. He was thin, with wide eyes taking in everything around the Winchester's kitchen, until Castiel began speaking again and his gaze locked in on his older brother. "Are you okay, Samandriel?"

Samandriel nodded quickly, still wide-eyed and silent. Castiel pushed on, trying to spell out his agenda.

"I want to be honest with you, Samandriel. You're old enough to make the decision to leave, so you're mature enough to hear everything we have to say and to make your own choices."

Sam had no clue what Castiel was building up to, but it had clearly been on his mind the entire drive home. Samandriel seemed dazed by Castiel's approach, but that didn't stop his brother blustering on.

"I know you said you wanted to leave to be able to act like a normal teenager, but we might not be able to give you that. I can't give you that. You stand more chance of being a regular teenager if you move in with Gabriel." Samandriel looked at Gabriel for a moment, and turned his attention back to Castiel.

"But I want to stay with you."

"I don't stay here very often, Samandriel. And when I do, not many people see me. I travel a lot." Castiel rubbed his forehead. "You're welcome to come with me, of course you are, but it does mean you don't have many friends your own age. I could hire you as my personal assistant, but that means it's you and me for much of the year. You really would be better off with Gabriel."

Sam and Gabriel exchanged a look. Sam had always known that if one of Gabriel's siblings wanted to leave their old life there would be an automatic place for them in their house, it wasn't even a question about whether Sam would be okay with it. But it was interesting to see how this was developing, to see Samandriel cling to Castiel the way he was.

"Do you not want me around?" Samandriel asked sadly. Castiel sighed heavily, and then tried a different approach.

"I suppose you could live here year-round. Dean would take care of you when I'm away. You wouldn't be able to tell people about me, that wouldn't be fair to Dean, but it would mean I'd check in on you often."

Samandriel looked completely baffled.

"I don't even know this Dean. You trust him?"

"With my life," Castiel said simply. "He's my husband."

Sam knew that Samandriel wasn't expecting that confession. He looked around at Gabriel and Sam again, like he was adjusting everything he thought he knew. And then he pointed at Sam.

"So, who's he?"

Castiel gestured for Sam to do the explaining.

"I'm Sam, Dean's brother. And Gabe's boyfriend." Sam spoke quietly, worried about spooking Samandriel.

"But hey, no one thinks you left to be gay," Gabriel smiled kindly. "We both left for other reasons. And if you don't want to know us because of all the things Father has told you, we understand that. We'll help however you want. And if it makes you feel any better, Dean and Sam don't have any other brothers."

Samandriel gave a tight-lipped smile, and returned his attention to Castiel.

"I'd rather be with you. If you hire me, that means I can save my wages to go to college, right?"

Castiel nodded, waiting for his young brother to make a decision.

"Okay. Then that's what I'll do. No offence, Gabriel."

"It's cool, kid. But there's always a room for you with me and Sam."

Samandriel smiled weakly, and Gabriel turned to Sam, a spark in his eyes.

"Do we have to go soon?"

"Whenever." Sam shrugged. "Don't you want some family bonding first?"

Gabriel looked horrified, and Samandriel started laughing. Castiel even managed a small smile, before casting his eyes up towards where Dean was sleeping.

"Maybe we could do something, just the five of us, for the day? Like a board game?"

"Hell no," Gabriel shook his head. "Not with Sam. He cheats."

"I don't cheat, I just game play. It's not my fault you don't strategise."

"Sam's almost a lawyer," Gabriel said proudly. "Never play him at Monopoly."

Samandriel gave another small smile, before turning to Castiel.

"Do you have anything to eat? I'm hungry."

Gabriel was out of his seat before Samandriel finished speaking, raiding the fridge and the cupboards and starting the process for a massive breakfast. Samandriel caught Sam's eye, and Sam held his hands up in defeat.

"Gabe's a feeder."

*

Sam and Gabriel stayed around for another couple of days. Dean finally dragged himself out of bed late in the afternoon, and although his grief was still palpable around him he made the effort to talk to Sam, which may or may not have had something to do with Castiel, Gabriel and Samandriel taking themselves off to talk away from them. Sam knew they were talking to Samandriel about how the world worked outside of the compound they had been brought up in, trying to help him get used to his new life.

Talking with Dean was different now. As different as it had been when he brought Castiel home, but in some ways this was far worse. Sam couldn't help but feel put out - why couldn't Dean just get over it already? Why did he still seem to pine for John and Mary when it had been years?

"So, how's school?" Sam went for a safe topic. Dean looked up from his coffee mug.

"Fine. I mean, the kids are great, the books we're studying are good," he took a sip of his coffee. "The other teachers are assholes."

Sam forced a laugh, but deep down he was just happy to hear a hint of the old Dean in there.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. One of them, Bela, suggested we get Cas' books included for the kids to study. Just so she could talk about his ass for twenty minutes."

"Well, you'd know better than anyone about his ass," Sam pointed out. Dean gave a small smile, and stroked his finger along the mug handle.

"It was one of the few staff meetings where I actually listened. But she got shut down eventually, since she's not even in the English department." He looked around, towards the front room where Castiel, Gabriel and Samandriel had holed up. "What about you? How's grad school?"

"Tough," Sam nodded. "But I'm doing okay. When we get back I'm interning for a little while, getting some experience you know?"

Dean nodded.

"You'll do great, Sammy."

Sam didn't really want to admit it, even to himself, but he did kind of prefer this Dean, despite the baggage. His big brother now seemed to give a shit. He just wished it wasn't at the expense of losing their parents. He wished it was because Dean genuinely cared and wanted to talk about these kind of things.

In the time that Sam and Gabriel were back in Kansas, it soon became apparent that Samandriel was sincere in his wish to stay with Castiel. He became like a teenage shadow, following his brother everywhere, waiting in the hall if Castiel had to use the bathroom. He only stopped when Dean took him aside and offered to show him how to play poker, and somehow they began to bond over the cards in their hands. Even when Sam, Gabriel and Castiel joined in with the game, Samandriel took the opportunity to find out more about Dean, though he was still watching Castiel. Sam supposed it had something to do with the fact that Dean and Castiel were married. It was more than obvious that he and Gabriel would not be taking the kid back with them. It also looked like Dean and Castiel were okay with the arrangements they were making, much to Sam's relief. He was hoping, as they finally said their goodbyes, that maybe having Samandriel be part of their lives would do for Dean what Scruff had done for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this isn't the best chapter :/ it involves a lot of stuff from Coming Out, so sorry if it seemed more Destiel-centric x


	32. Chapter 32

Gabriel wondered what he had been afraid of. For all the heel-dragging he had done, living with Sam and being in a relationship with him … it was easy. Not just easy, but fun. Sure, they had their arguments - Sam was still campaigning to have Scruff sleep in their room - but Gabriel never felt like running away. He never felt like Sam was going to walk. And after a hard day of working there was nothing better than falling into Sam's arms.

He even liked their frigging routine. Sam would wake him up post-jog for an early morning shower before heading off to class, or his internship. And Gabriel would go to his job, taking calls and attending meetings and trying to do the minimum amount of work for the maximum amount of praise. And then Gabriel would get home first, feed Scruff, and play with him for a while, then start cooking dinner. Sam would come home, and lavish their dog with attention before they ate, and then Sam would convince Gabriel to come out with him and Scruff for their evening walk, before they headed home. Sam would take to studying, and Gabriel would watch trash TV with Scruff on his lap until Sam was ready for bed. And yet it didn't feel boring.

Maybe it was because their sex life was still healthy. Sam still occasionally brought home things he wanted to try, and Gabriel had slowly stopped being apprehensive about it all. It was fun to tie Sam up, cuff him to the bed. Sam really seemed to love letting Gabriel have all the control, and Gabriel found it easier when he could dictate how their lovemaking would develop. Their only rule seemed to be that, if Castiel and Samandriel stopped by, they would put everything away. They were both worried how Samandriel would cope if he stumbled across a paddle or a set of handcuffs.

Although, Samandriel did seem to have settled well into life with Castiel. He didn't seem to make any judgements when he visited, and his focus tended to be on Scruff, who got thoroughly spoiled when the seventeen-year-old was there. Castiel seemed minutely happier as well, though they could both tell he was far from the content, considerate person he used to be.

"You should move." Gabriel told him for the two-thousandth time at his latest visit. Castiel sipped his coffee before answering, looking in the cup.

"Do you think I don't want to? I've been telling Dean for years, but there's always an excuse."

"I'm not being funny, Cas, but Sam's moved on. Why can't Dean?"

Castiel's gaze flickered in his direction.

"I ask myself that all the time. Why can't Dean move on? Why isn't he ready for me to tell the press about him? Why does he insist on staying at that school? Last year, they ran him to breaking point, you know. Made him do nearly all the school functions. It cut into my time with him when it got to prom. One of our last nights before I went on tour and he kept making dumb excuses about how they'd asked and no one else would do it." Castiel was building himself up into a huge rant. "And you know what the latest drama is with that place? They've announced I'm making an appearance. What the fuck is that? They cornered him and made him tell them about me and even though he said he'd ask, they acted like it was a sure thing. I mean, it is, it's  _Dean_ , but how the hell would they know?"

"Yeah, he said something about it on Skype with Sam the other day. He was worried about asking you."

"And that bugs me too! He shouldn't have to worry about asking me for anything, he never used to worry, and then his Mom dies and he decides to work there and it's like … it's like … I  _miss_  him, Gabe."

It was a weird moment for Gabriel. For so long it had seemed like Castiel had lucked into the most perfect relationship. The pride in his voice when he spoke on the phone all those years ago asking Gabriel to come and witness their wedding, the way his whole face would soften just knowing Dean was there, the way they used to gravitate towards each other, and Dean would fuss over Castiel, making sure all his needs were met … Gabriel used to be jealous of all of it. And now Castiel spent months away from Dean and worried about him almost constantly. Sam had said he thought Castiel was writing about it in one of his latest books, where the main character had a grieving spouse and although the main character was dynamic and could right all wrongs in his world, he couldn't give his wife what she needed to move on. It made Gabriel feel almost guilty, because he had chosen to spend months away from Sam at the beginning, and now Castiel had no choice but to go without Dean, and feel hopeless. He knew it was one of the ways Sam and Castiel felt they could relate to each other now. He tried to refocus on the conversation.

"Do you want me and Sam to talk to him about moving away? Maybe that's the push he needs?"

Sam walked into the room, grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl he insisted on keeping, and sat between them, crunching down on the apple.

"Maybe. I was looking at a place in New York the other day, a few blocks from my agents office. I just want him there to make those decisions with me, you know? You were both there when you picked this place."

"But if he's there, people would realise that you're together," Sam stuck in. "And that you're not dating Theo James."

Castiel rolled his eyes, and Sam tried to soften the blow.

"Come on, Cas. He's not even ready to leave town unless he's coming here at Christmas. Of course he's not ready for people to know about your relationship."

"You think I don't know that? When we first met, he didn't care who saw us together. He was proud of it, like he'd won something that no one else could even touch. And now," Castiel played with his coffee mug, clearly uncomfortable. "Now it's like I'm some big secret he's ashamed of."

"That's not true, Cas. When you guys were over at Christmas, he was still looking at you like he couldn't believe his luck. When we could see him, anyway," Sam grinned for a moment. "Maybe it's something that's going on with the school? Maybe it's something Dad said years ago that's set him off. We should try baby steps, here," He pulled a pamphlet out of a drawer, for rental properties nearby.

"What are you doing with that?" Gabriel gave him a side eye.

"Well, I was thinking, maybe if Dean and Cas lived around the block, or across the street or something, it would be easier? We could be there for Dean, he could teach nearby - there's some excellent schools - and there's a lot of creativity around here. Could be inspiring?"

Castiel held his hand out for the booklet, and took another sip from his coffee cup, as Gabriel reached under the table and put his hand on Sam's thigh. Sam looked around at him and smiled, just as Samandriel came into the room.

"Sam, where are the dog treats?"

Gabriel took his hand back reluctantly, though Samandriel didn't seem to notice. Sam stood up and headed back into the front room with Samandriel and Scruff, and Gabriel watched them leave.

"Maybe I should get Dean a pet. It seems to have been good therapy for Sam and Samandriel." Castiel mused. Gabriel turned back to his brother.

"Nah, Samandriel's doing better because he's with you all the time. Maybe that's what Dean needs?"

Castiel rubbed a hand over his face.

"I'd agree, but what has to give in order for us to spend all our time together, Gabe? Do I give up my writing, or does he give up that awful school?"

Gabriel smirked.

"Isn't that a no brainer?"

"You would think."

 

* 

 

"Hey," Gabriel reached over in the dark, and stroked Sam's cheek just as he was starting to doze off.

"Hmm?"

"You awake?"

"Just."

Gabriel cupped his face, and the bed dipped as he shifted closer.

"I just wanted to say sorry."

Sam blinked, slowly waking up again.

"Sorry? What for?"

"For wasting a minute I could have spent with you."

Sam had no idea what could have brought on this wave of regret, especially so long after they had moved in together. He slid his hands onto Gabriel's sides, and stroked his fingers back and forth.

"You don't any more, Gabe. That's enough."

"It shouldn't be enough. I was an idiot."

"You were," Sam nodded, and slid his arms further around Gabriel's torso, pulling him closer. "But you're my idiot. And you got a lot better."

Gabriel laughed quietly, and Sam could sense him moving closer, looking for a kiss, which he willingly gave. But Gabriel didn't linger.

"I'm going to make it up to you."

"Babe, we live together. You're paying all the bills, you got Scruff, you do all the cooking. I think you made it up to me."

"You have that body. I'm still behind."

"What did you have in mind? Another dog?"

Gabriel didn't answer.

"If it's stuff with my body, you know the answer's always yes."

"Pervert."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, we're amazing. I'll think about it."

"Okay."

"You can go back to sleep now."

"Or you could make love to me."

Gabriel snorted with laughter.

"Night shrimp cocktail."

"Nuh-uh, you can't wake me up and then not put out. That's a golden rule."

"Castiel and Samandriel are still here. We have a golden rule about that."

"You owe me." Sam shoved him off playfully, and turned over to sleep.

"That was the point of this talk, yes."

"Uh-huh. Whatever, dick tease."

Gabriel managed to land a slap on one of his butt cheeks, and then cuddled up against his back.

"I love you."

"Love you too, dick tease."

There was silence for a long time, but Sam knew Gabriel, could tell if he was awake or asleep just by his breathing. He waited for what was coming next.

"Do you think they're going to be okay?"

"What?"

"Dean and Cas. I think Cas might be at breaking point."

"I don't know. I mean, I know Dean still loves him, I don't have to be back in Kansas to know that. Maybe when Cas goes over there he'll look at the brochure and think about moving over here. Maybe it'll work out okay."

"I hope so."

"Me too."

Gabriel squeezed his stomach, and kissed him in that spot between his shoulder blades like always. This time, Sam heard his breathing change as he fell asleep, and allowed himself to go to sleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another Destiel-heavy chapter. These next few chapters do line up to Coming Out's main body, so there will be mentions but I'm trying to keep it all relevant to Sam and Gabe.


	33. Chapter 33

Castiel and Samandriel had left to go touring once again, and Sam and Gabriel were having a lazy Sunday morning, draped across each other on their sofa, Scruff curled up beside Sam. Their dog was snoozing, having worn himself out on Sam's run and spending a good hour careening around their back yard while Sam and Gabriel had their breakfast outside, Gabriel going against his own rules and sneaking him bits of bacon from his own plate.

But now they had a TV show on, and Scruff's occasional whimpers in his sleep, and they were just enjoying being by themselves. Gabriel kept stroking Sam's legs, which were across his lap, and Sam was concentrating more on the feel of Gabriel's hands than the show, and hoping that maybe Gabriel's hands would glide a bit higher than his calves, up under his shorts …

"Sam?" Gabriel sounded distant.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"We're serious, right?"

Sam stretched his leg, trying to encourage Gabriel's hand to slip. But instead, his hand paused on his calf.

"We've been known to try it out."

"I mean, I love you, you love me. We're not going anywhere."

Sam twisted around to look at him.

"What?"

Gabriel looked uncomfortable.

"I mean, we're not breaking up any time soon, are we?"

"I hadn't planned on it," Sam felt confused. "Why, were you?"

"No. It's just," Gabriel squirmed, looking away casually. Sam narrowed his eyes, waiting for whatever issue was making Gabriel act out of character. "Well, we talked before about getting married, right?"

Sam pursed his lips. He'd forgotten about that conversation in all honesty. Things had been so good with Gabriel in the few years since he brought it up that it had completely slipped his mind. He was more focused on his current internship, on Scruff, on adding new touches to their house now they had a little more money to play with. Who had time to talk about marriage when life was so good?

"I think we should."

"Talk about marriage?" Sam tried to sound clueless on purpose.

"You don't think we should get married?"

"I don't quite get what the point would be." Sam sat up a little, careful not to knock Scruff. "We have a pretty great life here, don't we?"

"Yeah, we do. We make sense together. So lets get married."

Sam didn't know what to make of this. It wasn't like he didn't know Gabriel liked the idea of marriage, but it was so weird to see him so serious about getting married. He did the only thing he could do in this situation, the only thing that made sense for him and Gabriel.

"So, have you already picked out a pretty dress?"

"I'm serious, Sam."

"Uh-huh. So am I. You're the bitch."

"Please, the way you ask for it every night? Clearly, you're my bitch."

Gabriel was smiling, and Sam could feel it working, the way it was distracting him from pursuing the idea.

"You're short."

"Oh, since when is height an argument? I got you the dog."

"Scruff isn't a bitch. Scruff's a boy."

Gabriel groaned, and slumped across Sam's body, his head fitting along his stomach. Sam began stroking his hair.

"I know what you're doing," Gabriel accused him, nuzzling into his stomach.

"Me too. I'm playing with your hair."

"I looked it up, you know. I knew you wouldn't. Dean and Cas won't stop us getting married. No laws about marrying your in-law's siblings. In fact, they did it all the time, years ago. And they just said all states have legalised gay marriage, so there's no problems."

"You know, I never think of us as gay." Sam mused. "I mean, I know we're two guys, but I have no personal opinions on glitter or rainbows."

"Well, as two guys, it would be seen as gay marriage. So will you gay marry me?"

"Are you gay proposing?" Sam snorted with laughter. Gabriel poked him in the ribs.

"Why are you so against it, Sam?" Gabriel was quiet, painfully serious. Sam knew he wasn't going to win at distracting him, so instead he tried something different.

"On paper it sounds ideal, you know, being married. But there's a lot to figure out. Like, will I be Sam Allen or will you be Gabriel Winchester? Or would we be the Allen-Winchesters? The Winchester-Allens? And when we have the ceremony, is it just Dean, Cas and Samandriel who get to come? Or can we invite your work friends, my old housemates, some old friends, Uncle Bobby … would everyone be made to sign a piece of paper agreeing never to reveal that Dean's with Cas or would they pretend to be strangers the whole day? Would that ruin it for us? Does one of us have to walk down the aisle? How does gay marriage even work on things like that? Neither of us has a dad to give us away. And aren't we okay now? Why do we need to change anything? Or are you trying to totally kill our sex life?"

"Geez, you're going to be a scary lawyer," Gabriel muttered, and sat up. "Look, all those things about our names and the actual ceremony? We can figure out. Weddings take time, and that time includes figuring out how to get Scruff to participate, and whether we've invited Cas or Jimmy, okay? And we're great Sam. But I want something physical, some way to show people how in love we are. I want to get a ring on your finger so you can do the same. As for our sex life, do you not remember last night after my brothers left?"

Sam pursed his lips, and Gabriel carried on his campaign.

"Babe, the details are all up for negotiation. And you'll probably get your own way on everything like you always do. But this is something I want. You and me, that's not up for negotiation, but it can be the cake you want, the guests you want, the honeymoon you want. Anything you want, so long as you're my husband."

Sam still wasn't sure what to say. It was a big change from the Gabriel he had known at the start of their relationship, the one who barely even knew which country he'd be in when he went to bed at night. And now he wanted to completely settle down.

"Anything I want?"

"Uh-huh."

"Anything?"

"As long as we can afford it. Might have to forgo the giant gold sculpture of us making out."

Sam considered what Gabriel was offering. He honestly didn't see any difference between what they were now, and what they might be like married, but it seemed to be a big deal to Gabriel that they got married. He tested the waters on how much Gabriel was willing to give him.

"So, if I said we had to screw four nights a week?"

"Okay."

"And we get three more dogs."

"Done."

"And our vows had to be in the form of haikus?"

"If that's what you want."

"And we don't get engagement rings. I mean, wedding bands are fine, but what's the point in spending thousands on a ring you're only really going to wear for twelve months? I'd rather get new furniture."

Gabriel looked up from his stomach, and raised an eyebrow.

"What if I already got the ring?"

"Then take it back and spend the money on a sofa that doesn't have a spring sticking in my ass."

Gabriel slid his hand under Sam's ass, feeling for the spring. And maybe a little for his ass, Sam was hoping. He kept his hand down there at any rate.

"Can we not do both? Get a new couch and a couple of rings?"

"I don't want an engagement ring."

Sam couldn't explain why he felt like it, he didn't understand himself. He supposed it was because he wasn't quite into the idea of getting married, and Gabriel had his heart set on it, and wearing a ring would just be rushing it too much. He needed time to get used to the idea, even if Gabriel didn't understand his doubt.

"Okay," Gabriel said quietly. Sam hoped his feelings weren't hurt.

"And the rest we can work out, right? The food, the names, our over-complicated brothers?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then yes," Sam wished he felt as decisive as he sounded. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Gabriel scooted further up the sofa, up Sam, and kissed him hard. Sam responded enthusiastically, pulling him closer, rolling him over and accidentally disturbing Scruff, who barked at them, and jumped on top of them. They started laughing, and wrestling with each other, and their pet, and Sam started to feel a bit better. If this was what married life was going to be like with Gabriel, then there was nothing else he could want.


	34. Chapter 34

Gabriel had learned over the years that Sam didn’t react well to direct requests. Not that he argued over everything, but that he had endless questions. Even something as simple as asking him to get more milk on his way home was a minefield of ‘skim or two per cent?’ and ‘do we have coupons for that?’ instead of the standard ‘okay’ that most people would give.

So planning a wedding was not going to be easy. Even getting their suits fitted would be an abundance of questions about the best rental places and tailors, a discussion of hues that were designed to leave Gabriel flustered, debates about which ties to wear as well and would they be wearing waistcoats or bow ties or in costume maybe?

The best way to deal with Sam’s natural urge to question everything, no matter what, was to leave hints everywhere. In the same way Sam had expressed his feelings about owning a dog, the best chance Gabriel had to win an argument was to leave his ideas around the place. A flier from a tux shop on the coffee table, cake catalogues spread around the kitchen, business cards for florists ‘accidentally’ left in the bathroom. Then Sam could look them up himself and either agree to using the company or veto it completely.

The only downside to this method was when Sam vetoed everything.

“Sam, that was the last florist shop in twenty miles. Anyone else would charge crazy amounts just for delivery.”

“Who said we have to have flowers?”

“It’s a wedding.”

Sam leaned against the worktop, and smirked at him in that adorable way he did.

“Yep, with two guys.”

Gabriel could feel it brewing, Sam’s endless questions. Or worse, something he had said offhand at some point that Sam had squirrelled away in order to win an argument at some later date.

“I don’t think flowers care about who’s getting married.” He tried to throw Sam off.

“If you think about it,” Sam mused. Gabriel recognised this tactic too. “Flowers are the worst thing you can have at a wedding. They’re already dying during the ceremony, and then they wither and die a few days later, after you spend thousands on them. If flowers are representative at a wedding, then what they’re saying is that it’ll be good and sweet for a little while and then it’ll go quickly downhill and die off. And maybe I’m just being cynical, but I thought when you got married it was meant to be forever?”

“They’re just flowers, Sam. Not a commentary on our feelings.”

“Exactly, they’re just flowers! So why do they have to be included for us to feel like it’s a wedding? If they’re not there, we’d still be each other’s husbands.”

“You’re right,” Gabriel nodded. “Who needs flowers? Or tuxes, or someone to marry us, or guests, or cake. Right?”

“You said anything I want.”

That was Sam’s final line every time they talked about the wedding. This time, Gabriel had managed to think of the perfect comeback.

“Well, this isn’t what you want, is it? It’s what you don’t want. And that’s up for debate.”

“I want a flowerless wedding.”

“You’re not going to lose any cases, are you?” Gabriel moaned, and Sam laughed.

“I don’t plan on it.”

“Look,” Gabriel stepped forward, around the counter, slipping his arms around Sam’s waist. “I know I said whatever you wanted, but a marriage is about two people compromising and I want flowers, so can we please compromise? I mean, isn’t a happy fiancé one of the things you want?”

“I’ll get back to you on that one.” Sam teased. Gabriel dropped his hands, and Sam grabbed him back, holding him closer. “Ugh, fine, have your flowers. Even if I don’t get why they’re such a big fricking deal to you.”

“You’re so romantic,” Gabriel teased him.

“The place around the corner doesn’t charge double when you say it’s for a wedding.”

“Yep, getting totally hot.” Gabriel nodded. Sam’s smile took on an edge.

“Well, in that case,” he pressed closer, kissing Gabriel, hands already sliding to his belt buckle. Gabriel kissed him back hard, letting Sam lift him onto the counter top as he kissed down his chest, still undoing Gabriel’s pants.

“Promise me something Sam,” Gabriel gasped out as his fiancé worked a spot on his neck which always made him weak-kneed. “We’re not going to be one of those boring married couples who never has sex, right?”

“I refuse to let that happen.” Sam pressed against his skin, licking and nipping and Gabriel felt like putty in his hands. “It’s bad enough abstaining when our brothers are around.”

Neither of them mentioned Thanksgiving, where they had woken up to the sounds of Castiel and Dean getting it on, though Gabriel was sure they were both thinking about it. He tried to shove it from his mind, not wanting to think about their brothers as Sam moved lower, and lower, wrapping his mouth around Gabriel’s dick, pushing his legs apart, making Gabriel lean back, gripping on to the edge of the counter to keep his balance. It still felt, even after all this time, like Sam was so enthusiastic about his body, like they were still in the honeymoon stages of their relationship when it came to the physical side, but with the added bonus of knowing each other so well that they could get off easily, working on what each other liked. And Gabriel definitely liked it when Sam decided to suck his dick in random parts of their house. This was not their first time in the kitchen, not that they would mention it to their brothers who would never eat in their house again. They may have also had sex in the room Dean and Castiel used before they visited last Christmas, although neither would admit to it if either brother asked.

It seemed like, every time Sam did this, he had a new trick up his sleeve, some new way of getting Gabriel off. He wondered if Sam spent his time planning blow jobs, but then again, he had an internship with a prestigious law firm and practically a guarantee of a permanent job there the next year. He obviously spent a decent amount of time on his career.

Today, Sam shucked off his shoes and socks and traced his fingers along the underside of Gabriel’s feet. Which should not have been half as erotic as it was, and Gabriel felt himself bucking, shifting around, Sam using the sensitivity of that part of his foot to manipulate Gabriel into the positions he wanted. And Gabriel came faster than normal, slumping over the countertop as Sam stood up, wiping his mouth and smiling innocently. He cleaned Gabriel up, and redressed him, before leaning over him, kissing him softly on the mouth.

“Sam? Do you want to get married?” Gabriel asked in a low voice. “I mean, you hate the idea of flowers and you’re not really making any choices.”

Sam leaned his forehead against Gabriel’s, making eye contact difficult.

“You’re my lobster,” Sam said quietly. “I know we’re forever, no matter what. Whether we’re married or not, it doesn’t change a thing for me. But getting married is important to you, and I want to make you happy too, Gabe.”

“That’s a no, isn’t it?”

“It’s exactly what it is. I want you, you want to get married, I want to give you things to make you happy. So I want to get married for you.”

Gabriel wasn’t quite following Sam’s logic.

“Look,” Sam carried on, pulling away slightly. “I just don’t want this to put us in a load of debt, okay? And I don’t want it to be overly complicated even if Cas and Dean’s secret relationship puts a strain on that. But everything else … you pick it. If you can’t decide between something, then ask me, but otherwise I trust you.”

“So, you’re completely out of the decision making?” Gabriel pressed.

“No. Not completely. But like you said, this is your wedding too, and I do want my fiancé happy.” Sam gave him another brief kiss. “I’m still going to be saying I do. Promise.”

He walked away, out of the room, and Gabriel slid off the counter, feeling a little lost. Why was Sam resisting it so much?

 

*

 

Sam had a rare day off while Gabriel worked. Which should have been relaxing, but Gabriel had been off the day before and had taken the opportunity to decorate their house for Christmas. Sam seemed to remember telling Gabriel not to use all the decorations he had accumulated in their few years there, but it didn’t look like Gabriel had been paying any attention. Sam had the strongest suspicion that, if he looked in the attic, there would be a lone tree bauble in a box so that Gabriel could win this one.

He was also sure that they didn’t have so many fairy lights. Or a snowman shaped cookie jar. Or whatever he’d done to Scruff’s basket which meant that their dog was now refusing to get out of bed incase it became bedecked in glitter and fake snow too. To say that Gabriel was enthusiastic about the holidays felt like an understatement. He was the same for Halloween and Valentines day too, Sam had accidentally gone to work with a fake cobweb clinging to his back a couple of months ago when he accidentally brushed against Gabe’s decorations.

He was relieved when their brothers showed up, even if Samandriel was wearing Dean’s leather jacket like a cover on a bird cage and Castiel was threatening to tear all of Gabriel’s decorations down. But there was a tension between Dean and Castiel that Sam didn’t remember there being before. He knew Castiel had been in Europe with Samandriel for a couple of weeks and he could only guess that they were having issues from that distance. Castiel seemed to confirm it when they holed up in the kitchen, Dean sulking in the front room and Samandriel in his room, sleeping off a migraine.

“He didn’t call me for two weeks, Sam. Didn’t pick up when I called. Do you know why he’s avoiding me?”

“No,” Sam grabbed some beer out of the fridge, and passed Castiel a bottle, opening his own. “Nothing in the weekly Skype session.”

“I think it’s because I keep asking him to move. And telling him. Bribing him. What am I going to do, Sam? He’s miserable and he won’t change things.”

Sam took a long slug of beer, trying to think.

“He’s been grieving for a long time,” he finally said.

“Four years. Four long, long years. I need to move on Sam, just a little.”

“Maybe you could redecorate-”

“You think I haven’t tried?” Castiel pulled his hair in exasperation.

“You were fine at Thanksgiving.”

Castiel sighed, and sipped his own beer.

“I hadn’t seen him for months, not properly. Not counting that fiasco with his school, which I don’t.” Castiel took another sip. “His latest excuse is a student, that one who was at Thanksgiving? She _needs_ him. I need him. And I need to move, and I need to be able to tell people about him. I mean, you don’t keep Gabe secret, do you?”

“No. I mean, I keep him to myself, but my friends and people at the firm know about him, see his picture in my cubicle. And we both went to his work Christmas party.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s a little different though, isn’t it? It’s stepping out from obscurity to being Jimmy Novak’s husband. You’re up there with Stephen King and Jo Rowling. That’s a huge step forward.”

“And it’s only going to get bigger, Sam.”

Sam necked his bottle, trying to think of some magic solution. He heard the front door open and close, and Gabriel’s voice in the front room.

“What are you going to do if he doesn’t take that step?”

“Move without him, I guess.”

Sam didn’t know what to say. He never, ever imagined the possibility that Castiel could consider leaving Dean. And Castiel didn’t seem happy to have said it either, because he had started chugging his beer. Sam got him a refill out, as Gabriel swaggered into the kitchen, and put a pair of antlers on Sam’s head.

“Did you go out and get more decorations?” Sam complained.

“My precious little elf, of course not,” Gabriel kissed his cheek. “These were some kind donations from work. And I left some things in the attic.”

“Two baubles?”

“No. A bauble and an empty can of spray snow.” Gabriel admitted shamelessly. “Why’s Dean sulking in the front room? He’s bringing Scruff down.”

“Scruff’s worried you’re going to mess up his dog basket some more,” Sam corrected, and saw the feigned innocent look on Gabriel’s face. “What did you do to him now?”

“Nothing.” Gabriel sounded unconvincing. “Let’s focus on Dean, being all sad about that Charlie kid.”

“Let’s focus on how you’re torturing my dog.” Sam countered. Gabriel rolled his eyes at Castiel, who ignored them both to carry on drinking.

“It’s not torture. He likes wearing that coat you put on him.”

“He wears that to stay warm when it gets cold. What did you do to him?”

“I put a hat on him. And I did the same to you, but I don’t hear you complaining,” Gabriel touched the antlers, then wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist. “Seriously; Dean. He was completely out of it for some Scruff gold, and then he started muttering about this kid at his school. How is he even more depressed?”

“Scruff gold?” Castiel squinted at his now-empty bottle of beer, clearly unwilling to discuss Dean after what he had just said to Sam.

“Yeah. Scruff puns.” Gabriel beamed.

“You’re not missing much,” Sam reassured him. “He probably called him a bit of Scruff, again.”

Gabriel put a bright red nose on Sam’s face as a response. He tried to ignore his overly excited fiancé, and carried on his previous conversation with Castiel.

“I’ll try and talk to him, Cas. I know it feels bad right now, but he won’t go without you. I don’t think he knows how to do that.”

“He’s managed so far,” Castiel muttered. Gabriel caught Sam’s eye, but Sam shook his head, the nose falling off and bouncing away. He would catch Gabriel up later.

“You know what?” Gabriel decided. “No more beer drinking.”

Castiel looked up from his beer and narrowed his eyes at his brother at the suggestion of removing the alcohol. But then Gabriel pulled another drink out of the fridge.

“It’s Christmas. If you’re getting drunk, you’re getting drunk on eggnog.”

“You don’t have enough eggnog in the world.” Castiel threatened. Gabriel smirked at his brother.

“You haven’t seen my secret eggnog stash that Sam knows nothing about.”

“In the secret chiller in the basement?” Sam asked innocently. Gabriel pointed a finger at him.

“That’s why I love you!”

Castiel slid off his seat and took an entire carton, drinking it from the spout as he headed up the stairs. Gabriel looked at Sam.

“He’s actually considering leaving Dean, isn’t he?”

Sam held out his hands in frustration, and exasperation, but then he nodded. Gabriel grabbed another carton of eggnog out of the fridge and split it between two frosted tumblers. They sat together in the kitchen, drinking and hoping that it was just a blip for their brothers. Because if Castiel and Dean couldn’t make it work, who could?

 

*

 

Christmas morning, things seemed brighter. Castiel had resumed his Christmas tradition of the last couple of years by becoming Dean’s shadow, pushing him up against the bookshelves and door frames and the sofa, and kissing him as though he was stood underneath a bough of mistletoe permanently. Samandriel - who had no idea about Christmas the year before and was overwhelmed by the idea of gifts and tasty food and Gabriel’s exuberance of the holidays - was tearing into his gifts with an enthusiasm to rival his elder brother, and exciting Scruff in the process. The dog was shredding up the discarded wrapping paper happily. Sam was slowly working through a stack of gifts of his own, although he had already opened a few secret gifts from Gabriel up in their bedroom, which included anal beads and body chocolate.

He had just put Castiel’s gift aside - the usual ARC copy of his book, complete with notes and a message scrawled across the first page that was so obviously for Sam he would never be able to give it away, though he loved reading Castiel’s books and never would get rid of it - when he spotted a small one to the side of the pile, his name scrawled on a tag that was bigger than the gift. He had a sinking feeling about that gift, plucking it from the side and reading the scribble.

‘Happy Christmas Tic Tac, make sure I see you open this one. Love you!’

Sam sighed.

“Gabe, hun?” He called out. Gabriel had been preparing the dinner, and called back from the kitchen.

“Yeah Sammy?”

Sammy, and not some height joke that Sam knew Gabriel wrote down on a list. He found it in Gabriel’s wallet one time when he needed change. Sammy meant Gabriel knew he was potentially in shit. Titch or shrimp or something like that was definitely more playful. It did not help that sinking feeling.

“Apparently you have to be here when I open this?”

There was silence from the kitchen, and Sam could feel something inside of him bubbling up. Yes, he had handed the reigns of this wedding back to Gabriel, but they also had a new sofa and matching armchairs. He had made his feelings about this element of the wedding quite clear, he thought. Gabriel appeared quietly, wiping his hands on a dish towel, and pursing his lips together. Yep, Gabriel knew exactly how much shit he was going to be in. Sam started peeling back the paper, revealing a small red velvet box with a gold trim. A jewellery box. He looked up and saw Dean peeking out from the sofa cushions and Castiel, then looked at Gabriel sternly.

“I thought we said no rings.”

“I say a lot of things, I couldn’t resist!”

Sam sighed again, and opened the box, fearing the worst. Gabriel never could resist it, especially during the holidays. It was a sneaky way of buying it, giving it as a Christmas gift, because Sam wasn’t going to be able to return it, was he?

“Wait, are you engaged?” Samandriel left his new video camera alone to jump up, making Scruff jump about as well, thinking it was a new game. “That’s great, congratulations!”

It said volumes that their little brother was just supportive of the news. Castiel was an incredible influence on him. Or maybe it was just the fact that Samandriel seemed a lot freer these days, after spending a year following Castiel and the last few months talking to kids from Dean’s school. Sam was focused on Samandriel, who was hugging him tightly, which was probably a good thing because he still wanted to kill Gabriel.

The ring was a plain silver, and Sam could see an inscription inside, one that he probably didn’t want their brothers to read. Castiel was telling Dean that it was all legal, and Gabriel joined in their short conversation before Castiel began kissing Dean again in earnest, and Sam carried on looking at the ring. After a minute, Gabriel sat on the arm of the chair and plucked the ring from the box.

“I’m going to do this properly,” he declared, ignoring the waves of animosity that Sam hoped he was exuding. And then he actually got down on one knee, in the ruins of the wrapping paper that Scruff had left, and took Sam’s left hand, holding out the ring. “Samuel Short Stack Midget Munchkin Winchester, would you do me the honour of being my betrothed, my one and only, until death us do part even though you’re my idea of heaven?”

Sam was going to _kill_ him. Samandriel snorted with laughter.

“What part of that was doing it properly?” Sam managed to bite out.

“The part where I’m on one knee? I used your full name.”

“My middle name is Henry.”

“Huh,” Gabriel cocked his head. “This still isn’t an answer. Did I need to ask for your father’s permission? I could ask for Dean’s?”

Sam hoped Dean wouldn’t give it. And in a way, he didn’t, because Castiel was still busy kissing him so far into the sofa cushions that Sam honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they were screwing over there.

“I think Dean’s okay with it. He’d fight Cas off if he wasn’t.” Samandriel stuck in. Gabriel shot his little brother a beaming smile.

“That’s true. So, Sam?” He turned back to the matter at hand, and placed the ring right next to Sam’s fourth finger. Sam glowered at him.

“No. Rings.”

“Whoops. Well, since I have one anyway,” Gabriel tried to smile innocently.

“I can’t marry you any more Gabe. Because I’m going to kill you.”

“That’s not very lawyer-y of you.” Gabriel leaned closer, leaving even Samandriel out of the conversation. “Look, Sam, we’re engaged. It didn’t cost me any more than I normally spend on you at Christmas. I’m playing by the rules.”

“You are so not.”

“You said I could plan this wedding. You gave it all over to me, unless I get stuck. All of it.”

“I meant it about the rings.”

“I’m not spending the next however many months with any potential Ruby’s thinking they can have you, just because you don’t want a ring on your finger.”

Gabriel had said the one word they avoided, the magic word that would make Sam do whatever he could to stay off the topic. He stuck his hand out grudgingly, and Gabriel beamed.

“What was that?” He spoke louder.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Gabriel slid the ring on and then fell onto him, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead over and over until there was a beeping sound coming from the kitchen.

“Crap, dinner,” he pressed one more kiss to Sam’s forehead. “You stay sexy, future Mr Gabe.”

And then Gabriel was out of the door, back in the kitchen, and Sam looked at the silver ring now shining on his left hand. How did Gabriel always end up getting his way in the end?


	35. Chapter 35

Sam kept looking at the ring on his finger. He hadn't expected to focus on it as much as he did, but all through Christmas Day he kept looking at his hand. When he went back to the firm he was interning at, he kept touching it, like he needed to remind himself it was really there. Some of the secretaries - who knew he was with Gabriel - lamented the fact that he had a tiny bit of metal on his finger, because now he was definitely off the market and totally unavailable. As if they had ever really stood a chance.

How did one tiny little bit of moulded silver cause so much fuss? And why did he feel so obsessed with it, suddenly? He was looking at it on New Years Eve while Gabriel was in the shower, dwelling on it. On how comfortable it felt, a part of him already. How he felt like Gabriel was right there, every moment of the day, and how comforting that was. Gabriel walked out of the bathroom and sat beside him on the bed.

"For someone who really didn't want an engagement ring, you're pretty obsessed." Gabriel laughed as he rubbed his hair with a towel.

"It's not an engagement ring, it's a Christmas present I just happen to wear on that finger that my fiancé happened to give me." Sam threw straight back. Even though Gabriel was right, he was obsessed. It was his favourite gift, it made their wedding seem more real. And not just more real, but more exciting. How did one little ring do that?

"Uh-huh. But a Christmas present that came with a proposal. So, you know, engagement ring. Oh, and we're engaged." Gabriel knocked him with a damp shoulder. "Admit it, you love it."

"You think I give that easily?"

"I know you do," Gabriel patted his groin gently. "You take pretty easily too."

"Fine. Just this once, and at no other time … you were right."

"What was that?" Gabriel grinned. "Can I get that in writing?"

"Uh-huh, on our wedding certificate."

Gabriel pulled his clothes on, and pushed Sam onto the rumpled covers of their bed, pinning him in place.

"This goes against the golden rule." Sam whispered.

"Only if we take our clothes off," Gabriel whispered back. "And I just put mine on."

"Never stopped you before."

Gabriel smirked, and caressed his hair.

"You were saying that you actually love your engagement ring, even after all the tantrums?"

"I was admitting that it was, indeed, an engagement ring." Sam raised his chin defiantly.

"I know you better than anyone, Sam. Better than I know me. So you can pretend all you want that it doesn't mean a thing to you, but every time I look at you, you're staring at it, playing with it. Hide it from everyone else all you want, but I know you've changed your mind."

Sam looked up at him for a few seconds, taking in those piercing golden eyes that he loved so much, his shaggy hair darkened by water, hanging down in wavy clumps, the early signs of a beard starting on his chin, darker than his normal hair colour. He honestly had no idea why he found Gabriel so attractive, but he did. He loved him so much, even after all this time.

"I haven't changed my mind, I've just been presented with facts that weren't available to me before."

"Uh-huh."

"Facts like it feels good to wear your ring."

"And?"

"And it legitimises the wedding planning process."

"So what you're saying is … you're back to making decisions?"

"We'll make them together. I mean, a wedding is a legally binding partnership between two consenting parties, correct?"

"I fucking love it when you talk lawyer at me."

"And you did say that marriage was about compromise."

"This sounds way too grown up for one of our conversations."

"So I am compromising and asking you to compromise on the decisions too. I'll try to give a crap about roses or … other flowers. Or cake."

"Welcome back, Dwarf," Gabriel bestowed a brief kiss on him. "Now come on, we'd better go down before they all think we're actually boning. And I hate it when people think I've been having great sex when I haven't been able to get any."

"They go in two days, Gabe. And then you're going to be begging me to stop because you need to take a breath and your back hurts and your knees have gone again."

Gabriel opened his mouth to answer, but there was a knock at their door. He groaned softly instead.

"Sam? Gabriel? Is … is it okay if I come in?" Samandriel called through the closed door. Gabriel rolled off Sam, as he sat up quickly.

"Yeah," Gabriel called back, and they watched as Samandriel came in, closed the door behind him, and rested against Sam's dresser. "What's up?"

Samandriel looked at them both guiltily.

"I feel like I'm betraying Castiel," he muttered, rubbing his arm. "He's been good to me."

"But?" Gabriel pushed.

"But," Samandriel hugged himself tighter. "I mean, you've seen him and Dean. I think they need some time to work on their relationship. Because I know they love each other, and I know Dean just needs a little time to come around to moving to New York with Castiel. And you said my room was always there for me, and I mean … I love working for Castiel, but I want to make friends my own age. I don't want to be the homeschooled freak when I go to college. I don't want people only making friends with me because then they'll get to meet Jimmy Novak. Can I stay here? Just for a while?"

"Sure," Sam nodded straight away. He saw Gabriel turn to look at him out of the corner of his eye, and met his gaze for a moment, before turning back to Samandriel. "No one uses your room when you're crossing the country. It's there when you need it. Whenever you need it."

"Thanks. Um, would you tell Castiel? Please?"

"Sure, kid." Gabriel nodded. "And while you're here, we'll help you get ready for college."

Samandriel gave a small smile, and then walked out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. Sam and Gabriel made eye contact again.

"It's okay I let him stay, isn't it?"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"I was just thinking how damn sexy you were when you just agreed. Just like that. And now I really want to bone you, but I guess we're cutting it out for a few months."

"Um, no. We'll just have to come to some kind of understanding with Samandriel. Dean and Cas have to sleep together sometime … right?"

"Maybe that's the problem, they haven't had sex since Thanksgiving. No wonder they're in trouble."

"So … I guess we're abstaining until the wedding?" Sam smirked.

"I like the idea of a New Year wedding. It's a bit short notice-"

Sam cut Gabriel off with a kiss.

"We'll work it all out," he whispered. "But right now, we really should go downstairs."

Gabriel linked their fingers together, and led the way out of their bedroom, and Sam glanced down at his ring as he followed.

* 

Castiel and Dean had gone again, after a long goodbye which included Castiel taking Samandriel aside and talking to him for a good hour, in a voice too low for anyone else to overhear. As soon as the Impala had driven off, out of sight of their house, they all went back inside, Samandriel immediately going over to play with Scruff, who was endlessly enthusiastic now that his dog bed had been returned to normal and was no longer adorned with Christmas paraphernalia.

"So, maybe we should have some rules?" Sam suggested as Gabriel crashed into an armchair. Gabriel groaned.

"No, no rules."

"I think he means for me, Gabriel," Samandriel sniggered, and rubbed Scruff's stomach.

"Right," Gabriel said slowly. "Like what? No hard drugs in the house? Unless you share?"

Samandriel's eyes bugged out slightly, and Sam shook his head in exasperation.

"I'm almost qualified, Gabe."

"Okay. No drugs in the house, Sam doesn't want to lose his career." Gabriel nodded at Samandriel, whose smile was fixed on his face, his hands still rubbing Scruff. "Anything you want to smoke, snort or shoot up, you do it somewhere else."

"This is why he picked Castiel, you know," Sam shook his head again, and sank onto the arm of Gabriel's chair, looking at his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

"Castiel already spoke to me. He said it was okay if I told people Gabriel was another brother, so you don't have to worry about all that secrecy stuff."

"Oh, God," Gabriel looked horrified. "People are finally going to know I'm related to Jimmy Novak?"

Samandriel looked to Sam like he had to check if Gabriel was kidding that way. Unfortunately, Sam didn't know. They were in their own little bubble so much, only occasionally seeing people from work or college socially, that he doubted if many people even knew.

"I was thinking more, um, our arrangement. Like," Sam cleared his throat, unsure how to go on. Sure, he and Samandriel had talked over the last year and a bit that they had known each other, and they got along reasonably well. But talking to your boyfriend's younger brother about your sex life was a little strange. He barely wanted to know about Dean's, even if he joked about with it Gabriel.

"Like Netflix?" Samandriel started cuddling Scruff, laughing as the dog licked his face over and over.

"What?" Gabriel looked totally confused. "We don't have one. If you do, we'll share."

"No. I mean, you're welcome to watch it too, but," it was Samandriel's turn to blush. "Sometimes, Dean and Castiel would want some time to themselves, so I would watch Netflix. Castiel bought me a subscription."

"Right," Gabriel caught on. "So, if you're not out terrorising the streets of San Fran every night, you'll watch Netflix?"

Samandriel's face twisted, and all Sam could do was try to avoid thinking about their brothers scheduling their sex life around the latest episodes of Orange Is The New Black.

"Well, I'll want to spend some time with you guys."

"Sure. But like, four times a week?"

Samandriel looked at Sam for help.

"Is he still joking?"

"You could not watch it one time," Gabriel said blithely, "but you would probably want to. Sam sounds like a dying moose when he's coming."

Sam shot him a filthy look, and Gabriel smirked.

"When we first moved here, and you were at college, Mrs Barker next door knocked and asked if I'd killed someone the night before. I think she realised what had happened about the same time I did. You're noisy as hell, Sam."

"Four times a week?" Samandriel repeated weakly, saving Sam slightly from further humiliation.

"Right? I can barely keep up. But you can go out if you want."

"What about when my friends want to video chat?" Samandriel pushed. "Will I have to explain the dying moose in the background then?"

"Hmmm," Gabriel looked up at Sam. "We might actually have to schedule this in. Or you could learn to not be so noisy?"

"I need a coffee," Sam mumbled. Anything to get away from this conversation for five minutes. He sincerely regretted bringing it up when Gabriel was in the room. He could hear them talking quietly through the open doorway as he set the coffee brewing, and leaned against the counter.

He supposed that Samandriel was taking it well, the idea of them having sex. Unless he was totally oblivious to it all, and thought that Dean and Castiel merely cuddled all the time. But still, he had been raised in the same overly religious sect that Gabriel and Castiel had tried to escape from. He could have been completely homophobic, could have called them out for sex before marriage, could have judged them so harshly for so many facets of their relationship. And he never had. Sam wasn't sure he would ever get over how easily Samandriel accepted it. He was amazed by his brother-in-law-to-be.

Sam made coffee for all three of them, and came back in the room to where Gabriel was now talking about curfews, thankfully leaving the details of their sex life alone. He passed the cups out as Gabriel and Samandriel debated a curfew, which wasn't going the way Sam would have expected at all.

"Seriously, Samandriel, if you come home at half eleven, we're not going to freak out. You're going to college in a few months, we won't be able to stop you then."

"Half eleven is still late. Too late."

"Look, you don't have to stay out until the end of your curfew. Not if you don't want to. But if your curfew was nine and you were at a movie and it finished at ten past, you'd get upset. You'd think we were going to punish you. I'm saying we trust you. Just call us or text or something, keep us posted on where you are."

"The thing is," Sam cut into the conversation, blowing across his mug. "Gabriel hasn't had that kind of restriction for about twenty years, Samandriel. And you're a lot more mature than he is. So if you feel like going out with some local kids, we're not going to make it hard for you, he's not going to be a hyopcrite. But we care, you know? That's why you have a room here, that's why we didn't think twice about you staying. Cas was never that strict, was he?"

"Well, we were working to his schedule a lot," Samandriel admitted. "And it was only ever the two of us, really, out on the road. I guess he didn't have the chance."

They were quiet for a moment, sipping the coffees that Sam had made, and then Samandriel perked up, even as he raised his mug out of a now-interested Scruff's reach.

"Anyway, I want to help you guys and your wedding. What have you got so far?"

He slowly stood up, balancing his drink, and getting it out of Scruff's way before the dog started to claw for whatever human treat he was being denied.

"I could probably be a big help. I used to call for things for Castiel all the time. I got real good at getting discounts."

It was like magic to Sam's ears, and Gabriel was grinning too.

"Deal."


	36. Chapter 36

Samandriel had accidentally changed a lot of Sam and Gabriel's routine. Especially when it came to Scruff. He had taken to walking their dog in the afternoon, giving them that brief window of time together. He seemed to know what they were doing with their time alone, because he was unsurprised that one time when Gabriel took his shirt off as he sorted out Scruff's lead, ready to go. He took his time on those walks as well, making sure he didn't stumble across anything he didn't want to see.

They spent time with him too, as weird as it seemed to both of them that a seventeen-year-old would want to hang around his technically-not-legal guardians. He was very active in their wedding planning, to the point that Gabriel asked him if he was trying to make a career of it, but he got more done than Gabriel had attempted with a reticent Sam. In a few short weeks, all the big issues had been sorted, from the location to the registrar, the cake and the flowers, the tuxes and even a DJ.

They were in the park one afternoon, taking a well-earned break from work and the wedding, tossing a frisbee about as Scruff ran between them, trying to catch the disc. Sam kept throwing it high on purpose, so that Scruff could go and fetch it back for them, but it meant that either Gabriel or Samandriel had to wrestle it back off of the poor dog, often ending up in a defeated heap. The fifth time it happened to Samandriel, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and frowned at it.

"Nuh-uh, no wedding stuff!" Gabriel called out. "We can call them back later."

"It's not. It's Jo from Dean's school."

From what Gabriel and Sam had gathered, Samandriel had a teeny crush on Jo. But in honour of his friendship with another girl called Charlie who also had a crush on Jo, he tried to tamp it down, and not talk about her too much. Even if he Skyped her nearly every day.

"You can get back to …" Gabriel gave up trying to tell Samandriel off as he carried on with his phone, ignoring them. He was watching the screen avidly, not typing. "What's up?"

"They did it."

Samandriel sounded shocked. Sam ran across the grass to look over his shoulder, his expression surprised.

"Is that?"

"Yep."

"Online?"

"Youtube."

Sam cocked his head, and Gabriel stopped trying to wrestle the frisbee from Scruff, going over and looking at Samandriel's cell phone as well. Samandriel pressed play again, and Gabriel saw the school hallway lined with lockers, the person filming moving towards an open door and zooming in on Dean and Castiel, standing close together beside a desk. They were talking with their heads close together, and then they began kissing.

"They're making out at Dean's school?" Gabriel frowned at the screen.

"Yeah. Jo said the school's gone nuts, and Dean quit, and now no one's going back to their classes because they're making out in the parking lot too."

"But why?"

"Gabe, this is a good thing," Sam beamed. "Now they're 'out' we don't have to cater to their crazy at the wedding."

"Which would be a big help. The seating plan alone was going to be a nightmare if no one was allowed to know about the 'secret boyfriend' stuff." Samandriel nodded.

"Seating plan?" Sam asked weakly. Samandriel smiled at Gabriel.

"He complains when he doesn't lift a finger."

"And yet, I love him."

"Uh-huh. You weren't kidding about the dying moose thing either. You woke me up last night. Just because it's two in the morning and you can't sleep doesn't mean you can't be heard."

"I was like a ninja," Gabriel winked. "That was all Sam."

"Can you please stop talking about our sex life? Please?" Sam looked pained. But Gabriel found it easier to bond with Samandriel by teasing his boyfriend.

"But it's my favourite thing."

"How can you even be a sex ninja?" Samandriel snorted. "Gabe, you sound like an elephant falling down the stairs when you run down them."

"So, a moose and an elephant are in a relationship," Gabriel began.

"Do not try to come up with a punchline. I will leave. And I'll take the dog with me."

Sam was near the end of his tether, clearly. Samandriel seemed to realise when Gabriel did.

"Okay, okay. I still say it's good that they're out. Means they can work on their relationship properly."

It was kind of sweet that Samandriel was so focused on Dean and Castiel having their connection back.

"You're like a little love guru, aren't you?" Gabriel teased him. "Working on our wedding, cheering for them, standing aside from Jo for Charlie … like a relationship fairy."

Samandriel shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess … I mean, my Amish friends all had families who worked well together, you know? And Cas is so in love with Dean, like a crazy amount. Nearly every other word out of his mouth is Dean. And Dean is almost as bad, the way he watches Cas all the time like he can't believe he got so lucky. And you two are … well, you know. It's just nice to see, especially after the family home."

Gabriel and Sam looked at each other. They were what, exactly? Jigsaw pieces from different puzzles that somehow fit together? A weird little mish-mash that somehow functioned? Gabriel knew exactly what Samandriel meant about 'especially after the family home' although it was strange to hear it described that way. He supposed calling it 'the compound' in front of Samandriel could potentially upset him.

"That's why you're helping us?" Sam's voice had gone soft. He took the frisbee from their dog and threw it, all three of them watching as Scruff skittered across the grass and grabbed it out of the air, scrambling back over to them.

"That and you two suck at it. And I don't."

"Yeah, sure. You don't even have a degree, homeschool."

"No, but I have connections."

"Sure." Sam smirked. Samandriel mimed taking a phone call.

"Oh, hi, is that A Plus catering? Hi, I'm Samandriel Novak and my brother is having an event … yes, Jimmy Novak's brother … a major discount would be incredible, Jimmy would be so thrilled."

Gabriel stared at his brother in impressed disbelief.

"Samandriel … they know it's not Jimmy's wedding, right?" Sam asked weakly. He clipped the leash back on Scruff, ready to take him back home.

"Yep. But I kind of already told people he's a guest and it's another brother getting married which is all true. And you said it was okay because I could get discounts."

"By using Cas' name. You know he hates that."

"He told me I could do it, when he went home with Dean. Why do you think we were talking so long? He said knowing Gabe it would all be a huge joke and you would be swamped with work so maybe if I just used that position to nudge it along a little. And besides, how many Samandriel's do you know? Can you please stop trying to yell at me now?"

"I'm not trying to yell," Sam sighed. "I just don't want you getting chased by angry caterers, or falling out with Cas. If you say he's fine with it, then okay. I trust you."

"Good. Because you two would never manage this wedding without me. Can I hold the lead?"

Sam passed it over, and let Samandriel lead the way back to the house. Gabriel slipped his hand into Sam's, and squeezed his fingers tightly.

"Samandriel wouldn't upset Cas," he whispered.

"I know, I just got worried. I hope he's not planning some huge event. Maybe running away to Vegas would be the best thing."

"Isn't that what Cas and Dean did?" Gabriel nudged him with a shoulder. "Hey, I was thinking."

"A dangerous thing for you to do," Sam quipped. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"Well, this is one of my better thoughts. I hope." Gabriel took a deep breath. "I want to take your name."

"Take it where?" Sam sounded confused.

"As in, when we say I do, I'll be Gabriel Winchester."

Sam stopped walking, and Gabriel jerked to a stop as well, as they were still holding hands.

"Are you sure?"

"Did you hear Samandriel? He called himself a Novak. Cas took your last name too. I don't want any more ties to my old family either. You're my family now. You, and Samandriel, and Cas, and Dean. And I know your dad hated me, but your mom was starting to be okay with me, I know she was. It's much better to be a Winchester than an Allen."

Sam tugged him closer, kissing him almost indecently on the sidewalk. Gabriel gave back as good as he got, his chest hurting with how much he loved Sam. He took the kiss as Sam's approval.


	37. Chapter 37

It felt like time had flown by, and Sam was suddenly staring down his bachelor party. And Gabriel’s bachelor party. Someone - Sam suspected Gabriel but he had no definitive proof - had decided that they should combine their parties, which Sam was dubious of. He would have been perfectly fine with something small, maybe an evening out with his old housemates who he still had regular contact with. But it was completely out of his hands.

At least there was no gimmicks. Castiel and Dean had driven over for it, both of them looking more relaxed and happier, almost back to the way they were during their college days. They had brought Bobby with them, which relaxed Sam somewhat. Sam had invited Andy, and there were a couple of guys from Gabriel’s work as well as Samandriel, who seemed excited by the idea.

“Can I have a beer?” Samandriel asked as the first person showed up. Castiel looked ready to refuse, but Gabriel slapped him on the back as one of his work friends came in.

“Sure. You’re not going to get one when we go out.”

“Is that wise?” Castiel asked tiredly.

“Hey, you’re Jimmy Novak!” Gabriel’s friend announced too loudly. Castiel blinked, and cocked his head.

“For tonight, why don’t you call me Castiel. And you are?”

“Baldur.”

Castiel nodded, and sipped his own drink, turning to watch as Gabriel handed Samandriel a bottle of beer. Sam watched, anticipating a meltdown, but it seemed like Castiel was happy to let Samandriel drink this one time. Dean slapped Sam on the back, and passed him a drink.

“It’s your bachelor party, you can’t be sober.”

Sam took the drink and took a huge mouthful as Andy appeared in the front room, chattering away to Gabriel’s other friend, Nick, who Sam had only met once. Nick zeroed in on Dean, slinging an arm around him as though they were old friends.

“So, you looking to get lucky now Gabe and Sam are tying the knot?” He introduced himself. Dean eyed him, and silently lifted his left hand, showing his wedding ring before flipping Nick off. Sam snorted into his beer, as Gabriel handed him another one.

“Gabe,” Sam started, but Gabriel pressed a finger against his mouth.

“Mini me, it’s our bachelor party. If you’re not going to get drunk and then seduce me while they’re all passing out, there’s no point.”

“Seduce you,” Sam snorted. “More like jump you.”

Dean moved away before he had to hear any more, and Bobby took charge.

“We’re not going to just sit around this house and be boring, are we? Let’s go.”

Sam bent down and kissed Gabriel firmly, then necked both his drinks and let Gabriel drag him out of the door.

 

*

 

Sam wasn’t sure where they were. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been here. He wasn’t sure where the bright swirling lights were coming from or why the music was thudding a baseline through his veins. He wasn’t sure what he’d been drinking or how much, though he vaguely remembered Dean and Gabriel both insisting on shots … at some point in the night. He didn’t know where most of their friends were.

But he knew he was drunk. He knew he was dancing with Gabriel, grinding up against him, all his normal inhibitions gone. He knew his chest thumped along with the music, speeding up whenever he made contact with Gabriel. And then they were off the dancefloor, Gabriel’s hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. He took a seat and wiped his forehead, and Sam smirked at him as the best drunken idea came to him.

He started swaying to the music, in a way he would never normally be confident enough to do unless it was in their bedroom. Gabriel lifted an eyebrow, and Sam leaned forward, bracing himself on Gabriel’s shoulder.

“It’s our bachelor party and there’s no strippers yet!”

He had to shout to be heard over the music.

“Right?”

“Want a lap dance?”

Gabriel threw his head back and laughed as Sam righted himself, and continued dancing, throwing a leg over Gabriel’s, and almost straddling him, but trying to resist contact. He started rolling his body, keeping a distance but getting closer and closer, his hips snapping close to Gabriel’s groin. Gabriel ran his hands over Sam’s chest, and he pulled away, shaking his head, just as a bouncer came over and made a clear enough gesture that, if they continued, they would be out. Sam shifted his position, sitting on Gabriel’s lap and throwing an arm around him.

“We’re getting married!” Sam declared.

“It’s not that kind of club,” the bouncer persisted. Gabriel pulled Sam closer.

“It won’t happen again.” Gabriel reassured him. The bouncer shot them another look, and walked away. Gabriel nuzzled close to his ear. “At least, not in this club. Give me a lap dance when we get home. And take your clothes off.”

“Yes sir!”

Gabriel laughed. He must have been as drunk as Sam.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Sam pushed closer, kissing Gabriel’s cheek, feeling him turn his head, tasting the alcohol on his breath, his breath brushing against his cheek in a rhythm that worked with the music, and he lost sense of time all over again. All he cared about was how much he loved Gabriel, how awesome it was that everything seemed to fit into the beat of the music, that it was going to be an amazing wedding, and that he could not wait to get home to be with Gabriel properly.

 

*

 

They all stumbled home together, Gabriel’s friends singing loudly with Andy; Castiel and Samandriel taking care of a Dean who was drunk but wouldn’t admit to it; and Sam and Gabriel clinging to each other. Andy was also pushing Bobby’s wheelchair along, who didn’t seem completely happy with the arrangement. Gabriel let them into the house, and turned to their friends.

“I am taking Sam up to our bedroom to ravish him completely,” his voice was over-loud, ringing through the otherwise silent street. “Be careful of our dog if you're staying.”

And he pulled Sam up the stairs, leaving their friends to either crash in their house and sleep or go home. As soon as they were shut away in their bedroom, Sam pushed him on the bed and set some music playing, slow and sensual.

“I owe you a lap dance,” he announced.

“And stripping.”

“And stripping.” Sam agreed, slowly dancing over to Gabriel, their eyes locked together. Sam could feel himself sobering up even as he lifted a hand and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, rolling his body once again, wiggling his hips within Gabriel’s reach, taking his time to expose his chest. Gabriel strayed a hand towards one of his pecs, and he stepped away, before throwing his shirt at Gabriel.

“Don’t tease me,” Gabriel warned him. Sam gave his most innocent look back.

“It’s called a strip _tease_ , Gabriel. Now shut up and worship my body.”

“I’m a tactile person, I like to feel the things I appreciate.”

“Then touch my ass more.”

“Put that in your vows.”

Sam smirked, and started sliding his hands along his belt, slowly unbuckling it. With one hand he pulled the belt out of the pants loops, and with the other hand he cupped himself, keeping his gaze firmly on Gabriel’s face. Gabriel’s expression was a slack, his mouth gaping open as he watched Sam like he was hypnotised.

Sam slowly inched closer, easing his jeans down his legs, unafraid to touch himself with Gabriel’s attention on him. Gabriel made a strangled noise, but didn’t reach out again in case Sam stepped away. But this time, he straddled Gabriel’s lap, kicking his pants off all the way as he settled onto Gabriel’s lap, grabbing Gabriel’s hands and sliding them along his body as he continued to writhe along to the music. Gabriel still seemed stunned as he closed the minute distance between them, catching Sam’s lips with his own. And then the strip tease was over, and they were falling back on the bed, giggling as they stripped Gabriel off as well, rolling over on the covers, grabbing at each other, rutting together, lost in their own world.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Gabriel whispered as Sam finally pulled off his underpants. Sam laughed, and started nibbling along his collarbone. “Seriously, Sam. I still can’t believe I have you. Can’t believe we’re getting married.”

“What would make you believe it?” Sam mumbled against his skin.

“God knows.”

“Hmmmm, well, until then,” he sucked hard on Gabriel’s neck, and slowly caressed Gabriel’s stomach with one hand, sliding all the way to the tip of Gabriel’s dick. “I’m happy you’re mine.”

Gabriel grabbed at his hand, putting it more firmly on his cock. Sam moved to suck a hickey onto his chest, letting Gabriel dictate the hand job.

“Best bachelor party ever,” Gabriel bit out, and then groaned. Sam laughed against his chest, and groaned too as his stomach slapped against Gabriel’s skin, his own erection brushing against leg hair.

“And it’s not over yet,” he whispered, repositioning himself over Gabriel, letting their groins line up, scrabbling in the nearby drawer for the lube. Gabriel rolled him over, and took the lube off him, squeezing some out and massaging it around Sam’s hole. He eased himself in, and Sam grabbed at the comforter, the sheets, the pillow, the headboard, anything he could reach out for to steady himself as Gabriel thrust into him. His head rushed from all the alcohol, his chest was burning, his heart beating so hard and fast that even Gabriel wouldn’t be able to keep up. He was muttering incoherently, gasping for breath, and focused on the pattern his gasps made with Gabriel’s as his entire lower half was set alight.


	38. Chapter 38

All the prep had been done. Samandriel had worked some small miracles, making the wedding everything that Sam and Gabriel could possibly want or ask for. It wasn't garish, which Sam had insisted on, and it wasn't large. But it still meant that Sam woke up in the morning, actually feeling excited.

Dean had stayed in the house with him while Gabriel had gone to a nearby motel with Castiel, and his brother was the one responsible for making sure that Sam got dressed and made it to the venue in time. They had decided not to get married at city hall, or to try their luck at any churches, and Samandriel had surprised them with a huge discount at Forbes Island. Sam had googled images of the place, but he hadn't seen much past the lighthouse and restaurant, and Samandriel had Gabriel's annoying habit of wanting to make it a surprise.

Getting ready wasn't as horrible as Sam had thought it would be. He had a shower, made sure his hair looked okay and put on his suit, going down into the kitchen and finding his brother cooking waffles.

"Morning," Dean greeted him.

"Hey."

Dean slid a plate with waffles and fruit crowded on it towards Sam, and he tucked in straight away.

"Nervous about today?" Dean asked.

"Nope. Were you nervous when you were getting married to Cas?"

"A little. I mean, not about marrying Cas, never been more sure of anything the way I am about him. I was nervous about how Mom and Dad were going to take it." There was a pause, and Sam tried not to choke on his mouthful. "I'm sorry they're not going to be there today."

"It's okay. Dad probably would've disowned me by now and Mom would have that 'trying not to be disappointed' face going. They never did like Gabe."

"Nah, it was never about Gabe. It was about their precious baby Sammy."

Sam felt his cheeks burn, and focused on his waffles again.

"Want me to do the whole bit? I can do a great Dad," Dean offered, and made his voice gruffer. " _Sammy, I don't like this Gabriel. I don't like you marrying him. I don't like that you've decided to have a husband rather than some girl. What was wrong with Jess? What the hell did he do to make you dump her_?"

"Dean, stop," Sam complained through a mouthful of raspberries.

"Okay, I'll do Mom." He softened his voice, to something so simpering Sam never wanted to hear it ever again. " _Sammy, if this is what you want, then I'm so happy for you sweetheart. As long as you're sure. You look so handsome in your tux. I'm so proud of you, baby_."

"I will hurt you," Sam promised.

"Nah, you won't. Gabe will be like, what happened to your best man? And then you'll either have to lie on your wedding day or show him the blood on your hands."

"He'd cover for me. You don't know us well at all."

Dean laughed, and drank from his coffee mug.

"Dean?" Sam asked tentatively. "What about you? I mean, you've never really got along with Gabe, not the way I get on with Cas. Are you okay with this?"

Dean rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"Does it matter?"

"Kind of. You're all I really have left."

"Fine," Dean stuffed a piece of waffle in his mouth, buying himself some time. He swallowed, and looked at Sam's shoulder. "Gabe gets on my nerves sometimes. A lot. But I know Cas sees the best in him, and you see the best in him, so maybe he's not a totally insufferable dick. And he makes you happy, that makes up for most of it. And he stopped jerking you about, so he's not as bad as he used to be." He cut another huge piece off his waffle with his fork. "I guess what I'm saying is, I'm happy for you. But glad it's not me."

Sam knew that was the best he was going to get out of his brother. And it was nice to just spend time with Dean, the way they hadn't for so long. Not between Dean's time at college, and then Sam's college stint, and Dean's depression, and now the fact they lived on opposite sides of the country. Dean ate some more of his waffle, and Sam loaded his fork with banana and blueberries but he didn't eat it straight away.

"So um … Gabe and me, we wrote our own vows. You're not allowed to laugh at them."

Dean nodded, snorting with suppressed laughter already, but shoving more breakfast in his mouth before he could say something he could regret. Sam eyeballed him.

"It's our wedding day. It's the law that we have to be a little mushy."

"It's okay. I'll save it for my speech."

Dean winked and went to get his own suit on, leaving Sam in the kitchen with his half-eaten breakfast.

*

The morning flew by, and before Sam knew it, he was at the venue, looking around as Bobby waved Dean away from trying to help him out of the car.

Samandriel had picked the perfect place. It was gorgeous, out on the water, and completely covered in fairy lights. But it didn't seem tacky, or lame, just beautiful. Like there were stars everywhere. Sam took his spot at the front, and saw Gabriel coming in, their gazes locked as Gabriel took the spot beside him. They'd decided to do away with tradition, mainly because they couldn't agree on how they were going to handle walking up the aisle and which order to do it in and all the other endless questions Sam had fired at both Gabriel and Samandriel.

But it didn't matter, it was good to stand there beside Gabriel as their few guests settled in their seats, waiting for the ceremony to begin. It calmed Sam, just having him there, even if they weren't talking. Even if they were just standing there, holding hands and watching. The rest of the day was so busy, getting ready before, and all that came after, it was good to have the respite.

The justice of the peace who was performing the ceremony stepped up, going around Gabriel and looking at the crowd, before starting the proceedings in a loud, clear voice. And before he knew it, Sam was being asked to say the vows he had written. He tried to ignore the other people present, and just looked at Gabriel, who for once wasn't smirking. He took a deep breath in, and began.

"When we first met, you asked me what I wanted out of life. I told you what I had been wanting up until the moment I met you. But if you'd asked me an hour later, I would have said something different. I would have told you everything I'd already told you, but you would be on the list too, Gabe. And after I told you everything I wanted, you started helping me go out there and get it. You've always supported me, even if I didn't know you were, and you've been there when I really needed it. And not everything has been perfect, but that's okay. Because we're still here, and it's been seven years and I still love you as much as I ever did. And even if no one else gets us, it doesn't matter because I know we're going to be together a long time. You'll still help me get the things I want, and even if it doesn't work out, at least I still have you. And I never saw us getting married, I didn't see the point because I already had you, I was already that lucky. But you proposing, us being here right now, knowing that you're always going to be there? It's the best idea you've ever had. There's nothing I want more than this, than you. That's what I want out of life now, Gabe, all I'm going to want. Being with you is always top of my list."

Gabriel squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back.

"It's your turn to say nice things about me now," Sam reminded him. "Make it good."

A few of the guests chuckled, and Gabriel finally smirked.

"Okay, well … no pressure, right?" Gabriel winked. Sam smiled widely, and Gabriel started. "You already know everything I'm going to say. But then I knew everything you were going to say too. And I've told you this before but … you know I've always wanted to travel, to see the world. And I made it happen when I was fifteen. For sixteen years I didn't have a real home, a place I could come back to. I would visit my brother every few months, which was great and I love him, but it never felt like my home. No offence Cas," Gabriel turned his head, seeking out his brother to smile and then returned his attentions to Sam. "And then there was you. After we met, I couldn't stop thinking about you, wanting to get back to you. I've never felt like that before. I'm normally running away from stuff, not towards it. It took me a while to work out why, and then I realised that I think of you as my home. We could lose our house, or our jobs, or everything we're working towards, and it won't matter at all as long as you're there. You're my home, Sam. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking after my home."

Sam fought the urge to kiss Gabriel hard on the mouth, and Gabriel raised his eyebrow with his smirk.

"Good enough?"

"Good enough for me to say I do," Sam shrugged. Gabriel squeezed his fingers tightly, as the justice of the peace stepped forward again and made them recite after him, all the things that Sam had heard from weddings on TV. The for better for worse, in sickness and in health, all the seemingly obvious vows that he didn't have to hesitate to repeat while they slid rings onto each other's fingers. And then they were told to kiss each other, and Sam went for it, stooping down and kissing Gabriel firmly, both of them laughing into the kiss as their friends and brothers cheered and catcalled. It took a while for them to separate, but it was helped by everyone surging forward and surrounding them in a group hug.

They had posed for hundreds of pictures, and were finishing dinner when Samandriel stood up, knocking his glass with his fork to grab the attention of the room. Sam slipped his hand onto Gabriel's knee as everyone looked at their younger brother.

"Hey, hi everyone," Samandriel cleared his throat. "So, Sam and Gabriel don't know this, but Dean, Cas and I decided that we would all be making speeches. We also decided that we would be the best men, even if our duties just included getting them both here and making sure Scruff was included." Samandriel nodded at the basket in the corner of the room, where Scruff was gnawing on a bone left over from dinner. "So. I've only known Sam and Gabriel for about eighteen months now, even if Gabriel is my ancient big brother. And even though I'm still trying to work out a way to steal their dog when I go to college, I think they're kind of cool. I was helping them put today together - I want full credit guys." Everyone laughed, and Samandriel went slightly red before continuing.

"Anyway, I was helping put today together and we were talking about me deciding to come stay with them for a while, and I said something about Sam and Gabe that I think threw them a little. Or I didn't explain it enough. See we-we were talking about relationships, and how they were different to how we grew up, and I tried to say." Samandriel swallowed, and looked at Gabriel and Sam seriously. "I think you guys have a great relationship. And not just because it's your wedding day. Every time I'm around you, you're both laughing. Or you're making jokes that no one else has a hope of understanding, but it's like your own language. And the first time I met Sam, you were both talking about each other like you were so proud of even the littlest thing. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I hope I meet a girl I can be like that with. A girl who I can always laugh with and joke with even if it's nonsense to everyone else, and can be proud of me and make me proud to be with. Maybe it's just because I've lived with you for a while now that I can see it, but I don't think so. I think it's obvious to anyone who spends any time with you, how much you love each other. I have no doubts that you're going to be married forever."

Everyone clapped, and Samandriel ducked down into his seat as Dean stood up, looking at Sam with an innocent expression. Sam had some misgivings, but tried to swallow them down.

"So, for everyone who doesn't know me, I'm Sam's brother, Dean." He shuffled his feet, and looked down at the tablecloth. "I was tempted to make my speech about that time when Sam was five and I was seven and we were playing with the sprinklers in the yard and Sam thought it was a good idea to jump them naked. Or when he was a mathlete through all of middle school and tried to make himself seem cooler in seventh grade by playing soccer as well. But it doesn't feel right to make fun of my nerdy little brother. Not today anyway." Dean looked up and caught the expression on Sam's face, which he hoped was sending a big 'shut up now!' message right back. "Sammy, we were talking earlier about Mom and Dad. And I was thinking about them the whole way through the ceremony, and I think that they would have been so proud of you. Both of you. I know Mom was worried you'd get hurt by Gabe, and Dad didn't understand it at all, but if they'd heard your vows, I think it would have changed everything. I can't change that they're gone - you know I've struggled with that - but if it makes any difference? I'm proud of you. And I know Gabe makes you happy, that's what counts."

Sam stood up, leaving Gabriel behind as he walked over to his older brother and threw his arms around him. Dean hugged him back, clearly surprised.

"Thanks Dean."

"This is so chick flick." Dean muttered in his ear.

"Suck it up, soldier." Sam imitated their father.

Dean snorted with laughter, patting Sam's back a couple of times before letting him return to Gabriel. Castiel scraped his own chair back and stood up, looking wary. Sam didn't blame him. Although Bobby and their brothers knew him well, none of Sam's college housemates - with the exception of Andy, at the bachelor party - had ever known he knew the famous Jimmy Novak. Nor did anyone from his practice, or Gabriel's work, and the students from Dean's school who had been invited to keep Samandriel company were already giggling over his presence. There was a weird pressure on Castiel that Sam was grateful he never had to live with.

"I was thinking about my own wedding earlier," Castiel began, talking in that measured way he did when he wasn't comfortable with a television interview. "When I was watching you both say your own vows. About how different it was when Dean and I did it. But how I could see that it's still the same. The way you look at each other, I know Dean and I do that," he looked at the seat beside him, the skin around his eyes crinkling slightly as he beamed at his husband. It took a moment for him to look back at Sam and Gabriel, that warm smile still on his face. "I could tell when you first met that there was something there, I knew it was growing when you both tried to act so casual about each other. I don't know why it's taken you so long to get here, but I'm glad you arrived. I love seeing my brothers so happy together."

He cast a look around the room, as he realised how he had phrased that last bit.

"It's not that kind of family," he explained. "Sam's my brother-in-law. But he feels like my brother. Anyway," he cleared his throat and raised his glass up. "To Sam and Gabriel."

Everyone repeated him, and sipped their drinks, and Sam reached over to kiss his new husband.

"Give it until after our honeymoon," Gabriel whispered. "They'll rip us to pieces then."

"No doubt." Sam nodded, pressing forward for another kiss. Some music started playing, and Sam fought the urge to groan. He knew he would have to get onto the small dance floor and sway with Gabriel to the song that Samandriel had picked, but all he really wanted to do was make out with Gabriel.

"Come on," Gabriel grinned, dragging him onto the dance floor and snuggling close. Sam wound himself around Gabriel, and then heard the song, surprised that he knew what Samandriel had picked. He started singing along, and Gabriel joined in as well, like they were serenading each other alone in the middle of the crowd.

"This is kind of perfect," Sam whispered during a guitar solo.

"Well, thanks. I like to think I am." Gabriel quipped back.

"You're perfect for me."

Gabriel laughed, and pulled him closer for a kiss. Sam embraced the kiss happily, and tried not to count down the minutes until they could escape somewhere and celebrate in their own way.

*

The dancing had gone on for hours. Sam and Gabriel had taken turns sneaking alcohol to Samandriel and his friends when Castiel couldn't see, and Sam felt like he had danced for hours, with Gabriel and his old housemates and even some of the girls from the law firm he now had a steady job at. Madison had seemed happy for Sam, that he was still was Gabriel and 'happier than she'd ever seen him'. She'd even danced with Gabriel a few times, and Sam was relieved that they got on okay, after everything that had happened during Sam's time in the student house.

He had snuck away after a few hours, taking off his shoes which were starting to pinch, and removing his jacket as he stood on the balcony at the top of the lighthouse, looking down at the venue, at the flashing lights through the window of the dining room, at the lawn still strewn with fairy lights where they had officially gotten married. He took a deep breath of air, salty from the surrounding sea, feeling the wind lift his hair, as Gabriel joined him silently, resting his head against Sam's bicep and slipping an arm around his waist.

"Hey, are you okay?" Gabriel kissed his arm.

"Yeah. Just needed some air. And to escape those shoes for a minute."

"Okay. We're leaving for our honeymoon in about an hour."

"Cool. Where're we going?"

"I don't know. Cas said I can only look at the tickets at the airport. And I know, you hate surprises but get over it. Our brothers are paying."

"I just hope it's somewhere we can avoid other people for a week."

"Sounds good to me." Gabriel squeezed his waist slightly. "And when we get back, we'll help Samandriel pack his stuff in Baby. He said we're going to be unbearable after our honeymoon, and Dean and Cas said he can live with them at college. It's going to be just us forever."

"Until we get those kids you were after."

"Oh yeah, I meant to say … they checked it out, and my uterus is gone. Like I never had one in the first place."

"Guess it's adoption."

"Guess so. Think Scruff will cope with a baby?"

"Scruff will be fine, he loves Samandriel, right? But maybe we don't go for a baby. Maybe we go for someone potty trained?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Everyone wants a baby. I want a kid who needs a chance."

Gabriel reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Stop making me want to bang you before we get on honeymoon."

"If we're flying, that means we can join the mile high club, right?"

Gabriel burst out laughing, and started to walk away from the balcony.

"Come on, we still have some more of our wedding to enjoy before you try and coerce me into a foot-wide cubicle."

Sam grinned, and followed his husband down the winding stairs, back to the party. Just before they reached everyone else, Sam bent down to whisper in Gabriel's ear.

"I meant what I said, during the ceremony. Marriage was a great idea."

"I know."

"I love you, Gabe."

"I love you, Sam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you enjoyed this fic! It was my first real attempt at a Sabriel and wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't think I could write Sam? I know I'm not the best writer out there, but I hope it was still enjoyable to read.
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you for reading this story, or leaving kudos if you did that too. It means a lot. And a big thank you as well to castielsbrokendean, ann, caighlee, reneerhodes, amethyst37, wayward_mom, krisuvial and my_untold_lies for your comments as I updated. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, especially when this was a work-in-progress.
> 
> Also, as ever, a massive thanks to my long-suffering beta, Cliophilyra, who still talks to me even after the threesome scene. She's a trooper :)


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